Hot, Holy & Humorous

If Your Pillow Could Talk

Your pillow experiences a lot.

It has been squished down underneath your head, your husband’s head, and your child’s head when she shows up at 4:00 AM and crawls into bed with twelve of her stuffed animals and a ratty blanket that last saw the inside of a clothes washer weeks ago. It has soaked up the tears that fell from your eyes after a heart-wrenching argument with your husband, the news of a good friend losing her life to cancer, or the simple realization that life is unbelievably overwhelming and only God can get you through.

The pillow has been wedged under thighs, shoulders, knees, hips, etc. to relieve the joint pain that occurs as your body ages and you still try to get out there on the playground, ball field, or dance floor. It has been a weapon in pillow fights with your giggle-filled, pajama-clad sons. It has been used as a punching bag in moments of extreme frustration–say, after the dinner you slaved over for six hours is suddenly pointless when your sweet husband walks through the door with pizza boxes and the munchkins gather around their new hero.

The pillow has heard the secrets and soulful confessions of a couple growing deeper in their understanding of one another and the yelling of that same couple at odds with each other over finances, in-laws, the socks on the floor, or the “right way” to hang toilet paper. It has muffled various sounds, like crying, screaming, and snoring, as a mouth was plunged into its fluffy folds. In weak moments, it has been contemplated as an answer to ending your spouse’s snoring once and for all (if only you could position it just right and hold long enough…).

The pillow has hiked up certain body parts to make sexual positioning more comfortable or pleasurable. It has been a buffer between your head and the headboard, the footboard, or the family pet. Along with its pillow companions, it has graced the bed in a decorating configuration worthy of applause by an HGTV designer and a shrug from your mother-in-law.

It also gives your head a nice place of repose as you sleep.

Okay, that’s a lot of talk about your pillow. But think about this: If your pillow could talk, what would it say? Is your bedroom typically a nice place to be? Does your pillow hear more smooching or screaming? More conversation or television? Does it see more affection or isolation? More slinky lingerie or tattered t-shirts? Does it play a supporting role in a marital tragedy or comedy? A War of the Roses or a Pax Romantica?

What happens in this one room says a lot about the marriage relationship. Does your husband like being there with you? Or do he and the pillow secretly want to pack it up and find a more welcoming place?

The child climbing in bed at 4:00 AM can’t be helped (at least if you sleep as hard as I do), as is true for the periodic tears, snoring, and joint pain. But it’s nice to preserve the bedroom as a marital retreat whenever possible. So put on something sexy, smile when your husband walks in, fluff up his pillows, and invite him to a wonderful night.

Don’t fight with the pillow, but lay down your head
And kick every worriment out of the bed.

Edmund Vance Cooke