In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been really thinking about my email inbox, and how many wonderful readers have reached out to tell me their personal story and ask for advice. There really is no end to the questions people have about sexual intimacy in their marriages, and so many of them are excellent inquiries that deserve answer.
But here’s the thing. This is what my current inbox looks like:
At this point, the earliest message in my 333-message inbox dates back to May 2016. That’s probably when the tipping point happened: When I could no longer respond to all the messages, because there were just so many and I am just, well, me. As much as I’d love to borrow Santa’s elves to contract out the important work of gifting people with advice, I don’t have that perk. I just cannot get to all the queries — not anywhere near it.
Now, I do read each and every one. But if I tried to answer them all, I’d probably never write another word here on the blog and my family would, at some point, open the pantry and refrigerator to find them bare. (Yes, my guys know where the store is and are capable, but in my house, division of labor means grocery shopping is my task.)
What I can do is:
1. Answer the ones I can, either in a personal email or a post. And those tend to be questions that I haven’t answered before or dire situations.
Oftentimes, the questioner could find something relevant on my blog by using the search bar up there. (Or type in “Hot Holy Humorous” and your topic in Google, and you sometimes get better results that way.) And really, truly … buy one of my books! I have a lot of answers in those.
2. Pray for the ones I can’t answer. Look, I think I’m good at what I do — writing about sexuality from a Christian perspective — or I wouldn’t do it. But I have no false notions about who really does the work, makes the changes, improves sexual intimacy in marriage: it’s not me. At all. It’s the spouses themselves and God. I am not a required component for these marriage beds to get better.
Moreover, I’m not the only one with insight in the area of sexual intimacy. Thankfully, the number of voices speaking up well for godly sex in marriage has increased in the last ten years, and some counselors and pastors also address this issue very well. Sometimes, what I pray is that the questioners will find help elsewhere, especially when a couple likely needs local counseling or coaching.
What I ask today is that my readers add these questioners to their prayer list. God knows their names. You only have to pray for those seeking righteous answers for difficult challenges in their marriage beds.Pray for those seeking righteous answers for difficult challenges in their marriage beds. Click To Tweet
You can specifically mention “Hot, Holy & Humorous’s inbox,” if you wish. Or cry out more broadly for a revival of healthy and holy marriage beds in the Church and in our society.
Praying specifically for people by name is a wonderful thing, and what I get to do when I receive these emails. But the Bible has many precedents of believers praying for large groups of people, distinguishing them by their status or behaviors. Jesus Himself prayed “not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message” (John 17:20). That’s a pretty big group of people.
My inbox represents so many issues Christians face in the realm of marital intimacy: minor problems that need fixing, questions about right and wrong regarding sexual intimacy, worry or resentment toward spouses who’ve sexually misbehaved, sexual baggage dragged into the marriage from prior painful experiences, the vast gamut of libido concerns, and more.
When you pray for my inbox, you’re praying for marriages. And marriage beds.
God is concerned about those marriage beds too. Let’s bring these people before His throne and ask for His presence, His guidance, His answers.