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8 Books That Changed My Life

Can a book really change your life? For faithful Christians, the answer is a resounding YES! We’ve seen and experienced the significance of God’s Word in our lives and others. It’s not the words themselves, but what they reveal about our God and His relationship with us.

With the caveat that nothing I name will have the impact of the Bible, I recently mulled over which books have motivated me to change something about my perspective, myself, or my life.

Here are the standouts over the years—those books I read that I can point directly to as causing a specific change in my life. (Listed in no particular order.) You might be surprised by what’s on my list!

Note: Amazon links are affiliates, through which I get a small commission. Your price, however, does not change.

1. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People maybe 30 years ago, and I still refer back to the principles quite often as I consider how to approach my career and relationships. Among the principles that have stuck with me:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Begin with the end in mind
Think win-win

You can see how those also apply in marriage!

And they align well with Christian commands, like honoring others above yourself and focusing on what matters most.

2. You Just Don’t Understand

Not everything is explained by gender. It’s typically less than we think—with personality, character, and life experiences playing a big role too.

However, gender distinctions have been routinely noted in social research, and in You Just Don’t Understand, linguist Deborah Tannen explains what she discovered about how men and women communicate.

I’ve come back to her points time and time again, often reminding myself that I cannot expect my husband to communicate the way I do. I have to consider his maleness, along with those other aspects I mentioned, and work on building greater understanding and intimacy. Thankfully, my husband read the book too, so he knows he has to attend to my communication style as well.

3. The Millionaire Next Door

You can find great resources about managing your finances, from Financial Peace to Crown Financial Ministries to Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn’s latest book, Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself.

But it was while listening to The Millionaire Next Door audiobook that it sank in how my husband and I could live under our means and become more financially secure. The authors laid out habits of people who become millionaires, and their insights informed how I approached spending and saving going forward.

Indeed, our financial stewardship has allowed me to do this ministry for as long as I have. (Believe me, HHH has not made me a millionaire. Not even close. 😉 )

Since money is one of the top reasons for marital conflict, it’s worth finding a resource about handling money that will help you get on the same page.

4. The Omnivore’s Dilemma

The Omnivore’s Dilemma is a book about what we eat and why. The author does a deep dive into this topic, including a whole chapter on something called “corn sex.” (Not nearly as exciting as the sex I write about!)

But my takeaways from this book changed which groceries I bought and agricultural policies I support.

As a person who believes in the Creator, I also would like to see our world do a better job with land and animal management, and this book helped me think more profoundly about those issues.

In the meantime, here’s to healthy eating and brown, cage-free eggs!

5. The 5 Love Languages

Yep, this very popular marriage book makes my list. Because The 5 Love Languages is where I began to identify ways in which my husband and I were trying to express love but not feeling it in turn.

Specifically, I grew up in a family in which my mom waited on my dad a lot, so I’d determined to be the opposite in my own marriage. And then, I married a guy whose #1 love language is Acts of Service.

This book opened my eyes to how I needed to get over my cynicism and embrace generosity instead, knowing my husband was a good man who wouldn’t exploit my acts of service toward him. My change in attitude and behavior paid dividends for both of us. Plus, hubby now gives me more affection—my #1 love language.

6. Schlinder’s Legacy

You’ve heard of Schindler’s List, right? The movie is based on a book written by Thomas Keneally, which my old book club read many years ago. But we also read Schindler’s Legacy, with each chapter a short biography of a Holocaust survivor from the list.

And the accounts have stuck with me for years. Not because of the specifics of any one story—which include some chilling details, of course—but because this book more than any other showed how one’s attitude makes a big difference.

About half of these survivors considered themselves lucky or blessed and felt grateful, to God and/or others, for their survival. The other half were bitter, angry, and believed they’d survived only because of life’s randomness or their own cutthroat choices.

Life throws all of us curveballs, and some of us far more than anyone should have to go through. But we ultimately make the choice of how we will view and address our problems. Will we wallow and become bitter? Will we grieve our losses and find a way to get through?

(Or if you’re in an abusive situation, grieve and get out.)

7. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Almost anyone who does marriage ministry eventually reads The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, because John Gottman has probably done more reputable research into long-term relationships than anyone else. He gained a reputation for being able to discern whether a marriage was headed for divorce by observing mere minutes of a couple’s interaction.

He identified “four horsemen” that signal relational rockiness (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and also laid out seven ways to foster a healthier marriage.

Spock and I read this book when we were at our wit’s end in our relationship, and we really did learn important principles we could apply to our marriage. These principles weren’t the key to getting our marriage back on track, but they were an important piece.

8. The Gospel of John

Okay, I already addressed the impact of the Bible, but the Gospel of John deserves special mention. I was toward the end of my college career, and I’d gone through a rough time that included friendship challenges, family heartache, and premarital promiscuity.

My faith was shaky at best. I’d concluded there was a God, but did I buy into Jesus and Christianity? As summed up well by another John (the Baptist) in a different gospel, I was asking: “Are You the One who is to come, or should [I] look for someone else?” (Luke 7:19).

I decided to re-read the book of John, trying this time to figure out who Jesus was without all the felt-figure storyboards and preconceived notions in my head. The Jesus I found within those pages was not merely a man of meekness and compassion, but strength and grit. He showed tenderness to some and fierceness to others, depending on the situation and the people. He truly was both the Lamb and the Lion.

And this Jesus—the real Jesus—seemed big enough to handle my hurt and my needs. I had a ways to go to find my firm footing, but through reading the Gospel of John, a spark was lit, my faith rekindled.

And Now, A Challenge

Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage has been blogging every single day this year! At the end here, I’m issuing a challenge for her to blog about books that changed her life, whether 2-3 or more.

I also want to hear from you! What books positively changed your life and why?

[Quick note: If mention a book that contains what I believe to be dangerous teaching, I may not approve your comment. You can view my comments policy here.]

16 thoughts on “8 Books That Changed My Life”

  1. “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer…People did not make sense before I read this book. They still don’t to an extent but I can at least now spot a fellow Melancholy, or a Sanguine, or a Phlegmatic (my husband being one) or a dreaded Choleric from farther out and have an idea of what to expect rather than stumble into relationships (work, church) blindly with only my own sense of the world to guide me – and end up being blindsided, left hanging or wondering why I’m having to carry the entire conversation. The pros and cons (er, strengths and weaknesses) of each type are discussed in turn, with personal examples and reasons why we need all of these people (or types of people, at least!). I think if I’d come across this title before starting my professional career it might have saved me a lot of heartache, but it did offer perspective that helped me make sense of past relationships and incidents, as well as to see parts of myself in others.

    (Btw I’ve also become a huge fan of real food and humanely-raised livestock, so I’ll have to put “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” on my reading list.)

    1. Ooh, I have Personality Plus on my bookshelf too! I definitely believe that personality systems are worth couples studying and discussing. (I’m more a fan of MBTI, but most have some merit.) Good stuff!

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  3. Just Enough Light for the Step That I’m On by Stormie Omartian has been instrumental in getting me through some very difficult times. Also Seize the Day by Joyce Meyer has been been very motivating to help me overcome laziness and procrastination.

  4. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs has helped understand a man’s need for respect and what it looks like to try and meet that need.

  5. Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson. He shines a brilliant light on who we are and why we have struggled with anger, anxiety, and depression. He helps us understand goals and desires and guides us into success, significance, fullfillment, satisfaction, happiness, fun, security, and peace.

    1. The Hiding Place is one of my favorites too 🙂 I felt grateful for everything I owned after finishing it.

  6. “The Upside Down Marriage” by Jim Keller has bettered my marriage in countless ways. It’s written by a marriage and family therapist and addresses healthy conflict, intimacy, finances, boundaries, parenting, midlife crises and everyday issues. Cannot recommend this practical & story filled book enough!

    Also, I love the collection of books you listed & will have to check out the 5 Love Languages…sounds very helpful for giving insight into the other 80% of the world who thinks differently than I do!

  7. ‘I Am Alive’ by Kitty Hart Moxon. I read this book when I was 15 in the early 70s and it’s been with me in my head ever since. Kitty, now in her 90s is a Polish Jew who was transported to Auschwitz in 1943 at the age of 16. Against all odds, she survived and was liberated along with her mother at the end of the war. She has appeared on TV in interviews and documentaries in recent years which have humbled and inspired me more than I can express here.

    I have not read ‘The 5 Love Languages’, but I’m familiar with them and have read excerpts. We have been married for 30 years, feeling loved and cherished but I haven’t a clue what my or my husbands ‘love language’ is. All of them? I’m baffled! We might be able to eliminate a couple but then if we do decide on one, how can you live without the others? We must have hit the right one with each other by accident and have never needed to label it. I just don’t think this is the book for us.

    1. Well, he says we need all love languages. We just rank them in importance for ourselves, like I appreciate my husband doing nice things for me (Acts of Service) but I’d way rather snuggle with him (Affection), whereas he’s flipped on what’s important there. But we both like those things. Anyway, if your love communication working for you already, enjoy!

      And that book about Auschwitz sounds amazing. Wow!

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