Daily Archives: March 28, 2011

Talking Flirty vs. Talking Dirty

In college, I picked up a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence.  Was it as steamy as they say?  Oh yeah.  (Although perhaps today’s Harlequins could cause Mr. Lawrence to blush.)  What bothered me most, however, was the author’s presumption that Mrs. Chatterley would be turned on by some guy talking about her (so sorry to type this) “c*nt.”

Seriously, how on earth is that a turn-on?!!

I’ve talked to a few women who have engaged in sex with a guy who wants to talk dirty.  There are people who think it is sexy to use crass language to refer to body parts or sexual activities.  For the women I spoke with, it was the total opposite, but how could they convince their guy?  Some husbands think it’s simple prudishness if a wife doesn’t want to engage in talking dirty.

But there is a big difference between talking flirty and talking dirty.  Giving each other’s body parts cute little names is flirty.  Talking in descriptive imagery about what you want to do with each other — also flirty.  Using language you learned from a porn film your friend showed you back in your frat days, not flirty.

Just imagine if one turned to Song of Songs and read the Lover exclaiming to his Beloved, “Hey baby!  Come over here so I squeeze your melons!”  “Wrap those gams around me and let’s do the nasty!”  Ick!

He didn’t say anything approaching that.  He did, however, speak candidly about her body parts and his desire for her.  Try out this one instead:  Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit'” (Song of Songs 7:7-8).  He also says, “Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.”  Uh, hello! So much nicer.

And that approach worked pretty well, considering that the Beloved recounts, “My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies” (Song of Songs 6:2).  Those of you who think her hubby came back actually holding a bouquet of lilies have completely missed the imagery.

God-honoring sex is not dirty.  But it is flirty!  Using descriptive language to describe how beautiful your mate is or how much you enjoy sex together communicates value and anticipation of intimate time.

Make sure your words honor your spouse and your God.  Use words, of course!  Flirt with your mate!  Use poetic prose to tell him what a hottie he is.  Encourage him to gush about your salacious sexiness.

And then act on that flirting.  Let him touch those clusters of fruit.  Let him browse among the lilies.  God wants you both to enjoy the beautiful gift He has given to marriage.

And that approach worked pretty well, considering that the Beloved recounts, “My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies” (Song of Songs 6:2).