Daily Archives: October 6, 2014

Missed Connections & Marital Intimacy

Have you heard of “Missed Connections”? It’s a fairly recent phenomenon in which someone posts a personal ad recounting a missed opportunity to romantically connect with another person they encountered. A typical ad might read something like this:

We work out at the same gym, and you usually wear a pink t-shirt with black shorts. On Monday, we traded long looks while both on the treadmills. I really want to get to know you. Please respond so we can get together sometime. Name the gym, so I know you’re the right person.

People report “missed connections” anywhere from coffee shops to gas stations to bars to intersections. And while I personally think this is a terrible way to try to find love, it got me to thinking how we often have our own missed connections in marriage.

pair of male and female hands with blue puzzle pieces

Lately, my husband and I have been struggling to find time together. His work schedule and mine haven’t coincided well, and there have been plenty of interruptions and challenges to our making love. Even lack of communication can be a problem, as when I had an early morning appointment one day and went from there to run errands — and later in the day, my hubby admitted that he’d thought I would come home in between so we could make love, “but I don’t think I was clear about that.” Nope.

Missed. Connection.

I suspect most of us have those seasons in our lives when we can’t seem to get on the same page long enough to connect emotionally, relationally, sexually. Unfortunately, some marriages seemed to be largely comprised of missed connections, with a lack of communication, disruptions, nervousness, or whatever standing in the way of sexual intimacy.

Maybe it’s time to place a personal ad, so to speak. Maybe you need to let your spouse know that you want to prioritize that intimate connection. Maybe you could tell him or write him or, hey, even show him that you’ve noticed it’s been a while and you want to remedy that.

To my own husband, I want to say:

We live in the same house, and you’re usually busy with work, taking care of the household, or fathering our children. And while I’ve enjoyed our conversations and small affections, I want to get to know you again — biblically, that is. Please show up in the bedroom in the next ten minutes, where you will find your loving wife eagerly waiting. I already know you’re the right person, so let’s remind ourselves of this one-flesh gift from God.

Have you been experiencing missed connections with your husband? Or wife? What has been getting in the way of you two being sexually intimate as you desire? How can you communicate to your spouse you want to reconnect?