Hot, Holy & Humorous

What’s So Great about an Orgasm?

Today, let’s celebrate the female orgasm. Why? Because it’s pretty great.

Many wives have experienced orgasm and can back me up here. Other wives who haven’t yet had the Big O, don’t sweat that you aren’t there because it sometimes takes a while to figure out, but do focus on your pleasure during sex and you may get there soon.

Why should even want an orgasm? Well, besides it physically feeling like the best amusement park ride ever, here’s some of what makes an orgasm so great:

Her pleasure. To reach orgasm, most couples must be intentional about it. A few wives do indeed orgasm very easily, but for the vast majority of wives, a sliver of foreplay immediately followed by intercourse ain’t gonna cut it. Which means that if she orgasms, the couple has placed a priority on her pleasure as well as his. In many cases, the husband is demonstrating a desire to arouse, excite, and satisfy his wife — even when it means sex takes longer than required for his own satisfaction. A wife’s orgasm shows intention and priority placed on making sure both partners experience a peak of pleasure in the marriage bed.


Health benefits. Research studies have long shown health benefits of sex and, more specifically, orgasm. Several of these benefits, we wives can personally confirm. Orgasm produces a flow of the bonding chemical Oxytocin, which produces feelings of connection and calm — the same feelings that help you get a good night’s sleep. Endorphins produced during orgasm increase pain tolerance, thus alleviating pain like that headache or backache or even cramps. Blood flow in the brain is increased as well, keeping your noggin healthy. Regular orgasms give a workout to the very muscles responsible for maintaining continence — which we all want to maintain, right? — muscles which weaken with age and could use some exercise.

Orgasms have also been linked to lower blood pressure, less anxiety and depression, and a more youthful appearance. While some of these benefits also result from the sex itself, orgasms seem to boost the positive effects.

Mental break. To the awe or confusion of most men, women’s brains are inundated with a thousand thoughts. At any given moment, ask me what I’m thinking, and you might get up to fifteen items that have passed through my head in the last three seconds. I’m telling you, it’s a mine field in there. However, in the middle of a fabulous orgasm, all of those tangled thoughts and constant concerns melt away. A woman’s brain is overloaded with an explosion of pleasure — resulting in a lovely mental respite, a Zen-like moment.

Asteroids arcade gameHaving grown up in the video-game-arcade era, I think about this like an old video game. Take Asteroids, for example. (Anyone else ever play that?) You control an arrow in the middle of the screen, and asteroids come at you. You must shoot and blow them up before they can crash into your little arrow. (Yeah, yeah, the graphics were simple.) At first, the asteroids come slowly, then more quickly. And that’s how my day feels. I wake up, and thoughts intrude a few at a time until I reach my normal brain function of a galaxy-full of asteroids bombarding me all day long. But during orgasm? It’s like that moment when you blow up the asteroids in a swirling frenzy, and kaboom! all of them are suddenly gone and the universe around you has gone peacefully quiet. Your body releases tension, and a beautiful calm washes over you. It’s quite a lovely feeling, that mental respite.

God’s beautiful design. When God created people and marriage, He had innumerable choices of how to design the sexual act. Look around at the rest of nature, and you can see some of the options. When it came to His people, though, He seemed to have really thought it through. Considering His design, the orgasm is one part of an amazing way to link a husband and wife in sexual intercourse.

When a wife’s arousal increases, she tends to desire more frequent thrusting and deeper penetration. When a husband thrusts more frequently and penetrates more deeply, more sensitive areas of her vagina are contacted, thus increasing her excitement even more. When her husband closes in on his climax, his penis pulses with the release of ejaculate; and when the wife closes in on climax, her vagina contracts with spasms; and both of these actions encourage the other’s completion and sensations of pleasure. It’s a dance of body parts, each doing their thing, but interwoven in a rather astounding way. Her climax facilitates his climax, and his climax facilitates hers. What a beautiful design.

Now does this happen every time? No. But part of God’s set-up here is a lifetime together to learn one another’s bodies and godly attitudes that make it far more likely for both of you to enjoy sex and experience climax. So the longer you’re married, the more you attend to one another’s pleasure, the more you live out God’s intended plan, the more likely you are to perfect the dance. You get the steps down, you feel each other’s rhythm, you synchronize your movements, and you almost move as one.

So what do you think is so great about having an orgasm? What benefits do you experience?

And if you’re struggling with having an orgasm at all, here are some other posts that might help: Orgasm: If Only I Could O, 3 Tips on Having a Great Orgasm, and Beyond the Single Orgasm.

35 thoughts on “What’s So Great about an Orgasm?”

  1. There is also a shared emotional component to climax/orgasm. This is in addition to the beneficial physical effects and the pleasurable and intense sensations. As mentioned in other blog posts, husbands desire that their wives enjoy the sex and have orgasms, and they enjoy the sex more when their wives do orgasm. Lovemaking is best when both spouses are fully engaged, actively participating, and enjoying the special moments. The emotional closeness and the physical pleasure can reinforce each other during lovemaking.

    Another facet to the approach of climax is that the husband’s penis will swell a little larger and his erection becomes even firmer (harder) just prior to his orgasm. Many wives feel this happening and it, along with the rapid/deeper thrusts, can help trigger her orgasm. (I think there have been articles in recent years that tell of the physiological benefits of the wife receiving the ejaculate inside her vagina.)

    Frequent lovemaking with frequent orgasms for the health of your marriage.

    As to the mental aspect, there is a book from 1989 that speaks to the differences in women’s and men’s brains. These really are wired differently. The title is Brain Sex, The Real Difference Between Men and Women, by Anne Moir and David Jessel.

  2. Pingback: marriage (with a little sex and a little spice) – part three | larrysmusings

  3. “Today, let’s celebrate the female orgasm. Why? Because it’s pretty great.”

    Call me weird or creepy, but I must admit that as a man, I would *love* to know what it feels like to be female–every sensation–and what their orgasms feel like.

    Somehow I suspect the female physicality and anatomy just feels far more sensual and voluptuous (it sure looks that way anyway!). It’s very hard to comprehend if/when women don’t feel that way about themselves. In any case, J, you certainly make a great sales lady for it! 🙂

    1. I will have sex with my husband because I love him, and I will enjoy it and it’s good for my marriage. Sex inside a marriage is not always “glorious waves of splendor” or “wave after wave or rapture” but when it is free, total, fruitful, and faithful, that sex is something so much more – it’s an experience of grace.

  4. Great article! Sometimes I think I’m one of those rare women who actually loves sex with her husband and wants it more than him even. I also want an orgasm every single time we make love and my husband wants that for me as well, so although it may not happen every time, we both try to make it happen for me. When I orgasm it makes it much more exciting for him and his orgasms are more intense, so he tells me. 😉

    Some of the benefits of a orgasm for me include feeling closer to my hubby, having a better disposition overall (I get a little cranky if it has been too long in between 😉 ), better sleep and a better outlook on life in general I suppose.

  5. My wife usually does not orgasm. She comes close but just doesn’t make it. One time I did OS on my wife by working the clitoris and she had a great orgasm. She gave out an OMG like I never heard before. I was thrilled that she had such pleasure. But then she said that she felt empty and did not enjoy it. I don’t get it. Can someone explain this?

    1. Huh. I wish I could query her more about the word “empty.” I know some wives feel guilty or awkward afterward, which tends to relate to wrong teachings about good girls and sex. (Yes, good girls do and should desire sex.) But a sense of emptiness is difficult to explain.

      It could be that the rush of Oxytocin and endorphins, etc. are so overwhelming that when that fades, a wife could feel a bit void by comparison. In which case, my suggestion would be to spend more time in afterglow. That is, after sex, hold her, stroke her, kiss her, etc. to keep the Oxytocin flowing and bonding you two together. That could help.

      Anyone else have suggestions? I’d be interested if other couples have experienced this.

      1. If I orgasm with my husband giving me a ‘hand-job’ or oral sex, I feel empty as well once the initial after glow is over. It feels way more amazing during actual intercourse, when he actually IS in me (= NOT empty). Just a theory from my own experience anyway.

      2. I wouldn’t have described the feeling I get as “empty” exactly. But I would definitely say a sense of something missing. I prefer to follow oral sex performed on me with intercourse. Otherwise, even though I’ve had an orgasm, I don’t feel like we’re done.

        1. I’m so glad you added this comment, Teresa. This is pretty much the cycle I have with my wife and it good to know that I may be “accidentally” avoiding that empty feeling for her. I chose that sequence because with age I am not sure of the reliability of the equipment. Staying power can be an occasional issue so I make sure to take care of her needs first just in case and it’s good to know it has this other benefit too. Thanks for having the courage to comment.

        2. I agree and this is usually our routine as well if OS is involved for me, we always finish with intercourse. The orgasm from OS is fantastic, but without the real oneness of intercourse it does feel a little empty or incomplete perhaps is a better way to describe it.
          I think this is why I’ve never truly understood comments from men who say that OS performed on them by their wives is the most intimate act for them and makes them feel closest to their wife. As much as my hubby enjoys OS on himself as a form of foreplay, he only wants to finish through PIV.

    2. S, I get an “empty” feeling sometimes although I haven’t been able to figure out why. I know it took me a while to get used to the sensation of an O. If I recall correctly, the first time was more weird than great. And it took so long that I wasn’t sure if it was worth the effort!

      The good news is that it’s (seemingly out of the blue) gotten easier over time and the empty thing doesn’t happen often (and doesn’t bother me anymore when it does — it’s just a weird thing that I can overlook).

    3. I have experienced that “empty” feeling after OS at times. I love OS, it results in much more intense orgasms, and I quite enjoy partaking, but sometimes there is a sense of something lacking. I think possibly it’s the lack of skin on skin contact, and lack of kissing that leaves me feeling less than completely connected to my husband after an admittedly physically satisfying OS encounter. If we have taken things slowly and spent plenty of time in foreplay, it’s usually more emotionally satisfying than if he goes right to the oral play. I have noticed that if we have been a week without sex, I really want some nice missionary sex even though it usually doesn’t result in much of an O. If our sexual tank is more full, then a nice oral session is great.

  6. For me, I feel like the enjoyment of making love doubles or triples when my wife orgasms. She does not necessarily care about it happening every time, but for me, I feel so much better about the encounter when she does.

    When it does happen at the same time, it is the ultimate!!

  7. J-Just curious about this statement: “Other wives who haven’t yet had the Big O, don’t sweat that you aren’t there because it sometimes takes a while to figure out, but do focus on your pleasure during sex and you may get there soon.”

    It leaves me curious as to how many of those women have pursued knowledge of their bodies through solo experimentation. It’s not that I’m beating the drum for masturbation necessarily, although that is the way to know your body, but that as a male it is almost unfathomable that there are women who have not had an orgasm either manually or through mutual pleasuring. I think by 8 or 10 years most boys have experienced at least a dry orgasm and regularly masturbate through their adult life. It makes me wonder why more women don’t masturbate or apparently do an ineffective job of it when they do. I realize this is a pretty complex question, but as someone who learned about their body in the typical male way, I am wondering why more women aren’t “encouraged” to masturbates/explore themselves. I realize the lack of orgasm through PIV sex is not only about not knowing your body but also involving two people in a simultaneous act seeking a common goal, rather like two trains traveling toward the same destination but on separate tracks in differing terrain. From an “experienced” male perspective, it just seems like more frequent and consistent masturbation with the above mentioned “intent” could go a long way to solving this problem. Don’t think that I am ignoring a more sensitive and attentive approach by the partner is all of this. It’s just that I think you have to know what you are pursuing, how to pursue it and then KNOW IT when you find it.

    I specifically included “through” adulthood when I mentioned masturbation not just to acknowledge that adult males masturbate (even married ones, *GASP*), but to bring up the point that the continued masturbation keeps them aware of the physiological and psychological changes that affect how their bodies respond to stimulation. One could argue that an active sex life with your mate should keep you up to date on changes with your responses, but there are at least two flaws with that theory:. 1)You have to allow for changes taking place with your external source of stimulation, i.e. spouse, and their technique, and 2) You will be consistent with your stimulative technique (how you masturbate) and when it is less effective you will notice. Since your preferred technique is the constant in this situation, you will know it is your body’s response to the specific stimulus that is changing. As we age, this is going to happen to all of us. At this point, you know you have to change how you are stimulated and can communicate this to your partner in whatever why works for the two of you. This is the advantage to continued masturbation as you age even though you are having fairly regular sex. If you are having an issue of some sort, you know where to begin looking for a possible solution. With the help of your partner you can change the nature of necessary stimulation and maintain higher arousal levels which will help to achieve orgasm.

    1. I think there can be something gained by exploring and figuring out what feels good, and mutual masturbation can be part of a married couple’s repertoire.

      However, one problem with frequent solo masturbation is that it can prime us for that kind of stimulation and satisfaction. Most people can reach climax easier through the feedback loop of their own hand adjusting as the brain signals your body’s desires. Thus, it can be more appealing to go the masturbation route than putting forth the more challenging, yet more satisfying, effort of learning to climax with your spouse. Plus, the two don’t necessarily translate. Yes, you can figure out which areas are sensitive, but what is pleasing and satisfying with your spouse may be different than without. So knowing how to get yourself there may not be as enlightening or enjoyable as the two of you exploring and experimenting together.

      1. I certainly don’t want to turn this into a debate with you, but do want to clarify somewhat. “Frequent” is of course a relative term. I was looking at using masturbation in advancing years as a way to “check in” and become aware of escalating deficiencies that can affect the quality of the sexual experience and using it as a way to pinpoint the origin of the decline in responsiveness. Is it us, our partner, or both that need to make adjustments in how we “do” sex in whatever way we do it. We can apply the knowledge gained to our joint experience. If it takes more friction, and more friction for longer than in the past, and now a specific type of friction for instance, this would be a good thing to become aware of and communicate to your partner and at a time when it doesn’t sound like you are criticizing there immediate efforts. I am not advocating masturbation over a shared sexual experience, just as a way of staying familiar with your changing body and it’s responses to stimulation to keep orgasms a part of the experience for both partners because I also agree orgasms are great.

        There is this side to it too. If, through that highly effective feed-back loop you alluded to, you can’t get yourself to orgasm, you know you have a problem that has little to do with the length or effectiveness of your partners efforts. It about you, not your partner.

    2. @Dan. Well there are a good subset of Christians who feel that the ONLY legitimate outlet for sexual feelings is with your spouse. There seems to be people, who like you, thinks that masturbation is always fine, people who thinks its fine as long as you are not fantasizing about other people and people who feels like it is always wrong no matter what. So, the last two camps would obviously discourage “exploration”, specially for girls. I have never done it. It honestly just never occurred to me. And as a 27 year old virgin, I don’t see how a woman could do it without fantasizing, which I believe to be wrong. I could be mistaken about this.

      Honestly, I don’t see the point. Sex is for you and your spouse. Doing it alone seems kind of… pointless. And silly. Like J said, who says it would translate? Why not just wait and figure it out with your husband? Learning a skill that wouldn’t necessarily translate well in the arena where it’s supposed to be used, and without the emotional and spiritual and bonding components just seems like a giant waste of time. Kind of learning Korean when you are looking for a job in Japan.

  8. If anymore women would care to share about the empty feeling after sex and OS in particular, I like to see more comments. I haven’t heard about this before. I do know it is likely that you might feel empty if there is no emotional connection, I wonder if that feeling might also be fostered by a lack of adequate effective foreplay or you feeling that you partner wasn’t completely invested emotionally during the sexual sharing in whatever form it took? Sorry that sounds so clinical and “male.”

    1. Hi Dan,
      This idea of “emptiness” after an orgasm reminds me of a book I read titled “Sexual Anorexia.” One woman in the book immediately shut down after climax and felt empty. After digging into her past, she realized it stemmed in part from the guilt and shame of masturbating as a child and being caught multiple times. She learned to masturbate quickly and then shut off sexual feelings and move on with the day as quickly as possible so she wouldn’t get caught. This pattern continued well into adulthood. I think a lot of women carry this ambivalence/fear/reluctance about orgasming even if they wouldn’t be classified as sexual anorexics per se.

  9. I really appreciate your paragraph about “God’s Beautiful Design.” There are some weeks when my husband and I have mind-blowing sex and simultaneous orgasms and everything seems to be working grand! A fterward, we both lie back in wonder and amazement. There are also weeks when I get frustrated because it seems nothing is working smoothly. One position feels great for me and doesn’t do anything for him. I want it slow and gentle and he wants it rough. I want to orgasm but I just can’t. We’re trying to get pregnant and I’m horniest during my period when we can’t possibly get pregnant. Let’s be honest, sex can be the source of so much frustration, and I sometimes feel angry at God. But my heart is definitely changing, and posts like this do help.

  10. I can totally agree that Orgasms stimulate blood flow in the brain and give you a good nights rest! On my nights before a big test, My husband and I always have sex. It relaxes me and if I do orgasm, my sleep is so much easier! Also, when I get to the test the next day, I feel more calm about it and seem to remember more things! My grades are higher after an Orgasmic night 😉

  11. IntimacySeeker

    I wonder if many women who are unable to reach orgasm when with their husbands are facing trust issues. To be that vulnerable and let him see you lose control is frankly, scary. Perhaps this is why I am perplexed with all this talk of emotional connection DURING sex. It is as if I’m not bringing my whole self to the experience. It feels much safer to leave my heart in a secure place.

  12. I wish I could have an orgasm but have not had one yet. I’m also perplexed that foreplay and sex don’t (always) feel as good for me as they do for my husband. We kiss and touch all over, take our time (sometimes hours), and yet I’m still not often revved up and penetration often hurts. It’ s strange for me – I desire to, but at the same time, it seems a bit strange and scary. I feel a flash of panic when things feel really good. Any advice on that? I feel sad about this.

    1. A couple of things occur to me: hormonal issues and/or sexual history. If your brain feels excited but your body isn’t in sync, there could be a hormonal problem. You may lack enough estrogen, or if you’re on oral contraceptives that could be an issue, or you may just have lubrication problems. Check with your doctor and see if there’s a physical component to your discomfort. Then I wonder if you had some teaching or experience that sex is not pure (even in marriage) or that it’s for men more than women, etc. — thus, buried guilt could be causing that “flash of panic when things feel really good.” If there’s something in your past hindering you from letting go and experiencing the full measure of pleasure, address it on your own or with a counselor and let your husband know this is an issue for you. He might be able to help you work through it. Sex should be awesome for you both. Given your desire and commitment to figure this out, I think you’ll find an answer. Just keep seeking, pursuing answers, and experimenting. Blessings!

      1. Thanks for answering! I appreciate it. I’m actually having my hormones tested for a whole host of health issues I’ve had this year (coincidentally, our first year of marriage), so maybe something IS up. Other doc exams have come back perfectly normal. I’m going to continue to pray about sexual intimacy…although my head understands that God created it and it’s good, maybe it’s something my heart/body hasn’t fully accepted yet. Thanks again for commenting and for your helpful blog.

        1. Tryingtobehopeful

          Hi, Pondering. I am in the same boat as you. All my hormone testing came back normal for estrogen and such. I have been married 4 years and haven’t had an orgasm. While I grew up hearing the poisoning lies the culture teaches about sex (men are animals, women are the gatekeepers, sex is mostly about getting pleasure, etc.) I don’t think that I have a fear of orgasm. In fact, I would LOVE to experience it. I don’t agree with masturbation, so when my husband and I got married, I hadn’t done any solo exploration prior to marriage. We’ve explored together, but nothing feels all that great. There have been times when I’ve felt something that seems to be good, but all of a sudden it’s painful or it goes away. Awesome – so frustrating! I’d love to get beyond this, but all I ever read when pursuing how to more easily achieve an orgasm is “the woman needs to show the husband how to do this.” Well, what if I don’t have a clue, and all the basics that are often suggested don’t do it? Perhaps I’m not being patient enough? I would love some actual tips on how to help let the orgasm happen. There have been times throughout our marriage that I’ve just given up trying, but then I get motivated again to try to make it work. Here’s hoping someone can offer advice to help.

  13. Okay, I’ve finally found an outlet for comments, questions with a Christian perspective!
    My husband and I have been together for 15 years. He is very attentive, selfless, and always wants to please.

    We have mutually came many times. He is good at manual clitoral stimulation. I would like more oral, but am really self conscious about receiving. But I thought I was having pretty regular orgasms for most of our marriage.

    However, three times in the past six months, I have had the most incredible orgasms in my life. They were so intense, so incredible, they brought tears of joy while I came. Literally, I thought it was weird at first, but you can’t control how your body responds to that intensity. I have since read that many sex experts consider there to be three levels of orgasm, with very few people achieving level three.

    My problem is now average orgasms leave me disappointed after sex. I want that incredible level three feeling every time, and it doesn’t usually happen.

    I want to enjoy sex without feeling disappointed. I don’t even know if I could get one every time or if hormonal certain times of the month are more conductive for clitoral pleasure, lubrication, etc.

    I want the gourmet dessert every time, not just the store bought brownie. How can I get over the mental block that brownies are okay, too?

    1. Just a quick reply since I am short on time this moment. Are you dissatisfied with nightly dinners when they are not sumptuous restaurant meals or of the Thanksgiving and Christmas variety, or do you find them to fulfilling most of the time? I feel somewhere in that analogy may be the path to an answer. I REALLY understand how everyone would want that all the time, but is the last one going to be as good as the one before or the next one to come (pun)? Without the “lesser” orgasms, what is your frame of reference to how “great” the sheet-grasping, back-clawing, toe-clenching, “Oh, God,” screaming orgasm is.

    2. This is a very interesting question. How marvelous that you get so much pleasure that your body responds with such incredible orgasms! That said, I found this summary intriguing: “I want the gourmet dessert every time, not just the store bought brownie.”

      Plenty of wives have a variety of orgasmic experiences in sex — sometimes short, sometimes long, sometimes multiple, sometimes none — and enjoy sex throughout. What makes their sex great, even when the orgasms vary?

      I suspect when you focus on that physical high so much, you can lose interest in the other deeply intimate and emotionally pleasurable parts of the sexual act. I don’t think the other stuff is “store bought brownie” (although I’ll totally eat a store bought brownie). It’s all gourmet — just maybe not all dessert.

      You can try to achieve that incredible orgasmic experience every time, and likely experience some disappointment, or you can find ways to refocus on other area as well. Maybe one time you can concentrate on the pleasure you’re bringing him and find genuine enjoyment in the effect you have on his body; maybe you can learn to treasure his loving touch for the way it awakens your skin, whether or not it brings you to climax; maybe you can think more intently about the connection and friction when you come together in intercourse, concentrating on how he feels inside you.

      I simply don’t think there’s a sure trick for getting a certain level of orgasm Every. Single. Time. Couples get better and better at it with practice and intention; however, there are too many other factors involved, like hormones that particular day or changes in how he interacts with you or where your brain is taking you. Thus, I suspect the more realistic, and ultimately more satisfying, goal is to be purposeful in discovering all the different aspects of sexual intimacy you enjoy with your husband and then reveling in that.

      1. P.S. If you want a biblical example of how this works, read through Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). That godly couple revels in the whole kit-and-caboodle!

  14. You can learn to achieve the peak every time or almost according to some who do it regular but we are trying to figure out how I can ejaculate and have 3-4 orgasms at one session. My husband is all into it even if he does not need one every time. In my younger days when we were just married I had 7 orgasms in one session but that only happened once because we never really thought it possible, but just a freak happening . Ejaculated too, several times but never really took time to do often. Recently we read Eric T. Smiths book on Science of a women Art of Manhood and he really encourages women to have over the top orgasms and says if the emotional clock is reset properly it can happen every time. We are on a quest to figure it out. Any hints on how to get there would be nice? I have regular vaginal orgasms but it seems once a week is enough and I have trouble getting more but we would enjoy more and are working on it. How did you get to where you could have that over the top orgasm in the first place?

    1. I admit that I question anyone who says things like “you can have over-the-top orgasms every single time!” and then gives you the how-to. Sure, there could be some great tips in there. However:

      (1) there’s a lot happening on any given day that could mess with the equation — like changing hormones, mental and emotional stress, physical difficulties, etc.
      (2) it sets up the notion that the goal of sex is over-the-top orgasms — which, while I’m all for over-the-top orgasms, seems to draw the focus away from mutual intimacy and toward self-satisfying pleasure.
      (3) it sets a couple up for disappointment if it doesn’t happen at a particular time — rather than the two enjoying whatever pleasure and intimacy they achieve in any lovemaking session.

      I believe that couples who focus on mutual sexual pleasure, deep intimacy, and reveling in their sexual activities will probably have plenty of amazing experiences and orgasms. Have fun searching the “Holy Grail” if you want, but remember to enjoy the journey! As for myself, I began having more frequent and consistent (and yeah, over-the-top sometimes) orgasms when I just got caught up and let go in our lovemaking.

      Best wishes!

  15. Great site! I think the female orgasm is great as well. I wish I could say my wife has them more, but she has a very hard time getting in the right mind set. She suffers from very bad anxiety, and occasional depression coupled with a lot of physical infirmities. She has agreed to go to counseling in this new year and I hope she makes good on it.

    If would estimate that my wife has a good orgasm, maybe 5 times a year, all the rest of the year she simply just can’t do it because she has such hard time letting herself go. Lord willing, God can help her with her anxiety and other issues about sexuality.

  16. One other comment I wanted to make. While men certainly should try to please their wives at each and every sexual encounter, the reality is(and it is confirmed from comments from ladies on this board) that most women are not going to have an orgasm every time the way we as men do. Sex should not be considered a failure because a woman occasionally does not have orgasms.

    It is different if she rarely or ever has orgasms. We as guys try to obsess sometimes about making our wives have orgasms, when the reality is, they have to want to have them too. It is her body, and she has to be comfortable with it, and confront whatever issues she has that may be stopping her from having orgasms.

    Some women take it out on their husbands, who make a valiant effort, and even try to talk to them about changing techniques, or atmosphere for sex, but at a certain point the responsibility for a woman having an orgasm lies with her(assuming her husband has made a good effort to try and help her).

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