10 Sexy, Manly Items for Your Hubby’s Christmas Stocking

This holiday season, something odd happened: My 10 Sexy Stocking Stuffers for Your Husband post from last year seemed to go viral on Pinterest. I take away two lessons from that: (1) Plenty of wives want to get their husbands something intimate for Christmas; and (2) We like getting more ideas!

So here we go. Once again I combed the stores, the Internet, and my ever-fertile-and-sometimes-crazy imagination and came up with this list of sexy, manly stuff for hubbies for Christmas.

Red christmas boot with gifts on background wooden wall

Dude Lube. Forget all those personal lubricants with words like silk and sensual and passion in the name. Your man doesn’t need all that frou-frou fluff. Just give him Ride Dude Lube, made by Sliquid (one of my favorite brands, by the way). From ingredients to packaging, this lubricant is designed for the manly man in your life. As the advertisement says, “Formulated with the highest quality ingredients, and branded with imagery any cowboy will want to get behind, Ride Dude Lube is here to help you Saddle Up!” Yee-haw.

Dude Lube

Bacon Lube. Of course, if flavored lubricant is your man’s thing, don’t get your hubby something fruit-flavored. He doesn’t want to taste strawberry or tutti-frutti; not when he could instead taste bacon. While sex and pork don’t really go together in my mind, far be it from me to deprive married couples of this unique experience. If bacon is your thing, go for it. And if you’re saying to yourself when pigs fly, remember this is about when pigs fry. (An apology to the vegetarians for that, but I promise no pigs were harmed in the making of that joke or the lube.)

bacon-lube

Buck Naked Underwear. It’s just fun to say, isn’t it? “Buck naked”? (Or maybe that’s just the Texan in me coming out.) But this underwear for men is moisture-wicking and boasts: “No pinch, no stink, no sweat. Feels like you aren’t wearing any underwear at all.” Well, then… There are even ones called “Date Night Boxers.” Whatever that means.

Buck Naked Underwear

Body Groomer. Come on! Be honest: Some husbands out there “manscape.” Maybe it’s because he got a callback on his audition for the next Planet of the Apes film simply based on his looks, or because he — or you — like a cleaner area to work with when you’re intimately engaged. But if your hubby’s going to do any trimming down there, he shouldn’t just grab his regular old razor. As a man, he knows how important it is to have the right tool for the job! For example, this Braun cruZer body groomer is safe for all body areas and can be used wet or dry.

Cruzer Razor

Man Candle. Candlelight is romantic, sensual, intimacy-welcoming. And being a woman, I’m aware of the variety of candle brands and scents out there, with everything from vanilla to chocolate chip cookies to fresh cut roses. But do men really want their bedroom smelling like a kitchen or a floral garden? Thankfully, Yankee Candle has you covered with its Man Candles and fragrances like Camouflage, On Tap, and Riding Mower. My personal favorite, though, is Man Town — a “masculine blend of spices, woods and musk.”

Man Town Candle

Sexy Dice Game. Your man likes a good game, right? How about a sexy dice game? There are several versions, but the general idea is you take turns rolling the dice and what turns up is some combination that creates interesting foreplay. You can find these games online and from Christian sex retailers, or you could even make your own. If you’re looking for a ready-made version, Pure Romance carries one set called Spicy Dice.

Spicy Dice

Bath Salt. You won’t catch your manly man eyeballing the bath products section at your local grocery store. But although men aren’t known for taking bubble baths, many of them do enjoy a good soak — especially with a wife willing to get in that tub with him. Now, suddenly, bath time is a whole lot funner! So what bath product would your guy like? How about a product like ManSalt, a bath salt product for “relieving aching muscles, improving skin quality and [leaving] an irresistible masculine scent”?

ManSalt

Sexy Picture of You, His Gorgeous Wife. I’m not a big fan of taking extremely revealing pictures of yourself for your spouse. Perhaps I’ve simply heard too many horror stories of good-intentions-gone-wrong when someone else discovers the photographic evidence. But a suggestive photo can be a lovely thing — reminding your husband that you are uniquely there for his eyes and his touch and hinting at the real, three-dimensional thing you get to enjoy in your marriage. So perhaps your husband would love a snapshot photo of you with a come-hither look. Think of options that suggest sex more than show it, such a photo of yourself in his dress shirt with buttons open enough to let him know you’ll unbutton more when you’re together, or you lying naked in bed with the sheets draped across your private areas but enough skin peeking through to be an invitation. And if you want to be extra careful, use a Polaroid camera that leaves no recording of the shots taken.

unmade bed

Superhero Socks. What? You don’t think socks are sexy? They are if you pin a note to them telling your husband he‘s your superhero, and when you remind him that people reach orgasm more easily when their feet are warm. No, really; there was a study about it. You can find superhero socks just about anywhere, but I like UnderArmour, a quality brand that has their own collection of Alter Ego socks.

Superhero Socks

Marriage App for Your Phones. Did you know there are several great apps for your phone, designed to make your marriage and intimacy better? I. Had. No. Idea. But when I saw some of the offerings, I was intrigued! And when you can get technology involved in marriage improvement, you’re more likely to bring your man along in the mission. There’s a great run-down of options from Singing through the Rain blog HERE. Also, I was especially fascinated to find that even The Gottman Institute offers apps, including Sex Questions to Ask WomenSex Questions to Ask Men, and Love Talk for Guys (with 93 suggestions of what to say during intimacy). So gift him an app, let him download it, and then peruse together.

Gottman apps

Your turn! What ideas do you have for husband stocking stuffers?

(Just so you know, none of these are affiliate or sponsored products.)

What Does Your Wife Want for Christmas?

In answer to my own question, “What does your wife want for Christmas?” . . . I don’t know. But I can offer a few ideas of what wives often enjoy getting.

Husband and Wife holding Christmas gift

This post is for the hubbies, but I sincerely hope wives will give their own suggestions in the comments!

James Avery necklace

James Avery necklace

1. Jewelry. Yes, it’s a cliché, but there’s also some truth to it. Even I like getting jewelry from my husband, and I’m not a big jewelry person (no pierced ears, the same two rings on my hands all the time, etc.). The challenge is finding something personal and that matches your wife’s style.

Is she a fan of big costume jewelry? Small meaningful charms? Colored stones? Gold, or sterling silver? Peek into her jewelry box. Watch what she wears. Consider her personality, interests, hobbies. Then seek out the right piece for her.

2. Personal care service/items. Whether it’s a day at the spa, a gift certificate for a massage or salon service, or a makeover, many wives enjoy getting personal care that makes them feel more beautiful. I know I feel more confident about myself and my body after leaving a massage or a pedicure. That personal attention and focus on one’s best features can remind you of your personal beauty — beauty you are then more willing to share with your husband.

If she doesn’t like going somewhere for that attention, how about bubble bath or crystals? A home pedicure set? Fancy skin care products? Find something that reminds her how beautiful you already think she is.

3. Night or weekend getaway. Schedule a hotel for a night or a resort stay for a weekend, or even a camp-out if that’s your style. (But know your wife, because I’d throw things at my husband if he tried to take this princess camping for a gift.) Line up any child and pet care needed. Create the gift certificate with your plan’s details and tuck it under the tree.

Now, be aware! This is supposed to be a romantic and relaxing weekend. So if your sweetheart is at her wit’s end caring for five young children, and you think getting a hotel means sex right away, that might feel more like a gift for you than her. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex! I’m simply saying that the best gift you could give an overworked, exhausted mom might be a full night’s sleep at the hotel . . . followed by breakfast in bed and, now that you’re both rested, attentive sexual intimacy.

4. Marriage book. Many wives love the idea of improving their marriage, making their relationship even better. So wrap up a marriage book and gift it to her. Or find one you can read together and put both of your names on it.

Ones on sexual intimacy I recommend include The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire, The Pursuit of Passion by Jeffrey Murphy and Julie Sibert, Sheet Music by Kevin Leman, and yeah, my own books: Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage. But guys, you know I shoot straight with you: If you hand your sex-reluctant wife a Christian sex book with an attitude of “gimme more sex,” that will not be seen as a gift. If you choose to give her an intimacy resource, you might want to wrap up 1, 2, or even 3 books for yourself on marriage, romance, and meeting her emotional needs that you promise to read in the new year . . . and then do it.

Ginger Rogers in a fancy nightgown from Top Hat (1935)

Ginger Rogers in a fancy nightgown from Top Hat (1935)

5. Sleepwear. Notice that I did not say “lingerie.” Even though I’m a fan of lingerie and have even given husbands tips on this kind of shopping for their wives, consider getting your wife sleepwear or lounge wear that makes her feel truly pampered. Think luxury more than revealing.

Pay attention to the feel of the fabric, choosing something soft or silky or snuggly that will make her feel like a million bucks. Personally, I adore the swank nightgowns and peignoir sets of the 1930s and 1940s films I’ve watched. But by paying attention to what your wife likes, you can probably find something in that realm but more luxurious — whether it’s satin pajamas or a silky cotton nightgown. Splurge on something she can wear while sleeping or lounging and feel fabulous in.

Now it’s other wives’ turn! What would you love to get for Christmas from your husband?

* * * * *

Intimacy Revealed Book Cover

What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

Purchase:
Amazon for Kindle
Barnes & Noble for Nook
Print book

What Should You Share about Your Sex Life with Friends?

Two women chatting, talk bubbleLast Thursday, I talked about the importance of having friends who support your marriage and sexual intimacy, along with tips for finding such friends.

I received some respectful push-back from husbands concerned about wives sharing information about their sexual intimacy with others. Wouldn’t that make a hubby uncomfortable to have his sex life discussed with other women?

That seemed a reasonable line of inquiry to me. What am I talking about when I say wives should chat about their marriage and sexual intimacy? What sex topics are okay in friendship circles? What should you share about your sex life with friends?

Keep the truly private stuff private. In these days of people posting their most intimate information on social media sites, revealing their bodies at the click of a camera, and song lyrics and books and TV shows and movies giving details on any and every sexual act imaginable…well, it can seem like sharing what happens in your marriage bed with a close friend is no big deal. But it is.

Details about specific sexual acts, the unfolding of a particular scene between you and your husband, and descriptions of his private body parts should get “bleeped out” of conversations with others. You don’t need to get all that specific with a friend to discuss issues such as your difficulty achieving arousal, low or high sex drive, finding time to make love, dealing with the interruptions of children, etc.

Your marriage bed is a private, intimate place. Even with all I talk about sex here, I honestly believe people do not know what my marital intimacy looks like. Nor do my closest friends. They can’t picture it in detail, because the specifics of what happens in my bedroom remain between my husband and me. So keep the truly private stuff private.

Treat his body with modesty. True story: A friend of mine once gave me a pretty good idea of her husband’s penis size. My next interaction with this man was a little uncomfortable for me, because her words popped into my head unbidden. Of course, he had no idea his wife had shared that information. My point? I soooo did not need to know that.

Nor do any of your friends need, or want, to hear what his private parts look like. If he shows some body part only to you, keep it to yourself. You can’t un-say those things. If you must describe something specific about him to deal with a physical issue, talk to a doctor.

Remember that the Bible prescribes treating our bodies with proper care and modesty. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 12, the apostle Paul compares the church to the body. Although the point of that passage is the unity of the church, he states as a given that we treat our private parts with more modesty (“…and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. v. 23b-24a, RSV). You owe it to your husband to protect his modesty by sharing only what you need to share, not chit-chatting about his body parts. Give him the same care you’d want given to you.

Focus on your own challenges. Have you ever listened to a husband-bashing rant session? What tends to happen is all the focus is on him. “He never listens. He makes a mess. He drives me crazy. He is a selfish pig. Blah, blah, blah . . . him, him, him.” If you treat every problem in your marriage like it’s his fault, you’re engaging in rants with friends, not conversation meant to encourage godly counsel.

Focus on yourself and what you can do to improve sexual intimacy in your marriage. It can be tempting to rant about how “he wants sex all the time” and “what is his problem?” and “doesn’t he understand I can’t get turned on at the drop of a hat?” and so on and so on. However, if you and your friends want the best for your marriage, you need to give enough information about your husband to illuminate the issue so you can figure out what you can do next. After all, you’re the only person you can control here.

When I speak with one of my friends, the focus is on my struggle with the issue. Yes, it could be that my husband is messing up, but then the question would still be What do I do with that? I’m not discussing the topic to rant and feel better about myself, but to figure out what to do with the issue and thus improve my marriage.

Remember it’s heart, mind, and body. Yes, I’ve benefited from hearing specific tips about things you can do in the marital bedroom, and I wrote a book (Sex Savvy) that includes detailed tips on improving sex in marriage. It can be wonderful to have a friend suggest a body-focused tip or technique to include in your marriage bed, such as a position you haven’t tried or a personal lubricant you haven’t used.

But sex is more than physical, and where many of us wives struggle is the heart and the mind. Thus, a majority of my conversations with women about sex have been about how to approach the marriage bed with the right attitude. Many wives are trying to figure out what’s okay and what’s not, how to make sex feel good when they grew up thinking it was bad, why their libido isn’t as strong as they — or perhaps their husbands — want it to be, how to understand their husbands’ sex drive, and the like.

I suspect those are the conversations with friends many of us wives need to have. We need the counsel and encouragement of other godly women who can enlighten, inform, encourage, and exhort us to follow God’s design for marriage.

So talk about sex with godly friends, but remember to be respectful of your husband. A test I’ve given myself is: How would my husband feel about this if he heard a recording of the whole conversation after all was said and done? For instance, say I struggled with an issue and chatted with my best friend about it and she helped me figure out a better approach and I worked on that for a while and then the conversation was eventually played back to my husband, would he be okay with my sharing? Or would he object?

Actually, my own husband knows about these friends and my discussions. I often share things we’ve said, and he trusts me to handle the issue with discretion and respect (and humor — because he knows me). I pray that you and your husband have the kind of relationship in which you can seek godly counsel from others and know these issues will be handled with kindness and care.

Finding Friends to Support Your Marital Intimacy

Three women chattingLori of The Generous Wife recently shared about the beauty of having a good friend with whom you can talk and pray.

I’ve also written about the importance of having friends who support your marriage and sexual intimacy. Whether you need information, encouragement, advice, or prayer, godly friends can be a lifeline for your marriage.

So how do you find friends like this? It’s not like you start chatting with a woman one day at church and the next you’re spilling your struggle with sex in your marriage. It takes time and effort and discernment to find women willing to discuss sexuality honestly and respectfully.

My new book, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage, is dedicated to four such ladies in my life — identified only by their initials (C, J, L, M). When I realized I had four women with whom I can chat honestly about sex and marriage, I was amazed. For an introvert like me, that’s kind of a lot. I know some wives would be happy to have one such friend.

I developed these relationships in different ways, so I don’t know the magic formula. One has been my friend since college, and we walked each other through bad-choice boyfriends, cheered when we each found The One, and then shared the hardships and hallelujahs of marriage. Another woman, I met when our children attended preschool together. But it was years of McDonald’s lunches and play dates before we got deep enough in conversation to share openly. A third was a former ministry coworker turned friend. And somehow that friendship has survived us each quitting our jobs at different times, moving churches, and her moving out of town. And the fourth is a recent recruit, so to speak. She’s a fellow marriage blogger, with whom I share a lot in common.

So why am I detailing all of this? Because I want wives to know that it has taken me a while to get to this place, but you can get there too. I don’t have a magic formula, but I have a few tips for finding friends who’ll support your marital intimacy:

Look for godly women. Each of my four friends is clearly seeking God in their own lives and has a spiritual foundation I admire. When we became friends, it wasn’t with the direct purpose of encouraging and praying for one another, but we shared a biblical world view, a desire to grow closer to God, and a commitment to go the distance in our marriages.

Make yourself appealing. There’s a reason why the character “Debbie Downer” gained traction; it’s because we’ve all known someone like that — a constant complainer who squelches happiness wherever they go. That’s an extreme, of course, but take care to be the kind of person you’d want to be around. That doesn’t mean faking it or being dishonest, rather displaying godly virtues in your interactions with others.

Be a good friend. You know how this goes, ladies: One-sided friendships are draining. Yes, of course, we can have mentors who give more to us than we to them, or we can be mentors ourselves. However, lifelong friends tend to have more balanced relationships. If you want someone to invest in your life, invest in hers.

Choose authenticity. When I was a young mom, one of my peeves was getting in a group of church moms who swore that motherhood was a never-ending celebration of cuddles, cute things their kid said or did, and snapshot memories. Meanwhile, I was swimming in sleep-deprivation, spit-up, and self-doubt. I just wanted to say, “That’s not my life; that’s a Hallmark commercial!” But you know what? Years later, I’ve noticed those women aren’t close friends. Or they didn’t become close friends until they shared more deeply, about the wonderful cuddles and the difficult challenges. So be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone or something else. You don’t have to reveal everything right away, but when the topic comes up and you have an opportunity to get real, be real.

Speak lovingly about your husband. I started to write “speak well about your husband,” but I’m uncomfortable with some of the advice out there that says you can never, ever say anything negative about your husband to someone else. If I’d never said to any of these friends, “My husband is driving me crazy because he’s doing X,” I’d never have received godly counsel on how to deal with X. But what we have always done is make it undoubtedly clear to one another that we love our husbands. We chose these men, stay with these men, plan to make it til’ death do us part with these men. Any concerns we have and calls for advice don’t negate the covenant love we have for our husbands. We all speak lovingly about our husbands, so it’s clear that we’ll be supporting one another’s marriages.

Be willing to step out. Once you have a friendship with some trust, you may need to be the one to speak up first about marriage and sexuality. We often worry about the potential awkwardness of such a conversation, but you’ll discover one of three things: (1) you can converse back and forth with this person about sex; (2) your openness can help the other person with sex, even if they’re not in a position to help you; or (3) you can’t talk to this person about sex. I do have close friends with whom I don’t really talk about sexual intimacy, not because I didn’t try, but because it just didn’t work out. Okay, so now I know. But by being willing to speak up, I deepened other friendships.

I pray that every wife can find at least one friend to be a confidante, a supporter, and an encourager for her marriage and sexual intimacy.

How have you found such a friend? Or how do you struggle to find friends like these?

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need” (NLT). — Proverbs 17:17

* * * * *

Intimacy Revealed Book Cover

What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

Purchase:
Amazon for Kindle
Barnes & Noble for Nook
Print book

What Does a Sex Devotional Look Like?

Woman readingOne of the reasons you should study your Bible again and again is that you’ll glean different lessons from different readings. Depending on where you are in your life and your spiritual journey, God can speak to you through His Word right where you are.

Have you ever had that experience? Like when you read a Bible story you’ve heard time and time again and notice something that hadn’t stuck out to you before. Perhaps the Holy Spirit is tugging you in a direction you need to pay attention to—something you need to apply to the life you’re living now.

That’s how my new book, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage, came about. I started looking at scriptures I’d seen numerous times and noticing that they had application to my marriage . . . and even to my sexual intimacy. Even familiar Bible stories contained biblical principles I could apply to my marriage bed.

Digging further into the Word of God, I drafted 60 devotions and then chose 52 to include in the book. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the leftover eight, but I’d either covered the point in another chapter or a devotion didn’t fit as well with all the others. From that “cutting room floor,” here’s an example of a Bible story you may have heard about Nehemiah, but with an application to your marriage and marital intimacy.

Scripture

Meanwhile, the people in Judah said, “The strength of the laborers is giving out, and there is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall.” Also our enemies said, “Before they know it or see us, we will be right there among them and will kill them and put an end to the work.” Then the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times over, “Wherever you turn, they will attack us.”

Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families, with their swords, spears and bows. After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”

NEHEMIAH 4:10-14

Our marriages are under daily attack, just like the Israelites were when rebuilding the Jerusalem wall. Look around at the plethora of sinful sexual messages in our culture, and it’s easy for us to also say, “Wherever you turn, they will attack us.” It can be overwhelming at times to weed through what the world says about sex—that it’s foolish to wait until you’re married, that it’s purely physical, that there are no limits, etc.—and settle on the truth of God’s design instead. It can feel especially foolhardy to trust in God’s plan when your marital sex life isn’t everything you hoped it would be.

But maybe the wall simply isn’t built all the way yet. And the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed in erecting a strong wall in your marriage—a solid structure of satisfying sexual intimacy. He wants your marriage to be rubble. So what’s our answer? Like Nehemiah, we need to do two things: Guard the wall and trust in God’s plan.

Nehemiah set sentries to protect the workers, and likewise we need to guard our hearts and minds against wrong views of sex. Then Nehemiah appeals to the people: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” We need not cower or apologize for our view of good sex in marriage, but rather remember God and His excellent plan and fight for our families. Our best defense against the enemy is the offense of an ever-growing marriage and God-honoring sexual intimacy.

Questions

♥ What erroneous messages about sex is the world sending today? How do they differ from God’s perfect plan for sexual intimacy in marriage?

♥ Where do you need to focus in your marriage? What needs to happen to strengthen your wall of sexual intimacy?

Prayer

Glorious God, we praise You and Your perfect plan for humankind. Thank You for the excellent examples of faith and righteousness throughout the Bible. I know my marriage is under attack from the enemy, and I don’t want to give the devil even a foothold through weaknesses in our sex life. So I pray You will help me guard my heart and my mind against sinful messages from the world about sex. Help me also to trust in Your plan and to be faithful in pursuing godly sexual intimacy in my marriage. In the name of Christ I pray, Amen.

What lesson or lessons do you draw from this story of Nehemiah and the building of the wall? How can you apply God’s plan for His people to your marriage specifically?

For more devotions, check out Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage. (And yes, this would make a great Christmas gift!)

Intimacy Revealed Book CoverWhat does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

Purchase e-book:

Amazon for Kindle
Barnes & Noble for Nook
Print book