I was in the public library once and happened upon the marriage help section. Seeing a title with a couple of Christian authors I recognized, I picked up the book on marital sexuality and thumbed through. When I found the chapter about positions, I was curious. They began by saying that couples needed to break out of the mold and try some new positions. Cool, I thought. Wonder what they are going to suggest.
Turning the page, I expected to come upon the delicious secrets of sexual positioning, a treasure trove of interesting approaches, a veritable awakening of information regarding the many different ways that a husband and a wife can connect in lovemaking!
I found four positions — described very dryly — all of which my husband and I had done in within our first few weeks as newlyweds. Hardly the revelation I was expecting. Sadly, when I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she remarked that three of those positions were probably news to some couples.
Since Christian authors have generally had little to say about positions, I have noticed many Christian couples turning to the Kama Sutra instead. The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian Hindu text which includes advice about sexual pleasure and a chapter on positions for coitus. Apparently, there are 64 positions total.
The Bible’s definitive text on godly sexuality does not specifically describe or draw diagrams for sexual positions for married couples. However, scholars do contend that there are clues to positions used by the Lover and Beloved (husband and wife in Song of Songs, or Song of Solomon).
So should a Christian couple pursue different positions? Should they consult other resources? What about those 64 positions? How many of those are worthwhile?
I wondered these things too and once set out on a mission for sexual positions my husband and I had not tried. Now I refuse to consult many secular sources which provide photographs as instructional material. Using a resource that has paid two people to pose in sexual positions for an audience is not God-honoring in my book, so that is simply not happening. I do not get sex ideas from hard porn or soft porn, period.
So I looked among other resources, including Kama Sutra books, the Song of Songs, websites, and conversations with very close friends. And my hubby and I tried some of them. Having done some research and experimentation, let me share what I’ve discovered.
There are only a few main positions, but many variations. For instance, the missionary position (lying down, man on top, woman on bottom) is one category. Within that category, the way it feels for both partners can be varied — depending on where you place your legs, feet, arms, etc. Rear entry is another category, but how much you bend your body and where you place your hands provides different sensations. Those 64 positions in the Kama Sutra? They are really variations within a few major categories.
Some positions are unrealistic. I agree completely with Julie Sibert’s post, Hey, I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast (from Intimacy in Marriage). Some of the positions out there require a contortionist or a willingness to undergo traction later to perform. And for the husband, let’s just say that some things don’t bend the way that certain pictures would indicate. (And the mere thought of it would make most men cringe and protectively grab their groin area.) If any man out there can do the position I once saw with the hubby in a back bend, you should try out for the Olympic Gymnastics Team or Cirque du Soleil. That one is definitely not happening for most couples!
Varying positions provides several benefits.
Visual stimulation. Seeing you and your spouse connected from different perspectives can be titillating. For instance, woman-on-top may be particularly appealing for a husband to view his wife’s beautiful body.
Access. Certain positions provide better access to body parts that you want to touch or kiss. Perhaps one time the wife wishes to stroke her husband’s testicles by sitting atop him or the husband wants to enter from the rear to more easily fondle his wife’s breasts.
Control. You may wish to vary who has more control over the time of entry, thrusting, and pacing. At times, the wife may want to have more say for when she is ready for penetration — which may be easier for her from above. Other times, the husband may wish to assume charge of the “work,” so to speak.
Sensation. The husband penetrating his wife from different angles provides different sensations. For instance, I mentioned in my Pain & Pleasure post that rear entry may be more comfortable for wives with a severely tilted, or retroverted, uterus. Also, certain positions have a greater chance of engaging the ever-elusive G-spot (though some couples never find it and enjoy sex just fine).
It’s okay to be adventurous, and it’s okay to not be adventurous. Not every position is worth trying, and positioning alone is NOT the secret to having a great sex life. Spending your time developing a loving, intimate relationship with your spouse is much more worthwhile than reading through the Kama Sutra or any other sex manual. Don’t go making a checklist of all 64 positions with a box to check off beside each one!
The best way to start is to vary your regular position(s) a little. Move your arms or legs somewhere else. Tilt a little to the left or right. Angle yourselves a bit differently. Involve a chair or the side of the bed to create slightly different positioning.
Mission Position isn’t about trying everything so you can say that you’ve done it all! It’s about one key to a great sex life with your spouse: Loving them enough to find ways to mutually experience physical pleasure. If changing up your positioning increases your enjoyment of one another, go for it! If you’re both unbelievably ecstatic with that one perfect position you’ve got going on, keep going. If your spouse wants to try something new and you’re reluctant, you might end up enjoying it after all if you gave it a shot!
And one more thing: The older you get, the harder it is to stick your right foot behind your elbow and your left foot in your ear for the sake of sexual arousal. Some of the positions I’ve seen just make me grab the Ben-Gay and roll over to sleep.