I consider myself extremely blessed by my readers. The conversation, encouragement, and support I receive is nothing short of breathtaking at times. 95% of the time, my task of writing about godly sexuality in marriage is a joy. Not in the sense that I’m always happy writing about a particular subject — because some definitely break my heart — but in the sense that I feel peace and assurance that I’m doing what God has called me to do.
However. (You knew that was coming, right?) There is an ugly side of Christian sex blogging, and it’s not one y’all usually see. Basically, it’s comments I’ve gotten that say things like:
- You’re a filthy person to talk about sex in public.
- What you’re writing is tantamount to Christian porn.
- You encourage wives to be mistreated by telling them to have sex no matter what.
- You are a prude and an idiot for opposing porn and erotica.
- Your husband is unlucky to have sex with you.
When I first started getting not merely negative comments or debate — which I’m fine with — but personal attacks, I was deeply hurt. I carried around the comments all day long and let them burrow into my brain and my chest until I wanted to cry. But what I’ve learned since is that I probably poked a tender wound for someone, unintentionally of course, but it happened. And what they’re saying about me likely isn’t about me at all.
Still, although I simply delete personal attacks these days (against me or other commenters), I tend to answer their charges in my head before I move on, like:
- You’re a filthy person to talk about sex in public. Are you saying God was a filthy person? Because He did it.
- What you’re writing is tantamount to Christian porn. Have you ever seen porn? What I write is a biblical yet honest treatment of sex that is absolutely nothing like the twisted version of sex promoted by porn.
- You encourage wives to be mistreated by telling them to have sex no matter what. I’ve never said that. I encourage wives to be intentional about sexual intimacy and equip them to enjoy this gift from their Heavenly Father.
- You are a prude and an idiot for opposing porn and erotica. I’m neither, and the evidence is piling up to support God’s opposition to this sinful version of sex.
- Your husband is unlucky to have sex with you. Yes, really. Someone said that. And I simply defer to my husband, who says that he’s one lucky bloke. So there!
Now don’t go shooting sympathy messages my way, because I’m really okay. It’s not tear-inducing anymore; just annoying.
But I have been giving some thought to how this might expand as my ministry expands. With the release of Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design that will reach a wider audience and the launch of my speaking ministry, I’m likely to get more push-back from people who don’t appreciate what I’m doing. While I’m fine with disagreement and debate, personal attacks might also come with the territory.
Which got me thinking more broadly about Christian sex authors. I don’t know everything my colleagues have faced in this regard, but I expect they’ve had some difficult challenges. It’s never easy to proclaim the Word of God among people who resist the truth. And there are many reasons people resist God’s design for sex in marriage — some understandable reasons, like past abuse or shame, and some selfish reasons.
I’d like to think that we are not alone in talking about God’s plan for sex in marriage. That Christian authors and speakers are merely the mouthpieces for what the Church wants people to know about God’s design and His heart for His children.
That’s why this week, I’m asking your memory verse for marriage to involve the larger message about sexual intimacy that we proclaim to the world.
“And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ…” Colossians 4:3
Pray that God will open a door for His message in your own marriage; in churches that need a clear, biblical approach to sexuality; in the world at large that needs this hopeful and healthy view of sexual intimacy. Pray that Christian authors and speakers will proclaim the mystery of Christ, which permeates all the way to our marriage beds.
Coming back to your marriage, I know many of you need that open door with your spouse, that you are aching for something better in your marital bedroom. Please know that I’m praying for you as well. Let’s have a bedroom revolution where married Christians enjoy all the blessings of sexual intimacy.Let's have a bedroom revolution where married Christians enjoy all the blessings of sexual intimacy. Click To Tweet