Tag Archives: what does your husband want for Valentine’s

Does He Just Want Sex for Valentine’s Day?

Valentines BedIt’s two weeks away, but already couples are considering, planning, or even sweating what they will do for each other on St. Valentine’s Day. February 14 has been designated as the ultimate day of romance and love, and many married couples celebrate it each year.

When asked what husbands want for Valentine’s, the standard answer is — let’s face it — sex.

Which strikes many wives as odd. Isn’t Valentine’s about romance? Where’s the romance in spreading out on the sheets and going at it? Couldn’t you do that another day and instead devote yourselves to deep affection and sweet gestures of love?

So here’s my answer to the question: Does he just want sex for Valentine’s Day?

The Yes Men. For a certain number of husbands, the answer is an emphatic YES. Whether you understand it or not, that husband feels closest to you when you make love. It rekindles and refreshes his love for you. When you bare your body to him, he’s ensured that you trust him with your fragile form. When you engage in lovemaking, he’s reminded that he alone has this special relationship with you, that this relationship is unique and beautiful. When you are aroused and pleasured by him, he feels potent and confident in his ability to care for you and give you happiness. When you have intercourse, he is filled with a sense of unity and intimacy. When you are both sated, his body responds with feel-good chemicals and warm-fuzzy feelings that equate to the emotion of love.

Yep, when you have sex, he feels loved. It’s really that simple. So if your husband asks for sex for Valentine’s Day, he’s not saying, “Give me physical release,” he really is asking for something deeper, something that communicates love to him. Give it to him. Sure, ask for whatever romance you desire, but give him the gift that’s meaningful to him. Have sex on Valentine’s Day.

The Romantics. However, there are plenty of husbands who revel in romance. They enjoy buying their wife flowers, writing love notes, planning thoughtful dates, slow dancing in the living room, and declaring their love with serenades or poetic words. Sex isn’t enough for them. If sex is on their wish list, they want it wrapped up in pretty romantic paper and a bow. Indeed, Valentine’s Day may be just the day to step it up and create a memorable lovemaking experience.

If that’s your guy, then set the scene! Bring on the romance! Have that candlelight dinner, at home or in a restaurant. Make an intimacy mix CD or plan for a night of music and/or dancing. Take time to prepare the bedroom with candles or rose petals, or make a hotel reservation. Purchase lingerie he’ll enjoy seeing you in . . . and then removing. Consider bringing something special to bed that night — perhaps a flavored lubricant or an intimacy board game. Go the extra mile to make the whole night romantic, including your time together in bed.

The Humbugs. I admit it. I’m a bit of a holiday humbug myself. I admitted last year that I’m not that into Valentine’s Day, and this year I laughed aloud when I read the title of a post by Mission Husband: Why Valentines Day Makes Me Want to Barf (it actually has some great marriage-building stuff in there). My not-so-romantic husband was wise to marry a gal like me, for whom Valentine’s Day can generally be covered with a single greeting card.

Maybe you’re married to a guy who doesn’t care about this holiday. Or even to a guy who doesn’t care about sex as much as you do. When asked if he wants sex for Valentine’s Day, you get a shrug like it doesn’t really matter one way or the other. So what should you do for him? Some of that depends on the depth of the issue — like if your marriage just isn’t where it should be and needs work in that department or he really is disinterested in sex generally and that’s an ongoing issue in your marriage. Those should be dealt with outside the subject of holidays.

But the best gifts are tailored to the recipient. So if it’s not a huge deal for him, don’t make a huge deal out of it for him. Yes, you should ask for what you desire, but also show him love in a way that he’ll understand. Even better, do something that doesn’t necessarily seem geared to the holiday but still warms your heart to know that you made an extra effort. Cook his favorite meal. Offer to watch his television show or take an after-dinner walk or play a video game with him. Give him tickets to an upcoming sporting event or a concert he’d like to attend. Do something for him, sure. But don’t expect fireworks if your guy isn’t the fireworks type.

If you can have sex that night, do so. But if it doesn’t work out, don’t beat yourselves up. Valentine’s Day is a holiday for many, but you can make other days special too. Indeed, work toward having the kind of marriage in which special encounters between you two are frequent, natural, and not reserved for holidays.

Does he just want sex for Valentine’s Day?

Maybe, maybe not. Like so much else in marriage advice, you have to consider the mate you married. And then, the loving thing to do is to give him the gift that means love to him.

How does your husband approach Valentine’s Day? Does he expect sex and/or romance? Or does he try to ignore the day generally?

And for yourself, ladies, check out this FABULOUS deal for Valentine’s Day. Four books on marital intimacy, regularly priced at $21.96, are now on sale as a book bundle for $10.00! Included is my book, Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives. Buy now! This deal is only good until Valentine’s Day.Sexy Valentine's Day Bundle

What to Get Your Husband for V-Day

Woman holding Valentine's present

Photo credit: Microsoft Word Clip Art

Valentine’s Day is on our heels yet again, only two weeks away. Google “what to get a man for Valentine’s Day,” and you’ll see variations on a theme. The general consensus is that what hubbies really want is sex.

Yes, I know: You’re shocked. You were certain that it would be flowers or that new pair of shoes he saw in the window last time you both went shopping.

It’s true for many men, though. While wives think of the romance of Valentine’s Day involving flowers, chocolate, poetry, etc., husbands often see romance as synonymous with the intimate entangling of your two bodies. In their heads, what could be more romantic than a tango under the sheets?

If that isn’t your husband — if he is less inclined toward sexual activity than you — this statement may not ring true. Statistics are not clear in this area, but perhaps 20-25% of marriages have a wife with a stronger libido than her husband.

But all of us wives may want some ideas on what to get the hubster. After consulting with a friend on this very topic, I decided to share my brainstorming ideas with you as well.

Plan the date you want. If your husband is reluctant to take the reins, offer to do it yourself. Maybe that’s the very thing he wants — for you to create the romantic atmosphere that makes you feel warm, fuzzy, and in the mood.

Find online or create gift certificates for romance/sex acts that you both enjoy. Tailor them to your situation. Of course, some people truly enjoy these certificates, while others would rather not wait to “redeem” the coupon. Think about what your husband would prefer and go with it.

Put together a special basket of bubble bath, wine/beer, scented massage oil, etc. and give him a bath for two and full body massage followed by whatever. Let him unwrap the package of goodies, then put them to good use right away.

Unveil special lingerie that he would like to see you in (and out of). You can plan a shopping trip to include him in the purchase or spring it on him as a surprise. My advice for those who are uncomfortable wearing the super-lacy or racy stuff: Don’t expect to go from sleep shirt to corset-and-thong. Just stretch a little bit beyond your comfort zone. You might also want to ask a sales clerk what type of lingerie accentuates your assets.

Create a small photo album or online presentation to showcase your favorite memories with him and view it together. You can do a pretty quick video at Animoto. Gina Parris of Winning at Romance posted an example some time ago.

Vajazzle. There are even Valentine’s themed vajazzling kits available. But a few strategically placed crystals with a heart or “Luv U” could send just the message you want.

Watch a romance flick that he would like. I posted some time ago a list of lovey-dovey flicks that even your man will enjoy: Movies to Inspire.

Buy him a tie, scarf, or other clothing accessory he wants, and then show up wearing only that for the gift presentation. Afterward, not only will he have a nice necktie, but every time he puts it on, it could bring that moment of you wearing it to mind . . . and make him smile.

Take the usual chocolates or flowers and make it your own project . . . like spelling a message with the chocolates or using the flowers to make a trail to the bedroom. You could even take a candy bar, remove the wrapper, and replace it with your own design. (Found cute bride & groom ones here.)

Cook him a meal or dessert he likes. If it’s just the two of you, you could even wear an apron and sexy undies while preparing the food — whetting both of his appetites. (Although in my marriage, we’re better off eating out.)

Record yourself reading a love poem or the Song of Songs or singing a sexy song. Make it an MP3 or CD. Then your hubby can listen to your sensuous voice any time he wants.

Buy him a tool or new gadget. This one isn’t sexy, but let’s face it: A lot of guys like this gift. Honestly, even Spock (my husband) gets excited about a brand-new power drill.

That’s my list! It’s certainly not comprehensive, and some of these may not be your style. Hopefully, you know your own mate enough to have an inkling of what he would enjoy. If not, it doesn’t hurt to ask. See what expectations he has for this special day celebrating love.

Now share with the rest of us! What Valentine’s Day gift ideas do you have for the hubbies?

And guys…most wives would adore getting a love letter.