Before we get started, I have an announcement.
Mark your calendar and watch for more info soon. Now to the content!
My book Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design has a chapter on sex positions with this excerpt:
There are only a few main positions, but many variations. Those sixty-four positions in the Kama Sutra, and any others people come up with, are really variations within a few major categories.
I still believe that, but it can help to have a bit more information on how to strike a good pose for your lovemaking, adjust as needed, and increase your mutual pleasure. So let’s talk about sex positions.
And thanks to Christian Friendly Sex Positions for their wonderful site and permission to use their illustrations.
What are the major categories?
There’s no definitive list. But might I suggest these mix-and-match categories?
- Man on top / Woman on top / Side by side
- Standing / Sitting / Kneeling / Squatting / Lying down
- Facing each other / Rear entry / Side angle
Take any sex position, and it will likely fit into these categories. With #2, you’re not necessarily doing the same pose. For instance, he could be kneeling while she lies down, or she could be squatting while he lies down. But you can see how almost everything fits pretty well into these general body poses.
Within those main positions, you can do a lot of shifting, angling, and moving that make a difference in how pleasurable the experience is for both husband and wife.
What are the variations?
As the 18th century poet William Cowper said, “Variety’s the very spice of life!” I don’t think he was referring to sex, but it certainly applies. Within those main categories, varying what your arms and legs are doing, the visual you get of your spouse’s body, and the angle of entry can all lead to more interesting and satisfying sexual intimacy.
Let’s take a very basic position and see how “spicing it up” can create different and possibly better sensations: The Missionary Position.
Missionary is a lying-down, man-on-top position and what you’re most likely to think of when you first think of sex between man and woman. It’s certainly the one we’ve seen on screen the most, and the one historically approved of by the church. (It was also known as the matrimonial position.)
Before we pan it, let’s note that this “vanilla sex” position is satisfying to many couples. That said, with a few adjustments, we can end up with all kinds of variations, including the Reclining Lotus:
And the Over Easy:
FYI: That red triangle is a Liberator wedge pillow (highly recommend), and no, I did not name these positions.
These variations have the spouses’ hands in the same place, more or less. But other categories allow him or her to add manual stimulation. For instance, the Reverse Cowgirl (access to him):
Or the Dragonfly (access to her):
Full disclosure: I did suggest and name the Dragonfly. (You’re welcome.)
How can you find the best positions?
What’s immensely enjoyable to one wife may not be to another. Same with husbands, of course. Even though we all have the same basic body parts, our sensitivities and desires differ, so what works best for you as a couple should take into consideration:
Your body’s capabilities. This is increasingly an issue for me and my husband, because aging has made some positions more difficult to attain or sustain. Our muscles and joints simply don’t like them anymore.
But you may have other challenges, such as height differences, being plus-sized (see this excellent post from my friend Chris), or chronic pain. Don’t try positions that you can’t do without hurting yourself. You won’t be able to focus on the pleasure you’re feeling when discomfort is competing for your attention.
Your goals for this encounter. One perk of sex within a long-term marriage is experimenting with a variety of encounters. Like is this going to be a long lovemaking session, a quickie, or something in between? Are you focused more on her this time, him this time, or an equal exchange of pleasure? Is this encounter more about feeling connected to one another or having exciting orgasms?
Taking that last question as an example, if you want to feel especially intimate with your spouse, you might choose a face-to-face position where you can look into one another’s eyes and share ongoing kisses. But if you want an explosive climax, you might look for a position that allows deeper penetration or rubbing against her clitoris.
Your experience. After you’ve tried a position, talk about your experience with it. Maybe not right after the sexual encounter but whenever you can calmly revisit how it went. Let your spouse know how it felt and decide together whether that position was a one-off or gets added to the repertoire.*
*Quick note to husbands: Just because she orgasmed doesn’t mean it was a good position for her. I’ve heard from wives whose husbands concluded that, but she in fact didn’t like it because it felt impersonal or for some other reason. Just trust each other’s feedback and go from there.
How do sex positions work in real life?
So you’ve got your new position to try. Do you just strike that pose and then let the thrusting begin? Maybe. But more often, you’ll use more than one variation during a sexual encounter.
Let’s say you start with what my podcast co-host Chris Taylor named Stallion Style (aka “doggy style”):
After a little while at this position, you may decide to change the angle of entry by having him stand beside the bed instead. She shifts as well, perhaps hoping for deeper penetration. And you end up in the Beep Beep position:
If it’s taking a while for climax to arrive, that position might become uncomfortable for her to sustain. So she moves to join her husband in standing, with the Man on Fire position:
Of course, not every encounter is going to have three positions! But you can see that it’s not just a matter of striking a pose. You’re likely in movement during sex and adjusting as needed. It could be small changes, like the wife moving her legs from lying on the bed to wrapped around his torso to pull him closer or the husband going from bending over her to sitting up straight to get a better view of his beloved. Feel free to go with what your bodies are telling you so that you can enjoy your intimate experience together.
Then again, if you’re both feeling lazy but still want to be intimate, you could stick with this one position called Banana Pancakes:
I also suggested and named this position, but I promise that’s the last one! (At least for now. ~wink ~)
Wives and husbands, I encourage you to try something new. It doesn’t have to be a particularly adventurous position. Maybe just a variation of what you’ve already been doing. You might find that better sex positioning helps you experience more satisfying sex.
P.S. If you’re wondering if sex positions are ever mentioned in the Bible, I’m pretty sure the Lover and Beloved were actually doing more than sleeping in this verse…
