I have a full inbox of questions, and I want to get to them all. But today I’m answering a question from someone in my own life. Let me tell you a bit about her story.
My friend — I’ll call her Jane — has had one true love in her life. It was the only man she dated, the man she married, the man she raised a child with, the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. They’d been together for more than a quarter century.
Jane was out-of-town over the weekend and returned to discover her husband had completely moved out. Everything of his was gone, and he’d left a letter explaining that he was leaving her. The next day, she found out he’d already filed for divorce. In her shock, pain, and longing for her husband, she asked me, “Doesn’t God heal relationships?” She wanted to know if God would put back the pieces of her broken marriage, restore it to something whole, taken away the hollow ache that seemed to grow with every minute.
Some of you are asking the same thing about your marriage or the sexual intimacy in your marriage. Isn’t God in the business of healing relationships?
If you’ve prayed, studied your Bible, read marriage books and blogs, and tried to resolve issues with your spouse … how could you reach a point of feeling that you’ve gotten nowhere? Or that things might actually be worse? What if you’ve really reached the end and your spouse is leaving you?
How could God let that happen? Doesn’t He heal relationships?
This fresh wound with my friend has brought to my mind old wounds from my marital past — days, weeks, months, years when I wasn’t sure my husband and I would make it. Or rather, I was pretty sure we wouldn’t — not without some miracle.
Yes, my story has a happy ending. And I know of many couples who have happy endings to their difficult stories. But honestly, what made the difference in my marriage is what I ended up telling my friend:
God does heal relationships. But He’s mostly in the business of healing souls. With two healed souls, a marriage can be restored.
I don’t know if her marriage is completely over or if there’s hope for a future. What I firmly believe is that God is less concerned with that relationship at this moment than the souls of His two children. That’s where the change has to start — in the heart and spirit of the individual.
Maybe I’ve given the wrong impression at times here on my blog that because marriage is such a priority in our lives, it supersedes your individual spiritual health or foundation of faith. But that’s not true! God works through individuals, and we must individually seek Him first.
What improved my marriage was not me becoming a better wife per se; rather, I became a better follower of Christ … and in doing so, became a better wife.
That’s why I try to get across these messages:
- You cannot control your spouse, only yourself.
- As a person of faith, you should do the right thing in your marriage without expectation of a specific reward.
- If you work on yourself and seek righteousness, you’re far more likely to get what you wanted after all. And even if you don’t, you’ll be a stronger, better person.
I don’t know if God will heal your marriage bed today, tomorrow, or next year. But I know He wants to heal you and all the hurt that surrounds the issue of sexual intimacy in your life. I know that He longs for you to seek Him. I know that He can give you joy whatever the outcome. I know that He can heal your relationship much easier when you cooperate with His plan to heal your heart and your soul.
God is absolutely in the marriage business. But it’s a subsidiary of the parent business — Souls, Inc.God is in the marriage business. But it's a subsidiary of the parent business—Souls, Inc. Click To Tweet
Does God heal relationships? I’m 100% sure He healed mine.
But first, He had to heal me. He wiped away the lingering guilt of my promiscuous past, showing me what redemption and forgiveness really looked like. He convicted me of where I’d treated my husband unfairly. He reminded me that I needed to live out Fruit of the Spirit and Christ’s definition of love. He stripped away my defenses and revealed my vulnerabilities. He strengthened me in some areas and pruned me in others. He worked in me before He worked in us.
Maybe that’s where He wants to start with your marriage and your sexual intimacy.
“O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You healed me.“
Psalm 30:2 (NKJV)
4 thoughts on “Q&A with J: Doesn’t God Heal Relationships?”
I truly believe what you are saying God will first work on me and by working on me and I believe the rest shall fall into place. It’s true I can’t change her but if we are both spiritually fit there is hope I thrust in God and believe what ever the outcome it’s his will not mine.
I completely agree with you. God can do anything He wants regardless of what we do or don’t do, but I firmly believe now that He cares more about the heart condition of those within a marriage more than the marriage itself.
I used to adhere to the thinking that God would always restore a broken relationship and if I walked away from my abusive first marriage or filed for divorce I was not allowing Him to do a miracle in that marriage. Now what I see, is that after my ex walked out on me God restored my heart to Him and chose to let my ex go his way. The marriage ended yes, but not because I didn’t try hard enough or have enough faith. The marriage ended because my ex chose to continue in his abusive ways and not allow God to work in his heart.
Sometimes God has to destroy something completely so He can make something beautiful out of the ashes, and sometimes that doesn’t mean restoration of that particular relationship.
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for sharing this!
My husband left me suddenly several years ago. He filed for divorce and quickly married another woman. All the while God was promising me that He would restore my marriage if I would trust Him.
But that was exactly what God required of me during our separation…every prayer I prayed pointing out my husband’s faults was met with the same response: I will handle him, but first we need to work on you. Ouch!
We have now been remarried for four years and our marriage is better than it ever was in the 15 years prior. We are both walking closer to the Lord, and yes, our hearts are healing. God absolutely does heal relationships!
Wow. What a story! Thank God for His healing. Blessings to you and your husband!
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