Quickie (n). a brief or spontaneous episode of sexual activity.
Quickies should not comprise the majority of your lovemaking. If they do, you’re not giving your sex life enough time and attention. Because the ultimate goal of sex in marriage is intimacy. And you can’t get super-intimate with your spouse in 5-10 minutes.
That said, when you’ve invested a lot of time with someone, those brief encounters can be great touch-base moments. I’ve seen this with texting my best friend in between seeing one another, quick greetings at church with people I later sit down and talk to at length, and quickies with my husband when we also have longer lovemaking times.
With all that in mind, let me tell you why you should embrace—even love—the quickie!
1. You can take the edge off.
One of the primary reasons to have a quickie is because one or both of you is feeling edgy about not having had sex in a while. A while could be a few days or a week, but for higher interest spouses, the longer they go without, the more the desire translates to physical tension.
Some spouses report getting antsy or cranky without both the physical release and intimate connection sex in marriage provides. Having a quickie can sate that hunger until you have more time for a longer lovemaking encounter.
2. You can avoid little-people detection.
When you have young children in your home, it can be difficult to find time to eat a decent meal or take a shower, much less have extended nookie time. Sometimes, 5-10 minutes is all you have, so you make the best of what you’ve got.
Nearly all kids can be left alone for the time it takes to have a quickie. Yes, you might need to put the baby in the playpen, turn on a kids’ show, or drag out the craft supplies and hope glue doesn’t end up on your walls, but you can figure out how to safely make it happen. And then you can figure out how to make the quickie happen.
3. You can bless your spouse.
Quickies don’t necessarily mean sexual intercourse — any brief sexual activity counts. That means you can take a short period of time and use it to bless your spouse by taking care of their sexual/emotional needs or by just making this time all about them.
Specifically speaking, give him a blow job or a hand job. Give her cunnilingus (aka oral sex) or manually bring her to orgasm. You may need to bring out your best plays and a bit of lube to accomplish what you want, but you might well be able to get in a sweet blessing in only a few minutes.
4. You can have it in places other than the bed.
Quickies are great for the shower, the closet, the car… Wherever space is limited, quickies are wonderful option. You may need to get creative enough with positions to make your bodies come together, but check out Christian Friendly Sex Positions or the Ultimate Intimacy app for ideas. CFSP even has the best sex positions for in a car!
By the way, couples often ask how they can still have sex while on a family vacation, and this might be your best bet. You may not be able to get the hotel room all to yourselves, but even a small hotel bathroom could work for a quickie.
5. You can express true familiarity.
Yes, a long, lazy time of kissing, caressing, and lovemaking is an absolutely beautiful, and crucial, experience in marriage. But the quick, playful moments of a quickie also express how well you’ve come to know each other and your bodies. By cutting to the chase of what he/she really likes, you express the familiarity you’ve come to have.
You know just where to touch her. You know just how to stroke him. Even if it’s not that easy to get revved up yourself, you know how to bless your spouse. We’re better at quickies now than when we were younger, because we’re just better with each other.
What do you like about quickies? And what tips do you have to make quickies go well?
Quickies help us connect with our spouses. Because sometimes when we are just so preoccupied already and we got no time, this gives us a “hey, relax..you’ll get though it”.
J,
I have been trying to figure out in a tasteful way to explain that I have more that just a romantic, intimate desire to make love to my wife.
Maybe this article allows me to explain what I mean.
Sometimes I will get this “spontaneous” thought that my desires are more raw and physical.
That when the moments of intimacy occurs, I just want to quench my sexual thirst for her. I want her to know that I physically hunger for her physical assets and she will do the same, when she desires a quickie as well. Though sometimes these feelings happen when our intimacy last longer than a quickie.
It seems a quickie is focused on the spontaneous desire for both, to become physical, to devour from one another, in order to give and receive form one another as much gratification in a the short amount of time that is available. Not worrying if buttons are popping off of shirts or a trail of clothes falling wherever in the house as we kiss our way, leading into the bedroom or even the living room.
This is a mental rush for her as well as for myself, to appreciate what it means to be raw like this. Doesn’t happen as much as it use to, but it still happens..
We see in scriptures about the evils of lusting, which I interpret lusting outside of marriage as wrong. But when a married couple is who truly love each other are mutually treating each other’s intimate assets like eye candy, to some that might be wrong because they are lusting each other.
A quickie is sometimes unplanned, and at times is a result of our basic physical and raw desires wanting to be met. Outside of marriage would be considered lust.
Within marriage what would it be considered?
Would a quickie with our spouse that is triggered with raw desire and attraction (that my wife and I mutually share with each other) be considered lustful?
If so, is it ok in your view (or in Song of Solomon) to have this type of intimate passion within a marriage and would it be considered a good type of lust? (or is the definition of lust an evil meaning?)
To want to experience the mental rush of ripping our clothes because our intimate areas are craving to be together, with the love of our life.
My wife has dignity, but I also know she likes it when we “let our hair down” and become a little less “proper” as we expose our mutual attractions to one another’s physical assets. Again this type of rawness stimulates both of our minds.
If non-married people act this way, why can’t married people truly in love, hunger for one another the same way?
“Lust” is really just an intense longing, and an intense sexual longing for your spouse is just fine. See What Is Lusting?
Oh, and by the way, I think that “rip each other’s clothes off” feeling happens more for women when the intensity builds slowly. So that could happen with a quickie, but it could also happen with longer lovemaking. Just a thought for you to consider.
Thank you.
I agree that the same type of rawness that ignites us to spontaneously pursue a quickie also occurs with longer intimacy.
I never kept tabs on who experiences the feeling of “rip each other’s clothes off” the most. I may have to ask my wife to keep a special tally sheet on the refrigerator.
Great, great stuff J, thanks as always!!
Thanks!
Maybe we are unusual couple. In our 4 decades of marriage, we have never had a “quickie”. If we can’t take the time to make love, then we just say no to sex. Even we our kids were young, our sessions were at least 30 minutes long. I do have to admit our frequency was (and is) quite low…3 times a month when we were young and the last few years it has been once every 3-4 weeks (not my choice though).
Oohhh, I don’t know. Quickies make me nervous. Because I don’t believe my husband is very attracted to me (physically) – mainly because my sex drive us much higher than his and I am insecure about my appearance. Because I don’t think he desires me very much, and because quickies are usually about intense desire, on the very rare occasions he wants a quickie, I figure he must be thinking about someone else. Perhaps he saw a woman that attracted him on the street, or in a television show, and I’m just the “stand in”. That makes me feel used, like a rubber doll, and that feels very dirty and ugly to me. I’d love to be the object of my husband’s desire but I do not want to be some “stand in” for a woman he actually craves.
Now he might not think this way. But he might. And based on his low desire for me, I think it’s likely that a quickie is indicative of him thinking of someone else. And that makes me feel yucky and sad.
I don’t see quickies as being about intense desire so much as “we have this little amount of time.” And oh my, why on earth would you plant in your head that he’s thinking of someone else?! Nope, I don’t buy it. I think he asks for a quickie with you, he wants a quickie WITH YOU, the wife he CHOSE.
B-
Is it possible your husband’s lower drive is caused by low Testosterone, possibly a medication he’s taking, or maybe his thyroid?
JM0121, thank you for the suggestion. Most likely, no. He’s had a checkup. He loves work more than anything and is usually under a great deal of work stress. The stress is the most likely culprit. Although I have often allowed myself to believe I’m just not good enough for him, I’m trying to battle those thoughts.
A check up usually doesn’t involve checking those things unless he specifically asks for them to be, OR if he has a REALLY good doctor. How old is your husband?
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