Still Nervous about Giving Him Oral? Yeah, I Get It.

Nervous woman with hands over mouthYou want me to put my mouth where?!!

That’s the gut response of many wives when they first contemplate giving oral sex. It seems natural to match up genitalia, but when it comes to your mouth, that’s a whole different story. Sure, you love his manhood and all, but you wonder: Is that allowed? Is it healthy? Is it sanitary? Is it biblical? Is it worth it?

Not every wife feels this way, but enough that I want to address the issue. Because if you’re still nervous about giving him oral? Yeah, I get it.

Let’s talk girlfriend-to-girlfriend and break down some wives’ concerns.

Is oral sex okay with God? There are plenty of fringe sexual practices out there, but oral sex doesn’t seem to be one. There is no biblical prohibition on oral sex and at least two possible references to oral sex in the Bible. One is man to woman, and the other is woman to man: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste” (Song of Songs 2:3). “Fruit” is a euphemism, of course.

Looking at God’s design of the body, there’s nothing inherently harmful about oral sex. Using lips and tongue on genitals is not far different from hands or fingers on genitals, and semen is not problematic to ingest. Indeed, one study even suggested it has antidepressant qualities. (Go figure.)

Of course, you must discern for yourself and live by your own conscience, but study what the Bible says. Most who have done so with an open mind and open heart believe oral sex is okay with God.

Is it hygienic? This is a big concern for many, especially since the penis is also used for peeing. It can seem unsanitary to put your mouth where urine has been. However, when a man ejaculates, a muscle contracts in the neck of the bladder preventing urine flow into the penis — meaning a man cannot shoot semen and urine at the same time.

Besides (not to be gross here), even if a minuscule amount of urine did enter your mouth by some off-chance, it’s still not bad for you. Urine is mostly waste-filtered water and, while you definitely don’t want to be ingesting much, a teeny bit isn’t harmful.

Still, you may feel it’s not all that sanitary. Or that his groin area can sweat during the day, making it less clean and inviting. If cleanliness is your concern, there’s a simple solution: Have him wash. Ask hubby to take a thorough shower before you begin or simply wash his genitals. You can even suggest a bath together, and do the washing yourself so you know that area is spic-and-span.

Oh, and hair. If that bothers you, plenty of husbands — believe it or not — “manscape.” Your husband might be willing to trim a bit, just like he’d trim a mustache or beard. It doesn’t hurt to ask. But getting his hair in your mouth is still the same as getting any of his other hair in your mouth (which has happened a time or two when I’m lying in bed, my husband rolls over, and suddenly his head of hair is in my face).

So yes, it’s hygienic. The notable exception is that sexually transmitted diseases and infections can be passed by oral-genital contact, so if that is an issue in your marriage, be aware.

Is it worth trying? In a recent survey from The Marriage Bed, 42% of husbands reported they would like to have oral sex much more often. I suspect that’s typical of many marriages, with men desiring their wives give oral sex a go or make it a regular practice. So the first thought is that your husband may think it well worth-trying. And certainly, we want to consider our spouse when it comes to the marriage bed.

However, the question remains whether you think it’s worth trying. If you don’t have moral or hygienic objections, what holds you back? It could be nervousness about what it will feel like, concern you won’t do it right, worry that you’ll gag, or fear of him expecting you to swallow. Let me take some of the pressure off, ladies: You don’t have to stick the whole thing in and swallow semen to give your husband oral sex. Oral sex can involve any contact of your mouth with his penis, meaning you can start slow. In fact, explain to your husband you’re willing to try, but you need to go slow and stay in control of how this goes.

Use your lips and tongue to tease the tip of his penis, or kiss or run your tongue along the shaft. Suck on the very top, putting his penis into your mouth only as far as you can while still breathing comfortably. Let him express what feels good to you, and be willing to adjust according to what he likes and what feels okay with your mouth. You may discover that the skin really isn’t that different from other parts of his body (except how soft it is) or that you’re also excited by how effectively your mouth arouses your husband.

You may enjoy it. If so, you can always do it more. If instead you feel awkward or uncomfortable, you can take break, breathe a little, then try again. Or you can suggest turning to another sexual activity to finish, like a hand job or intercourse. Trying a new sexual activity once doesn’t mean you have to do it again and again, but you might find out that, with an open mind and some practice, you like giving him oral sex — that it arouses you as well. So yeah, it could be worth trying.

What are your concerns about giving oral sex? Is anything else holding you back?

I address oral sex more fully in my book, Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

109 thoughts on “Still Nervous about Giving Him Oral? Yeah, I Get It.

  1. M

    So far I just don’t like it. I have tried to be open about it and I’ve done it a handful of times when he asked for it but I don’t really offer it on my own and hope he doesn’t ask. Maybe it’s something that just takes more time but I don’t really get any thrill from it other than he seems to like it. On the other hand he has decided he really likes giving it to me and probably does that every second or third time we have sex lately. It always makes me feel bad though for him to give it to me and I don’t really want to give it to him and the last couple of times we’ve done the whole shebang down to climax and me swallowing and I just have to fight so hard to not shudder. I have weird gag reflexes too and it’s not just him, if I get coffee grounds in my mouth I tend to shudder and gag. I’m working on talking to him a little more about it but I feel so selfish. I’m afraid it will make him feel bad especially if I tell him that I just HATE to swallow even though I know he would want to know and not ask. I haven’t done it in awhile, I think the last time was during the first few weeks after baby was born. I think I’ve read every article I could find on the Christian marriage blogs for oral sex hoping to find a magical secret that suddenly makes me enjoy it but so far nada.

    1. happywife

      M,
      I’m not sure women are wired to get much of a thrill from giving oral sex. I don’t particularly get my own enjoyment either, but I do it happily because I know my husband likes it. I don’t care for swallowing either, so I don’t, and that seems to be fine with my husband. In my early days of giving, he would always warn me when he was about to ejaculate so I could remove him from my mouth and finish with my hand. Now he still gives me a “heads up” (sorry… couldn’t resist) so that I’m prepared for the ejaculation, but I still don’t swallow. In fact, I usually pull away after the initial semen ejaculation and finish with my hand. I try to stay with it as long as I can, but I don’t make myself keep him in my mouth any longer than I’m able to. He’d certainly rather me finish the job with my hand than to choke and gag.
      Please don’t feel selfish. Gag reflex is real. Ask him to please give you a warning before he ejaculates so that you can be prepared and decide then whether you wish to let him come in your mouth. I wouldn’t tell him that I HATE it, but I do think it’s fair to let him know that you’re not completely there yet.

    2. E

      I have similar textural issues with semen. In fact after helping him finish manually it’s all I can do not to shudder and go “ugh”. I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings but it’s just beyond gross to me. Not a big deal with regular PIV sex for some reason… but you are not alone at least!

    3. J Post author

      Those with a strong gag reflex definitely do have a harder time with this. Maybe you could talk to your hubby outside the bedroom, in a calm atmosphere, and say that you’re willing to engage in this activity, but you have certain obstacles. Also, while some men are insistent, the vast majority of husbands I’ve heard from and seen polls on are really okay with their wife pulling away before they ejaculate. Many husbands report that the head of the penis is more sensitive, and he’s happy to have oral contact there without you have to insert much into your mouth.

      Many husbands do want oral sex, but you can likely negotiate what it looks like for your marriage.

      Oh, and I don’t know about that wiring of women. I’m one who gets a thrill from giving, and I’ve talked to other women who enjoy it as well. I wonder what the balance would be if we could poll all wives…

    4. Missy

      My H thinks I’m the BJ Queen! But in reality, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing (we’re married less than a year, but in a second marriage). The turn on, for me, is seeing how much he enjoys it. Truthfully, sometimes I like it because there is no pressure to O myself, and I’m okay with that from time to time.

      My H gives me notice when he is about to climax. Sometimes I’m in the moment enough that swallowing isn’t something I think about – it just happens. Other times, I gently spit and wipe away the semen with a towel (We keep several near the bed). Often, just as he’s about to come, I remove my mouth and continue with my hand…my man only likes the head in my mouth, so my hands are already there for additional stimulation.

      I have found there to be nothing unpleasant about a clean penis between my lips, so knowing when he’s about to ejaculate helps if I don’t want semen in my mouth. Perhaps just try it till he is close, then switch. Best of luck!

    5. Kay

      I didn’t enjoy it much for a long time because I felt pressure to finish with oral. But my husband prefers it as foreplay. It’s awkward to talk about when you are early in your marriage, but knowing that you don’t have to do it for any certain amount of time might help you get used to it. Many men don’t expect or even want you to swallow (according to an unscientific survey I read). At this stage in our marriage I really enjoy it. Especially if he touches me while I do it. I love pleasing him, and he loves knowing that I enjoy it. (I have never swallowed)

      1. T

        What are some important things to talk about when exploring oral early in marriage. I know my husband wants it, it just hard to get comfortable with the idea.

    6. M

      I really like “good head” it’s a numbing agent that you apply to the back of the throat. It comes in a couple of good tasting flavors. In a pinch you could just use a few sprays of chloraseptic. Have you tried any of these? In the beginning I tolerated oral sex because he really liked it. Now I LOVE it.

      1. T

        I’ve never tried oral, are the sprays helpful. Something you’d recommend or first time trying or just going for it?

        1. J Post author

          My understanding is that the sprays are helpful for those with a strong gag reflex. They’re essentially numbing agents to make things more comfortable. There are several brands available.

  2. Dan

    “…and semen is not problematic to ingest. Indeed, one study even suggested it has antidepressant qualities. (Go figure.)”
    Well, your doing that may work to keep your husband from being depressed anyway. Just a thought. HA

  3. Paisley

    Honestly, it grosses me out a bit, and I’m in absolute terror of gagging when he ejaculates. Or when I have my mouth full of semen, if by some miracle I were ever able to make it that far. Swallowing is completely out of the question. I can hardly think of anything less appealing. It makes me sad because I know my husband would like more complete oral sex, and he has said so directly. We’ve been married over a dozen years, and he brought up the subject of oral sex for the first time at least six years ago. I know that it would mean so much to him, and yet I just can’t do it. I try to mentally build myself up by envisioning the whole scenario, but the little daydream invariably ends with me either sputtering ingloriously, or throwing up in a most undignified manner. I can never psych myself up, though I do a wonderful job of psyching myself out. The end result is that I can only manage a little bit of kissing and mouth-on-penis before my stomach turns and I have to “abort mission,” finishing out the encounter by some other method. The entire subject seems so potentially humiliating, not to mention hurtful, were I to “go all the way” and react in the way I fear that I will, that it’s not worth the risk to try. Yet I also feel like a failure because I just can’t do this one thing I know he really wants. It’s true that I’m the kind of person who always tries to maintain an image of having it all “together,” and I do put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to “perform.” It has been a hindrance to us all these years and I’m only now learning to let down the barriers, but the oral sex subject has me in complete defeat.

    1. J Post author

      My heart goes out to you! You’re getting yourself so worked up. I think you need to somehow stop going there mentally, dwelling on everything that could go wrong.

      All of sex is “potentially humiliating,” quite frankly. Because you’re naked and vulnerable and having to trust another person completely with your body. Yet that’s also where the beauty of it lies — in sharing this deeply intimate thing with this one and only person whom you love.

      I don’t think there’s going to be a magic solution to your reluctance, but rather a slow altering of your attitude — through commitment to push out negative thoughts, from slow practice of the activities you are okay with until you feel ready for more, by allowing yourself to relax and be trusting and trusted. At the end of the day, of course you’re not required to give him oral sex, but if it’s something you and he want to try, I think you can slowly but surely get past your reservations. Many blessings!

      1. Missy

        I agree, and I wonder if you are able to manually bring him to climax and *see* the semen…is that found as repulsive? For me, it helped to visually see the small amount, and to know I didn’t have to swallow. It’s just an idea – you may be surprised or it may gross you out even more.

        1. Paisley

          Thanks for this thoughtful suggestion. I have done “by hand” before, but my man’s output is…significant. I don’t even eat eggs over easy or Jello because of the “slimy” texture, so I’m not sure there is hope of this activity being in our future. Some of the husbands posting here seem positive about oral as foreplay only, though.

          1. T

            Personally I find the quantity to be effected by how recently I last ejaculated. If you ever decide to try and go to completion perhaps you could make sure your husband and you have sex multiple times close together before hand. My wife enjoys giving oral, but has some real hangups about tasting semen also. Talk about it and be open with one another. understanding your limitations. My wife even sometimes talks about me ejaculating in her mouth just to help turn me, while we are in the moment, even though we both know that isn’t going to happen. Through good communication and honesty, you can move from fear to understanding and pleasure.

    2. Kay

      I would talk to him, and get some assurance that he won’t ejaculate so that you can get comfortable with it. I’m he would love your interest in making it more enjoyable for both of you. As I mentioned in another comment, foreplay is a great way to get comfortable, knowing that sex will bring him to climax.

  4. CW

    I’m the same way … I don’t mind having my mouth on him, but any semen at all in my mouth … even without him finishing all the way, is just so completely repulsive that I have a hard time continuing with sex at all. I do continue, of course, but it’s really hard to keep my “head in the game”. To be honest, I have problems with semen in general, I struggle even to touch it and just find the whole thing gross and slimy. Fortunately, hubby seems satisfied with just a little kissing down there. I know he’d love my to do more, but it doesn’t seem like a huge deal to him.

    1. J Post author

      So I’m wondering where this semen-in-repulsive attitude came from? Just as an interesting aside: Besides sperm, there’s nothing in semen that we don’t ingest in some other forms (see this article). But I agree that if it’s an issue for you, don’t do it. Ask your husband to let you know when it’s happening or to pull out in advance. Thankfully, your husband is understanding and enjoys the touch you give him!

    2. S

      So it’s just fine for him to get a mouthful of your lady juice (and swallowing it) when he’s doing you, but it’s disgusting when it’s man juice? I’m not picking on you, just pointing out the inequity of the repulsion.

      1. J Post author

        Well, S, I will say this: We differ in our sensitivities. For instance, I have a kid who has major texture problems when it comes to foods, and that’s just the way it is. So I don’t know if it’s automatically an inequity issue here. Some people really do have bigger issues with taste, texture, etc. So I’m saying it could be, but not necessarily.

      2. M

        Just for clarification, I don’t really particularly enjoy the thought of him getting my “lady juice” either haha! He even admitted earlier on that sometimes he didn’t like it very much but very recently commented that he’s decided he likes it very much now. Maybe hormones affect how we taste? But I don’t like my own “lady juice” so it’s definitely not one sided here. I also happen to think climax via intercourse is way more amazing than oral.

        1. Kay

          It’s an acquired taste. 🙂 I used to hate the taste (of myself) or thought of going “down there” after we had intercourse, but it doesn’t bother me now.

      3. Amy

        S,
        As much as I don’t agree with terms such as disgusting and repulsive to describe a man’s ejaculation (we women would hate it if our husband’s referred to us that way), I would say in regards to your comment of it being an inequity issue, that typically women do not produce the same amount of ejaculate during orgasm as a man, if any. Although some women may ejaculate during climax it is more typical for there just to be increased secretions inside the vagina which don’t squirt out if you will. So a woman would have more fluid to swallow compared to a husband getting a small amount of his wife’s secretions in his mouth during OS.

        1. Anonymous

          Not exactly. For many women, the man will spend perhaps 10 or 15 minutes ingesting small amounts of his lady’s fluids a little at a time. The woman will end up ingesting likely the same amount, but all at once in just a moments time. I suspect total volume is about the same, just all at once when the guy climaxes. He tastes her for 10-15 minutes, she tastes him for 10-15 seconds.

          1. Larry B of larrysmusings.com

            Sorry, J, to comment once again. But, this issue of taste seems to be so divisive – and it really need not be so.

            Here are some practical tips that are also actually good for a person’s health. Add more fruits and/or fruit juices to your diet. Add a little cinnamon to your diet. Green tea also is supposed to help the taste of semen. Drink more water. Cut down on the highly processed foods. (For a healthy lifestyle, we are doing these anyway.)

            Some wives, believe it or not, develop a taste for their husband’s semen and then actually enjoy receiving it. But, let us not forget that oral sex is a giving(!) act and yes this entails sometimes experiencing a little unpleasantness. Taste and texture can be concerns, yes, but Anonymous makes a good point. 10 to 15 seconds is not that big of a sacrifice, is it? (As J notes above, besides sperm cells, there is nothing in semen that you are not ingesting in other forms all the time. Sperm is only about one per cent of the volume of the semen.)

            Wives, you do not have to accept the ejaculation in your mouth every time. No loving and respectful husband is going to insist on this. But, it does show your husband a high level of acceptance when you, from time to time, let him come in your mouth. If the thought of swallowing is the mental obstacle for you, then discretely spit the semen out afterwards. This comes back to this whole issue of hesitation. There are wives who dread the taste of semen even though they have never experienced it. Sometimes, the only solution is to jump in and try it. It won’t harm you. And, not a few wives find that their fears were greatly exaggerated.

  5. Mama R

    Yeah, we go for it… both ways… heheheh… Some days I’m more willing than other days, but I won’t say ‘no’ if he asks (so long as he agrees to shower and clean well before hand). But I get the same vice versa. I don’t like the texture or flavor of semen though. at. all. So, I finish him with my hand. He’s okay with it and understands (though I think at times he’s a bit disappointed).

    I find I enjoy it more if I’m aroused also. If we’ve done more other stuff that we both really enjoy, I’m also ‘on that path’, I don’t mind as much (and enjoy it some of the times!) And we generally aim to please the other person if its one of those ‘one way’ kinds of acts in some way (a like way, or something else…)

    1. J Post author

      Nicely put!

      By the way, what your husband eats can affect the taste of his semen. Oddly enough, pineapple juice is often prescribed to make it palatable. Go figure.

  6. B

    Ladies, My wife gives great oral and I have never ever finished in her mouth. She made it quite clear when we were first married that, that was to never happen, even though I would like it to. It has gotten to the point that on a couple occasions she has said Ok, but I couldn’t just because I know she really doesn’t want to. That being said if it grosses you out don’t finish in your mouth. Also he should be reciprocating. If not you need to have a talk. I love giving oral sex to my wife.

    1. J Post author

      Thank you for saying that. This is what I often hear from husbands — that if the wife has a problem with something, he’s happy to work around it and find something pleasurable for both. What matters most is that their wives show up, enjoy the experience, and demonstrate this physical love.

  7. Christy

    Sounds like a lot of us commenters are in the same boat! I love my husband dearly, and truly do enjoy seeing the great pleasure that oral sex gives him, but I do have to gear up to do it. We sort of schedule oral sex – that way, I have the day to get myself mentally ready to give it to him. I’ve found it helpful to imagine what his penis feels like in my mouth and imagine what I’ll do to him. Somehow that makes it less difficult. He’s also always happy to shower and clean up for me.

    My husband will warn me before ejaculating and then I’ll just finish him by hand (or occasionally, we’ll finish up with intercourse). I just can’t imagine swallowing… maybe someday, though…

    1. Dan

      Bravo Christy. For either spouse, “… maybe someday, though…” is the best approach to the others wants. It may end up being maybe never, but a willingness to be open to experimentation makes a big difference in how denial is processed by the one with the want.

      “I have the day to get myself mentally ready to give it to him. I’ve found it helpful to imagine what his penis feels like in my mouth and imagine what I’ll do to him. ” Ignoring the fact that you are specifically talking about oral sex here, women might find ANY form of sex more appealing if they exercised their imaginations in anticipation throughout the day leading up to an encounter. Since adequate arousal seems to be reason for most women not being ready for or desiring of sex, it might be that putting some conscious effort into mental or physical foreplay throughout the day could be beneficial.

    2. J Post author

      Yes, that shower and clean-up is helpful! It’s nicer when things are all fresh there. If you don’t want to swallow, fine; sounds like your husband is happy with what he’s getting. 🙂

      But if someday you do want to try, here’s a tip: Swallow quickly. If you have potential issues with this, leaving it in your mouth too long won’t make you feel better about it. But if you do it fast, it’s trying a new food or drink that you’re unsure about, and then you ingest it quickly and discover it’s not bad after all.

      Blessings to you and your marriage!

  8. Jessica

    I don’t know that it’s sanitary. Not from the below the waste perspective, but mouths are filthy.

  9. K.

    I LOVE to give my husband oral! Oh, my! Heavenly! It’s even more enjoyable to me when he can’t go in me on certain days of the month. Then I get to focus more on him, which I love. He’s very generous in giving me oral as well. We’re just thrilled with that part of our sex life and maybe it’s because we’re older now when sex is a little less about PIV as it used to be.

    But I have an absolute requirement about oral and do unto him the same as I expect him to do unto me. I insist on cleanliness! If he isn’t, I make him fix the problem. But it’s rare. He knows what to do to keep it coming! lol

    As far as him ejaculating in my mouth, I have let him sometimes, but not others. Because of his new heart meds I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to ingest it. Usually I catch it and just hold it until I am in the bathroom and spit it out in the sink. It’s not that difficult for me, but I can understand that some women might have a harder time with it. The taste isn’t always the same.

    1. J Post author

      Thank you for all that positivity! I feel much the same way in my own marriage.

      I do think it’s interesting about medicines and ingesting. I know that what a man eats affects taste, so perhaps some oral medications do reach the semen. I should ask a doctor about that. Intriguing question…

  10. Alayna Spinler

    For my hubby and I, I usually use oral as a way to keep him hard for when He can venture inside. Oral is kinda a whole new world for us. He has done me once and I don’t think he liked it. And if he isn’t clean, I don’t do it at all. And he knows it. I figure my inside can handle it better than my nose. I do still get kinda grossed out about it. And I often find my mouth gets kinda like Cotten after a few sec of doing it, so I usually have to water or extra saliva ready for it. But I try so hard. I know he likes it and he wants it. He really hasn’t let it go in my mouth because I pull out usually before he can because I can’t really do it for very long since it’s still a bit strange. And I too can’t really go deep down him too since my gag is kinda sensitive too.

    1. J Post author

      I wonder if it would be easier for you with a lubricant, perhaps a flavored one? (Sliquid Naturals makes one.) He also might appreciate that if he wants to try doing you again.

      Just a thought! Thanks for your comment.

  11. Amanda

    My husband and I both like to give oral but I am much more self-conscious about receiving than I am giving. I am usually concerned about smell and taste even though he reassures me all the time. In regards to me giving oral, it depends on my mood whether I will let him finish in my mouth or not. I never know until we are in the midst of everything but usually oral sex is foreplay for us so I don’t deal with swallowing or spitting much. Thankfully my husband understands and doesn’t care either way.

    1. J Post author

      As long as you’re clean down there, he likely appreciates the smell and taste of you. I do know many wives are self-conscious about that, but I hope you can trust your husband’s reassurance, relax in the moment, and simply enjoy. Best wishes!

  12. Larry B of larrysmusings.com

    For many married couples, oral sex is engaged in mainly as part of the foreplay to intercourse. At those times, concerns about semen are not applicable. But, for those times when both the wife and the husband agree to finishing the act, then it really is appropriate (and a simple courtesy) for the husband to warn his wife when his ejaculation is near.

    Sadly, some wives are held back from performing oral sex for their husband by very painful memories of past sexual abuse. Hopefully, in time, these wives can experience healing. (Husbands need to be sensitive to this issue.)

    Gag reflex concerns are valid, but there are wives who have learned with practice to better control or work around their gag reflex so that it is no longer a significant issue for them.

    All that said, it appears that a mental block is what is holding back some wives. J’s last paragraph in the article is worth rereading and thinking about. You can give it a try. You do not have to do what you are uncomfortable with. You may even find you enjoy performing oral sex. And, take the pressure off yourself by not thinking that you have to swallow. As happywife indicated above, a wife can try to stay with (or keep up with) her husband’s climax as long as she is able, and then pull away before her gag reflex kicks in. With more experience, the wife may find she is able to do more and be more comfortable doing it. But, do not let a mental block or fear keep you from at least giving oral sex a try. It is a very giving and loving act.

    1. Paisley

      Thank you for this comment, Larry. Many of the comments here have been useful, but this one in particular about past abuse and husbands being understanding has helped me reconsider my reservations. First, I realized that even though I’ve not been abused, I do have some serious emotional baggage and wounds at the root of my fear. Secondly,I realized that my husband would probably be understanding if I were to talk to him about it. We are currently trying to work through the situation.

  13. Jenny

    Ok, The first time I gave oral to my husband it was a bit of me feeling guilty so I did it. I was uncertain and didn’t really like the thought of it. In the end, it wasn’t that bad. I kept doing it and it has come to a point I love doing it! It turns me on, and I look forward to making my husband come. By the way I like swallowing it usually tastes good (what he eats influences taste) and less clean up if I swallow. 🙂
    The change came in how I look at it. Giving oral gets him hard and he loves it and I love him and pleasing him and that gets me going. I would urge any wife to go for it.

  14. Dan

    “Giving oral gets him hard and he loves it…” This one statement is more important than you may know. As he ages achieving and maintaining an erection could/will become more of a challenge. Not only will oral help because it is more highly effective as a stimulant than a hand, but oral is, for most men anyway, highly exciting. The increased excitement and more effective stimulative value of oral will help achieve and maintain his erection as well a possibly make him more rigid.

    I realize many of you women out there are thinking “Yeah, right.” and maybe also “What’s in it for me?” I know touting oral appears very self-serving when it comes from a man, but what I have said are some very true reasons to try to make it part of sex if your man is older. What’s in it for you? A hard penis. The straight up (couldn’t resist the pun) truth. On this very blog some women have commented how they feel an emptiness after receiving oral without also having PIV sex, no matter how fantastic their orgasm from oral. He will not be able to do that for you if he isn’t erect and sufficiently rigid for the necessary length of time. That’s what’s in it for you as well as “In the end, it wasn’t that bad. it has come to a point I love doing it! It turns me on, and I look forward to making my husband come.” Sounds like a fair trade.

  15. T

    Wondering what helped wives get over their hesitations about performing oral.

    What helped?
    Was your husband helpful in getting over your hesitations?
    Did you start slow, licks, kisses? Or just go for the whole thing?
    What’s most important to know when try your first time? Technique? Passion? Eye contact?

    1. M

      For me I think what helped me get over my hesitation was how complete selfless my husband was/is in lovemaking. We were both virgins when we got married but the very first thing he did on our wedding night was give me oral sex. My pleasure has always been his number one priority in sex. And actually in every part of marriage he is selfless and puts me first. How could I not selflessly give back to him. I’ll admit I am not a the kind of girl who can let him come in my mouth. I’ve been known to throw up in the bathroom sink if the toothpaste gets too “foamy” so my gag reflex is really sensitive. My husband is fine with that. However, I do find all kinds of ways to try and selflessly give back to him. I would also say that I am not a clean freak, germaphobe kind of person so that probably helps. I am of the mind set that the majority of bacteria are actually good for you and help build your immune system so bring them on. But overall for me it was having a completely selfless husband who has never seen sex as being only for him or something I owed him but has completely put me first in every way…that is incredibly sexy and a huge turn on.

    2. J Post author

      I’ll chime in and say that, originally, a friend giving me tips helped me get over the initial worries. My biggest worry was feeling like I wouldn’t able to breathe, but once I figured that out — and also understood that any oral contact was arousing to him — I was willing to experiment and explore and enjoy the act. Thanks for the question! 🙂

  16. S

    This isn’t something I’d usually comment on, but in case it helps give hope to those of you who are all in the same boat:

    My hubby and I have been married 18 years and the past 2-3 our sex life has been better than ever. I don’t think the two things are related, but until recently, I couldn’t let him finish in my mouth either. I would gag & choke & didn’t think anything world ever change (thankfully he was very sweet and didn’t seem to care). But. I did discover a little trick and to my amazement, he can come in my mouth everytime now. It sounds crazy, but I just move my tongue as far away from his penis as possible, and then gulp hard & quick to get everything out of my mouth right away. With enough practice 🙂 … I’m a pro now. Even if I’m not quick enough now, it doesn’t seem to affect me. I’m telling you….I never thought things would change. But he seems to enjoy it all the more now, so I’m grateful for the chance to grow in this area. Might be worth a shot! 🙂

  17. CC

    My husband and I have been married 35 years and have both always enjoyed mutual oral sex. Things are different now that we have gotten older…..like it takes a little longer to get going. 🙂 I could actually give him oral sex EVERY single day and actually more than once a day. It is very much of a turn on to put “him” in my mouth while still soft and feel him as he gets excited. I completely enjoy loving on “him” in this way and it is a huge turn on when you think of it in the right (sexy) way. I can’t imagine thinking anything about this man I have been with so long as being gross or disgusting…..including his semen. I have never thought twice about “not” swallowing it. I think that ladies need to try to get there mind off of the negative thoughts and think about what an awesome gift God has given us in “sex” and enjoy ALL of it to the fullest! Try to concentrate on how much this is turning your man on…..and let it turn you on! I think if we can let go of most of our inhibitions while “in bed” with our husbands we will begin to enjoy each other the way that God created us to. 🙂

    1. K.

      Amen to that, CC! I could’ve written what you said. My husband is such a wonderful man. I enjoy making him feel special in the bedroom, and oral is definitely high on his happyhappyhappy list!

      Btw, congrats on your long, happy marriage. It’s been 31 wonderful years for us. 🙂

    2. J Post author

      Love it, CC! From a woman married 35 years? Congratulations and many blessings!!!

    3. M

      Not sure that I would say I think he’s gross just as one of those of us still struggling. But I don’t particularly I want bodily fluids in my mouth. I know it sounds like a contradiction but I have no problem putting my mouth on him, it’s the rest of it that’s tough for me. The in and out motion they want is hard for me to maneuver on my gag reflex ESPECIALLY while pregnant and I guess I’m just not a fan of bodily fluids in my mouth. It’s not just about getting your head off negative thoughts. I love sex with my hubby, I love being intimate, and I would love to love oral sex but my body is really fighting me on it. Also I am having a hard time seeing the pleasure he gets as being anything exceptional since he seems to get as much or more from intercourse. I am not giving up yet but it’s a work in progress.

  18. KB

    I also love to do this for my husband. It’s almost daily for us, sometimes just as a calming thing for him without completion. He is a little “older” so doesn’t need to climax every day and it’s nice just to feel good. I especially like it when I’m just too tired and I can lie there and do that for him. It usually does arouse me. One thing to remember is that men are very visual and they will like to see you doing that. So looking up every once in a while to make eye contact and smile will let him know you are enjoying it as well. Technique is less important than enthusiasm. let him know you love him and enjoy pleasing him. It is one of the most loving things we can do for our men to love them with no expectation of immediate reciprocation. Overall, that is easier if there is a balance in lovemaking.

      1. KB

        Yes, in the beginning but it helped to take it slowly. A little bit each time and he didn’t rush me. He never was negative or critical about it. And I learned how to make it pretty deep so I can swallow without ever even really tasting it.

        1. T

          I’ve never tried, I know my husband would like me to try but just can’t get over my hesitations.

          I feel like I don’t know what to do or get the hygiene issues out of my head.

    1. K.

      Well put, KB! Once again, I could’ve written this.

      We have oral almost every day, yet not always vaginal. We’re older, too, and I find oral more enjoyable because I can run my hands all over him and look at him while I’m doing it. Even when he doesn’t think he has anything in him I can usually get him hard.

    2. J Post author

      “Technique is less important than enthusiasm.” Can I just quote you on this regularly? 😉 It’s true of so much of sex for husbands. Thank you for saying it!!!

      1. Larry B of larrysmusings.com

        Oral sex is not just physical for the husband. Men want for their wives to enjoy the act. I completely agree that enthusiasm is so much more important than technique as the act is one of shared vulnerability and shared respect. Men also feel the same way about PIV sex with their wives. If it appears to the husband that the wife is not really fully engaged but is just going through the motions, it is not emotionally satisfying to him. Actually, it is more accurate to use the terms oral lovemaking and genital lovemaking as the emotions are in intimate play during these acts.

  19. Jeannie

    I love giving my husband oral. It makes me feel very sexy and turned on to be able to pleasure him so much. I do, of course, enjoy it better if he is showered and “manscaped” but it’s not a deal breaker. In response to the gag reflex concern, the woman can put her hand at the base of the penis to shorten how much goes into her mouth. Also, you can move your hand up and down in tandem with your mouth. It makes less work for the mouth and gives him constant stimulation along the entire penis. I alwats swallow. I find if the penis is further back in my mouth, the taste isn’t as much of an issue because you can swallow it down more quickly.

    1. J Post author

      Wonderful idea about using your hand as well to shorten that distance and provide arousing pressure for him. Thanks!

  20. K.

    The coolest thing about letting my husband come in my mouth is watching what happens to him while he’s having an orgasm. His testicles harden and shrink up into his body some and his bottom gets all goosebumpy and he shudders! Yeah, the coolest!

  21. S

    Has anyone tried using a condom for oral on him? It will solve hygiene and swallowing issues. The question is if it feels the same to him. Any thoughts?

    1. Larry B of larrysmusings.com

      As a husband, in my personal experience, the condom cuts down the pleasurable sensations noticeably. We used condoms early in our marriage for PIV sex. To specifically answer your question, no, it does not feel the same with a condom on. Sex is less satisfying when using a condom. (And, many wives feel the same way about condoms as these alter the experience for the wife as well.)

      I cannot speak for all husbands, but for me it would be a better experience for my wife to withdraw my penis and finish by hand or switch to intercourse if she did not want to accept the ejaculation rather than use a condom. That said, I have heard of wives, who are working up to a personal comfort level with performing oral sex, using a condom for several times before performing the act to completion au naturale.

      As to hygeine and health, if your husband is free of STIs (sexually transmitted infections), there is no health issue involved. Ask your husband to trim his hair in that area and wash regularly – not unreasonable requests of a loving husband! And, swallowing is not necessary. The finish in the wife’s mouth is more gratifying and has very exciting and pleasant sensations, but swallowing is not a deal breaker for most husbands.

  22. Persistence

    I actually enjoy giving oral to my husband! He loves it and it brings us closer (pun intended lol)
    At times I would insist he has a bath and sometimes I don’t make a big deal about it. I like it because I am married and why shouldn’t I try to please him sexually when so many unmarried couples do any and everything under the sun! I hate receiving oral though because I have tried to learn techniques but he has not been doing his “research” lol

  23. Lauren

    My husband and I have been married 11 years Saturday. However, over the past several months our communication during sex and sex life has became quite amazing! To be truthful we didn’t communicate about sex much before and didn’t even realize how much it was hurting us. Ladies, I promise if that part of your life is blah there is hope as ours in now better than ever before. I also think there is great freedom and happiness in truly enjoying the “one flesh experience” that comes with being fully connected to each other and The Lord and truly understanding what it means. I have always been willing to do that, but will add that now I do it far more often. I am more comfortable with it now and I know he loves it which is a HUGE turn on for me. For us we typically use it in our foreplay, therefore I don’t worry about the swallowing issue. I think I enjoy it more now because our sex life is wonderful and I love knowing that he really enjoys it . That truly turns me on 🙂

    1. CC

      Yay for you Lauren. I posted earlier that I have been married 35 years and share awesome sex with my husband!! I just wanted to say that we have, just in the past few years, REALLY started talking and communicating during sex (and about sex other times) and this has really took things to a higher level. Take it from me…..sex will only get MUCH better as the years go by for you and your husband. Sounds like you need to keep up (lol) what your doing. Blessings to you

  24. libl

    I just want to chime in that my husband refuses to give and receive oral. Once in a blue moon, he will give, but says he dislikes both.

    I love giving and receiving and I feel a great loss in having that excluded from our bedroom. I encourage wives to consider their husbands and try. Start out slow. Just kiss. Then start licking the tip and treating it like a lollipop. When ready, put some of the shaft in your mouth. Take your time to work your way up. No one says you have to deep throat and swallow right away.

    If you start gagging, stop. But, always try again. You don’t know how much you’ll bless your husband. I would dance on the rooftops if hubby brought oral sex back to our marriage bed.

    1. J Post author

      I wonder why he dislikes it. Some people do have very sensitive mouths or a bad memory linked to oral sex, so that could explain something. Maybe someday he’ll give a shot. Thanks for the tips.

  25. A

    So, I have a question. I don’t mind giving him oral sex, though at times it is a bit exhausting. But my main reason for not offering as much as he would like, is that it just doesn’t turn me on. Which isn’t a problem if he can spend some time turning me on after, but usually he is raring to go and hates having to slow down and start over. Anybody have any tips on this?

    1. P

      Maybe if he gets you very turned on first and then you start giving oral in a position where he can still touch you at the same time ( him laying on the bed and you sitting on his side) so then you can both enjoy it.

    2. J Post author

      Yes, I’d think the way to go is either you go first or you go simultaneously. In fact, having him stimulate you while you’re giving might actually link this not-a-turn-on act to something that very much turns you on — putting it in a better and more exciting light. (We’re a bit Pavlov’s dog that way, whether we’d like to admit it or not.)

      Talk to your hubby about it and suggest you two experiment with sequence, position, activity, etc. to see what leaves you both feeling intimately connected and sexually satisfied. Some trial-and-error might help you two come up with a workable solution!

  26. P

    I love giving oral and I like swallowing, however, I get a bit of a weird tingling feeling in my throat and stomach afterwards. Since semen try move upwards I thought that might be it, or maybe its like my husband says all just in my head. Does anyone else experience the same?

    1. J Post author

      I don’t think sperm swim that way. The stomach acid should break anything down pretty quickly anyway. Maybe that weird tingling is simply related to the sexual experience itself. I suggest figuring out what settles your stomach afterward — maybe some ginger ale? crackers? chocolate?

  27. A

    I think my biggest reservation to swallowing is like other wives have stated—fear of gagging. I don’t have anything to compare it to but my husband seems to ejaculate with some force. Seems like that would be pretty unpleasant to experience in my mouth. I guess I don’t really get the appeal of ejaculating in your wife’s mouth to a man. We enjoy oral sex as foreplay but I don’t really enjoy it as the main event.

  28. Anon

    I would love to do this for my husband. He has mentioned that he thinks he would enjoy it but he is pretty low key about it and doesn’t pressure me. I would love to try it, but I just can’t bring myself to. The biggest issue is the “gross” factor. Most of the time he just…smells from sweat down there so even if he showered right before oral, the “gross” is still in the back of my mind. I think I still have some residual “Good Girl’s Syndrome” too….I think my lady parts are gross too. lol :/ I am also not a fan of the semen texture in general and I’m so afraid that the taste of that or the pre-ejaculate will make me gag. I have heard of women having a mint first so it kind of “numbs” the mouth…maybe I’ll try that. I think you are so right about the baby steps thing though….at first I didn’t want my face anywhere near there, but I started with just kisses. I still don’t enjoy it often, but I can do it sometimes.

    1. J Post author

      Yeah, it sounds like you’ve got some mental obstacles there. But you’re aware of them and starting to work on that, which is great! Take those baby steps, and keep moving in the right direction — toward your mutual pleasure and marital intimacy! Many blessings.

  29. mrs. v

    I’ve married a year now and have a lot of fun exploring.The first few times of giving the mister oral, I didn’t know what to expect….and it was fine, down the hatch! But! I’ve started to develop a gag reflex which has made it tough to swallow, even though I want to! It is a lot more fluid than I ever expected, and now that I know to expect it, it …feeds …into my gag reflex. (The saltiness, texture and warmth don’t help. I try telling myself its like soup, but, not exactly what you want to be thinking about when…) The mister says he doesn’t mind if I spit….but recently I’ve discovered he can’t finish (I have been enthusiastically trying to practice more, to improve the experience more for both of us), so it instead turns into marathon oral foreplay session until I finally suggest a little something something. He is always wonderfully reassuring that my technique is always improving, but I think he now holds off to save me the discomfort/spitting later. ( I don’t go sprinting off or make a face!) I’ve tried minty mouthwash to help me, but now I’ve worried I’m affecting his ability to really let loose, as it were, and enjoy. And there is only so long I can go at it before it loses its fun and sexiness, and then I start down an ungenerous mentality (“sheesh, just finish already!”) Or an insecure one (“he says I’m great…..but………I’m not getting him to that finish line!”) How can I reassure him that I can’t get over the gags if he is trying to be kind and keep me from being uncomfortable? I’m starting to feel guilty for making this both our problem, because the first few times it was so easy…I want to, erm, blow him away!

    1. J Post author

      Okay, when I read this, I immediately thought, Wow, she is SO up in her head! Yeah, I think you’re overthinking it all. Relax, Mrs. V, sex is supposed to be enjoyable.

      Let go of what worked and didn’t work before. Marital intimacy is an ever-changing experience. Even if you do everything the same this time as you did last month, it can have a different effect, because our brains and bodies are always adjusting. So just deal with the here and now, and rehearse in your head, “I’m going to make this feel good for him.” And then make that happen. If he ejaculates, fine. If he doesn’t, fine. If you swallow, fine. If you gag so hard you fall over in a conniption fit, fine — laugh it off and move on. Just remember this is your guy, your marriage, your mutual pleasure. Learn as you go, but enjoy the now.

      Before you know it, I bet you blow your hubby away! 😉

  30. AG

    I’ve always had a hard time, but have been making more of an effort since he seems to enjoy it so much and always goes out of his way to please me. One thing I’ve found to help is to keep a mint ( we use Wintergreen Altoids ) in my mouth and another handy for afterwards. Of course, now even pulling out a tin of altoids has a whole different meaning…..

    1. J Post author

      I can just imagine your hubby tucking Altoids in your Christmas stocking! LOL.

  31. Judith

    A little advice for the ladies with sensitive gag reflex (I’m one of you), try aiming the head of his penis into the back ofyour cheek rather than your throat. I gag easily but I have learned how to successfully give my husband oral without gagging. Also, you have to be willing to gag and keep going. When I start to gag I pull back some, regroup and continue. And lest anyone assume I’ve been doing this for a long time and have just toughened with time, I only started trying to deep throat the last few months. I’ve gone from barely being able to use my mouth at all to being able to deep throat and even swallow. Ladies, the two key things are perseverance and willingness to please your husband despite your temporary discomfort.

  32. NJ

    I really enjoy giving my hubby oral as foreplay because of the reactions I get. 😉 I so wish I could bring myself to swallow, because I suspect it would drive him wild, and I enjoy pleasuring him so much. Putting my mouth on him has never bothered me, nor does his preejaculate. It’s that salty taste that makes me finish him with my hand instead, which he’s always ok with. Looks like I’ll have to do some more research on improving his “flavor”, or actually try deep throating and swallowing quickly. Doing this for him is a huge turn-on for me, and I have fantasized many times about letting him come in my mouth until he gets that dazed look on his face… Besides, he loves to reciprocate on me! 😉 Thank you for your posts on this topic, J.

  33. Kate

    Why has no-one mentioned frosting???

    I used to hate going down until I had an ah-ha moment! I just needed a different textures where hair, fluid, and smells were neutralized. Whipped cream is not nearly as good at accomplishing this (I found) and we tried brownie-batter which would only work if the batter is really smooth. (Otherwise it is surprisingly abrasive) But frosting works GRRRRREAT!!!

    IDEA —-> Surprise your man with a trip to the supermarket with the intention of finding yummy things to incorporate.

    Peachy-ohs, caramel, peanut butter…. The possibilities are endless!!!

    And that is how we BOTH look forward to it 😉

  34. ladyD

    I have been married for almost 14 years now. I do give my husband’s “buddy” or penis kisses and such. I’m not been successful with spitting nor swallowing…. I am survivor of sexual abuse/assault and unfortunately the smell, site, and taste is a trigger for me sometimes. I’m always looking for tips however, to make my time in the land of oral as magical and pleasing as possible without having to go to point him ejaculating in my mouth. I do make sure that I complete that task in other non-oral ways. I wish I could find tips for how to do oral with movement of hand and mouth as well as switching up to tighten up mouth and hand and loosen up grip too. I think it is starting to feel not as exciting sometimes, so any tips on how to make it spice up again with some new moves??

  35. Daisy

    I am a new bride of nearly 6 weeks after 33 years waiting for the right guy 🙂 and we were both virgins at marriage. I have always looked on oral in a positive light though somewhat nervous.. reading a lot on your blog, J, (and others) and all the comments too helped me feel more mentally ready for the unknown!! Esp for me, I feared being caught off guard by ejaculation in my mouth and gagging. Along the way, I picked up the tips of putting him in my mouth as far as comfortable and wrapping my hand around the lower half of his penis.. and when he let’s me know he is about to come, I push him up towards the roof of my mouth with my tongue (which is already pretty focused on the sensitive underside of him anyway) and I haven’t gagged yet! He was surprised I can swallow (actually “grosser” thought to him than I initially) Lol. If I feel gagged by him being back too far, I just pull him out and lick, kiss, (and swallow saliva) and tease him and then back in mouth again and he loves it all!! As a woman who can often over think things to death, I am thankful to let go and desire to bless and please my guy! I happen to find his manhood extremely attractive and LOVE feeling it in my hands and mouth!! I recently discovered licking all over his testicles and teasing with my tongue and I think he would HIGHLY recommend it based on his verbal exclamations and bodily reactions 😉 it is going in my “happy husband – use often” file! Thank you for your ministry to us women to prioritize and value the gift and closeness of loving our husbands and receiving love, sexually. It is a message we desperately need in our culture!!! And thanks for the tips that gave me the courage to “dive right in” 😉 asap!!!

  36. S

    SO…….my husband is a recovering sex addict. Has not acted out in 3 years. During his acting out, he paid strippers in strip clubs for hand jobs and oral sex. Therefor, I have NO interest in putting my mouth where another woman’s mouth has been. Period. He doesn’t get it. He thinks I should be over it by now. He says that I have truly forgiven him then I would move forward and provide him with oral sex….which of course makes me VERY ANGRY. Oh yeah….he also has tested positive for genital herpes (I am negative)….which he could have had before we even got married but there is also a chance that he got it from the blow job. He is on suppressants…..if he wasn’t there would not be ANY sex action going on. So, with a prostitute’s (he paid for it which makes her a prostitute not just a stripper) mouth on my husband’s penis and testing positive for genital herpes those are two VERY GOOD reasons, in my book, not to want to put my mouth anywhere near there. Thoughts??

    1. J Post author

      My thoughts? Honestly, you two need to go to marriage counseling. It doesn’t sound like he’s taken full responsibility for what he did, and you have a lot of bitterness about it. I strongly encourage you to find a Christian marriage counselor in your area, tell him you want to go together, and then go whether or not he accompanies you. At the very least, you can work through your own perspective. (Oh, and a tip: Treat your life like you’d treat your car; if the first mechanic/counselor isn’t helping, keep searching until you find someone who can help fix/heal the problems.)

      As for holding back on certain sex acts because he did them elsewhere, what if that thing had been intercourse? Would that mean no more sex…ever? And if you believe the genital herpes is suppressed enough for sex to happen, how does the mouth change things? I’m just wondering… Of course, I totally understand your feelings! After any form of adultery, many spouses have to establish some boundaries to cope before they can jump back in. I just think you two need to work together to move toward healing, trust, and intimacy. You might start by fostering your friendship and your romance.

      I ache for you. And I’m praying for you. Blessings!

  37. mj

    Any advice for a gal who loves giving but has a hubby who 1wants to shove it uncomfortably down her throat and won’t let her control how it goes and 2 rarely sees need to give in return, just off-handedly apologizing that I didn’t get anything this time? Sex talk is super sensitive in our house. He is hard to approach without it turning into an argument.

    1. J Post author

      In all honesty, if my husband demanded a sexual activity that continually resulted in pain for me, I wouldn’t participate. Yes, you should not deprive your husband of sexual intimacy, but I’d be clear about my feelings on this one: “I really love to give you this, but it hurts me the way you do this. I know it’s difficult for you to control your desire to have more or deeper or whatever, but it’s actually painful to me. If I feel that pain, I’m going to have to stop. When you can let me be more involved in how this activity goes, I’ll gladly participate.”

      Also, if sex talk is often an argument in your house, get away from the house and discuss it calmly. Ask what he wants your sexual intimacy to look like — not as a list of complaints, but “what would a great sex life look like?” Take time to listen to him and give his feelings validation. You don’t have to agree with everything he says or go along with every suggestion he makes, but that can start the conversation in the right direction.

      Many blessings!

  38. C

    mj,
    I would add to you – as a woman who experienced an abusive relationship – be aware your husbands actions are selfish, abusive and demeaning. I am sorry to be so blunt as I am sure he has other great qualities, but if you do not deal with his actions in a loving but ‘firm in the truth’ way, they can often become worse as he will lose respect for you. I highly recommend reading some of the Boundaries books by authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend to generally strengthen your understanding and responses to unhealthy behaviour!

  39. Albert

    I’ve read most of these posts. How good it is to learn to talk about what’s normmal and works. But what works for one couple may be all wrong for an other. You could develope unrealistic expectation. For us he is huge and I am small he’s a 9+ in size and I’m a 2 in size. After 30 years of struggle to work it out sexually. It took love and patience. I find or I should say we find oral sex to be the best solution. He too big for my mouth and my vagina. Rear entry never worked yet. But if he gives me oral first he can get in no problem

  40. M

    My wife and I are seniors, and have been married many years after first being widowed when we were young. These many posts remind me of those early years of marriage in learning, and developing a sexual experience that only comes with hope patience, and perseverance.

    We entered our second marriage with the good experiences of the first. We each knew how to sexually give pleasure and to receive pleasure, whether by genital intercourse, masturbation, or oral stimulation. The important thing is the willingness to give pleasure to the spouse, period.

    My wife has enjoyed receiving oral sex and giving it, just as I have. There were times when we have used oral sex for birth control.

    In later years, she has not had as much vaginal secretion as when she was younger. The lack of secretion makes her more vulnerable to bladder infections due to our oral bacteria.

    With this said, cleanliness is important. Wash your hands, brush your teeth, wash your groin area.

    In recent years, my staying power has increased to the point that I seldom have an orgasm during intercourse. When she is satisfied after one, two or three orgasms, she rolls me off and finishes me with oral sex. I am deeply appreciative and satisfied. Her eyes sparkle knowing what she has given to me. Her lighthearted teasing at later times reveals her comfort with our sexuality.

    In regard to these many posts about fluids, I can say that we have taken a very simple view. Our secretions are an outpouring of our excitement and pleasure. You should enjoy that flow while you have it. Feel it, smell it, taste it, revel in it, and recognize it for the pleasure that it brings. These are the good memories you will have as you get older. They will carry you along as your libido diminishes.

    Ecclesiastes 11 & 12 put age into perspective. These verses in the Living Bible describe the young man forgetting about his creator, while the old man drags along without sexual desire.

    The Song of Solomon gives us youthful images of a bounding sexual life. The images provide us with metaphors of lips dripping with milk and honey, with fragrances, fruits, springs, and fountains. Whatever you do, do not miss the significance of these metaphors. They are not coincidental.

    You should put away your silly images and idols, and whole-heartedly partake in the realities of life to enjoy what God has created for us.

    I know I have and am thankful.

  41. Pingback: Is oral sex okay? | One plus One equals 1

  42. anon

    You know what is weird? That they only get married in chapter 3 of Sos and they first night together is in chapter 4. Then how can we talk about oral in chapter 2?
    I feel the biblical view should be more accentuated, in issue. Is there only one verse that can be related with this issue? Or are there more, but we just like to leave them out?

    1. J Post author

      I don’t think Song of Songs is linear in the same way the historical books of the Old Testament are. It’s poetic literature, so there’s some license with sequence. The vast majority of scholars have concluded this is a married couple engaging in sexual acts. I agree.

  43. Pingback: What Does He Mean by “Oral Sex”? (It May Not Be What You Think) | Hot, Holy & Humorous

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