Tag Archives: 10 Confessions

10 Confessions of a Marriage & Sex Blogger

On Monday, Kate of One Flesh Marriage posted 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife. On Tuesday, Lori of Generous Wife followed suit with Confession Time. (Update! On Wednesday, Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard shared 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife, and on Thursday, Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage shared 10 Confessions of a Sex Blogger.)

Kate tagged me to add my thoughts. I’d previously written on Confessions of a Sex-Happy Wife, but today I’ll talk about being a sex-blogging wife.

1. I have a mild panic attack every time I look at the stats for Hot, Holy & Humorous. My original intention when starting the blog was to help a person here or there out in the universe who might stumble across my site. But now seeing how many people have visited, commented, and shared their stories makes my knees buckle and my brain go, “Really, God?”

2. I hate that I don’t have time to reply to every comment anymore. But I don’t. One of the consequences of this blog growing and reaching out is that I simply can’t get to everything anymore. I do try, but sometimes a comment falls through the cracks and I discover that days after. Then I feel bad . . . because I do care. I really, really do care.

3. BUT life doesn’t stop while I’m blogging. I do not have a housekeeper, a chef, a nanny, an accountant, a chauffeur, or a personal masseuse. In addition to blogging, I keep house, parent children, cook dinners, manage finances, volunteer in ministry at my church, and write fiction.

Murder of Roger Ackroyd book cover

Enjoy mysteries?
Be sure to read this classic!

4. Oh, and I read. I love to read. I feel like I should be reading more non-fiction, especially marriage and sexuality books, but I find myself reading about one of those for every 4-5 novels I tackle. I just love story. My favorites are mysteries and young adult fiction, although I read in almost every genre.

5. I do not run out of topics. I get asked this from time to time, and you might think that at some point, I will have covered everything I want to say about marriage and sexuality. At this point, however, I usually have about 10 topics outlined in advance. Moreover, readers suggest topics with their questions and comments, and current events inform and inspire what I should talk about. I also pray that God will direct me, and if I feel Him nudging him in a particular direction, I go there.

6. The Anonymous thing. This is one of the other most-asked questions: Will I always remain anonymous? My answer is no. Unlike superheroes and intelligence officers, I do expect that someday you’ll all know who “J” is. However, circumstances in life remain that make me unwilling to reveal at this moment. When will I “come clean”? It’s not so much a time as when certain events in my life line up, so we’ll see. But I promise Elizabeth of Warrior Wives that I will let her know before I go live with the information, since she has said that it drives her a little insane not to know who these anonymous authors are. (Hi, Elizabeth, if you’re reading this!)

Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage

My good friend, Julie

7. I am friends with fellow marriage bloggers. A small number of people know who I am. I have connected personally with Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage. Also, it was a reasonable requirement to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association to reveal my name and location to the core team, which includes Paul and Lori Byerly of The Marriage Bed, Generous Husband, and Generous Wife. Even those fellow marriage bloggers who don’t know my real name “know” me because I really am in person exactly the way I am with them in email and online. What you see, or rather read, is what you get.

8. My family doesn’t think I’m as funny as my readers do. Speaking of the “what you see is what you get” thing, I crack jokes and use wordplay here at my house as well in an attempt to lighten the mood and find humor in life. I do get laughs from the hubs and kids at times, but I don’t get the “I laughed so hard, soda came out of my nose” comments (thanks for that, Paul). I wonder if it’s like Jesus saying that no one’s a prophet in his hometown (Luke 4:24). I tell my family that I’m funny, that people say I’m funny, but I get a lot of huh looks from the gallery. Maybe the person who also gives you a honey-do or chore list just isn’t seen as being all that hilarious.

Good grammar is sexy. t-shirt

Another t-shirt I need.

9. I am a grammar girl. I love language and grammar. Our rich language is one of the things that separates man from animal. We can convey so much more because of our ability to describe our environment, express ideas and emotions, and tell stories. Good grammar and punctuation help to make sure readers receive the message intended. For instance, it’s apparently been argued for many years whether Jesus meant in Luke 23:43:

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (NIV, and the way translated by most) or
“Truly I tell you today, you will be with me in paradise.”

See the difference? Commas were not in the original at all. (If only Luke had me to proofread for him! And don’t even get me started on the Apostle Paul needing an editor to break up those impossibly-long sentences. LOL.)*

The point is, I hate when I see an egregious spelling or grammar error in a post on my blog. So if you see anything amiss in that department, go ahead and speak up. I will not take offense at being corrected. I want to do whatever I can to effectively get my message across.

10. My favorite book of the Bible is not Song of Songs, although I refer to it a lot here and I think it rocks. I don’t know anyone else who picks my favorite book: Ecclesiastes. It’s right before the Song of Songs, but it’s not nearly as uplifting as that book of romantic love. Yet, as a pessimist by nature, I love the inclusion of this book in the Bible. When things in life don’t make sense, Ecclesiastes reminds me what is most important, especially the conclusion to simply “Fear God and obey his commands” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). My favorite verse in the book? Ecclesiastes 3:11: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Confession time over. What surprised you? What else do you want to know about being a sex-blogging wife?

*Note: In no way do I believe such issues detract from the veracity and authority of Scripture. Moreover, Jesus can go to Paradise whenever He wants, and I can’t wait to be there with Him.

Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby

Spock

Actual expression from my husband (aka Spock) when I asked him to make 10 Confessions

Well, stop the presses and knock me over with a feather! After the 10 Confessions of Sex-Positive Spouses starting hitting the blogosphere (see my post), I asked my hubby if he wanted to play. He said YES!

So while I have been using my Mondays to answer reader questions, I am halting that train on its tracks to let this Little Engine that Could come on through. Today’s post is 8 Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby. Since he’s not a big talker or writer, he could only come up with eight (two more and he would have been way past his word quota for the day) and I interviewed him. The bold statements are his, and the rest is my commentary.

1. Get her as hot as you feel. This was hubby’s first recommendation for husbands in the sexual arena. Not a bad one, eh?

2. Small things may not be a habit for you, but they will open her up to you. This is something my husband has learned in our many years of marriage: Doing little things throughout the day for your wife opens her heart up to you and makes her more willing to engage in physical intimacy. We talked about non-sexual touches, acts of service, and romantic gestures as examples of those “little things.” This isn’t a tit-for-tat plan, but rather a recognition that expressing love in little ways brings you two closer and sets the stage for sexual intimacy.

3. On the whole, sex gets better with age. You know each other better. You are more comfortable with both the safe areas and experimenting. More touches also mean that you are more attuned to your mate and have a better performance. This has been mentioned in other 10 Confessions lists, and it flies in the face of what a lot of media suggests–that the best experiences are the first ones of discovery or that you reach a point where sex is “old hat.” But I also find it to be true while our intimacy may not be as giddy as it was at the beginning, it is deeper, more arousing, and all around better.

4. Understanding God the Father, Jesus the Husband, and Church the Bride helps a husband understand how to cherish his wife. (Okay, I’m swooning a little over my hubby now.) Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Indeed, husbands who do that with their wives are much more likely to enjoy a healthy marriage, including sexuality.

5. The “vaginal orifice” (I swear that was his phrase) is larger and more flexible than I thought. Um, okay. I queried him further, and Hubby’s take was that he was simply surprised by how the wife’s body was created in such a way that the opening appears small but adapts, conforms, and accommodates the husband’s manhood. I don’t know about you, ladies, but the very thought of putting a penis inside me when I was a young teenager was utterly horrifying! And it all turned out pretty good. So yeah, God’s design is awesome.

6. Sex is a sport. This was in response to Justin of Do Not Disturb who pointed out in his list: Sex is better than sports. When I read my husband that statement, he immediately replied, “Sex is a sport.” I think he wants an MVP designation now.

7. Sex is the most explicit physical rendering of the biblical expression, “The two will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” There are others ways in which a married couple are one, as a household, with finances, as parents, and more. To have a healthy marriage, you must integrate your lives in such a way that whatever impacts one of you will impact both of you. This is a truly wonderful thing with sex! We are integrated physically, and what brings one of us pleasure should pleasure the other as well. I was a little surprised that my man didn’t immediately quote the next verse in Genesis 2: The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” I don’t remember that one being on any memory verse lists.

8. One can initiate at any part of the body. Toe, belly button, back of the knee, back of the neck, middle of the vertebrae, anywhere. Pick a starting point! In fact, have a year where each day has a different starting point. I like this idea! The hubs just shook up his brain like a Yahtzee cup and this is what fell out! Husbands should take note here to vary their approach. Also, don’t start with the private parts! Wives typically respond better to being stimulated in other sensitive areas of their body first. The skin itself has approximately 50 touch receptors per square centimeter (from ThinkQuest.org), and touch receptors vary in their sensitivity. For instance, some respond to heat, others to pressure, and still others to simple touch. One of the beauties of a long marriage is taking your time to discover how each and every part of your spouse’s body responds to your touch. Start exploring, and see where you end up!

And that’s it. We’re out of statements from my hubby regarding sexuality. So how about you? What have you learned that has made you more positive about God’s gift of sexuality in marriage?