Tag Archives: 31 Days to Great Sex

5 Ways to Celebrate My 500th Post!

This post right here is my 500th post on Hot, Holy & Humorous. Thanks to all my regular readers and visitors who have kept this blog going, challenged and encouraged me, and shared their stories of personal pain and marital victory. You are why I continue to engage in this important ministry.

To celebrate my 500th, I wanted to share five special treats with y’all.

5 Ways to Celebrate My 500th Post!

#1 – MY TOP 5 POSTS

So what has attracted the most attention on Hot, Holy & Humorous? Here are the most-read blog posts of all time:

5. Showering and Bathing Together: Why You Should Try It. What?! This is number five? (A part of me wanted this post to shimmy down a little to make room for 4 Great Bible Stories About Sex that came in right behind it.) But this is indeed one of my most popular.

4. Getting Comfortable Being Naked with Your Husband. The number who’ve read this post is another reminder of the struggle many wives have with body insecurities and shyness about sex. Baring yourself before your husband, however, is a beautiful gift — to him and to yourself.

3. Oral Sex: How To. For a long time, this was top of the list. It’s moved down a little, but it’s still a very popular post with practical tips for giving fellatio (aka “blow jobs”).

2. Penis Size: From the Wife’s Point of View. If I had to bet, I’d say more husbands visit this post than wives. Because yeah, many men worry. And for the vast majority of them, they needn’t worry a bit.

1. What I Wish I’d Known before the Wedding Night. This was nice to see, because I like being among the biblically based resources out there for those getting started with sexual intimacy in marriage.

#2 – FREE 5-DAY DEVOTIONAL

Written in the same format as Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Your Marriage, here’s a free five-day devotional for wives on Sex in Marriage.

Sex in Marriage Final CoverCLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

#3 – 5 GOALS FOR HOT, HOLY & HUMOROUS

Where do I go from here? Here are five goals I have for the future of this marriage ministry.

  1. Speaking events. I’d planned to start speaking this fall, but it turns out I’ll be launching my speaking ministry in early 2016. I’m preparing my talks and materials now, so that any church that books me will get a quality presentation. Watch for news on that front!
  2. Q&A with J. The last two summers, I’ve hosted a Q&A with J. I extended that feature into the fall, and it’s been so well-received, I’ll be keeping it up. I have a queue of questions to cover, but if you have another one you want me to tackle, head over to Contact J and shoot me an email.
  3. Website update. I love the look of my website, so don’t expect the background or header to change. But this site functions entirely like a blog, and I want the website to be more interactive and navigable. Look for an update reflecting my movement from a personal blog to a marriage ministry.
  4. Another book. I have two more book ideas that have been rolling around in my head. In case anyone was wondering, yes, I will continue to write books as I feel called. I’ve started one of these books and plan to finish in 2016. Please pray I have enough time and godly wisdom so I can keep presenting positive resources for Christian marriages.
  5. More humor. This has felt like such a serious year since I added a Q&A post, in which many spouses are in heartbreaking situations. I believe in mourning with those who mourn (Romans 12:15) and trying to provide biblical answers. Yet I also believe there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh” (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and that “a cheerful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). Having a good sense humor helps us get through life, and I’ll be looking for more ways to keep the humorous of Hot, Holy & Humorous a major part of my blog.

#4 – 5-BOOK GIVEAWAY

One lucky commenter will win not one, not two, but all three of my ebooks!
Intimacy Revealed Book CoverSex Savvy 300 x 450Final Book Cover - smaller

Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives
Behind Closed Doors: 5 Marriage Stories
Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage

But wait! I said a 5-book giveaway. What are the other two? Well, two of the marriage blogging wives who helped me so much from the beginning and through the years have donated copies of their ebooks to this giveaway! A big shout-out to Sheila Wray Gregoire and Julie Sibert. If you haven’t followed their blogs or checked out their resources, I encourage you to do so. They have wonderful wisdom on Christian marriage and sex. So here are the fourth and fifth books:

31 Days to Great Sex book cover

Pursuit of Passion larger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

31 Days to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage by Jeffrey Murphy and Julie Sibert

Leave a comment at the end of this post, and you’ll be automatically entered. (Be sure to provide your email address, which will not appear on the site.) I’ll draw a winner on Friday, November 20, 10:00 p.m. CST.

#5 – 5 QUESTIONS WITH J & “SPOCK”

For a long time, I’ve been calling my ever-logical husband “Spock” on this site. Believe me, it fits. And here’s a treat in which we sat down and answered five questions about our relationship and marriage.


And that’s it for POST #500! Woo-hoo!!! Thanks for being part of my celebration and this ministry. May God bless you and your marriage!

Redesigning the Website

A little blog business today.

I’ve been working with a web designer to get a unique look for the Hot, Holy & Humorous website. When I started the blog almost three years ago, I adopted a Blogger template and I’ve stuck with it for a long time.

Moving the website. Pretty soon, however, I’ll be moving to a self-hosted website on a WordPress platform. For those of you who know what I’m talking about, you understand that’s a decent-sized undertaking. For the rest of you, just know that when the new website comes up, I’m hoping and praying there will be no glitches, but I make no guarantees. My strengths do not lie in online technology.

Contacting J. Very little will change with the navigability of my site. However, I am planning to include a contact form — something that has been missing here from the beginning.

From time to time, I get a comment from someone asking how I can be contacted. The person wishes to share their particular situation and get my advice. Thus far, I’ve resisted giving out an email to readers. It’s not because I don’t care. I care enormously! But I struggle to answer the comments I have and still maintain a livable household, so I don’t know how responsive I can be to individual requests for wisdom. Moreover, as I’ve said several times, I am not a theologian, a minister, a health care worker, a psychologist, or a licensed counselor. I’m a wife and ongoing student of the Bible who figured out a lot of stuff about godly sexuality and has a passion for encouraging passion.

To be completely honest, I also cringe at the thought of receiving hate and spam email. I happen to know that other marriage bloggers have received some frustrating messages. Almost all of us are open to conversation, but tongue lashings can feel like whip cracks and scar an otherwise good day or even week.

Elmer Fudd & Bugs Bunny

It was Chuck Jones, the creator of Bugs Bunny (my favorite childhood cartoon, hands down), who said, “Anyone can negatively criticize — it is the cheapest of all comment because it requires not a modicum of the effort that suggestion requires.” Sure, there is constructive criticism, and I’m open to hearing other opinions and engaging in healthy debate, but I confess reluctance to open myself up to the less-constructive barrage of verbal barbs. To what end?

Yet at the end of the day, all things considered, I don’t want to be unreachable. While I wish to maintain family privacy and a humble perspective of what I can offer, I want readers to be able to contact me, should they have something important yet confidential to share.

Searching the site. I am also hoping the move will make my site more searchable. As it is now, I have moments of thinking, Now I know I blogged about ____, but when I go looking for the post, I can’t find it. Ridiculous, right? You should be able to search keywords on Hot, Holy & Humorous like “pregnancy,” “Song of Songs,” “hand job,” etc. and find the relevant posts for those topics.

Searching for the font. And finally, I’m making a plea. Years ago, I designed my own logo. See that one at the top of the blog? Here’s another version of it:

I saved the header and this logo as picture files. My web designer is able to clean up the logo for me and make it more precise and pretty on the new site. However, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what font that is. I’ve spent hours and hours online trying to figure it out. The font existed on my old laptop, which I no longer have. The designer and I have tried various fonts, and I’ll be fine with what we chose instead. BUT if you know what font that “Hot, Holy & Humorous” is in up there, I’d be happy to hear from you! Like really happy. Like can I send you a free marriage e-book? happy. [Update: Yes, readers did help me identify it! Thanks.]

Speaking of marriage books, be sure to check out the marriage book bundle that includes Sheila Gregoire’s 31 Days to Great Sex. It’s a fabulous deal that runs just this week!


CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT!

31 Days, $5 and A Better Marriage, with Sheila Gregoire

Good news, bad news. First, the bad news is that I veered from my regular programming by not posting yesterday (Thursday). The great news is that this post is worth the wait because Sheila Wray Gregoire joins me today!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila is a speaker and author on the subjects of marriage and sexuality. Her books and blog are terrific resources for creating and maintaining a godly sexual relationship in your marriage. Her most recent release is 31 Days to Great Sex with “readings and challenges [that] will help married couples rebuild intimacy, rediscover fun, and achieve great fireworks.”

J: Thanks for joining me and the Hot, Holy & Humorous readers today, Sheila.

You have chosen to be bold and speak up for fabulous sex in marriage, which has been an inspiration to me. Yeah, yeah, I know your face is out there, and all I’ve shown so far is my toes . . . But why do you think Christians are often reluctant to talk about great sex?

Sheila: Probably because it’s kinda gross.

Okay, sex itself isn’t gross, but the way our culture portrays sex it sure is! And I think Christians want to run far away from anything that looks gross. We don’t want to seem like we’re condoning anything. And in so doing we often go too far to the other extreme.

There’s also the practical aspect — how can you talk about sex from the pulpit if there are kids in the pews? Or single people? So pastors don’t tend to preach on it, and then that makes it seem like it’s the one subject that we’re not supposed to talk about. So people don’t know how to handle it.

I also think the whole way we raise kids is wrong. We keep telling them, “wait until you’re married! Wait until you’re married! Don’t even think about it!” But that makes it sound like you can’t really live until you get married, and until then you’re just in limbo. A better message is, “love God wholeheartedly now.” If you fall in love with God, and devote your life completely to Him, you WILL wait until you’re married anyway. But you won’t do it out of shame or fear, and you won’t feel like you’re missing out if you’re in your twenties and you haven’t found a spouse yet.

We try so hard to keep kids pure that we give the message, “this isn’t something good kids think about.” And then how do they make the switch when they get married? Besides that, if good kids don’t think about it, and then you get curious and start asking questions, where do you turn? Secular places, because the church doesn’t talk about it. So people start thinking that the church has nothing to do with sex.

I got a comment on my blog recently on a post I wrote a while ago about initiating sex with your husband. It wasn’t even a racy post! It was just, every now and then, YOU be the one to start kissing or to call him to the bedroom. And she said, “I’m a Christian. Why would I want to act like a loose woman?” It made me really sad. Christians should be the ones having even MORE fun because we know that sex is about more than just the physical; it’s about a deep spiritual intimacy as well.

J: The secular world tends to prescribe more adventurous sex and more orgasms as keys to satisfaction. What are we really missing in our married sex lives?

Sheila: Intimacy! I think God created sex to unite us in three ways: spiritually, emotionally, and physically. All three are present in sex. Physically we get the fireworks; emotionally we have fun and we laugh together; and spiritually we feel that total connection, like we’re one flesh.

But when you take sex out of a marriage relationship, all you have left is the physical. The relationship and commitment aren’t there. So what do you do? You try to make the physical more and more intense, and you get into weirder and weirder things, because that’s all there is. But they know they’re missing something, because it’s not the ultimate high.

What they’re missing is intimacy. When you feel totally one with someone, the PHYSICAL is so much better. They feed each other. And that’s what people miss.

This, though, is what even Christians don’t get: that kind of intimacy isn’t automatic. I was speaking at a marriage conference recently and I said that if you want to feel even more intimate when you make love, just do a few simple things: look in his eyes, and use his name. And one woman came up to me afterwards and said, “I can’t do that. That would be a turn off.”

It would be a turn off to use her husband’s name! To some that may sound weird, but I’ve heard that story again and again. You see, we live in a pornographic culture, and many Christians pick up on that, whether they use porn or not. We come to believe that sex is primarily about the body, too. We start to think of “sexy” as being what my body is doing, not what my heart is feeling. And indeed, if the heart gets in the way, the body stops feeling great. Sexy is what is anonymous. That may not be what we think intellectually, but that’s how our body responds.

So feeling that intimacy during sex for many is a learned practice. I know it was for me, although for slightly different reasons. Sex didn’t feel great when I was first married, and so I had a hard time seeing it as something that was uniting us. It felt more like something dividing us, because he wanted it and I didn’t. It was a chore.

When it started to feel better, and I started to understand about intimacy, there was no comparison. So it is a learned thing, and I hope that I can guide couples through a process to discover what true spiritual intimacy in the bedroom feels like.

31 Days to Great Sex book cover

J: What makes 31 Days to Great Sex a particularly useful resource for wives?

Sheila: When people hear “31 Days to Great Sex” they often think of the cover of Cosmo magazine — 15 new sex tricks, or 12 things to do to drive him wild. But that’s not what this book is about — although there are some days that will help you drive him wild (and help him drive you wild!). The emphasis isn’t on sex tricks as much as it is learning how to communicate about sex, how to think about sex differently, and how to renew your relationship and have more fun.

What I keep hearing from people, again and again, is that the biggest benefit is that they set aside a time everyday to talk about things. The readings are short — maybe 1-3 pages a night — and then there’s a challenge. But to commit to working through this means that couples are committing to spending time together away from a screen. And they’ll start to have some conversations that perhaps they’ve been putting off. And, yes, they’ll learn to laugh together and have more fun, too!

But I think for so many of us we’re busy, and we fit sex in if we have the time. Since most of us don’t have much time, this attitude makes sex rather rare. This helps us to prioritize it, and make it a habit — a good habit — in our marriages again. The last week is dedicated to helping you find ways to keep the momentum going after the 31 days, and I hope that’s one of the most useful parts of it.

J: Can someone safely buy this book to a friend or family member for Christmas? Would it be a good gift book?

Sheila: I think it would be a great book for your spouse! And I’ve even got downloadable coupons you can put in your spouse’s stocking. There are links in the book for that. I think buying it for a newlywed couple you know well would be fine; buying it for your married kids? That depends on your relationship!

Note from J: I would totally buy this book for a close friend. She’d thank me later. (Her husband might send me flowers.)

J: And because you know I love humor here, what part of the experience of writing 31 Days to Great Sex got you and the hubby laughing? (I know there’s something because Spock and I get in stitches around here at times over stuff I read and write.)

Sheila: We had such fun coming up with different ways to play as a couple. When I did this post as a blog series we even had to stage a photo, and that was a riot. I bought some of that string in a can and I sprayed it all over him while my daughter snapped the picture. But it ended up all over our bookshelves, too! So that was funny. And then we were reminiscing about a water fight and food fight we had had in our dating days, and that made me remember a great scene from The Family Man, which I linked to in the book. Recreating that was fun, too!

Sheila, her husband, and silly string

That does look like FUN!

But the most fun part was coming up with 8 ways to spice up your marriage. I wouldn’t say it got us LAUGHING, but it certainly got us feeling frisky. In fact, we started working through the 31 days together but we kinda stalled on that one day, and we keep coming back to it. So there’s some really FUN stuff in there, too!

J: Thanks so much, Sheila! I’m really excited about this book!

The book is only $4.99 — less than I spent on my coffee shop order yesterday, less than a movie, less than 1½ gallons of gasoline, less than a good pair of panties. Hey, it could be the best $5 you ever spent on your marriage! Buy it as a stocking stuffer for your spouse. (Throw in a pair of those “good” panties for some extra fun.)

And leave a comment about why intimacy is important to enter to win one of two giveaway copies of 31 Days to Great Sex. But don’t be afraid to buy it now; if you win, and you’ve already bought it, Sheila will send you a copy of her paperback The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, a more expensive book.

The links to Sheila’s book here are affiliate links, so yes, I’d appreciate you buying through my site — which will help your marriage a lot and help defer my blogging expenses too. 🙂