When I write a blog post, I sometimes consider the reading audience as a whole, but more often I imagine sitting across a coffee shop table from a girlfriend and sharing advice, encouragement, and laughter about this gift of sexuality from our Heavenly Father. In the vein of that authentic girlfriend-to-girlfriend moment, here’s the scoop on J of Hot, Holy & Humorous.
I have written before about not withholding sex when you are tired and making sex a priority in your schedule. But honestly, my sweet fellow wives, I am on week four of a lung-crunching cough that will not quit. I haven’t even been able to mouth-to-mouth kiss my ever-so-susceptible-to-sickness husband in about a month, which has made sex a challenge to say the least.
On top of this lingering illness — which, yes, I have been to the doctor and used medication and home remedies for — I’ve been working with my lovely website designer on a blog move that ended up involving more glitches than my junior high home economics project (and, trust me, that’s saying a lot). I’m thrilled with the new look, but there are still some kinks to work out. For instance, you may have noticed that my “blog roll” — that list on my side bar of marriage sites I recommend — is missing. Also, I’m trying to determine whether my RSS feed and email subscribers are still getting these posts and how to move anyone who isn’t. All of that has added work hours to my already full schedule.
Then there’s my husband’s work schedule, which has been unpredictable at best, and irritatingly long at worst. I’m so thankful that he is working, because I know some people in this economy would love to have a job, but it can be a hard to deal with a spouse gone so much and the need to pick up that extra slack.
All that said, maintaining our sexual intimacy has been a challenge lately. There have been plenty of days in the last few weeks when I’ve thought, I am just too pooped to pop.
Yet the reality is that when we’ve made time to physically connect, when I’ve mustered the energy from somewhere to be sexual with my husband, when we’ve met our obstacles with determination to be creative and figure out how to keep having sex amidst the chaos . . . we feel better. It’s still not easy, but it is worthwhile.
(And just an FYI: The coughing goes away completely during orgasm. How’s that for a prescription for health?)
I’m praying that I will feel 100% better very soon, that my lips will happily engage with my husband’s lips (which I miss very much), that my website issues will resolve, that groceries will suddenly appear in my pantry (oh wait, that ain’t gonna happen!), and that the recent nipping of life at our calendar’s heels will subside.
Or that I can take a vacation very soon. Because that sounds so very nice right now.
In the meantime, here are a few takeaways and one question for you, my wonderful coffee-shop friend:
- Marriage is lived out in the real world — a world of daily demands, sickness and health, joy and stress, give and take. When extra challenges appear, it takes extra thought and effort to stay emotionally and sexually connected.
- Some marriages face huge obstacles to sexual intimacy, but I believe that more marriages face small, niggling issues that interfere with experiencing the best we can have. We have to be intentional about not letting the small stuff pile up, form a barrier between spouses, and turn into a big obstacle — about keeping our priorities straight.
- Gratitude is foundational in staying connected in marriage. Usually, you hear that communication is the foundation, and I agree that it is so important. But when you’re being buffeted by the winds of life, taking stock of your blessings can keep you grounded. Yes, things have been a little tough lately, but I am so blessed to have a husband who provides, who cares for me, who does life with me, who feels like a gift-wrapped present from my Heavenly Father. So when we have to squeeze sex in at 5:00 in the morning, between coughs no less, my mind is still turning toward how grateful I am to have my husband and remembering that love that we share. That gratitude is foundational for me to feel connected to him.
- And now my question: If you are a regular subscriber to my blog, how do you subscribe? Are you receiving my posts? I want to check the various methods through which people receive this blog (Blogger follow, RSS feed, email subscription, etc.).
- Also please check out my recent guest post on Unveiled Wife about The Other Scriptures about Marital Sex. You might be surprised to discover that the Bible speaks to your marital bedroom a lot more than you think.