Last week, Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage posted on 3 Must Haves to Make Your Bedroom a Sex Haven. The post was inspired by a text conversation Chris Taylor (of The Forgiven Wife) and I had with Julie on blogging ideas. Within her great post, she then challenged Chris and me to write about our own must-haves for the bedroom.
Well, Julie, I take your three, raise you one, and present my list of four must-haves to make the marriage bedroom a den of delight!
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1. Flattering Light
More than once, my husband has rolled over to start something, and I’ve stopped him and said, “I cannot do this with that light glaring in my eyes.” Then I point to the main light fixture above our bed. That’s the practical reason for having some low lighting or something else in your bedroom—not to blind yourself in the middle of lovemaking.
But more than that, flattering light has helped plenty of wives who struggle with body image, and it sets the sensual tone for lovemaking.
What light is flattering? It could be anything from bedside lamps, to candles (flame or battery-operated), to string lights hung around your bed. If you’re using a lamp, try a colored bulb for a particularly nice effect.
Experiment and figure out what makes you feel like getting turned on too.
2. Personal Lubricant
To be fair, personal lubricant isn’t a must-have for every couple. But if you do need lube, and it’s not there…big problem.
And most women experience hormonal changes during the month and/or dryness as the age, meaning that lube is a must-have at some point in their marital lovemaking.
You can find advice on choosing a good lubricant here, as well as how to use it here. There are advantages and disadvantages to each type of lube, and couples tend to have their favorites. Just make choose it’s one that doesn’t contain problematic ingredients and works well for you.
Then keep it close, like in your bedside table or a storage box tucked under the bed.
3. Pretty Lingerie
Is lingerie really a must-have?
Well, it’s not a must-have to my husband. Spock is more than fine with me showing up in ratty robe, dropping it to the ground, and hopping into bed with him. Like many men, he’s an uncomplicated fan of seeing his wife naked.
But ladies, I’ve learned that wearing something pretty stokes my sexual interest and increases my confidence.
What constitutes pretty for you? It could be a skimpy number that puts a huge smile on your hubby’s face and in turn makes you feel sexy, or a soft cotton nightgown that feels good against your skin and shows off your feminine curves, or any of many alternatives in between.
Try out various options. I also have a section in Hot, Holy, and Humorous advising how to choose lingerie that enhances your figure and feels comfortable to you. But find lingerie that you like, and maybe designate a few items only for sexual encounters so that even putting them on signals your body to get ready for some good feelings.
4. Good Christian Sex Book
I’m not suggesting that you stop mid-foreplay, pull out my book, and refer to a certain paragraph before continuing. But if you want to foster healthy and holy intimacy and/or spice up your sex life, consult a quality Christian resource. We have lots of great ideas!
Remember, I said quality. Not all sex books are created equal, and even some good ones are not the right ones for you. Read with discretion and wisdom. (See How to Read a Marriage Book.)
However, I’m pretty confident recommending these books:
- Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage by Jeff Murphy & Julie Sibert
- Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design by J. Parker (how-to manual for wives, that hubbies like to read too)
- Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage by J. Parker (devotional book for wives)
- Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples by J. Parker (discussion guide for couples—see sample chapter here)
- The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) by Sheila Wray Gregoire
- Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage by Ruth Buezis
- Lovemaking: 10 Secrets to Extravagant Intimacy in Marriage by Dan & Linda Wilson
And that’s it! My 4 must-haves for the bedroom.
Be sure to check out Julie’s post with her must-haves, and I now join her in challenging Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife to share her list.