Well, stop the presses and knock me over with a feather! After the 10 Confessions of Sex-Positive Spouses starting hitting the blogosphere (see my post), I asked my hubby if he wanted to play. He said YES!
So while I have been using my Mondays to answer reader questions, I am halting that train on its tracks to let this Little Engine that Could come on through. Today’s post is 8 Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby. Since he’s not a big talker or writer, he could only come up with eight (two more and he would have been way past his word quota for the day) and I interviewed him. The bold statements are his, and the rest is my commentary.
1. Get her as hot as you feel. This was hubby’s first recommendation for husbands in the sexual arena. Not a bad one, eh?
2. Small things may not be a habit for you, but they will open her up to you. This is something my husband has learned in our many years of marriage: Doing little things throughout the day for your wife opens her heart up to you and makes her more willing to engage in physical intimacy. We talked about non-sexual touches, acts of service, and romantic gestures as examples of those “little things.” This isn’t a tit-for-tat plan, but rather a recognition that expressing love in little ways brings you two closer and sets the stage for sexual intimacy.
3. On the whole, sex gets better with age. You know each other better. You are more comfortable with both the safe areas and experimenting. More touches also mean that you are more attuned to your mate and have a better performance. This has been mentioned in other 10 Confessions lists, and it flies in the face of what a lot of media suggests–that the best experiences are the first ones of discovery or that you reach a point where sex is “old hat.” But I also find it to be true while our intimacy may not be as giddy as it was at the beginning, it is deeper, more arousing, and all around better.
4. Understanding God the Father, Jesus the Husband, and Church the Bride helps a husband understand how to cherish his wife. (Okay, I’m swooning a little over my hubby now.) Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Indeed, husbands who do that with their wives are much more likely to enjoy a healthy marriage, including sexuality.
5. The “vaginal orifice” (I swear that was his phrase) is larger and more flexible than I thought. Um, okay. I queried him further, and Hubby’s take was that he was simply surprised by how the wife’s body was created in such a way that the opening appears small but adapts, conforms, and accommodates the husband’s manhood. I don’t know about you, ladies, but the very thought of putting a penis inside me when I was a young teenager was utterly horrifying! And it all turned out pretty good. So yeah, God’s design is awesome.
6. Sex is a sport. This was in response to Justin of Do Not Disturb who pointed out in his list: Sex is better than sports. When I read my husband that statement, he immediately replied, “Sex is a sport.” I think he wants an MVP designation now.
7. Sex is the most explicit physical rendering of the biblical expression, “The two will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” There are others ways in which a married couple are one, as a household, with finances, as parents, and more. To have a healthy marriage, you must integrate your lives in such a way that whatever impacts one of you will impact both of you. This is a truly wonderful thing with sex! We are integrated physically, and what brings one of us pleasure should pleasure the other as well. I was a little surprised that my man didn’t immediately quote the next verse in Genesis 2: “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” I don’t remember that one being on any memory verse lists.
8. One can initiate at any part of the body. Toe, belly button, back of the knee, back of the neck, middle of the vertebrae, anywhere. Pick a starting point! In fact, have a year where each day has a different starting point. I like this idea! The hubs just shook up his brain like a Yahtzee cup and this is what fell out! Husbands should take note here to vary their approach. Also, don’t start with the private parts! Wives typically respond better to being stimulated in other sensitive areas of their body first. The skin itself has approximately 50 touch receptors per square centimeter (from ThinkQuest.org), and touch receptors vary in their sensitivity. For instance, some respond to heat, others to pressure, and still others to simple touch. One of the beauties of a long marriage is taking your time to discover how each and every part of your spouse’s body responds to your touch. Start exploring, and see where you end up!
And that’s it. We’re out of statements from my hubby regarding sexuality. So how about you? What have you learned that has made you more positive about God’s gift of sexuality in marriage?