Want More Money? Have More Sex. (Really.)

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Photo Credit: Microsoft Word Clip Art

“…sexual activity is considered to be a barometer for health, quality of life, well-being and happiness.”

So researchers state in the opening paragraph of a new report on the correlation between sexual activity and wages. Yep, wages.

A British researcher analyzed a study that took place in Greece and included a random telephone survey of about 7,500 households. Respondents were asked about their wage level and sexual frequency (the options being none, once/twice a year, once a month, 2-3 times a month, weekly, 2-3 times a week, and more than 4 times a week). The study also asked for other demographic and personality factors to control or correlate such things as gender, educational level, and extroversion. Note that 58.3% of the surveyed individuals were married.

So the takeaway of the study is that those having sex more than four times a week earn more, by a statistically significant amount. That simply means that the results stood out.

Now this doesn’t mean that there is a cause-effect relationship, that more sex automatically equals more money. But in a seemingly unfair slap from the universe for those not in this category, the ones getting busy more often are also getting rich* more often.

But it’s not so unfair, when we consider why this might be:

Having sex four+ times a week likely means you’re in a relationship. I strongly advocate that relationship be a marriage (since God strongly advocated it first). Other studies have shown great health, well-being, and financial benefits to being a marriage that provides companionship, shared responsibility for finances and child-rearing, and yes, sex.

Those who have regular sex tend to be happier. A healthy sex life is related to higher self-esteem, lower levels of depression, and general happiness. This could be a product of biological chemicals and physiological responses, but I think it’s also a sense of relational well-being and intimate connection to someone you love that contributes to being happier.

Healthy individuals are more likely to have sex and to have higher-wage jobs. There is likely a casual effect of poor health on both earning levels and frequency of sex. If you’re struggling with health issues, you may have difficulty both in having sex and in fulfilling the tasks of a job. The upshot is that, inasmuch as you can effect it, stay healthy. Eat well, exercise, throw off any addictions, etc. You know the drill.

Sex can be empowering. So this is my own theory, one I mentioned here before. Having read about and heard from men on this issue, I believe that having sex with your mate can boost your personal confidence in such a way that you feel like you can take on the world. I doubt it’s just men, too. There’s something about quality lovemaking with your spouse that just tethers you to their love throughout the day and makes some of the daily annoyances roll off your back a bit better. Why this is true, I’m not sure. However, like everything else about God-honoring marital sexuality, I suspect it’s a gift from God Himself.

Knowing what you’re coming home to makes you work harder. Another theory mine, based on conversations with and observation of married couples. You might think that an unhappy spouse would avoid home by staying at the office and working longer hours, and thus earn more. While I have seen that pattern, workaholism isn’t the same as productivity. The person secure in their marriage — through companionship, shared values and purpose, and lovemaking — is more likely to work with fervor, push through tasks more efficiently and effectively, and let stress go when they leave the workplace. They want to be productive and earn their keep to continue providing for the life they enjoy, and the lover they enjoy it with.

Those are the reasons I see for the sex-and-wages correlation.

So what else is there to conclude but that if you want more money, have more sex?

At least it’s worth a try.

*Just to clarify, no, I don’t thinking getting rich is a worthy goal for Christians. But properly providing for your family is (1 Tim 5:8), and some Christians have indeed grown rich and used their money generously for God’s work.

19 thoughts on “Want More Money? Have More Sex. (Really.)

  1. Married Blogger

    I think you get a lot of these backwards. People with more money have more sex, not the other way around. Also: Healthier individuals with high paying jobs are more likely to have sex – sex and health don’t lead to a job, and a job and sex don’t lead to health, but health and a job lead to sex.

    It comes down to biology, but I feel like these people are having more sex because they have more money, not the reverse.

    Also, on your aside: can you point out a place where wealth isn’t a worthy goal for Christians? I tend to believe that, unless it is forbidden, its probably cool – not the other way around.

    1. Anonymous

      I think J was trying to make the point that wealth shouldn’t be your only goal in life. Wealth becomes sinful when it becomes your idol, and in american culture, it early becomes an idol.

    2. J

      Well, I gave my opinion and reasons for it. I’m not entirely sure why you think I have it backwards. But the correlation is there, and causation is difficult to determine. So from my perspective, why not have more frequent sex?

      As to Christianity and wealth, our honest work efforts may result in wealth, but as a primary goal? Luke 16:13, Mark 8:36, Proverbs 28:6, 1 Timothy 6:9-10, Mark 10:23, Proverbs 23:4-5, and there are more.

    3. Larry B @ larrysmusings.com

      Good points. Why not have more frequent sex? Agree. With all the beneficial effects for both wives and husbands, why not?

      Wealth, per se, is not evil. A person has a right to the fruits of his/her labors. Many successful business people create jobs for others. (Well, not lately thanks to our out of control government.) Those who have achieved wealth, ought to be guided by the Christian value placed on charity for others.

    4. Married Blogger

      The wealth thing was just an aside. I certainly agree, I just like to see other people’s reasoning 🙂

      As far as having it backwards and having more sex: Yes, have more sex. Absolutely. But I don’t think sex correlates to wealth, I think wealth correlates to sex. As in: People that have lots of sex may or may not be wealthy, but people that are wealthy definitely have lots of sex.

      It’s a part of humanity’s biological drive. “Be fruitful and multiply” – the impartation of biological imperative, every species desire to find food, shelter, and a mate.

      This works out in women being choosy with their mates, vs. a man’s drive to have many mates. These two things balance each other out through monogamy and marriage – constraining a man’s desire to trade often and a woman’s desire to trade up.

      This is a very long and broad topic and I’ll go ahead and write up a post on it for you to read that explains my points clearly, but for now, just pretend and assume a few things with me:

      Women want to mate with the best available male.

      Men want to mate with the most females.

      Thus, wealthy men have their pick of the litter, and women love wealthy men for their wealth (not necessarily gold diggers – consider this drive a more unintentional, subconscious thing).

      To make a long story longer, my point is: Sex doesn’t bring wealth, wealth brings sex.

      But please, by all means, keep having loads of sex.

    5. J

      Very interesting, Married Blogger.

      I will say that I’ve heard the line that men want to mate with a bunch of females, but females want a single male argument quite often. After years of considering the evidence, I just flat out disagree with that presumption. Perhaps I’ll have a go at that topic sometime myself.

      I’ll look for your own blog post on what you’ve said. Best wishes!

    6. Anonymous

      “wealth correlates to sex”

      I guess I am the exception to the rule, or is that makes the rule?

      I make 110k a year, own a 4 bedroom house (and its our only debt), 3 cars, pool, my 401k is fat and happy, I have 40k in stocks, and we vacation at the beach every year.

      And yet, we have sex about 6 times a year. and I can tell you flat out right now, if I won that $490 million powerball, and didn’t have to pay a single penny in taxes, it wouldn’t get any better.

    7. Anonymous

      Have I tried to lovingly say all this? YES. Letters. Quiet conversations. counseling. Never yelling, demanding or screaming. How this is just wrong, not only sexually and physically, but also spiritually. How its not only hurting me and our marriage, but also herself, and our family. How much this has hurt me, has devastated me, how it is killing my love and desire and trust for her. All on deaf ears. I have tried the spiritual approach, the scientific approach, the emotional approach, and basically it comes down to “Thats not who I am, I just don’t need it” We didn’t even have sex at all the first 16 months of our marriage. Only when she wanted to get pregnant did she finally do it, and once she was,that was it again for 18 months.

      we’v been to counseling, for over a year with our pastor and his wife. We used a book that covered all aspects of marriage, 1 chapter a month (met every 2 weeks). So I was working on things too. The last chapter (13) was on sex. Our pastor and wife are, as you can imagine, just as busy as we are (3 kids, 2 had emotional/physical problems, plus running a church, etc). They had a vibrant, frequent, exciting sex life. She said to them: “Of course you’ll say sex should be frequent and varied, you’re a guy. And she’s not me.” And she refused to go back to that church.

      I’ve heard it all. Too busy/tired – but not too busy for horse riding lessons, church volleyball/softball, girls night out, being a nanny (we don’t need the money), choir, VBS, etc etc. Don’t like to try new things: we do missionary and her on top – thats it. I give her OS (took me 10 years to convince her – and she orgasms well with it, too – guess I was “right” there!). I have never even gotten close to that. It took her ten years before she even stroked me with her hand.

      Am I perfect? No. I do a good share of housework – I clean the bathrooms (3), scrub floors/windows, vacuum, do laundry, cook when needed. I get the kids off to school (make lunches), do bathtime/bedtime/homework. Outdoor work, maintence, etc. She wants to do something? I say “go for it”. I’m kind, affectionate, I am home every night for dinner, don’t work weekends, don’t drink,don’t do “Boys night”. I have gotten compliments from her family, friends, pastors, etc about being a good husband and father. I’ve been as affectionate as I can, offering tons of non-sexual touch. I used to give her massages several times a week, explicitly saying that I expect nothing in return – and I don’t – but after 15 years of doing that, I finally realized I was being used. I’m friendly, helpful, kind, treating her with respect at all times, putting her needs before my own.

      What do I want? 4 times a week? No. Once a week. Maybe twice because its our anniversary, or valentines day, or new years, or my birthday (never had it EVER on any of those days, despite my efforts at romance). At least TRY OS. TRY an new position. If it doesn’t work (I figure it never will), then ok. At least you tried. How about a kiss goodnight every night (only 1-2 a week) or other than when I leave for work or get home (and I actually have to go find her in the house to get it) or just in front of other peopele? How about just some affection?

      Since I’m a christian, I have no out. I’m in a prison that has no bars, no guards, no warden. But I’m just as trapped as any criminal, with no hope for rescue. And you know if I stray, do something stupid like have an affair or porn or whatever, I’ll be crucified by not only her but by our friends, our family, and our church. But if what she does comes out? Probably nothing – I’d probably get blamed, despite all evidence to the contrary.

      Decades of praying, of begging, of crying out to God? Nothing. Decades of being kind, helpful, loving, despite the way I’ve been treated? Nothing. I’ve given up on hope, on desire, and on love.

    8. J

      I’m heartbroken by your story. It is the unavoidable truth that you simply cannot make your spouse do something they don’t want to do. You can ask, explain, plead, beg, cajole, and even threaten, but if they don’t wanna, what then?

      Ongoing refusal to have sex and to address the issue at all rises to depriving your mate of what God intended (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). That’s just wrong.

      I wish that I could speak to your wife. But I also know that I’ve been unable to convince very close friends myself, so there are no guarantees.

      I do not think that God is disinterested in your pain and cries for help. It’s so frustrating to pray and pray for something you know He wants you to have and not get it, but our Lord gives us free will. And that means that if getting what you desire relies on someone else, you may not get it. I will pray that God will work on her heart. I encourage you to continue being the best husband and father you can be. God is certainly paying attention and pleased with that.

      Blessings!

  2. Anonymous

    Hello J,

    I stumbled upon your blog this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed going through all your posts. I do have some questions regarding myself and my situation, and did not know where it would be the best place to do it, since it isn’t related to the topic. Is there a more direct way of messaging you or is it okay to just spill it out here? I’m a little embarassed to ask out in the open, but then I’ve seen plenty post some very personal stuff that would’ve been pretty embarassing under different circumstances. The posts and comments have been really eye-opening even though I’m not married, but honestly, I’m not sure where to turn for my particular problem.

    ~Lily~

    1. J

      Hey, Lily, are you connected with my page on Facebook? I think you can message me there. Please give me time to respond. Sometimes my plate is super-full and I feel bad, but I just can’t reply right away.

      Thinking about and praying for you!

    2. Anonymous

      Thanks for taking the time to reply. I’m rarely on facebook, but I’ll give it a try. I’ll need a little time to properly phrase my questions anyway. I wish to be as anomymous as possible about this. I don’t mind letting you know who I am if I have to, but I don’t want others that I know to know about it as it’s very personal and do worry about being judged.

      Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. ^_^

      ~Lily~

      P.S. Lily is not my real name. I just use it when I go to blogs and forums.

  3. AGirl

    Honestly, I really just think that if you have a well-paying job, you likely have a better quality of life, including more leisure time then the person with the crappy job.

    1. IMAN

      AGril: I disagree. I had a crappy job for YEARS and what helped me turn it into a tolerable job was having sex with my wife 4-5 time a week! And, at one point during one point of that crappy job (3 years span) I had no vacsation and worked almost every weekend.

      Thank God for sex with my wife!

  4. Christy

    OK so after reading this post all I can hear is my husband singing,”I BRING HOME THE BACON, FRY IT UP IN A PAN!” It’s an inside thing but I’m guessing since my husband is in fact singing AND bringing home the bacon to support his family I must be doing something right! ha! Ha! Ha! Just kidding…..;)

  5. IMAN

    GOD IS THE MASTER CHEMIST!!

    Over a period of time our brains and personality changes when we have regular (healthy) sex. The repeated release of chemicals in our brain boost personal confidence, alters physiological responses and most often gives an overall sense of well-being.

    When oxytocin is released natural bonding occurs which bolsters security and a sense of safety & trust. All very good things.

    Vasopressin, an antidiuretic hormone, is another chemical that has been associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships.

    Endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, also play a key role in long-term relationships. They produce a general sense of well-being, including feeling soothed, peaceful and secure. Like dopamine and norepinephrine, endorphins are released during sex; they are also released during physical contact, exercise and other activities.

    For many years I had very high stress job which required daily solutions to complex problems, usually with a flair of creativity. If it weren’t for daily passionate sex with MY WIFE, I know I would have never been successful.

    The same is true of my wife, it is the norm not the exception, to see her function in her job, as a mother and mostly as as my wife at a higher, more confident person then after a few weeks of daily “multiple O’s”.

    Not that I’m a sex fiends, but there have been times when we’ve had dry spells, even for a few weeks! During those times I do notice a real difference in my job performance, my emotional state and just that sense of “blah” at the world.

    Can you imagine what the divorce rate would be if couples were having sex 4-5 times a week?

    God bless— IMAN

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