I cite Song of Songs a lot on this blog. Because it’s the one book in the Bible devoted entirely to the romantic and sexual love between a husband and wife. It’s chock-full of fascinating passages that demonstrate God’s blessings for sexual intimacy in marriage. It also provide excellent examples of how husbands and wives should treat each other when it comes to sex.
Having read this book many times over now, I’ve come to have a few favorite verses. Easily in my top three is this statement from Song of Songs 7:10: “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.”
As I was pondering this simple verse today, wondering why I loved it so much, I homed in on two words that capture important aspects of sexual intimacy with my husband: belong and desire.
Merriam-Webster’s simply definition of belong is “used to say that someone or something should be in a particular place or situation.” When I’m in my husband’s arms in our marriage bed, I know that’s the particular place and situation where I should be — with him specifically, fitting together just so, sharing our pleasure.
Yes, of course I feel that sense of belonging at other times in our marriage, but this whole-body experience of making love involves a deep sense of belonging. There’s exclusivity, vulnerability, and intimacy in those moments. They bring to mind the sentiment that you are mine and I am yours.
Then there’s the concept of desire. Merriam-Webster’s first two simple definitions of desire are: “to want or wish for (something) : to feel desire for (something)” and “to want to have sex with (someone).” I believe that desire in a healthy marriage bed involves both wanting something and wanting to have sex with someone.
The thing we want is affection, connection, and devotion with our beloved. I want to know my husband at a deeper level than anyone else in the world does or can. And yes, I want to have sex. Because it feels good, because I have a natural drive for that release, and because it’s a bonding experience. I’m 99.9% certain my husband feels all of that about me.
Do you feel these two important aspects in your marriage too? Belonging and desire.
If you don’t, maybe it’s time to nurture those feelings, to invest in sexual intimacy as a priority, to express to your husband what would make you feel desired and connected. And maybe you can start by committing Song of Songs 7:10 to memory. Even recite it as a prayer.
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