There’s a line in “Jungle Love” by the Steve Miller Band: “Everything’s better when wet.” Well, I don’t know about everything, but that’s certainly true for sex!
However, things don’t always get as lubricated down there as they need to for sexual activity to feel as good as it could. For instance, certain times of the month, perimenopause / menopause, and other issues can throw off the natural system of lubrication.
Thank goodness we have the ability to add personal lubricant to the mix in our marriage beds! And today I want to give five quick tips on choosing a personal lubricant for the sexual intimacy in your marriage.
1. Figure out your goal.
If you asked me for a lube recommendation, I’d first ask why you want a personal lubricant. Because which one works best depends on the goal.
If your hormones are making lubrication difficult, I’d steer you toward a silicone lube rather than a water-based one, because water-based absorbs more quickly. If you’re looking to add a perk to oral sex, of course I’d say to get a flavored lube. If you’ve had issues with infections, I’d advise you to check ingredients and find an organic, all-natural option.
Thinking about why you want lubricant will help you decide which alternatives are best.
2. Pick a type of lube.
Once you know your goal, you can better choose a type. Types of personal lubricant include water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. I break down each in this post: Q&A with J: A Guide to Using Personal Lubricant.
When deciding type, you’ll want to look at issues like these:
- Water-based lube is easy to apply and clean up, but doesn’t last as long.
- Silicone-based lasts longer and is especially good for sexual activity in water, but sticks longer and is harder to clean up.
- Coconut oil is all-natural, but has a tendency to break down the latex in condoms.
- Lubes that purport to warm or stimulate could be exciting or discomforting, depending on your skin.
- Check ingredients carefully if you have allergies or sensitivities to certain substances.
Figure out the type of lube, and then you can start shopping.
3. Find a quality brand.
Like you, I don’t want to spend money on a product that costs $10 when the $5 one is just as good. That said, there’s a distinct difference between the budget lubricants and middle-to-higher priced brands. Look for a quality brand because:
- You’re only using a little bit each time, so even a small bottle lasts a while.
- You’ll end up using more with a budget brand anyway because it won’t do its job well and you’ll have to apply extra, and then you’re not actually saving money.
- Girlfriend, this is your va-jay-jay. Don’t you think you can spend as much on it as you would a restaurant meal?
Now, despite writing about sex as much as I do, I have not tried every brand of lubricant. (Unless they all send me samples, that would get expensive.) But of those I’ve tried, I consistently recommend Sliquid and Good Clean Love. I’ve also heard good things about Swiss Navy and Slippery Stuff. But do a little research, and you can figure out what’s worth trying.
4. Decide where to shop.
Part of what brand you buy depends on where you shop. Admittedly, if you go to Amazon, you’ll find nearly every option there. But if you head to your grocery store, you won’t find Sliquid but you might find Good Clean Love. Then again, you might rather purchase online so you don’t run into your child’s Sunday school teacher while standing in line with your tube of lube. Regardless, your actual choices will depend on where you buy.
Now I’m a fan of purchasing from Christian-based online retailers, because (1) they specifically carry products that promote the marriage bed, (2) they are picky about what they stock so what you find there is typically high quality, and (3) they affiliate with websites like mine so you can bless a ministry while you’re at it. Two options I endorse are:
Honoring Intimates sells lingerie, as well as lubricants and other intimacy aids.
Marriage Spice carries a range of marital aids and intimacy products, including lube.
5. Try different lubes.
If you use a lube and don’t love it, try something else. Or simply try something else to branch out and have options. For example, you might use coconut oil most of the time but keep one flavored lubricant around just for those times when oral is on the menu. Or you might prefer water-based but want a silicone-based lube on hand if you decide to go for shower sex.
Honestly, you probably won’t find your favorite personal lubricant on the first try. It may take trial-and-error. That said, I bet you and you spouse can think of plenty of ways to conduct this personal research!
Now go do something that requires you pull out some lube. You might find your weekend really is better when wet!
16 thoughts on “5 Tips for Choosing a Personal Lubricant”
We use Astroglide X mostly when lube is required, but we’ve started using coconut oil lately. Astroglide X is great because it’s not sticky at all and stays silky slick for a long time. Coconut oil is even better because it stays slick for almost the same amount of time and its edible..wink wink.
Is it normal to not like to use lube? My wife seems reluctant to use lube. When I have asked her she says no. Even for handjobs. Last time i asked her she said that lube smells funny.
That’s an interesting reason. Try a different lube. There are all kinds of smells.
If or when your spouse desires to use lubricant, go with an organic water base unscented lubricant. There are those in society that is sensitive to smell and in some cases, scented lubricants may have a chemical that irritates the skin.
Otherwise slow feather touches and light oral can usually saturate the opening. What I mean by slow feather touches, is lightly toughing the outer lips of her opening and clitoris area so softly that she barely can feel it for 10 to 15 minutes. This tends to create a lot of intimate urgency in the woman and dampen things up very nicely.
We are so thankful that generic store brands (we’ve tried 2) work great for us and our budget!! — Oh we’ve also found that the soft tube are sometimes a bit noisy and distracting. A firmer plastic bottle seems to alleviate this 🙂 . Unscented as well.
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I am a 71-year old male. I have had a really good sexual relationship with my wife for about 45 years, and we have two adult children.
Now erectile dysfunction has set in and I cannot do anything sexually in bed anymore at all. I am unwilling to inject anything into my penis or to have a penile implant of any kind. I have a vacuum device which doesn’t do anything for me. I have tried Viagra and similar drugs with no success, and am now on Androgel.
I am still romantically interested in my wife, but she has a “that’s all over, I have moved onto other interests” sexual attitude. I have not had a climax in over two years and miss this greatly! My excellent doctor says there is nothing that can be done about my ED.
I read about all the exciting things for couples sexually, but I cannot do any of them! Does there come a time in a man’s life when it is all over sexually, when he cannot get erect or climax?
It depends on what you mean by “all over sexually.” Without erections, you cannot achieve climax and ejaculation. But you can still experience mental, emotional, and even physical sensations of arousal. I know of one couple where he cannot perform, but they have sexual encounters that involve intimate touch and cunnilingus. He loves it. As we age, what constitutes “sex” may need to change to adapt to our changing bodies. Also see What Is Sex?
Is it safe to use coconut oil as a lubricant?
Yes. However, it can break down the latex in condoms, so if that’s your form of birth control, you need to consider that.
Thank you for the reply. Also safe for penetration without the condom? Like skin to skin?
Yes. I know many people who use coconut oil as their lubricant (without condoms).
We have tried several lubes but I really prefer good old coconut oil best … I have also added several drops of peppermint essential oil for oral and manual stimulation for a warm tingly sensation … it tastes fresh and my husband was quite happy about the results… we are well past childbearing so condoms are not an issue.
Amount of peppermint oil will depend on your container size … I use 10 drops for a small container… it will vary for the individual too as it can be quite stimulating. Start with a few drops and taste or test on the girly bits… :))
We use lubes sometimes. Fortunately, if there was enough foreplay, no lube required :-). But if we are shooting for as a marathon session–by that I mean 30+ minutes of continuous sex where we are trying to extend the pleasure–then lube can come in handy. We used to use KY but for the past 10 years it’s been Astroglide and we love it.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think water-based lubes are more beneficial when compared with other types of lube.
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