Hot, Holy & Humorous

Your Own World Series…in the Marriage Bed

American English has a lot of slang — like referring to sexual acts in terms of sports terminology, like scoring, getting a touchdown, or the all those bases in baseball.

In keeping with that theme — and because I cannot stop thinking about the amazing American League victory by my home team, the Houston Astros — let’s talk a bit about your own world series … in the marriage bed.

Blog post title + heart-shaped baseball image

On Deck. In baseball, being “on deck” means you’re next in line to bat. Watch someone whose in the on-deck circle, and they’re not just standing there. They’re warming up!

Your sexual intimacy needs some warming up too. The quality time you spend together, the friendship you build, the nonsexual touches throughout the day, the compliments you pay one another, the acts of service you perform — all of these are good ideas in their own right, but they also lay the groundwork for a successful “at bat.”

At Bat. Once you step into the batter’s box, you’re conveying that you’re ready to go. Initiation requires intention. Too often in marriage, spouses are stepping in and out of that box, hesitant and seeking signals from their spouse to see if things are a go tonight or not.

While I’ve suggested many ways to initiate (40, in fact), whatever you do needs to be a clear message that you want to make love. By the way, that isn’t “I need sex” or “It’s been a while,” but more in the realm of “I really want to be physically intimate with you, my beloved.” Need ideas of how to woo your mate? Go read Song of Songs.

Strikeout. Not every single at bat yields a hit, nor does every single time you want to make love mean it’s the best time for your spouse and your marriage. But while a great batting average in Major League Baseball is above .300, meaning 3 hits for every 10 at-bats, your marriage batting average should be much higher.

It’s one thing to get rain checks, which is fine in marriage, and another thing to experience long-term refusal. In a healthy marriage, you might strike out sometimes, but you’ll be back at bat very soon.

In a healthy marriage, you might strike out sometimes, but you'll be back at bat very soon. Click To Tweet

First Base. Here’s an interesting statistic: about 65% of hits in the Major League are singles. Singles aren’t as exciting as doubles or triples or that much-sought-after home run, but they’re very important in putting points on the board. Unfortunately, once married, too many couples neglect first base and lose out on some of the great benefits that kissing, and the embracing that comes with it, provides.

Kissing stirs up our arousal, fires up the brain chemicals that make us feel more connected and excited around one another, and simply express love in a sweet and wonderful way. Song of Songs begins with, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (2:1). Maybe you as a couple should put a little more effort into hanging out at first base.

Second Base. Houston Astros player Craig Biggio hit 668 doubles in his 20-year career, making the doubles leader list three years. I remember it being a big deal around here when Biggio hit a double, because it was his “thang.” And now you’re asking yourself now if I’m just using this point to boast about my home team. No, not entirely. Second base is also the nickname for a man fondling a woman’s breasts. And for some husbands, that’s their “thang.”

Breasts can be a highly erogenous zone for both husband and wife. Wives, let him have access and describe or show how you like to be touched. (And hubbies, communicate your appreciation for this area of her body — which many women are self-conscious about — and listen to what feels good for her as well.)

Third Base. Third base is just one away from home plate, so it’s tempting to run past it to get to the Score! moment. But just ask the New York Yankees how that plan worked out for them in their ACLS championship series against the Astros:

MLB Tweet with photo of Houston Astros catcher tagging out the Yankees runner at home plate
Tagged out at home plate!

Maybe hanging out at third base is a good idea, at least until it’s the right time to head home.

Third base in sexual intimacy includes manual play for her, hand jobs for him, and oral sex for either. It involves even more intimate caressing, kissing, and pleasure. It’s the place where many wives achieve orgasm, and husbands can as well. A triple is nothing to take for granted, so make third base count in your marriage.

Home Plate. You’ve hit well, rounded the bases, and now you’ve got your eyes on the ultimate goal. Look, there’s nothing quite like crossing home plate. In baseball or in marriage.

Look, there's nothing quite like crossing home plate. In baseball or in marriage. Click To Tweet

PIV (penis-in-vagina) intercourse is the centerpiece of sexual intimacy in marriage. It’s the ultimate act of joining a husband’s body and a wife’s body in the physical representation of the one flesh God spoke about in Genesis 2:24 and Jesus reiterated in Mark 10:7-8. Many spouses report this connection is their favorite thing about sex — his feeling of being inside her, and her feeling of him being inside her. Score!

Grand Slam. A “grand slam” in baseball is when a batter hits a home run with three runners already on base. With that one hit, four players cross home plate. It’s the pinnacle of scoring in baseball. As Major League Baseball says, “Grand slams are incredibly rare.” In the season for which I found a statistic (2005), grand slams only accounted for 2.6% of home runs, and home runs were only 4.8% of batted balls in 2017 (which is actually a record). I know those are different years, but if you take 2.6% of 4.8% … well, that’s a really small number.

So what’s the “grand slam” in sexual intimacy? Scoring more than once. That could be sex more than once in the day, or multiple orgasms in the course of a single sexual encounter. Some couples experience these with regular frequency, but if your grand slams are rare, just enjoy the ones you have. You can certainly swing for the fences, but all of those other bases and experiences are delightful for your marriage.

By the way, when you do score, it’s customary to pat your teammate on the butt. That’s just good sportsmanship. 😉

And now I hope I’ve convinced you of two main points:

  • You should savor every experience in the game of loving sexual intimacy in your marriage.
  • You should root for the Houston Astros in the World Series.

same image as above, sized for Pinterest

39 thoughts on “Your Own World Series…in the Marriage Bed”

  1. This is great! It is also good to see a breakdown of what the ‘bases’ are. There can be much confusion.

    As a Tigers fan, go get one for Justin Verlander!

      1. I knew there had to be another Tiger fan on here! I was thinking of y’all in Houston after the hurricane, and thinking of what the Astros could do for the city. I’ve seen it happen, way back as a ten year old boy when the team brought a riot torn city together, though of course that’s a lot different than what your area got hit with.
        Verlander is just plain fun to watch, though kind of bittersweet of course. And of course, what’s not to like about Jose Altuve? Great story this, all around.

  2. All I could think of while reading this was Phil Rizzuto’s line in our favorite fun song to sing to in the car, ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Lights’: “Holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it!” Which is sort of what you were talking about anyway….?

    1. Wow, I had to go read those lyrics. Interesting! Although I disagree with the “seventeen” part. So much better married and at 47! 🙂

  3. Wish I could get my husband to read this without being offended. He needs a refresher course on the “bases”.

      1. Oh, my goodness! There’s nothing offensive here – so funny, and true! I sent it to my baseball-loving hubby as soon as I read it. I know he’ll laugh and also see the truth in it! Thanks, J! (Our team is out of the running so I’ll root for yours.)

        1. There is absolutely nothing offensive about the topic and analogy. I love it. I think it’s great and funny. My husband would be personally offended that I think he needs a refresher. It’s difficult to explain and a difficult topic for me to bring up with him without him taking offense and going on the defensive. I’m going to email it to him and see if he reads it. Fingers crossed; his reaction could go either way,

  4. This is such a terrific post. Incorporating sex education into post-season
    baseball is just about the best thing there is. Sports Illustrated needs you
    on their payroll. Go Astros!

  5. Absolutely LOVED this funny and encouraging post, J! You hit it out of the park! (Did I get that right? As an Aussie, I don’t really understand baseball…???)

    You’re the best! ?❤️?

    1. That’s perfect, E! Thanks for reading, all the way from Down Under. (I really, really want to visit Australia someday.)

        1. ‘Australian Kiss’ (like a French Kiss but ‘Down Under’)? ??

          Sorry if that’s too much J!

          If you do make it to Australia, J, be sure to look me up! ?

          1. Eh, what’s too much? As long as no one describes their particular bedroom antics. 🙂 (Okay, I actually have had those comments, and I delete them. You’re welcome.)

  6. I love baseball. Absolutely freakin’ love it, and loved this light hearted blog too, which still has some points to make. As a boy, when I wasn’t playing baseball, I was doing stats, along with my mother, the family statistician, professional and for baseball stats. I’m an avid student of the game, its history, current events, and endless ins and outs.

    I have some analogies of my own, too, in that I have no problem taking a walk if I don’t get anything to hit. Not sure how that fits in here, and it isn’t perfect, I know. But I do often think how we do one thing pretty well reflects how we do another. Perhaps,…if the world won’t give us anything to hit, we’ll take our base? A brief but, affirming our love for another after a rough day, or morning. We did that just the other day.

    I’ll be looking this one over and over for sure! It’s refreshing, light hearted, yet still informative. And it’s nice to get a woman’s take on how sex and baseball might actually meet!

    P.S., should be a good Series. I sincerely hope it helps the town’s morale where y’all are at. All the best.

  7. Oh my goodness, I love this post for so many reasons! You are totally speaking my language! You draw some great points from the baseball/sex analogies. And, though I’m a Nationals fan through and through…your Astros have my support for the Series this year.

    1. Thanks! I have a close friend who lives in Maryland and is a total Nats fan, so I get it. And your team is overdue for a pennant, so maybe next year!

  8. First, go Astros. I’ve been a fan for a number of years. I actually got to see their first ever WS game in person. I sure hope this series is much better than that one.

    Second, this is a fun and funny reminder of the progression around the bases and the importance of each base. I think getting to each base is very important for my wife. She is much more likely to climax if we have moved around the bases and spend time getting to and hanging out at each one. And there are times she is glad for me to pass each base quickly and other times she just wants me to score. That leads to a couple of other thoughts about this insightful blog.

    Sometimes you have a solo homerun. Certainly not the best and both parties need to know it is happening but it can be helpful.

    Sometimes you have a walkoff homerun. You still have to trot by the bases but it is all about scoring.

  9. And some days it like the comedy of
    Lewis and Costello
    Who’s on first
    I don’t know is on second
    What’s his name is on third ……..
    Laughter certainly has its place here too.

  10. Just recently discovered your podcast & first visit to your blog. As a huge baseball loving family (3 boys) this post is fantastic! My husband is out of town tonight so I will send this to him to read before we are all back together tomorrow night watching game 3.

    1. Ah, thanks for coming by! Getting ready to record another podcast episode right now… 🙂

      Go, Astros!

  11. “By the way, when you do score, it’s customary to pat your teammate on the butt. That’s just good sportsmanship. ?”

    This, my friend, is brilliant! And I don’t even like baseball, but I love metaphors and this one brings the point home. I don’t think anyone reading this post will ever look at baseball in the same way again.

    Thank you!

    1. Thanks, Debi! That particular line actually came out of a conversation about this post idea that I had with Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife. It popped into my head, I shared it with her on Facebook chat, and then I decided it had to go in the post too. 🙂

  12. Pingback: A Prayer for Sexless Marriages | Hot, Holy & Humorous

  13. I thought this was great and I’m not even a sports person. I’m a recent reader and I love your blog!

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