Daily Archives: January 19, 2015

Why Try More than One Sexual Position

It’s not hard to find books about sexual positions. Any large bookstore will have several choices. That said, it is hard to find books about sexual positions that are both instructive and tasteful. Which is why I tackled the subject in Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and included a few illustrations (by my marvelous illustrator, Matt).

While I’ve encouraged trying new sexual positions, I recently realized I didn’t cover something possibly important: Trying more than one position in a single sexual encounter.

Sometimes when we make love with our spouse, we get set on doing a certain thing, and we follow through with that from kickoff to climax. But instead of looking at sexual positions as select one and see it through, you can use two or more positions within your sexual encounter to increase the pleasure and excitement for both of you.

Let’s cover some ground on this idea together.

closeup Portrait of Feet of a couple in bed + blog post title

What Positions

Which positions you try are up to you, but remember that everything from whether you’re lying down, standing, or sitting — to who’s on top or on which side — to the angles of your legs, hips, torso, etc. to which way you’re facing goes into determining the sexual position. For instance, the same basic position can feel different with your legs raised than your legs down. So trying out variations on the main themes (like missionary, woman-on-top, rear entry) can result in a sexual position you haven’t tried . . . and might enjoy.

(And since I almost always get asked — no, I don’t know of a specifically Christian book on sexual positions I’d recommend. And yes, I wish there was one. But as I said, I have information in my book, and there are also some respectful, illustrated books out there as well as a website or two. Plus, there’s the marvelous idea of experimentation.)

Why More Positions

More than one position within an encounter can increase both your pleasure and your intimacy. For instance, making love can feel more intimate face-to-face, eye-to-eye — while rear entry might give you the stronger climax. So why not do both? Face each other for a while and enjoy that connection, then shift into the more physically arousing position.

Secondly, each of you may respond better to one position than another — and it likely won’t be the same position. So perhaps you can make love in the way that helps her reach climax — including the opportunity for him to also manually stimulate her during intercourse, if needed — and then you switch to what works best for him. Then both of you get what turns you on most.

Also, you might try more than one position within an encounter to explore and experiment. What does it feel like when we do X? How about Y? How do and Y compare to Z? Well, you could give it a shot and see what you think. With all the results lined up together right there, it’s pretty easy to sort out what you do and don’t like. This is especially nice to try when you have enough time to sample and savor the experience — when orgasm isn’t on-the-clock, so to speak. (You parents with young’uns know what I’m talking about!)

How More Positions

If you’re making minor adjustments in your positioning, you can likely accomplish that without any fanfare. Just move your legs, hips, whatever, and get the new angle going. But if you’re going to make a big change in sexual positioning midway through, you must have a way to communicate. All your communication need not be verbal, but you have to be able to coordinate what’s happening next.

You can talk out beforehand which positions you’re going to try, and then signal when it’s time to switch to the next one. Or you can talk it through as you make love (e.g., “I want to get on top,” “Can you flip over?”). Alternately, you can use your hands to do the talking — that is, point which direction you want to go, or move your partner’s body to the position you desire. Just have some way of getting on the same page about your physical intimacy.

But . . . 

One last caveat. Learning to include several positions in your sexual intimacy repertoire can enhance the experience, physically and emotionally, for both of you. But all that said, this ain’t the Olympics. You don’t get extra points for doing the triple Axel jump or a reverse somersault dive in the middle of lovemaking. You don’t have to break the bed or your hip joints to enjoy some change-ups in your sexual positioning.

So take it easy on yourself and start by shifting a bit here and there. If you’re more adventurous (and younger than I am), of course you can try those positions that make some people tilt their heads and ask, But how do they…? Yet the point of sex with your mate is not to say you’ve run the gamut of possibilities or won the Most Sexual Positions Tried trophy, it’s intimacy and pleasure. If changing up your sexual positions accomplishes that, go for it. If a position doesn’t enhance your lovemaking, leave it behind.

So have you tried multi-positioning in a single sexual encounter? What suggestions do you have?