The World & Sex…Rowing against the Tide

Every now and then, I head to a popular news website and see what’s on their page about sexuality. Here are the headlines from Huffington Post’s page:

I Didn’t Know My Husband Was Gay Until After We Married
Cheating Can ‘Save a Marriage’
Why Gays Are Better at Sex
The Hook Up Culture Bogeyman
Is Undetectable HIV Stigmatizing Gay Sex?
Carolina Infant’s Mistaken Sex Assignment Surgery More Than a Case of Malpractice
What’s The Best Way To Come Out As Bisexual At Work?
‘Mom, What’s Gay?’
How’s Your Sex Life?
Porn Entrepreneur: ‘I Believe You Can Change The World Through Sex’
Brooklyn, Love And Wedding Sex
Sexual Equality? A Long Way Off — An Anthropologist’s Perspective
The Case For Casual Sex
Brothel Owner Blasts LinkedIn’s Prostitute Ban
5 Reasons Every Couple Should Have Sex Before Marriage

There’s plenty more. I was halfway down the page before I finally got to Why I’m Glad I Waited For Marriage To Have Sex. I didn’t watch the video, but the title spoke toward God’s design for sexuality.

I’d like to say that this is an anomaly — that Huffington Post is a particularly crass news site, or that I just happened upon it on an off-day. However, when I see sexuality discussed in secular sources these days, I’d say that 90% of it doesn’t align with God’s design for physical intimacy.

So what does this mean?

Kayak on white water

Photo credit: Microsoft Word Clip Art

It means we’re rowing against the tide, people.

It means that plenty of people don’t understand the concept of keeping sex sacred. They don’t relate to saving it for marriage, or keeping it in marriage, or raising to a level beyond the physical, or growing intimacy not merely because it feels good but because God commanded us to. They don’t see what the big deal is about the things you object to, like porn.

In the world of people drenched in what the secular culture says about sex, you might as well be Big Foot: They’ve heard about you, but they didn’t know you were real.

Am I exaggerating?

A bit. But I’m trying to get the point across that if you feel like you’re in a small group on a small boat rowing against the tide, it’s because you are.

The secret, though, is that our little boat is having the best time.

You see, the world talks a good game about sex, and I won’t deny that they do have some awesome physical highs. But we’ve got the deep, meaningful stuff that God designed as part of true sexual intimacy. We’ve got the physical expression of covenant love. We’ve got the representation of God’s love for His people as we join into one flesh.

I know that’s not what many Christians are currently experiencing in their marriage . . . and that breaks my heart. That’s a big reason I’m here blogging about Christian sexuality.

But don’t think that the world has better answers. It doesn’t.

Dive deeper into God’s word, pray for His wisdom, reach out in love to your spouse. Don’t stop rowing against the tide. Just grab a bigger oar.

How do you feel like you’re rowing against the tide in your marital sexuality? What frustrates you most about the world’s teachings on sex? What frustrates you most about the church’s teachings on sex?

Also check out Journey to Surrender’s excellent post on Reclaiming the Marriage Culture.

16 thoughts on “The World & Sex…Rowing against the Tide

  1. Steve Fryar

    Great post J:
    The world does not want to be held accountable for their actions so they justify them any way they can.
    God’s ways are always best – no matter what. He is the one who created us and sex. Thank you Lord.

  2. Marisa

    The thing that just breaks my heart about the world’s view on sex is that the one thing people are looking for the most (being loved, known, and a secure relationship) they are thorwing out the window by following “culture” and “culture” deems are right.

    Girls give themselves to guys trying to “keep” them and become emptier and emptier by doing so as there is no commitment attached to their giving. Plus when they live with them, there is no commitment on the guys part: they have their cake and eat it too. In the mean time the women are shrivelling up inside while pretending it is all okay…

    Then when the find the right guy, they have a trail of past sexual partners behind them to compare them against and be compared against by the guys previous partners and the insecurity continues. Plus the time they want sex to be meaningful, it isn’t or takes a long time to be so…

    Just makes me mad how the world focuses on the “feeling” and contiually totes “not an emotional act” when in fact it is and they are getting emotionally hurt in ways they can’t even comprehend.

    And you wonder why families and society is falling apart – yah…. Must break God’s heart seeing what He created getting so distorted.

  3. Megan

    It has been so sweet to me that several times in the last week my hubby has pulled me close and told me how grateful he is to God and me that I saved myself for him. The wonderful feeling of knowing we have both never been with another person and to not have to deal with that baggage in our marriage. Because of my conservative upbringing I have a hard time truly appreciating this because I just always knew I’d only give myself to my husband, but it is becoming more and more obvious to me how blessed we are. I’m learning to appreciate better, because hello how many 27 year olds are virgins anymore even in Christian circles? Thanks for another reminder.

  4. Jed

    J great job – I knew there was a reason that I did not read the Huffington Post (I know it happens another places as well, but good grief!)

    The sad part is that the world thinks we are the one’s with the problems because we follow God’s will. Yet in the long run, it is them who will have the problems. They don’t realize it now, they will not admit it later, but you cannot ignore God that much and not have consequences.

    I hope they will start to see that before it is too late!

  5. Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

    I don’t think you’re exaggerating at all…my husband and I had vastly different sexual experience before we got married (I was a virgin and he, suffice it to say, was not.) He was always chasing that high, but after we got married and finally consummated the relationship, he told me that had he known the peace that came from married sex (not being illicit and just being safe) he would never have done it. But that’s not what the world says and it is so true that we are fighting against class 4 rapids and swimming upstream.

  6. Paul Byerly

    Today I read an article in which the author essentially apologise for only want to have sex with her what-ever-he-was-to-her and how she really was all for others having sex with anyone and everyone (as long as it was consensual and no one got hurt.) She blamed her one man desires on her upbringing, and seemed to be saying she knew it was wrong but just could not break free.

    I suppose it has never occurred to her that her desire might be a healthy thing? Maybe it’s not because she was poisoned, maybe she is feeling a true and valid desire. Maybe she has figured out something much of the world has not: sex is better when you limit it to one person you really care about.

  7. Scott

    Thanks for standing up so boldly for God’s dsign for marriage and sex. I’ve had a couple of invites to be on HuffPost Live. I’v always declined. I’ve seen how they chew up anyone who defends godly sexuality.

    Keep up the fight. There is hope. His name is Jesus.

    And thanks for the mention.

  8. Jay Dee - Sex Within Marriage

    Yeah, I’ve had the conversation where the other person goes “…..wait….you mean you’ve only had sex with 1 person? Your whole life?!?”

    It’s humorous and sad at the same time.

    Usually the next question is “How do you know if you’re good or not?!”

    Fact is I don’t. All I know is I’m good for my wife, and that’s all I care.

  9. Lindsay Harold

    The thing that annoys me the most about Christian teachings on sex is, well…the fact that the church doesn’t say much of anything. What they do say is not helpful. Sure, it’s good to tell teens to save it for marriage. But “Just say no” is not all of the message.

    The church needs to be upholding all of Godly sexuality and telling young people about the entirety of God’s plan for sex. They need to know all of the many reasons to save sex for marriage. “You might get pregnant” is not enough of a discouragement. They need desperately to know what God’s plan is for sex in marriage and why it is worth waiting for. And they need mentors who can testify to this and help them with practical advice.

    We’ve become so scared to talk about sex that we end up giving a superficial and ineffective message or, in some cases, the wrong message (such as that sex is dirty or bad). We don’t do our young people any favors when we do that. And we don’t do our married couples any favors either when we give the impression that sex is totally unrelated to spirituality, that the church has nothing to say on the matter, and that it’s not something to talk about with other Christian couples.

    1. J

      Preach it, sister!

      Thankfully, I do think more Christians are speaking out and reclaiming sexuality as part of God’s plan. Still, we haven’t reached where we should be.

  10. Anonymous

    or how about this – how much teaching is done for those that are already married? How often are we talking about Godly sexuality within the confines of a Christian marriage in our churches? HARDLY EVER. We talk about the pornography problems but little else except maybe a mention of 50 Shades of Grey. But really, where is the discussion about just how important a healthy sex life is for the Christian marriage? As a husband starving in an almost sexless marriage, I need help. I need the church to be affirming sex as a very good thing. Godly women need to be speaking to other women encouraging them to engage in sex with their husbands. Godly men need to be leading other men about the dangers of pornography but very importantly, how to nurture and cherish our wives and provide them with an emotionally safe environment. This is almost non-existent in the church save only for Christian blogs like this one.

    1. Just Me

      I totally agree with you! If it were not for blogs such as this, I would never have had an awakening, or known what was “ok” as far as staying in biblical guidelines. I think more godly marriage classes and retreats are needed to help in this area. We just need to know what is ok sometimes!

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