Is It Playtime? Sex Toys

My husband and I recently popped into a lingerie/sex paraphernalia shop and looked around.  I have never in my life seen so many breast representations and phallic symbols in one place.  Some of the items were indeed clever — although when I would actually serve penis-shaped pasta is a mystery to me.  (And does that go best with marinara or pesto?)

Looking around the store, I realized that for all my interest in sex, I know almost nothing about sex toys.  I have never been into that area of sexual pleasure.

Maybe it’s because it took me so long to warm up to the idea of a tampon as a teenager and then a penis entering my vagina, that I just don’t know if I’m prepared to invite more objects into the party.  Not to mention that some of us wives have a hard time getting our husbands to wear a wedding ring, much less a penis ring.  And handcuffs, fuzzy though they are, remind me of COPS episodes with “Bad Boys, Bad Boys” playing in the background.

Even the word “toy” conjures up misgivings for me.  I know toys are supposed to be fun, but after several Christmases with children, “toy” starts to connect all too easily with phrases like Some Assembly Required, Batteries Not Included, May Contain Parts Not Safe for Children under 3 (and sometimes over 13).  The purchase of toys in my home makes me think about how often I will have to bark directions for them to be put away and how many more plastic boxes Wal-Mart can possibly stock to keep up with our storage needs.

Okay, I have some hangs-ups!  But thus far, neither my husband nor I have been pursued this theme.

However, I’m not opposed to the notion of sex toys, and I know some husbands and wives are having a great time with them!  There are Christian-based websites that sell sexual aids so that you don’t have to visit or support a secular business which also promotes pornography.  I strongly suggest purchasing from them rather than exposing yourself to images that may be difficult to forget.

Here are only a few that I quickly Googled:

Book 22

Covenant Spice

My Beloved’s Garden

The Pure Bed

Spice Up Marriage (added 9/2/11)

(I did not thoroughly investigate these sites but accepted their representation as Christian-based companies presenting sexual tools appropriate for a godly marital relationship. There are Christian retailers beyond these, of course.)

Since I think the subject should be addressed, but I have no experience in this area, I defer to another blogger whom I respect a great deal.  If you’re interested in sex toys, see Julie Sibert’s great post on her Intimacy in Marriage blog called Batteries Included:  Sex Toy Use.

Meanwhile, let me know why you do or do not use sex toys.  What do you like about them?  What do you dislike about them?  Does your spouse wish to use them but you are reluctant?  Would you like to try something but feel hesitant?

19 thoughts on “Is It Playtime? Sex Toys

  1. Anonymous

    My wife (married 13 years, two elementary-school-aged kids) was invited to a Pure Romance party a while back, and allowed me to make some “suggestions” before she went. She went WAY over budget, surprised me by getting insertable things that require batteries (a first for both), and we BOTH had a phenomenal night when she got home. We use some of our toys perhaps 60% of the time now. It definitely makes things “hotter” (her wording).

  2. TxGuy

    My wife and have been married before. We have always used toys. We have a pocket rocket, a wireless remote bullet, a g-spot vibrator, a battery operated vibrator, a riding crop and some restraints and other toys. We use one of our toys almost every time. They definitely make things more interesting. We use coconut oil for lube and get pretty wild with our toys. I know some people get hung up on certain shapes or sizes, but not us. We just have a time of it and we are always looking for more toys. I highly recommend testing the waters.

  3. Mel

    I find it especially interesting that the first two comments came from men. My husband and I haven’t tried toys yet, but have briefly discussed the possibility. My husband is much more adventurous than I am, but I definitely want to keep things interesting, so this post was just the push that I needed! Thanks! (I’m sure he would thank you to if he knew about this post!)

  4. J

    @Anon – I had to look up Pure Romance! I have heard of home parties for sexual aids, but have never experienced one. Sounds like your wife surprised you! 😉

    @TxGuy – I don’t know what some of those things are. But as you read my post, not really my area. (I would forego the restraints, though.) Sounds like you’re up on this stuff!

    @Mel – Hope you and hubby enjoy yourselves! Look for things you feel comfortable with. Don’t push yourself to use something you have a real problem engaging in. I believe that there are plenty of options for you to find something amenable to you both.

  5. Anonymous

    To answer your questions, I really think it goes best with a cream sauce.

    sorry I couldn’t help myself!

    Great post! Thanks!

  6. Kylie

    Interesting post! I for one wouldn’t think of the possibility that there are actually Christian-based websites that sell sexual aids.

  7. Elfops

    I find this subject interesting as I am a Passion Parties consultant. My hubby and I use toys to enhance our marriage. We do not use them all the time, we do not rely on them but do use them to add spice to our relationship or in situations where one of us is not responding as hoped, as an aid. I know it is an unusual situation to be a Christian and selling sex toys but I wanted to be able to give back to other Christian women the kind of relationship I have with my hubby. I wanted to be able to give Christian women a safe environment to purchase this kind of product. Keep up the great work in allowing Christians to discuss this topic

  8. Anonymous

    LOL… I had to laugh reading this post. I am practically neurotic in this area myself. I am fascinated by the idea of toys, but also secretly afraid that my husband and I will both die at the same time, leaving the grown children to dispose of our belongings and thus discover our secret…. and thereby leave us posthumously mortified. So we go through a cycle of buying toys… and then throwing them out, in a black plastic bag at a dump far from home, wearing dark glasses and a hat to take them there. Why my husband is willing to put up with such shenanigans I will never know, but he has learned to just laugh because there is no reasoning with me.

  9. Anonymous

    I owe a lot of our good sex life to my vibrator. We had an awesome sex life when we were first married, but after a few years and having my second baby I had terrible scar tissue problems that made sex terribly painful, and our sex life went down the drain. My husband tried so hard to make things better (oftentimes even after an hour of him trying to “warm me up” we were still met with disappointment) and I even had steroid shots “down there” to help with my scarring, but nothing seemed to help. After about a year of this misery I was watching Oprah, and she had Dr. Laura Berman on her show. After the show I looked into Dr. Berman’s products and bought the “Athena” that she sells. It has done wonders to our sex life. It is pefect for warming me up quickly so that we can both enjoy sex together. I know some people are against sex toys, but when sex physically hurts and you end up crying every time because it’s so disappointing that you try so hard and can’t get anything out of it, a vibrator really can make all the difference. I went from dreading sex to really looking forward to it. Knowing that I can get an orgasm every time we have sex makes me want to have it more often, and of course this benefits both me and my husband.

    1. Sarah Yothers

      I find this the issue for most: “so disappointing…and can’t get anything out of it”.
      Sexual intimacy isn’t about what we can get out of it but what we can give to the other person.
      It’s about sacrifice, service, expression of loving feelings and putting someone else before ourselves in a very God-given unique way.
      disappointment is almost guaranteed when there are expectations of SELF being satisfied over expectations to be given an amazing opportunity to serve your spouse and allow them the trust and security to receive such a gift. IMO of course.

      Also, as a Christian, I know that lies iced with a little but of truth is still a lie and as Believers I would get as far away from false teachers and unbiblical worldview thinkers/teachers such as Oprah. Nothing good can come of ingesting any ideologies she has to share (which she has many).

    2. Anonymous

      My suspicion is that the lady you responded to was just being a little imprecise in word selection.. I’m sure her hubby is glad for the toy and how it has benefited their relationship. My wife and I use toys and I ‘get out of it’ the joy of seeing/feeling her orgasm. ‘Making’ your wife orgasm is very satisfying for a hubby. We had the fun the other day of laughing about the wet spots on the bed – and we had used a toy that I believe is a keeper.

  10. Jennifer Gill

    I recommend that every married couple try some sort of toy! My husband and I use them and we love them. It really helps to spice things up. The key thing is to only use what you are both comfortable with. Casually bring up the topic to your spouse. You might be suprised to their reaction! I also sell Pure Romance and I LOVE educating women about their sexuality. I definately am not ashamed of it!

  11. Anonymous

    I started selling Slumber Parties products just over a year ago and also enjoy educating women and helping them enjoy time with their spouse more. My husband was the first one to bring a toy into our bedroom. He wanted to please me but felt like he physically couldn’t keep up. We don’t use toys all the time, especially not after long absences (military couple), but it’s nice to have them available.

  12. fleshlight girls

    The early days of sex toys were mostly dildo shaped or resembled fake vaginas. These sex toys looked sleazy and offensive. During the last decade, we’ve witnessed a sexual revolution and now there are a variety of sex toys available that are meant for couples as well as for solo use. These new age toys have been ergonomically designed, are aesthetically pleasing and are completely discreet.

  13. Katy

    Nowadays lots of couples use sex toys and I think it depends on every couple, if they want to use sex toys or not. I think it is good to use these sex toys because it spice ups the relationship.

  14. Anonymous

    I was married for 21 1/2 years. My husband died when I was 48. Young enough to still be sexually active. We had a wonderful marriage…..and both enjoyed sex together. Now that he is gone (16 years now) I am still missing the sex we had. I have not dated much since then and have not found anyone I choose to spend my life with. I am not interested in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, therefore, I have no choice to be celibate. However, it makes me very unhappy. Is it wrong to use sex toys to relieve the anxiety from missing my husband??? What are we single people to do??

    1. J

      I’ve asked myself this question, as in “What if my hubby died long before me?” One of my reasons for considering remarriage would be affection and intimacy that I would miss without my beloved husband here. So I get that.

      I know some women who have used sex toys in between marriages to get over that valley. Once married, they tossed aside the toy and happily went for the real thing. My concern, however, is that many sex toys do provide sensations that no man can replicate. Single people who opt to “ride the mechanical bull” may find themselves not wishing to head out to the pasture so much and get bucked on the real thing. (Good heavens, so many puns there I didn’t intend. LOL.) But you get the point.

      I’m actually okay with masturbation or sex toys if they help you retain focus on your mate (whether that’s in your marriage or anticipating a possible future one). Biblically, it seems that your focus should remain on sex within marriage, so if using something now and then helps you remain celibate and focused on sex inside marriage, it seems like an okay thing. That said, I’d keep those instances to a minimum and choose a toy that isn’t “all that”–something that sates your urges but keeps you hungry for God’s blessings of physical intimacy within marriage.

      All that said, I am NOT your conscience. This is my opinion based on study, and you should confirm for yourself what you think is best in your situation.

      My sympathy for your loss, and my prayers for companionship for you in the future.

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