Tag Archives: godly sex in marriage

Q&A with J: Good Websites for Husbands About Sex

Since I started blogging in 2010, there has been a flourishing of websites like mine — Christian women devoted to helping other Christian women pursue holy and pleasurable sexual intimacy in marriage. We come from different perspectives, but many of us share a similar mission.

For instance, I’d count all of my Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast partners: Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife, Gaye Christmus of Calm.Healthy.Sexy., Bonny Burns of OysterBed7. Two other favorite voices are Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage and Sheila Gregoire of To Love Honor and Vacuum. Also, the wonderful Juli Slattery of Authentic Intimacy, Keelie Reason of Love Hope Adventure, Ruth Buezis of Awaken Love, and Jessica McCleese of Be Fully Well. (And I’m going to look at this post later and think of someone I forgot!)

When it comes to wives and the issue of godly sexuality, there are so many more resources now than when I was younger. If you are a wife in need of a biblical perspective and practical tips to address sex in your marriage, I now can say with confidence that there is a resource out there for you. It may well be mine, but if not, you’ve got other places to look.

If you are a wife in need of a biblical perspective and practical tips to address sex in your #marriage, I now can say with confidence that there is a resource out there for you. Click To Tweet

BUT I frequently hear from both wives and husbands asking about parallel resources for husbands. Yes, there are blogs for men, but not that many specifically written toward men. And I’ll be honest: I don’t think there are enough.

Blog post title + illustration of man's shirt with necktie (bow shaped in a heart)

I have enormous respect for several male bloggers who have written well about sexual intimacy in marriage — Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband, Scott Means of Heaven Made Marriage, and Brad Aldrich of One Flesh Marriage, just to name a few, but we need more.

And I really would like to see some godly men speak out on issues that could use more focused treatment, like:

  • Lower drive husbands writing for other lower drive husbands to show them how to be sexually engaged in their marriage
  • Husbands sharing how porn is no longer a temptation, because they overcame it and you can too
  • Older men sharing how sexuality changes in later years and how to keep that intimate spark alive
  • Pastors addressing how to responsibly promote godly sexuality in the Church, with real-life ideas for teaching and ministry

As you might surmise, I believe in strong women. Yet I also believe that for godly sexuality to have its revival in the Church, it needs men to champion the cause.

For godly sexuality to have its revival in the Church, it needs men to champion the cause. Click To Tweet

So when I receive questions like “Where are the blogs or books like yours…but for men?”, I have a few suggestions, but I’d love to have more.

That said, I’m not even sure blogs or books are the best way to reach men. My own husband is less likely to read a whole marriage book than he is to listen to a podcast.

Men often respond well to short snippets of information that get to the point and then allow them time to process the idea. So perhaps the ministry on sex to husbands should look different, with such resources as:

  • A video series in church
  • Daily reminders in his email inbox with a godly sex tip
  • A mobile app with Christian sex ideas (oh hey, there is one of those now—see below!)
  • A podcast for men on how to foster their marital intimacy
  • Short online videos with marriage bed tips
  • Online communities (Facebook or elsewhere) for husbands to plug into advice and support

My suggestions are not intended to diminish anything already happening, but I’ve love to see more. Because I still get these questions, and I don’t like how easily I can come up with answers for the ladies but fewer answers for the gentlemen.

Also, I don’t like that many of the resources for husbands focus almost exclusively on sexual sin. Not that we shouldn’t help men break free from porn, refrain from lust, and avoid adultery — we should! — but husbands don’t merely need to turn away from sin but turn toward God’s design for sex in marriage. Many of them need to know how to effectively nurture sexual intimacy with their wife.

Now instead of me advising a bunch of other stuff, I’m shortening this post so I can hear from you in the comments!

Husbands, what resources do you believe would be helpful in encouraging you toward biblical and beautiful sexual intimacy in your marriage? And yes, you wives are welcome to comment! 

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5 Ways This Podcast Helps Your Sex Life (#5 Is a Giveaway)

Did y’all know that I have a podcast?

Even after talking a lot about being one of four hosts of Sex Chat for Christian Wives, I still have people now and then on my Facebook page or here on the blog saying, “What, you have a podcast?”

Sex Chat for Christian Wives Logo + faces of podcast hosts

More often, I’m sure there are those of you who have thought to yourself, I should check out that podcast sometime, but you haven’t done it just yet.

Maybe you don’t even know how to get to a podcast! Where would you go to listen? If that’s you, please go read Podcast Listening for Beginners on the OysterBed7 blog.

And perhaps a few of you are actually tired of me talking about this podcast and wondering why I’m pushing it so much.

Wherever you are regarding my podcast with three other marriage and sex bloggers, let me share on today’s High Five Saturday reasons I love this podcast and, more importantly, how it can really help your sex life.

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1. We deliver content on-the-go.

To read this post, you had to stop everything enough to be able to focus on the words and take in the message. And honestly, this is my favorite way to deliver content! I’m at my core a writer.

But I’m also a very busy person — with my work, household management, parenting, and other pursuits — taking up quite a bit of time. So I’ve found that one of the best ways that I can receive information I want is to listen to it while on-the-go.

If you were to see me in the grocery store, or while doing at laundry at home, or in the midst of getting ready for my day, you’d likely notice headphones in my ears … because I’m listening to podcasts. Some many of you wives are also on-the-go all the time, and our podcast provides an easy way for you to get information you need and want, while still getting everything most a fair amount of your to-do list done.

2. We have varied perspectives.

Bonny of Oysterbed7, Chris of The Forgiven Wife, Gaye Christmas of Calm.Healthy.Sexy. and I all have the same foundational viewpoint of sexual intimacy in the marriage bed. But we come from different backgrounds, different personal stories, different ways that God has worked in our lives to help us reach holy and healthy sex in our marriages.

So when you listen in to Sex Chat for Christian Wives, you get four sources of wisdom for the price of one. And together, we reach women who also come from varied backgrounds and varied personal stories. I suspect your personality or perspective is well represented by one or more of us.

3. We give practical advice.

Inspiration and life principles are great, but sometimes it’s a struggle to know how to apply that insight in your own life. On Sex Chat for Christian Wives, we share all kinds of ideas and tips about improving the marriage bed. We talk authentically about what works and what doesn’t.

Sure, we could spend a half-hour talking about the theology of sex and providing encouraging and inspirational thoughts — and we do talk about these important things — but we want wives to have real-life takeaways from every single episode.

4. We make you laugh.

We certainly make ourselves laugh. Just check out latest episode on Sex Is Funny. But we also make listeners snicker, laugh, and guffaw … which we consider a great service to you and to marriage beds.

I’m fully aware how much deep heartache and ongoing frustration exists around the subject of sexual intimacy in some marriages. I would never want to minimize that. However, Christians can also become so serious about sex that we forget that it’s supposed to be fun. And talking about it in a fun way, when appropriate, can inspire couples to take more of that tone in their own marriages.

5. We give away stuff.

As of February 14, 2018, we’ll have been podcasting for a full year! (Cue the balloons and confetti!) To celebrate, we are hosting an amazing anniversary giveaway.

Twenty-two (22) runners-up will each receive free shipping for life from Marriage Spice, an online Christian marital aid store. Three (3) runners-up will receive free shipping for life from Marriage Spice plus a bundle of e-books from us: The Busy Life Diet by Gaye ChristmusUnlock Your Libido by Bonny Burns; Intimacy Revealed by J Parker; and Behind Closed Doors by J Parker.

And one Grand Prize winner will receive a $150 Gift Certificate from Marriage Spice! Whoa. That’s a lot of money you could invest in stuff for your bow-chicka-wow-wow.

For rules and how to enter, click the image below:

Well, there you go! Five fantabulous ways we are here to help your marriage bed.

Be sure to subscribe through iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast carrier (I use Pocket Casts). New episodes release every other Tuesday!

And yo, don’t leave before I remind you that my ebooks are currently on sale for a low, low price. If you’ve seen this ad a few times and haven’t clicked yet, go check it out.

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