Tag Archives: Grow Your Marriage Award

All for One, and One for All: Advocating Godly Sexuality

Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t toot your own horn”? The message is that you shouldn’t brag about yourself. Let your successes speak for themselves. The admonition to be humble in this regard makes it hard at times for me to share when someone else out there has said good things about HHH.

Grow Your Marriage Award 2012But I was blown away by this comment from Lori at Generous Wife when she awarded Hot, Holy & Humorous a 2012 Grow Your Marriage Award:

“Three cheers for the Three Musketeers of Sexuality! These gals routinely turn out good material on marriage and sexuality. Their ability to talk about tough subjects amazes and blesses me. And they make me laugh . . . a lot.

Julie of Intimacy in Marriage
Sheila of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
‘J’ of Hot, Holy & Humorous”

Bam! Did you hear the sound of me falling over in amazement? To be in the category with Julie and Sheila was too delightful not to share. But then I got to thinking about “three musketeers of sexuality”? What was so appealing about that phrase?

While I’ve not read the novel by Alexandre Dumas, I am familiar with the Three Musketeers as being friends of the main character D’Artagnon. The three friends were inseparable, members of a military guard called the Musketeers, and lived by the motto “All for one, and one for all.”

There is strength in numbers. The Bible says that “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) and that “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

One of the blessings of having this blog has been discovering others willing to address biblical sexuality and advocate for (lots of) sex in marriage. When you link with others to pursue a mission for God, your impact doesn’t increase like addition — it multiplies.

Even in the two years since I’ve been online writing about sexuality, many voices have joined the chorus of Christians desiring better marriages and intimacy that honors God. I pray that as the voices grow in number and volume, our world reaches the “tipping point,” defined by Merriam-Webster as “the critical point in a situation, process, or system beyond which a significant and often unstoppable effect or change takes place.” Unfortunately, forces in our world have weakened marriage substantially, and we need to tip over to the side of preserving and strengthening marriage — in part by strengthening the intimate relationship between husband and wife.

But moving back from a big world point of view, we all need three musketeers of sexuality in our own lives and churches. At times I’ve heard from a reader who is eager to tackle this topic with biblical insight within their church, but the leadership or members aren’t cooperative or simply ready. Some wives have no one to talk to about their sexual struggles or with whom to celebrate the beauty of sexuality. You could use someone nearby with an “all for one, and one for all” attitude.

I contemplate now and then what we can do to foster this advocacy. How can we get more (and more and more) people on board to address the topics of purity before marriage, preparing for intimacy in marriage, addressing issues of sexuality in marriage, and broadening and deepening your sexual experience within marriage — all according to God’s Word? Who are those people who might simply need a nudge to step forward and volunteer for the Musketeers?

My own confession is that I had largely given up addressing this topic among my friends and within the church before starting my blog. I had hit the wall of resistance so many times that my confidence and my forehead were bruised. I am making a resolution in 2013 to find more musketeers in my own area.

I plan to keep fencing alongside Sheila and Julie — women who began blogging before me and who have inspired and encouraged me in numerous ways. Knowing that they, and others, are out there promoting godly sexuality gives me confidence to speak up for marriage with boldness. But I also see the benefit of having support locally — creating that synergy within your church to reclaim the blessing of sexuality for the marriages in your midst.

Please pray for me as I approach my own church with some ideas, and then pray for what role you should play in your area to advocate for godly sexuality. If you have the gift of speaking and biblical wisdom on this topic, ask for opportunities to share what God says about sex. If you have struggled with sexuality, ask for access to helpful resources for married couples in your church or local area. If you have special knowledge (a physician, a counselor, etc.), see how you can use your expertise to positively impact marriages.

Let’s join together to be the Three Thousand Musketeers . . . and beyond. In fact, I think our motto should be “All for THE ONE, and THE ONE for all.”

“And [Christ] died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” 1 Corinthians 5:15

Honors & Hi-Fives

Honors

I feel a bit like this:

Miss America crowning photo

I’m not pageant pretty, but I was definitely honored at the end of 2011/beginning of 2012 with some kudos from fellow marriage bloggers. It feels a bit like getting a tiara! (I don’t have a tiara. Even though my sister once asked, “Doesn’t every girl have a tiara?” I do have a banner from my high school prom, but that’s another story altogether.)

Anyway, before I lose focus completely, let me say “Thank you so much!” to:

Grow Your Marriage Award 2011Lori at The Generous Wife who awarded me a Grow Your Marriage Award. She identified “a few blogs that continually stand out to me because of their quality and because of the heart of those who write them.” Seriously, that is tiara stuff, people. I placed in the “Bravery” category (although my husband might label it “Frankness”). This category also includes wonderful fellow bloggers Sheila Gregoire of To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage with Lori saying, “these gals regularly (and with great insight) blog about female sexuality. It’s a tough subject fraught with all kinds of issues and general embarrassment. You go, girls.” Thank you, Lori.

AND TO

Sheila Gregoire at To Love, Honor and Vacuum for including FIVE quotes of mine in her 50 Best Marriage Quotes of 2011. (Who knew I actually said quotable stuff?) Sheila’s list is a great resource, and I recommend you read it all the way through. There is a lot to think about there, and so much wisdom for marriages collected in one place. Thanks, Sheila.

If you haven’t visited The Generous Wife; To Love, Honor, and Vacuum; or Intimacy in Marriage, I love what these ladies do in boldly speaking up for God’s plan for marriage.

Honors out of the way, I proceed to Hi-fives. Some marriage experts and advocates whom I respect have recently come out with resources that you might want to know about. I am giving a hi-five to these folks for going the extra mile and producing helpful material for couples. I am not getting any kick-back for including these here (though if someone wants to throw $$ my direction, I’ll leap for it like a bridesmaid going for the bouquet). Perhaps you’ll add them to your To Be Read List for 2012, just as I am doing.

First Kiss to Lasting Bliss by Lori D. Lowe of Marriage Gems. This book “features the real-life stories of couples across the U.S. Many of them used adversity to improve their marriages. . . .You will get to know the couples and their often difficult journeys, as well as the keys to their now-strong marriages.” First Kiss to Lasting Bliss is available in both print and ebook format.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. This book isn’t out until March, but I’m biting my fingernails in anticipation and you can pre-order it now. I love Sheila’s Wifey Wednesday blog posts; they are frank, profound, and insightful. She boldly advocates for marriage on her site. Mark your calendar and keep your eyes open for its release. I will definitely let you know on my website when it officially comes out.

A Penny for Your Thoughts from Stu and Lisa Gray at Stupendous Marriage. “The Husband and Wife editions of A Penny For Your Thoughts EACH contain 99 questions you can ask your spouse. Ranging from family history to movies to music to sex.” These are conversation starters to increase communication on a range of issues and deepen your relationship with your spouse. Each version (husband and wife) costs only 99 cents! At $1.98 for both of them, that’s less than the vanilla hot chocolate I just ordered at the coffee shop and much more lasting.

Also, this past year, Stu and Lisa Gray of Stupendous Marriage and Gina Parris and Corey Allen of Winning at Romance and Simple Marriage respectively started podcasting shows. Both are free downloads. Check out The Stupendous Marriage Show and Sexy Marriage Radio.

What do you think? What resources do you recommend for improving your marriage? What particular book or blog has helped you?