On Monday, Kate of One Flesh Marriage posted 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife. On Tuesday, Lori of Generous Wife followed suit with Confession Time. (Update! On Wednesday, Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard shared 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife, and on Thursday, Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage shared 10 Confessions of a Sex Blogger.)
Kate tagged me to add my thoughts. I’d previously written on Confessions of a Sex-Happy Wife, but today I’ll talk about being a sex-blogging wife.
1. I have a mild panic attack every time I look at the stats for Hot, Holy & Humorous. My original intention when starting the blog was to help a person here or there out in the universe who might stumble across my site. But now seeing how many people have visited, commented, and shared their stories makes my knees buckle and my brain go, “Really, God?”
2. I hate that I don’t have time to reply to every comment anymore. But I don’t. One of the consequences of this blog growing and reaching out is that I simply can’t get to everything anymore. I do try, but sometimes a comment falls through the cracks and I discover that days after. Then I feel bad . . . because I do care. I really, really do care.
3. BUT life doesn’t stop while I’m blogging. I do not have a housekeeper, a chef, a nanny, an accountant, a chauffeur, or a personal masseuse. In addition to blogging, I keep house, parent children, cook dinners, manage finances, volunteer in ministry at my church, and write fiction.
Be sure to read this classic!
4. Oh, and I read. I love to read. I feel like I should be reading more non-fiction, especially marriage and sexuality books, but I find myself reading about one of those for every 4-5 novels I tackle. I just love story. My favorites are mysteries and young adult fiction, although I read in almost every genre.
5. I do not run out of topics. I get asked this from time to time, and you might think that at some point, I will have covered everything I want to say about marriage and sexuality. At this point, however, I usually have about 10 topics outlined in advance. Moreover, readers suggest topics with their questions and comments, and current events inform and inspire what I should talk about. I also pray that God will direct me, and if I feel Him nudging him in a particular direction, I go there.
6. The Anonymous thing. This is one of the other most-asked questions: Will I always remain anonymous? My answer is no. Unlike superheroes and intelligence officers, I do expect that someday you’ll all know who “J” is. However, circumstances in life remain that make me unwilling to reveal at this moment. When will I “come clean”? It’s not so much a time as when certain events in my life line up, so we’ll see. But I promise Elizabeth of Warrior Wives that I will let her know before I go live with the information, since she has said that it drives her a little insane not to know who these anonymous authors are. (Hi, Elizabeth, if you’re reading this!)
7. I am friends with fellow marriage bloggers. A small number of people know who I am. I have connected personally with Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage. Also, it was a reasonable requirement to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association to reveal my name and location to the core team, which includes Paul and Lori Byerly of The Marriage Bed, Generous Husband, and Generous Wife. Even those fellow marriage bloggers who don’t know my real name “know” me because I really am in person exactly the way I am with them in email and online. What you see, or rather read, is what you get.
8. My family doesn’t think I’m as funny as my readers do. Speaking of the “what you see is what you get” thing, I crack jokes and use wordplay here at my house as well in an attempt to lighten the mood and find humor in life. I do get laughs from the hubs and kids at times, but I don’t get the “I laughed so hard, soda came out of my nose” comments (thanks for that, Paul). I wonder if it’s like Jesus saying that no one’s a prophet in his hometown (Luke 4:24). I tell my family that I’m funny, that people say I’m funny, but I get a lot of huh looks from the gallery. Maybe the person who also gives you a honey-do or chore list just isn’t seen as being all that hilarious.
9. I am a grammar girl. I love language and grammar. Our rich language is one of the things that separates man from animal. We can convey so much more because of our ability to describe our environment, express ideas and emotions, and tell stories. Good grammar and punctuation help to make sure readers receive the message intended. For instance, it’s apparently been argued for many years whether Jesus meant in Luke 23:43:
“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (NIV, and the way translated by most) or
“Truly I tell you today, you will be with me in paradise.”
See the difference? Commas were not in the original at all. (If only Luke had me to proofread for him! And don’t even get me started on the Apostle Paul needing an editor to break up those impossibly-long sentences. LOL.)*
The point is, I hate when I see an egregious spelling or grammar error in a post on my blog. So if you see anything amiss in that department, go ahead and speak up. I will not take offense at being corrected. I want to do whatever I can to effectively get my message across.
10. My favorite book of the Bible is not Song of Songs, although I refer to it a lot here and I think it rocks. I don’t know anyone else who picks my favorite book: Ecclesiastes. It’s right before the Song of Songs, but it’s not nearly as uplifting as that book of romantic love. Yet, as a pessimist by nature, I love the inclusion of this book in the Bible. When things in life don’t make sense, Ecclesiastes reminds me what is most important, especially the conclusion to simply “Fear God and obey his commands” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). My favorite verse in the book? Ecclesiastes 3:11: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
Confession time over. What surprised you? What else do you want to know about being a sex-blogging wife?
*Note: In no way do I believe such issues detract from the veracity and authority of Scripture. Moreover, Jesus can go to Paradise whenever He wants, and I can’t wait to be there with Him.
Amazing! You have a constant supply of topics & ideas running through your head… while guys like me struggle to come up with ONE!
Where is this magical, mythical “Fountain of Blog Topics” to be found? Tell me, J! 😉
The Fountain of Blog Topics can be found by consulting the mind of the average female. I could ask any of my female friends what she thinks of sex and she’ll bring up at least five points that could inspire a blog post. LOL.
When you get around to ordering the t-shirt, check on the price in bulk, ‘kay? Perfect!
I’m not at all surprised by your family not appreciating your humor. Mine collectively roll their eyes at me, while friends and acquaintances laugh like crazy at some strings of words. However, it’s beginning to come out in the kids. They can’t deny it. They’ve inherited it. My husband has a wry humor and I have play words to achieve it — our children are doomed!
I am surprised that life doesn’t stop for your blogging. Mine does. Nothing gets done. 🙂
Thanks for the inside look, J.
Actually, I REALLY want the Peace, Love, Grammar shirt. Have you seen that one?
Wry humor rocks. My husband is dry funny all the time. Most people don’t even catch his jokes, but it was something I remember being attracted to early on. He’d murmur something hilarious, and I’d be the only one in stitches.
I would like to know if in “real life” your husband would say that you follow your own advice? I know when I write my blogs, the Holy Spirit is mostly talking directly to me about how to improve on things that I am either not doing, need to do more of, etc. So that would be my question. 🙂
My hubby’s exact words in response to your question: “Yes and, like most wives, she expects her husband to follow it too!”
I would say that I’m imperfect in carrying out my own advice, but all of the foundational principles are there and I try.
Thanks, TC!
I read a fiction book awhile back, written by Julie ___, and when I finished I thought, “She’s J!” 🙂 Perhaps one day I’ll find out if I’m correct.
Oh, and I enjoyed the book. 😉
Hmmm. Is my name Julie or Jacqueline or Jennifer or Jolene or Jael (she rocked)…or something that doesn’t even start with J? (Now I kind of wish it was something like Rumpelstilskin.) 😉
Tune in, and one day you will discover whether you were correct. Glad you enjoyed the book!
This is awesome J! I love this list and can relate to many. The funny thing is that my amazing hubby tagged you and I didn’t even know it until you replied. 🙂 It is one of the many joys of blogging together. 😉 I aspire to be you, grammatically! We at OFM and CMBA are so thankful for all the marriage and sex bloggers out there and that included you, J! Thank you for what you do and sharing your heart, even if you haven’t shared who you are yet. Blessings, Kate
1: When the late Luciano Pavarotti was asked how he managed to sing in front of so many people at once, he said: “I focus on singing to one person in the crowd.” May God continue ministering through you for His glory in the same way.
2: One of the Internet’s biggest challenges: virtually unlimited interaction/communication = logistical impossibility. :-
5: I wondered about that! 🙂
6: As much as I would love to ‘meet’ the lady behind the blog, I certainly respect your anonymity, as it gives you a measure of freedom in addressing some of the more challenging topics.
8: Don’t worry about not seeming as funny to your family as your readers; even famous comedians who masterfully combined wit, timing, and facial expressions weren’t always found funny by everyone. 🙂 If a joke didn’t get any laughs, they quickly moved on.
9: From one OCD proofreader to another–since you asked for it ;)–I noticed a minor one on your “Personal Testimony” page (missing a “the” in the following sentence):
“But, for various reasons, the just-say-no mantra couldn’t drown out [the] hum of sexual energy that started buzzing in my teenage years.”
P.S. Thanks for your blog! I (we/your readers) really appreciate your good writing and heart for ministry.
Thanks, Greg! For the encouragement and the correction. I popped right over and fixed that on my Personal Testimony page. 🙂
I’ve been curious for a while, do your kids know about your blog?
Good question. Yes. They know that Mom writes a blog about marriage and the private stuff that happens in it, and that they never, ever want to visit it. 😉
I,like you, never run out of thoughts as I blog and in fact have about 20 or so back up posts but I never use them because a new thought pops into my head! My husband jokes that my brain never stops and it sadly doesn’t. I also love language, almost have a Masters in English (three classes short, doesn’t work so well with 7 kids!) but oh well, writing is way more fun than taking classes and finally I live for the story, any story, all stories, we all have them and they connect us together as humanity. You do an awesome job with your blog, thank you for being so transparent!
Jess (plusthemess:-)
Ah, a Masters in English…all that wonderful reading and writing. 🙂 Thanks, Jess!
These sound a lot like me as well.
I dread moving because of all the books in the basement.
I have used that verse in point 9 for so many theological discussions around the timeline of death and Resurrection. So many people ignore EVERYTHING else in the Bible regarding it in favor of that one verse which leads to so many misunderstood theological points (dead people are angels, dead people see you from heaven, ghosts, etc).
I wrote my first (or second, can’t remember) sermon based on Ecclesiastes. It’s a tie for Proverbs for my favorite.
Thanks for sharing.
Yikes, another Ecclesiastes fan? I thought there were only about four of us in the world. :p
Who are the other two? I haven’t met them yet…
Dear J,
Firstly, and unrelated to anything at all, good on you for <3'ing Ecclesiastes. It really is the best book of the Bible: Solomon is a real pisser, but he makes the best case for pessimism of the eons. Glasses of the world half-empty, unite.
Secondly, a question, if you’ve the time for it. As a married non-believer (Married to a gal who I respect, love, and really cherish, and who also happens to be so utterly and devotedly Christian that she practically gets full-on stigmata with her period), would you consider it helpful or harmful to discuss the topic of religion with the wife?
We’ve got a kid on the way, and I know we don’t need anymore stress, and though I choose my words very thoughtfully and carefully, she occasionally breaks down crying over the “I don’t want you to go to hell!” business. But I respect her enough I’d never lie to her on such a thing, or feign belief where there is none. I figure now’s as good a time as any to pick a side on the fence, because it won’t get any simpler once the baby comes. Do you have any advice, ma’am?
Sincerely,
S
This is a very interesting question. I recently listened to an interview of the author of ‘Til Faith Do Us Part. Although I have not read it yet, this book discusses the ups and down of interfaith marriages and shows that statistically such marriages are less happy. There’s even a command in the Bible to not be “yoked” to nonbelievers, meaning that Christians should ideally have the closest people in their life–the people they “do life” with–be believers.
All that said, people do make it work. But couples have to figure out how to deal with the big stuff together somehow–extended families, finances, child rearing, and what role religion will play in their lives. You’ll definitely need to figure out how your child will be raised in regard to faith. So I don’t think you can avoid discussion. You just have to have some ground rules.
Let me explain, though, that my heart hurts for your wife. It gives me a substantial sense of peace and security in my marriage to know that even when death does part me from my husband, I’ll get to see him again in Heaven. We’ll be buds up there too, in the company of God Himself. So your wife’s tearful pleas are not attempts to bash you over the head with religion (even if sometimes we Christian sadly come across that way); she loves you so much, she wants you to have the salvation and hopeful future that she anticipates for believers.
Still, ground rules. I suggest three main things here: (1) You can express what you think and feel, but you may not diss what the other thinks and feels. (2) If you must decide on an action (Will we attend Easter service? Will our child be baptized/dedicated?), then you keep talking until you both find something you can live with. No I-win-you-lose “compromises.” (3) If one of you feels “flooded” (overwhelmed with stress/emotion), you get to take a break. Then come back later to finish. Above all, love and respect are key. Quite honestly, if we Christians always lived out the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), our spouses would feel loved no matter what. But we are imperfect people (the reason we think we need Christ).
One more piece of advice: Do find out for sure what side of the fence you want to be on. Don’t let your own fears/doubts or your wife’s pleas make that decision for you. Study Christianity for yourself and decide whether it makes any sense. I had doubts about this faith earlier in my life, and I studied up–other religions and Christianity. I became convinced that God is real, that he’s here for me, and that Jesus is his son. I’m glad I searched for myself instead of simply adopting the position of people around me.
I can’t help but end with the statement that you both are in my prayers. Best wishes in your marriage! And congrats, new daddy!
Thank you for being you, J. You may be anonymous, but you are truly ‘real.’ Not only do you have wonderful insight, but I know that you do really really care about your readers, and people at large. Your replies to comments are very compassionate and caring.
How very sweet of you. Thanks so much!
I just found your blog a few days ago. Lovin’ it 🙂
Yes, please, can someone invent a time machine, go back to find Paul, and tell him that it’s ok to use a period?
It didn’t occur to me that you were anonymously blogging until you spelled it out for me… That’s what I get for reading blogs at 4 am.
Ha, Kirsten! Since Heaven is perfect, surely all the grammar there is perfect too, right? Paul has certainly discovered a period by now. 😉
I also feel I should be reading more about marriage and sexuality, but I don’t. In fact, sometimes I have a hard time getting through non-fiction and I have a good portion of half-finished books.
I will say I’m surprised about the fact that your family doesn’t think you’re as funny as your readers do. You’re definitely funny. I have the opposite issue. I’m not sure my readers see the funny side of me all that often, but my friends and family certainly think I am. I always love to make people smile and laugh, but it’s hard to do that through the Web sometimes I think.
I have people and other bloggers urging me to do my own blog all the time and I am constantly reading, studying and commenting about marriage and sexuality, mostly on WordPress. Still haven’t done it and may never. Figures, huh?
While no.8 seems actually strange, i am not surprised because as you said no one’s a prophet in his hometown and this happens to me too and some of my friends 🙂
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