My husband says I have an ongoing problem of taking on more than I can accomplish. On this, and plenty of other things, he is right! After a couple of weeks of running around trying to get things done and feeling that I was nowhere near on time with anything, I’m trying to regain my equilibrium. But in those crazy-sauce moments, I came across a written interview about my book, Hot, Holy & Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

I believe these were questions suggested by my publisher to radio show and podcast hosts interviewing me about the book when it released in 2016. To prepare, I wrote out some answers, and you know what? There’s some good stuff there! Today I’m sharing these general sex tips with you.

Remember, these answers are aimed at women—since that is the primary audience for my how-to sex guide for Christian wives (Hot, Holy, and Humorous book). But there are takeaways for husbands as well.

In our hectic lives, how do you suggest couples find time for intimacy?

It’s like anything else, really: you have to make time for what you believe is important. I know some wives out there are stressed, exhausted, and wrung out, and the thought of someone saying, “Clear your calendar for marital intimacy!” comes across as another task on their already-full to-do list.

But it’s not just about sex—God created this act to be a unique connection between husband and wife. And we have to invest in our marriages if they’re going to go the distance.  

Ask if there’s anything you’re doing now that you can drop. Look for creative times to be intimate. It doesn’t have to happen at night after the kids go to bed. You can make love before the kids get up and in the afternoon while the kids are watching a Disney movie or playing next door. Coordinate your schedules better to make sure you have one-on-one time. And schedule sex.

Yes, schedule sex. Because if you put something on your calendar, you’ve cleared that time. It’s just like setting any other date, and you can do whatever you want when you arrive. I know a couple who makes love every Saturday morning like clockwork, and it’s been great for them to carve out that regular intimacy time. 

You say much of a woman’s sex drive is in her mind. What are some ways she can help prepare herself for sex that will help get her in the mood? 

There’s the old saying that men have a one-track mind. If that’s true, women are an international train station.

We can be aware of a lot of stimuli, and we can multitask. And that’s great for us in many environments. But that can get in the way when it comes to intimacy, because we need to be able to focus on what’s happening with our bodies and our intimacy. 

I find it fascinating that the Song of Songs says three different times “Don’t awaken love until it so desires.” That implies that once the time is right, we have to awaken love. We have to step away from distractions, maybe prepare our bedrooms to be more inviting, or at least not have a collection of Lego toys and Barbie clothes on the bed, and spend some time getting ready.

Tell your husband you need a few minutes to decompress from the day before you can be ready. Maybe take a bubble bath to awaken your body’s senses or ask him for a massage. Put on something that makes you feel desirable. Use the powers of anticipation to focus on what’s coming and learn to look forward to this special time. 

Women tend to be extremely critical of themselves and a majority of them feel self-conscious about certain parts of their body. How can they learn to feel more confident? 

We ladies tend to do two things that crash our self-confidence: First, we focus on what we don’t like. We’ve got to start recognizing how beautiful our bodies are, knitted together by the Creator Himself. But we tend to home in on those few aspects about our bodies that we don’t like.  

Our major second problem is comparison. And that can be comparing ourselves to women we know, models on magazine covers, or even how we used to look.  

But I challenge wives to find what they do like about their bodies, whether it the dimples on their cheeks or their legs or their eye color. Start focusing on those things in the mirror and in your head, because you absolutely possess beauty.

And dress to show off your best assets. I have a chapter about choosing lingerie that works for your body. 

Truly, when I hear from husbands, they aren’t looking at the things we see as flaws. Most husbands are just amazed by our different form, our soft skin, our curves, our secret places. They find that all very fascinating and beautiful, and they don’t really care if you’re sporting a few extra pounds. You are female and the woman he loved enough to marry, and that makes you beautiful in his eyes. 

What are some of the most common questions you receive from men or women? Why do you think these questions are so common? 

How do I get my spouse to…?

For wives, I tend to get stories from different ends of the spectrum: either “how do I feel good about having sex?” because sex has not yet been a blessing in her life, or “why doesn’t my husband want me?” from wives who have a higher-drive than their husbands but have been told all their lives that it should be the other way around. 

From husbands, I get more of “why doesn’t she believe me when I tell her she’s beautiful?” and “why doesn’t she understand how important sexual intimacy is to me?” I also think this is because of wrong messages we sent about sex, that it’s for men or that it’s merely physical. We haven’t fully embraced God’s design for sexual intimacy in marriage. 

Are there some things women do to be more sexy that are actually considered turn-offs?   

Yes. The first one that pops into my mind is playing hard-to-get. I’ve heard that advice more than once given from woman-to-woman: make him work for it.

Sure, I tell husbands to keep pursuing their wives. But what makes a husband feel loved is knowing his wife desires him and makes sexual intimacy a priority in their marriage. It’s a turn-off to have to scale a mountain every time you want to be physically intimate, and it’s just playing games. 

Bartering can also be a turn-off. Because it’s saying to a husband that you don’t really want him or that special connection. Some husbands will back away and say it’s not worth it because trading favors isn’t intimacy he wants and needs.

Can you explain the difference in what goes through a woman’s mind during sex vs. what goes through man’s mind? 

Oh, we’re thinking a million things: from how our bodies look to what’s actually happening to did we turn off the oven to when’s the last time we made love, was it Wednesday or Thursday? Most men are just thinking yessssss.  

So we wives have to make an effort to concentrate. It’s almost like meditation where you’re asked to think merely about your breath or the words going through your mind, which is great to do with Scripture. But you can do that in the midst of marital intimacy too, just turning and returning to the sensations going through your body so you can be in the moment and experience them fully. 

What is your opinion on couples who watch pornography together?

Terrible idea. And it’s no longer just Christians saying so. Research has demonstrated over and over the perils of watching pornography whether alone or together.

The sexual acts demonstrated in porn do not comport with the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13—that is, patient, kind, honoring, protecting, and so on. And porn retrains to self-centered imagery rather than real-life intimacy. It’s having such terrible consequences as physical harm in the bedroom when people try to emulate what they’ve seen in porn, impotence for men who no longer respond properly to real stimuli, and relationship breakdown. 

If you need tips for ways to spice things up, porn isn’t the place to turn. My book has numerous practical and biblical ideas for getting healthy and holy intimacy in your bedroom. 

What types of tips does Hot, Holy, and Humorous explain about foreplay and different positions? Why did you feel it was important to speak specifically and also to lighten the tone of the book with a bit of humor? 

Years ago, I picked up a Christian book about sex and its position section had four positions, described very drily. And I thought, “That’s it?” Meanwhile, the Kama Sutra’s supposed to have 64, so a lot of Christian started pulling that book out. And it’s not that helpful. So I go with practical suggestions that vary your lovemaking and help couples experience different sensations. 

I took the same tactic with foreplay, wanting to be both biblical and practical. I describe things pretty straightforward, but I’m not unnecessarily graphic. I try to think of it like I’m chatting with a friend over coffee at my local café. 

And that’s probably where my humor spills out. I found that sex can be an awkward topic for some people, and yet we all know from our bedroom experiences that it can be funny too, so I bring that forward. When we all have this sense of lightheartedness about it, we can talk more openly and productively.  

That’s it! And here’s the book itself:

Did anything in particular strike you? Which topic do you believe should be covered more?

The post Honest Answers to Questions About Sex appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

None of those is a terrible goal in and of itself, but I’m always struck by how hard we woman are on ourselves. When it comes to appearance, we can be our own worst critic, looking in the mirror and giving ourselves a one-star review.

We have to stop being so hard on ourselves! But I agree that it’s a struggle. Here are some common messages we tell ourselves, along with reality checks.

“I can’t compete with those women!”

It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, and notice when they have physical characteristics we wish we had. Maybe another women you know has smoother skin or a flatter stomach or lovelier eyes or sleeker hair or perkier breasts.

Maybe that woman just has the whole package. And standing next to her makes one feel like a garbage heap next to the Taj Mahal. How can we compete with that?

Reality Check: If we think we’re competing, we all lose.

We don’t like being judged solely on our appearance, so why do we do it to others? That woman who is gorgeous-times-ten may not have your singing voice or your cooking talent or your math skills or your wit. Maybe she had terrible parents or went through a bad divorce. Or perhaps she’s just spent the majority of her life having everyone size her up based on her looks or batting away ongoing harassment.

God created us as total beings, and appearance is just one part of our appeal. Stop comparing yourself on one aspect of the total and finding yourself wanting. For all you know, that woman is doing the same thing, comparing herself to you in another area and believing she doesn’t measure up. Isn’t it time we gals instead encourage one another to own our unique worth?

“But I used to look so much better.”

Another option is comparing to our own selves, to those days when we looked and felt better about ourselves. Maybe you used to have that flat tummy, when you were a ripe 20 years old; or your skin was smooth, before a murder of crows’ feet clawed all around your eyes; or your breasts once stood at attention, and now they’re fully at-ease.

(Moreover, 2020 was not kind to many of us as we couldn’t engage in our usual exercise program or ate through the Ben & Jerry’s flavor options as a coping mechanism.)

It aches not to have the beauty you once possessed.

Reality Check: We can only go forward.

Time only goes one way. Not even Hermoine’s time-turner can take you back a single hour. Now that you know that, what’s your plan? How about looking ahead to what you can do?

If you looked better before because you were in better shape before, prioritize health and exercise. If you just want to be your best, study up on how to look and feel better at your age. (I have actually watched YouTube videos with makeup and style advice tailored to ladies over 50.) If you’re simply stuck on how the past was kinder to you than today, shift your thinking.

Remind yourself of all the great aspects of getting older! Seriously, I’m wiser, calmer, more confident, and closer to being a grandmother than ever before. These are all good things! Make your own list.

Many women also report being better off sexually as they get older—more aware of their body, able to speak up for their desires, capable of orgasm or even multiples, and more. All good reasons to embrace the body you have!

“My husband notices other women!”

Your husband notices pretty women. Because God—what was He thinking?—gave your man eyes. And you notice your husband noticing. Which makes you feel like his taste is, well, not you. Because otherwise, wouldn’t he only have eyes for you?

So we wallow in feeling inadequate, even to the guy who swore at the altar that you were his one and only. Maybe you should have gotten that in writing…in blood.

Reality Check: Noticing isn’t wanting.

Can you name a male celebrity you think is attractive? You can?! Oh my, that means you noticed him. That doesn’t mean you want that guy. And your husband noticing some other woman, and her beauty, doesn’t mean he’s lusting or wanting her either.

(Now, he may be lusting, in which case you have every reason to object! See What Is Lusting? and Does Your Husband Look at Other Women?)

If you have noticed him noticing, tell him it bothers you. Not in an accusatory, how-could-you way, but rather letting him that his actions are sending a hurtful message. It’s reasonable to ask your beloved to change a little something about their habits or behaviors to help you feel more secure and loved in your marriage.

“I can’t get away from the negative messages.”

The messaging about what women are “supposed” to look like can feel relentless. Impossible standards of beauty are held up everywhere from Photoshopped magazine covers to fashion runways to social media attacks on those who don’t fall in line (just ask celebrities who’ve been “fat-shamed”).

Reality Check: The messages won’t stop.

While we could make a pastime railing against the purveyors of ridiculous beauty criteria—and we should speak up routinely—it probably won’t stop. Because if they can convince us we’re not good enough, we’ll buy their beauty product, clothing line, plastic surgery, or fashion magazine.

The ease of promoting such messages and the economic incentives to do so are much too high to expect they’ll cease. It’s up to us, as individuals, couples, and communities, to believe in the beauty of the individual woman, whoever she is.

We as Christians, in particular, must hearken back to a Creator who created us to feel beautiful and strong and confident when we rest in Him.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
 the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
 and the son of man that you care for him?
Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
 and crowned him with glory and honor.

Psalm 8:3-5

Summary: heavens awesome, but wait—we’re even more awesome, made in God’s image!

Okay, don’t be a jerk about it. (I can find plenty of Bible verses against that idea.) But own the idea that you are enough.

Beauty isn’t the only thing or the most important or even that big a thing when you’re talking about the value of your body. Your body was made to do things, and it does them pretty well!

Stop comparing to others, your past self, what you think someone else is thinking, and the ads meant to make you buy things. Let’s go easier on ourselves and our view of our bodies.

The post Body Image: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Some of you —husbands and wives — can relate.

I’ve written before about the importance of wives embracing their bodies and being naked with their hubbies (you’re welcome, guys), as well as what a husband can do to help his wife feel beautiful.

But let’s revisit the issue today, because I’ve had a few insights since then. Especially since my own body has been changing a bit in the last few, menopause-is-frustrating years.

Why does she feel unattractive?

Numerous husbands don’t understand why their reassurance about their wife’s beauty isn’t enough to quell the worry in her heart. Shouldn’t a hubby’s view of the matter be the controlling one? If God and her husband say a woman’s pretty, why isn’t that enough?

If God and her husband say a woman's pretty, why isn't that enough? @hotholyhumorous
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Let’s demonstrate what’s going on with a scale.

On the left are all the times throughout a woman’s life she has felt less than attractive — based on slights she received from others, comparisons where she felt short, trying on clothes that sent a message of not-good-enough, watching the “prettier” girls get more attention, witnessing her body change due to pregnancy, aging, weight gain, etc. Each of those is a small piece, but together they weigh down the side that concludes Not Attractive.

On the right is hubby’s assurance that his wife is lovely, and yes, each of his pieces is bigger, more important. But it’s still not enough to balance out the scale, because she’s internalized so many other messages.

Consequently, the answer may seem to be just tell her she’s pretty a lot. Eventually, the scales will balance and everything will be a-okay.

Except many of you already know that approach often doesn’t work. Certain obstacles make it unlikely that just heaping more compliments on your wife will convince her of what you already believe — that she’s genuinely attractive.

What are her specific wounds?

Author Leo Tolstoy wrote a brilliant first line for his novel, Anna Karenina: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I don’t know that happy families are indeed all alike, but it’s so true that unhappiness can be very specific.

Likewise, your wife’s inability to believe your words about her beauty is not about a simply balance of unhappy versus happy. Rather, she carries wounds from her experiences, such that the answer isn’t re-balancing the scales on the whole as much as healing her specific hurts.

I’ll share a personal example. Nothing my husband could say about my breasts being enough for him could erase the daily memories of the junior high locker room, where I was so clearly the flattest chest in 6th grade. And 7th grade. And 8th grade.

Don’t get me wrong: His reassurances were meaningful and beautiful and welcomed. But they didn’t get at the core issue of this young girl inside me still wounded by judgmental glances, inconsiderate taunts, and feelings of inadequacy. My difficulty believing my husband wasn’t personal against him; it was rooted in my woundedness. And I didn’t shed that sense of not-enough until I addressed the underlying hurt.

What are your wife’s specific wounds? Was she teased about her body? Has she struggled with weight? Was she actually the “pretty one” valued for her beauty, but now her body doesn’t measure up to that standard? Was she sexually harassed in part because of her shapeliness?

I don’t know what’s going on with your wife, but you should. You should ask why she feels unattractive and what incidents in her life have caused her to feel less-than.

Should you validate her viewpoint?

I’ve gained a lot of weight in the last few years. I’m still not a large woman, because I spent most of my life being rather skinny. And no, skinny isn’t fun either, ladies. Just trust me that a lack of curves can be as difficult as an excess of them. But I’ve added about 25% to my body mass, and it’s been a challenging adjustment. I don’t know how many times now I’ve mentioned to my (beleaguered) husband that my midsection is Out Of Control.

Spock, beautiful husband that he is, tends to respond with statements like, “Just more of you to love!” Does that make me feel better? Sure, it does. Right up until the next time I look in the mirror.

My hubby has also turned to such options as suggesting diets, exercise, and other ways to address the Michelin tire inflating just below my waist. This did not make me feel better, despite his good intention to help me address the weight gain.

And Spock has tried various other approaches to assuage my fear that I will increase in belly size until I look like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the girl who inflated to a large blueberry before being rolled away by the oompa loompas.

And only recently did it occur to me what I really want when I discuss this issue. I suspect it’s what most women who feel unattractive want.

I just want to be heard.

I don’t want my husband to validate my viewpoint. Indeed, I hope he genuinely believes I’m more attractive than I often feel.

But I do want him to validate my feelings. I want him to sympathize with my woundedness and my struggle. I want him to let me tell my story and work through how to address the issues. I want to know he’s on my side — not just believing that my beauty is worthwhile, but that my story is worthwhile too.

So how can you help your wife feel attractive?

Ah, I made you wait until the end to give you actual tips! (Unless you cheated and scrolled down to this heading, in which case go back up and read the rest.) But at least I’ll make this part easy with bullet points!

• Ask her to share her story of why she feels unattractive. What messages has she received throughout her life about her beauty, and how does that impact her feelings now?
• Listen and validate her feelings. Not her viewpoint—her feelings. You can say that you don’t agree but you understand better now why she feels that way and how hard it is for her to believe she’s beautiful.
• Tell her why she’s attractive to you. Be specific, including aspects like what drew you to her, what parts of her face and body are particularly appealing, what you see when you look at your wife.
• Don’t expect a one-and-done. This should be an ongoing discussion, not a single conversation. In fact, be willing to listen again and again and spread out your compliments, so they build up and help to tilt the scale some.
• Offer to support her positive efforts to address the issue. That could mean treatment for an eating disorder, counseling for past wounds, a gym membership, walking the neighborhood with her, helping her update her wardrobe with more flattering clothes. Mind you, this doesn’t involve cooperating with negative efforts, like fad diets or obsessive behaviors, but rather positive efforts that address physical and emotional health.
• Don’t offer your own treatment plan. A corollary to the previous point is not to play fix-it with your wife’s beauty concerns. For instance, if she’s overweight, she doesn’t need you to tell her that more exercise and less food will result in less weight. If she feels flat-chested, don’t point to a plastic surgery billboard and say, “Well, we could buy you ones like that model!” Whatever your wife’s specific issue, you get the point.
• Pray for her. This struggle doesn’t make sense to a lot of men, but it’s a fairly universal concern for women. Like it or not, what’s-acceptable beauty messages are pushed at us throughout our lives, and they take a toll. A loving husband can do a lot to ease that burden, but a loving husband praying for his wife is even better. As Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

I was tempted to say, “Tell her to search Scripture to see what God says about her.” Except such advice often comes across as offering a treatment plan: “Take two verses and call me in the morning.” Citing Scripture at her could be helpful or it could backfire, depending on your wife. So while it’s important for your wife to recognize that she was created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and that she is wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14), maybe talk about those principles instead of throwing verses at her.

Now despite this post clearly being aimed at husbands, I invite the wives to chime in, so men can better understand and address this our body image worries.

Ladies, what would help you to overcome your concerns about attractiveness? What could your husband do to help?

The post You Say Your Wife’s Attractive, She Says No. Now What? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Hopefully, you already follow her blog, where her posts are biblical, practical, and funny. But I’m more than thrilled to have her on the blog today. All I had to do was hold her bourbon hostage offer a nice invite, and she was eager to come on! Thanks, Julie. Take it away!

Julie Sibert

Several years ago, the book The Millionaire Next Door became a bestseller. The premise of the book is that many of the people who build financial stability and wealth do not look wealthy. They don’t have all the calling cards that we typically associate with wealth — extravagant houses, cars, and clothes.

The book came to my mind recently, but not for financial reasons. Just like we often have a narrow perspective on who is financially wealthy, we also can miss the mark on who we think is having great sex.

We likely can blame Hollywood for this. Storytellers are pros at making us believe that a perfectly proportioned body, stunning hair and make-up, and gorgeous eyes are the only pathways to truly great sex. But being physically beautiful by society’s standards isn’t what equates to phenomenal sex. There are a lot of average looking people experiencing indescribable passion and pleasure in their bedroom.

You don’t have to be strikingly beautiful physically to enjoy passionate lovemaking. If you struggle with body image and think you can’t have great sex because your abs aren’t flat, your arms are flabby and you have wrinkles around your eyes, consider the below three tips to gain a healthier perspective:

1. Start noticing how average most people are.

There’s that old adage that if you are thinking of buying a red car, you suddenly see red cars everywhere. It’s like you put an image in your mind, and your mind said, “Check! I’m on it. Let me show you every red car I can find!”

If you feel sexually inhibited because you don’t feel your body looks stellar, it may be because you’ve kept an eagle eye out for people more attractive than yourself. You’ve let a self-fulfilling prophecy play out in your heart daily, and that perspective is glaringly biased toward seeing physically beautiful people. What a crappy comparison that always leads to the same place — you believing you are ill-equipped to have great sexual confidence and sexual passion.

But here’s the thing. If you stand back and take a broader, more objective look, you’ll see that the majority of people are not stunningly beautiful by society’s standards. Most people look average. They are real people; not a photoshopped or professionally-styled version of a real person, which is what we see on TV, in movies and on magazine covers.

Do some people have remarkable natural beauty? Well, sure. But they are the exception, not the rule. Start looking around and you’ll see what I mean.

Just like there are a lot of millionaires who don’t look like millionaires, there also are a lot of average people having great sex. Can you start to embrace that perspective? Doing so likely will boost your motivation to pursue more sexual passion with the person you married — you know, that person who also is fairly average looking.

2. Shed light (literally and figuratively).

I have a friend who told me once that she never has sex with the lights on because she is so self-conscious about her body. And yet her husband longed to enjoy the visual stimulation of enjoying not only her skin next to his, but also the freedom to see her.

If you can relate to this struggle, consider this. A little light in the room when you make love can help you grow in your sexual confidence. When we insist on making love in the dark or under the covers in an effort to hide, we are diminishing a passionate aspect of sex — visually enjoying each other. Literally shedding light on the situation can be as simple as having the closet light on, turning on a bedside lamp or lighting a few candles.

You can figuratively shed light as well by having a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. If you struggle with body image and you think it is why you are hesitant to fully lean in to sexual passion, then tell your spouse about your struggle. Express your desire to grow in sexual confidence. Ask for what you need. If you need more specific affirmation about your body, share this need with your spouse.

Getting comfortable in your own skin can be a joint endeavor, but it has to start with you shedding some light.

3. Agree with God about passionate sex.

God is so generous. He could have designed sex for only procreation, but instead, in all His creativity, He opened the floodgates on how amazing sex can be. He designed sexual intimacy as a treasure trove of arousal, pleasure, and oneness.

And nowhere does God tell us passionate hot sex is just for the pretty people. Nope.

He says, “All you married folks, enjoy! Delight in your spouse sexually, even if they don’t have toned legs. Have sex as often as possible! Go for it! Don’t hold back in savoring your orgasm and your spouse’s orgasm. It doesn’t matter that neither of you will ever be photoshopped onto a magazine cover. I don’t care about any of that. I created sexual pleasure for all the married people, not just the ones who have mesmerizing eyes and big breasts and an uncanny ability to style their hair.”

Okay, I’m paraphrasing a bit, but you get the idea. God is a huge fan of sex because it was His gift for married people. He wants you to enjoy the gift now, rather than hold off until you lose the weight or clear up the acne or get a new wardrobe. He gave you the gift of sex to savor throughout your married journey — all the seasons and all the messy moments that are inherent to marriage.

Letting body image sabotage intimacy with the person you adore does nothing more than downplay God’s truths for your marriage. Who among us wants to say to God, “Nah, Lord, I think you must have meant the gift for someone else.” Um, not me. And I’m guessing not you either.

To come full circle, I will say this. The millionaires I personally know — they don’t look like millionaires. And all the people I know who say sex in their marriage is great? They don’t look like movie stars. They look average. They look like you and me.

For more reading, I have this post on sexual confidence and whole page with posts on body image.

You also have a few more days to get in on an opportunity I have for you to Build Better Sex in Your Marriage. You can find it at this link. The offer is available until June 14 and includes awesome bonuses, so I encourage you to take a look. Could be a great investment in your relationship!

Julie Sibert speaks and writes out of her own journey about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Nebraska with her husband, two sons and a rambunctious dog named Stella who is trying to destroy the yard.

J here – If you missed it, be sure to check out our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast episode on orgasm, where Julie Sibert joined our “virtual kitchen table” conversation!

The post Do Average People Have Rock Star Sex? YES! appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I’ve talked about this topic quite a bit here! However, this time I got really personal. I talk about how I believed at one time that my husband couldn’t possibly be happy with my body. Maybe you’ve felt the same.

Following is a teaser, and I pray you’ll click Read More to finish the article on The Forgiven Wife site.

I remember lying naked in bed with my husband above me, and all I could think was how small my breasts were — how desperately I wished I had more to share with him.

But this wasn’t the only time when poor body image stole my healthy view of sexual intimacy.

I’ve spent most of my life as a small woman, size 4 or below. Wait! Don’t stop reading. Whatever your size, I promise there’s a message for you here.

Deep down, I knew I wasn’t pretty. I lacked the curves that seemed to distinguish a girl from woman and instead felt trapped in a pubescent 13-year-old body. People “complimented” me with statements like: “You’re so thin, one of these days a big wind might just up and blow you away” and “You’re so skinny, I can see your bones.” But seriously, what man wants to be with tumbleweed or a skeleton?

In fact, this is one of the reasons I fell into promiscuity before marriage. Believing I couldn’t measure up to the beauty of the bodies around me, I figured I could at least snag a guy by giving him the sex he wanted….

Click Here to Read More

The post Is He (Secretly) Unhappy with Your Body? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.