By Julie Sibert

Not long ago, after a particularly enjoyable and passionate sexual encounter with my husband, I reflected on what makes sex great. You don’t have to be married for more than about a month to realize that all sexual encounters are not created equal in a relationship.

We’ve been married 18 years, so I have a lot of practical “research” to draw upon.

Sometimes sex is quite profound, right? Other times, eh … not so much. And there are countless encounters that fall somewhere in between those two extremes. Being reflective is a bit of a baseline for me, and as a writer and speaker on sex in marriage, clearly this is my wheelhouse—pondering what makes sex authentic, intimate and great.

I know we can’t narrow something like this down to three things, but for the sake of brevity, I would say the below three would be at the top of my list. Before you read them, I encourage you to think about your own marriage.  Maybe the three things I share will spark some motivation and reflection of your own.

Or maybe your list would be wildly different, yet equally invigorating. That’s cool too. The point is to be willing to unpack the question, “What would make sex great in our marriage?”

3 Things that Make Sex Great for Me

1. Showing Up

Who among us hasn’t had our mind wander during sex? You could be meandering down the path of foreplay, only to then find yourself thinking about the appointment you forgot to make or the fact you’re out of milk again.

And don’t even get me started about actual physical distractions, like your neighbor’s noisy backyard barbecue that has gone too late or the sound of your teens watching TV or the intermittent baby noises coming through the baby monitor.

What makes sex great for me is when my husband and I truly show up and engage without the mental and physical distractions that creep in to disrupt our connection. When I think of amazing sexual intimacy with the man I married, I think of moments when we were dialed into each other emotionally and physically in such an attentive and consuming way.

Of course, sometimes what this means is we have to intentionally limit the distractions. What are you doing to best prepare your heart, mind and physical surroundings for uninterrupted lovemaking? What are you doing to genuinely and fully show up emotionally and physically?

2. Being Mutual

I think men have disproportionately been stereotyped into this corner that simply because they are male, they intuitively know how to please a woman sexually.

A better approach is that a husband and wife humbly embrace what it means to teach and be teachable. Are you and your spouse intentional about building rapport in giving and receiving sexual pleasure? When my husband and I lean into this kind of mutual giving and receiving, it is sacred ground.

Arousal, pleasure and orgasm should be a place of mutuality in a marriage. Is your spouse’s pleasure as important as your own? Are you both growing in the touches and techniques that make pleasure deeply satisfying? Are you helping your spouse understand specifically what feels good for you sexually?

3 Things that Make Sex Great for Me (and Might Just Work for You Too!) "Arousal, pleasure and orgasm should be a place of mutuality in a marriage. Is your spouse’s pleasure as important as your own?"
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Contrary to what society may tell us, a husband and wife climaxing at the same time is not the be-all end-all of sexual greatness. Being mutually attentive to each other’s arousal and pleasure throughout the experience is a better gauge. The moments of each spouse’s pleasure intermingle in such a beautiful ebb-and-flow way. No one is keeping score. No one is selfishly consumed by only their pleasure, but rather is as fascinated by their spouse’s pleasure as well.

I think a real lightbulb realization for my husband and me was when we recognized we were as turned on by turning each other on as we were by our own pleasure.

This kind of mutuality makes sex great for me.

3. Embracing Sexual Pursuit

I probably should have listed this one first, because it has to do with what’s happening before your clothes come off. I put it here at the end, though, because I think it carries the most transformative message regarding sex in marriage.

It is affirming when the person I love and married desires me. When my husband expresses his desire for me, maybe even hours before we actually have the time and space to have sex, that desire makes everything all that more amazing when we connect intimately.

Sadly, sexual pursuit can fall by the wayside in a marriage. Maybe it’s all those distractions and responsibilities that fill our waking hours day in and day out. Maybe healthy comfort drifts into taking each other for granted. Or maybe you’ve bought into this idea that the further a marriage goes along, the less sexual it has to become.

Certainly, a lot can sabotage sexual desire in a marriage, and we can lose sight of what it means to be intentional in the face of those things thwarting desire.

And yes, I know there are some circumstances that can make actual sexual intercourse difficult or impossible in a marriage, whether it be illness, injury, or some effects of aging. Even in these circumstances, though, a couple can still show affection and learn to be intimately close to each other emotionally and physically.

When was the last time you expressed desire for your spouse? When was the last time you showed affection while clothed—affection that lovingly conveyed how much you want to be naked with them later?

The caveat I would add here, too, is that nurturing your friendship in your marriage makes sexual pursuit not only more relevant, but also more likely. It is about pouring into your relationship in such a way that says, “Hey, I don’t just want sex. I want sex with YOU!”

So there are my three things that make sex great for me and possibly could make sex great for you, too. I could add to the above list for sure, but these three things definitely would top my list. I love it when my husband and I both truly show up, when we are mutual in valuing each other’s pleasure and when we intentionally pursue each other sexually.

What makes sex great for you? Reflect. Talk amongst yourselves. It is worth figuring out, not only for your own health and happiness, but also for the strength and endurance of your marriage.

Fabulous stuff, Julie! I so appreciate her being here. And please go check out her own content at her website and beyond.

Julie Sibert is an author, speaker, blogger and advocate for healthy sexual intimacy in marriage. You can find her at her website www.intimacyinmarriage.com. Be sure to check her out on Patreon at www.Patreon.com/intimacyinmarriage, where for the mere cost of one latte a month, you can get exclusive video content she doesn’t put out anywhere else.  When she’s not writing and speaking on sex, she’s enjoying her husband and sons, deep conversation, a wide array of music and a ridiculous number of books.

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In recent weeks, I’ve been looking for more sources of both practical information and emotional inspiration to address my current chronic health issues. One personal story that struck me comes from actor Timothy Omundson, whom I was familiar with as Detective Lassiter in Psych and King Richard in Galavant. (I understand he’s now in This Is Us.) I was listening to an interview with him by actor Michael Rosenbaum, and he said something that stuck with me as applicable to any journey of healing—including the healing of your sexuality or marital intimacy.

Here’s the clip:

From Inside of You podcast with Michael Rosenbaum (heads-up: full episode has a lot of curse words)

Honor the Milestones

Other marriage bloggers have spoken very well about celebrating your progress. But something about that particular phrasing—honor the milestones—resonates with me.

Maybe it’s because I’m a fan generally of the word honor. It appears often in scripture (178 hits for that word in the KJV, 177 in the ESV, and 211 in the NIV) and in a few of my favorite verses, such as:

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

Revelation 4:11

And then there’s this verse about the marriage bed:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Hebrews 13:4

Also, the phrase honor the milestones is reminiscent of the story of Samuel setting down an actual stone to mark the progress of God’s people.

Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.”

1 Samuel 7:12

How We Make Progress

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: I wish I had the magic bullet to make everyone’s marriage bed a place of mutual pleasure, satisfaction, and intimacy.

But then I also wish we could cure hunger, poverty, addiction, mental illness, disease, and a host of other ills. (Cue “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” by The Beach Boys.)

God’s response is that He will restore a lot (Joel 2:25) and turn wailing to dancing (Psalm 30:11)! He will be with us in our pain (Psalm 34:18) and our journey toward something better (Isaiah 43:2). But if you’re looking for a single switch that flips it all from bad to good, that’s next-life stuff.

Rather, progress is almost always made incrementally. Even Paul, with his Road to Damascus Conversion, spent a long time with Ananias as a mentor and then being refined into the apostle he became.

Starting with Baby Steps

We’ve said it so often on the Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast that it’s become a square on our bingo card: You begin with baby steps.

Baby steps begin tentatively. But what happens after your child takes his/her first step? Does anyone say, “Big deal. I’ll cheer once they’re running”? Noooooo! As any young parent knows, you applaud like your child just won a gold medal at the Olympics!

Over time, of course you don’t have that same reaction for a few steps. But you do continue to encourage your child, and you share their progress with others who love them (and maybe a few who don’t).

Yet when it comes to making progress in our marriage or our sex lives, do we cheer on those first steps? It’s true that you can’t stop there, but those first tentative steps matter. For encouragement, check out any or all of these posts from a few of my marvelous colleagues:

• Forgiven Wife: Baby Steps for Moving Forward, One Step Forward, Keep on Walking
• Generous Wife: Baby Steps, Small is Better, Baby Steps Will Get You There, A Little Bit Sexier
• Generous Husband: Yoda Was Wrong!, Baby Steps and Small Beginnings
• Intimacy in Marriage: Are Incremental Changes the Secret to Better Sex in Your Marriage?

Marking the Milestones

Maybe you’re just starting out with those baby steps.

Or maybe you’ve worked on issues for a while, but you’re frustrated that you haven’t reached your goals. Despite doing better:

• You still struggle with body image.
• Your past trauma got triggered, again.
• You can’t seem to fully relax and enjoy the experience.
• You made another clumsy attempt to initiate sex.
• You failed to reach orgasm this time.
• You didn’t feel God’s blessing of your sexual pleasure, but rather guilt.

Add whatever other frustration you’re experiencing to the list.

But what about how far you’ve come?

Honoring the milestones—truly honoring them with the attitude of “Thus far the Lord has helped [me]“—can remind us that even a step back isn’t a failure. You are on a journey, and all the steps you’ve taken toward healthy and holy sexual intimacy with your spouse matter.

"You are on a journey, and all the steps you've taken toward healthy and holy sexual intimacy with your spouse matter." @marriage #Christiansex
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They are markers toward the ultimate goal of one flesh and the mystery of reflecting God and His bride, the Church.

Remembering the Past, Pressing Ahead

Sometimes, I think we misconstrue this verse, believing we’re supposed to be solely focused on the future:

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13b-14 (ESV)

Yet in that book, Paul talks about what has been happening in his life and refers back to all that God has done for him, especially through the sacrifice of Christ. He doesn’t dwell in the past, but he uses what has happened so far to push him forward toward the prize.

It’s like a marathon runner who doesn’t, or shouldn’t, keep thinking about the last mile and how they could have done it differently. Rather, they calculate how far they’ve come (halfway there!) and focus on where they’re going (finish line!).

Not that I have any actual idea how runners think. I’m in the camp of if you see me running, you should run too, because we’re being chased by something bad. But I have heard that’s how they think. Hey, roll with me here!

You’ll do all this better if you write it down. Honestly. It’s science.

That is, honor the milestones by writing out where you started, what your first steps were like, how far you’ve come, what your next step will be, and where you hope to end up. If it helps, use the tool below (page 1–blue, page 2–pink).

I’m happy to cheer you on too! So feel free to share in the comments:

• What steps you’ve taken so far
• How your view of God’s design for sex or sexual intimacy in your marriage has improved

I’ve got my confetti ready!

The post As You Work on Sexual Intimacy, Be Sure to Do This! appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Can a book really change your life? For faithful Christians, the answer is a resounding YES! We’ve seen and experienced the significance of God’s Word in our lives and others. It’s not the words themselves, but what they reveal about our God and His relationship with us.

With the caveat that nothing I name will have the impact of the Bible, I recently mulled over which books have motivated me to change something about my perspective, myself, or my life.

Here are the standouts over the years—those books I read that I can point directly to as causing a specific change in my life. (Listed in no particular order.) You might be surprised by what’s on my list!

Note: Amazon links are affiliates, through which I get a small commission. Your price, however, does not change.

1. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People maybe 30 years ago, and I still refer back to the principles quite often as I consider how to approach my career and relationships. Among the principles that have stuck with me:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Begin with the end in mind
Think win-win

You can see how those also apply in marriage!

And they align well with Christian commands, like honoring others above yourself and focusing on what matters most.

2. You Just Don’t Understand

Not everything is explained by gender. It’s typically less than we think—with personality, character, and life experiences playing a big role too.

However, gender distinctions have been routinely noted in social research, and in You Just Don’t Understand, linguist Deborah Tannen explains what she discovered about how men and women communicate.

I’ve come back to her points time and time again, often reminding myself that I cannot expect my husband to communicate the way I do. I have to consider his maleness, along with those other aspects I mentioned, and work on building greater understanding and intimacy. Thankfully, my husband read the book too, so he knows he has to attend to my communication style as well.

3. The Millionaire Next Door

You can find great resources about managing your finances, from Financial Peace to Crown Financial Ministries to Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn’s latest book, Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself.

But it was while listening to The Millionaire Next Door audiobook that it sank in how my husband and I could live under our means and become more financially secure. The authors laid out habits of people who become millionaires, and their insights informed how I approached spending and saving going forward.

Indeed, our financial stewardship has allowed me to do this ministry for as long as I have. (Believe me, HHH has not made me a millionaire. Not even close. )

Since money is one of the top reasons for marital conflict, it’s worth finding a resource about handling money that will help you get on the same page.

4. The Omnivore’s Dilemma

The Omnivore’s Dilemma is a book about what we eat and why. The author does a deep dive into this topic, including a whole chapter on something called “corn sex.” (Not nearly as exciting as the sex I write about!)

But my takeaways from this book changed which groceries I bought and agricultural policies I support.

As a person who believes in the Creator, I also would like to see our world do a better job with land and animal management, and this book helped me think more profoundly about those issues.

In the meantime, here’s to healthy eating and brown, cage-free eggs!

5. The 5 Love Languages

Yep, this very popular marriage book makes my list. Because The 5 Love Languages is where I began to identify ways in which my husband and I were trying to express love but not feeling it in turn.

Specifically, I grew up in a family in which my mom waited on my dad a lot, so I’d determined to be the opposite in my own marriage. And then, I married a guy whose #1 love language is Acts of Service.

This book opened my eyes to how I needed to get over my cynicism and embrace generosity instead, knowing my husband was a good man who wouldn’t exploit my acts of service toward him. My change in attitude and behavior paid dividends for both of us. Plus, hubby now gives me more affection—my #1 love language.

6. Schlinder’s Legacy

You’ve heard of Schindler’s List, right? The movie is based on a book written by Thomas Keneally, which my old book club read many years ago. But we also read Schindler’s Legacy, with each chapter a short biography of a Holocaust survivor from the list.

And the accounts have stuck with me for years. Not because of the specifics of any one story—which include some chilling details, of course—but because this book more than any other showed how one’s attitude makes a big difference.

About half of these survivors considered themselves lucky or blessed and felt grateful, to God and/or others, for their survival. The other half were bitter, angry, and believed they’d survived only because of life’s randomness or their own cutthroat choices.

Life throws all of us curveballs, and some of us far more than anyone should have to go through. But we ultimately make the choice of how we will view and address our problems. Will we wallow and become bitter? Will we grieve our losses and find a way to get through?

(Or if you’re in an abusive situation, grieve and get out.)

7. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Almost anyone who does marriage ministry eventually reads The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, because John Gottman has probably done more reputable research into long-term relationships than anyone else. He gained a reputation for being able to discern whether a marriage was headed for divorce by observing mere minutes of a couple’s interaction.

He identified “four horsemen” that signal relational rockiness (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and also laid out seven ways to foster a healthier marriage.

Spock and I read this book when we were at our wit’s end in our relationship, and we really did learn important principles we could apply to our marriage. These principles weren’t the key to getting our marriage back on track, but they were an important piece.

8. The Gospel of John

Okay, I already addressed the impact of the Bible, but the Gospel of John deserves special mention. I was toward the end of my college career, and I’d gone through a rough time that included friendship challenges, family heartache, and premarital promiscuity.

My faith was shaky at best. I’d concluded there was a God, but did I buy into Jesus and Christianity? As summed up well by another John (the Baptist) in a different gospel, I was asking: “Are You the One who is to come, or should [I] look for someone else?” (Luke 7:19).

I decided to re-read the book of John, trying this time to figure out who Jesus was without all the felt-figure storyboards and preconceived notions in my head. The Jesus I found within those pages was not merely a man of meekness and compassion, but strength and grit. He showed tenderness to some and fierceness to others, depending on the situation and the people. He truly was both the Lamb and the Lion.

And this Jesus—the real Jesus—seemed big enough to handle my hurt and my needs. I had a ways to go to find my firm footing, but through reading the Gospel of John, a spark was lit, my faith rekindled.

And Now, A Challenge

Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage has been blogging every single day this year! At the end here, I’m issuing a challenge for her to blog about books that changed her life, whether 2-3 or more.

I also want to hear from you! What books positively changed your life and why?

[Quick note: If mention a book that contains what I believe to be dangerous teaching, I may not approve your comment. You can view my comments policy here.]

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Well, Julie, I take your three, raise you one, and present my list of four must-haves to make the marriage bedroom a den of delight!

Some links below are affiliates, meaning I make a small commission from sales that come through this page.

1. Flattering Light

More than once, my husband has rolled over to start something, and I’ve stopped him and said, “I cannot do this with that light glaring in my eyes.” Then I point to the main light fixture above our bed. That’s the practical reason for having some low lighting or something else in your bedroom—not to blind yourself in the middle of lovemaking.

But more than that, flattering light has helped plenty of wives who struggle with body image, and it sets the sensual tone for lovemaking.

What light is flattering? It could be anything from bedside lamps, to candles (flame or battery-operated), to string lights hung around your bed. If you’re using a lamp, try a colored bulb for a particularly nice effect.

Experiment and figure out what makes you feel like getting turned on too.

2. Personal Lubricant

To be fair, personal lubricant isn’t a must-have for every couple. But if you do need lube, and it’s not there…big problem.

And most women experience hormonal changes during the month and/or dryness as the age, meaning that lube is a must-have at some point in their marital lovemaking.

You can find advice on choosing a good lubricant here, as well as how to use it here. There are advantages and disadvantages to each type of lube, and couples tend to have their favorites. Just make choose it’s one that doesn’t contain problematic ingredients and works well for you.

Then keep it close, like in your bedside table or a storage box tucked under the bed.

3. Pretty Lingerie

Is lingerie really a must-have?

Well, it’s not a must-have to my husband. Spock is more than fine with me showing up in ratty robe, dropping it to the ground, and hopping into bed with him. Like many men, he’s an uncomplicated fan of seeing his wife naked.

But ladies, I’ve learned that wearing something pretty stokes my sexual interest and increases my confidence.

What constitutes pretty for you? It could be a skimpy number that puts a huge smile on your hubby’s face and in turn makes you feel sexy, or a soft cotton nightgown that feels good against your skin and shows off your feminine curves, or any of many alternatives in between.

Try out various options. I also have a section in Hot, Holy, and Humorous advising how to choose lingerie that enhances your figure and feels comfortable to you. But find lingerie that you like, and maybe designate a few items only for sexual encounters so that even putting them on signals your body to get ready for some good feelings.

4. Good Christian Sex Book

I’m not suggesting that you stop mid-foreplay, pull out my book, and refer to a certain paragraph before continuing. But if you want to foster healthy and holy intimacy and/or spice up your sex life, consult a quality Christian resource. We have lots of great ideas!

Remember, I said quality. Not all sex books are created equal, and even some good ones are not the right ones for you. Read with discretion and wisdom. (See How to Read a Marriage Book.)

However, I’m pretty confident recommending these books:

• Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage by Jeff Murphy & Julie Sibert
• Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design by J. Parker (how-to manual for wives, that hubbies like to read too)
• Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage by J. Parker (devotional book for wives)
• Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples by J. Parker (discussion guide for couples—see sample chapter here)
• Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage by Ruth Buezis
• Lovemaking: 10 Secrets to Extravagant Intimacy in Marriage by Dan & Linda Wilson

And that’s it! My 4 must-haves for the bedroom.

Be sure to check out Julie’s post with her must-haves, and I now join her in challenging Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife to share her list.

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Hopefully, you already follow her blog, where her posts are biblical, practical, and funny. But I’m more than thrilled to have her on the blog today. All I had to do was hold her bourbon hostage offer a nice invite, and she was eager to come on! Thanks, Julie. Take it away!

Julie Sibert

Several years ago, the book The Millionaire Next Door became a bestseller. The premise of the book is that many of the people who build financial stability and wealth do not look wealthy. They don’t have all the calling cards that we typically associate with wealth — extravagant houses, cars, and clothes.

The book came to my mind recently, but not for financial reasons. Just like we often have a narrow perspective on who is financially wealthy, we also can miss the mark on who we think is having great sex.

We likely can blame Hollywood for this. Storytellers are pros at making us believe that a perfectly proportioned body, stunning hair and make-up, and gorgeous eyes are the only pathways to truly great sex. But being physically beautiful by society’s standards isn’t what equates to phenomenal sex. There are a lot of average looking people experiencing indescribable passion and pleasure in their bedroom.

You don’t have to be strikingly beautiful physically to enjoy passionate lovemaking. If you struggle with body image and think you can’t have great sex because your abs aren’t flat, your arms are flabby and you have wrinkles around your eyes, consider the below three tips to gain a healthier perspective:

1. Start noticing how average most people are.

There’s that old adage that if you are thinking of buying a red car, you suddenly see red cars everywhere. It’s like you put an image in your mind, and your mind said, “Check! I’m on it. Let me show you every red car I can find!”

If you feel sexually inhibited because you don’t feel your body looks stellar, it may be because you’ve kept an eagle eye out for people more attractive than yourself. You’ve let a self-fulfilling prophecy play out in your heart daily, and that perspective is glaringly biased toward seeing physically beautiful people. What a crappy comparison that always leads to the same place — you believing you are ill-equipped to have great sexual confidence and sexual passion.

But here’s the thing. If you stand back and take a broader, more objective look, you’ll see that the majority of people are not stunningly beautiful by society’s standards. Most people look average. They are real people; not a photoshopped or professionally-styled version of a real person, which is what we see on TV, in movies and on magazine covers.

Do some people have remarkable natural beauty? Well, sure. But they are the exception, not the rule. Start looking around and you’ll see what I mean.

Just like there are a lot of millionaires who don’t look like millionaires, there also are a lot of average people having great sex. Can you start to embrace that perspective? Doing so likely will boost your motivation to pursue more sexual passion with the person you married — you know, that person who also is fairly average looking.

2. Shed light (literally and figuratively).

I have a friend who told me once that she never has sex with the lights on because she is so self-conscious about her body. And yet her husband longed to enjoy the visual stimulation of enjoying not only her skin next to his, but also the freedom to see her.

If you can relate to this struggle, consider this. A little light in the room when you make love can help you grow in your sexual confidence. When we insist on making love in the dark or under the covers in an effort to hide, we are diminishing a passionate aspect of sex — visually enjoying each other. Literally shedding light on the situation can be as simple as having the closet light on, turning on a bedside lamp or lighting a few candles.

You can figuratively shed light as well by having a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. If you struggle with body image and you think it is why you are hesitant to fully lean in to sexual passion, then tell your spouse about your struggle. Express your desire to grow in sexual confidence. Ask for what you need. If you need more specific affirmation about your body, share this need with your spouse.

Getting comfortable in your own skin can be a joint endeavor, but it has to start with you shedding some light.

3. Agree with God about passionate sex.

God is so generous. He could have designed sex for only procreation, but instead, in all His creativity, He opened the floodgates on how amazing sex can be. He designed sexual intimacy as a treasure trove of arousal, pleasure, and oneness.

And nowhere does God tell us passionate hot sex is just for the pretty people. Nope.

He says, “All you married folks, enjoy! Delight in your spouse sexually, even if they don’t have toned legs. Have sex as often as possible! Go for it! Don’t hold back in savoring your orgasm and your spouse’s orgasm. It doesn’t matter that neither of you will ever be photoshopped onto a magazine cover. I don’t care about any of that. I created sexual pleasure for all the married people, not just the ones who have mesmerizing eyes and big breasts and an uncanny ability to style their hair.”

Okay, I’m paraphrasing a bit, but you get the idea. God is a huge fan of sex because it was His gift for married people. He wants you to enjoy the gift now, rather than hold off until you lose the weight or clear up the acne or get a new wardrobe. He gave you the gift of sex to savor throughout your married journey — all the seasons and all the messy moments that are inherent to marriage.

Letting body image sabotage intimacy with the person you adore does nothing more than downplay God’s truths for your marriage. Who among us wants to say to God, “Nah, Lord, I think you must have meant the gift for someone else.” Um, not me. And I’m guessing not you either.

To come full circle, I will say this. The millionaires I personally know — they don’t look like millionaires. And all the people I know who say sex in their marriage is great? They don’t look like movie stars. They look average. They look like you and me.

For more reading, I have this post on sexual confidence and whole page with posts on body image.

You also have a few more days to get in on an opportunity I have for you to Build Better Sex in Your Marriage. You can find it at this link. The offer is available until June 14 and includes awesome bonuses, so I encourage you to take a look. Could be a great investment in your relationship!

Julie Sibert speaks and writes out of her own journey about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Nebraska with her husband, two sons and a rambunctious dog named Stella who is trying to destroy the yard.

J here – If you missed it, be sure to check out our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast episode on orgasm, where Julie Sibert joined our “virtual kitchen table” conversation!

The post Do Average People Have Rock Star Sex? YES! appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.