Category Archives: Marriage and Sex Humor

Is Joking about Sex Okay?

My site is called Hot, Holy & Humorous — because those are three aspects of sex in marriage. And if you’ve read or followed me much, you know that I love humor. Indeed, I believe a sense of humor is what makes life more bearable in bad times and more enjoyable in good times.

I’ve been known to crack a few sex jokes and chuckle at innuendos. One of my favorites is when someone asks me about masturbation, and I answer, “Well, now that’s a touchy topic.” And you’ll periodically hear one-liners and laughter in our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast.

But is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?

Is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided? Click To Tweet

Is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?

Ephesians 5:3-5 says:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Hmmm. Should we reconsider how we treat the subject of sex in conversation? Don’t panic yet. Let me outline a few thoughts here.

1. Context matters.

This passage is talking about sexual immorality and impurity, and conversation in that context. A sexual innuendo about one’s body part is one thing when spoken to your spouse and a whole other thing when spoken to someone else. The first is in the context of a covenant relationship blessed by God with intimacy as the goal of that humor. While the second clearly meets the “out of place” definition in the scripture and could lead to the immorality and impurity warned about.

Now this isn’t license to say anything whatsoever within marriage, because our words should always meet the goal of building one another up (Ephesians 4:29). But speaking innuendos to your beloved mate isn’t an immoral or impure act. Indeed, look at how the lovers spoke to one another in Song of Songs — their playful use of metaphors and euphemisms. That’s a good example of how we can use sexual sense of humor in positive ways.

That said, we need to be careful how we speak in mixed company, to ensure that we are not nudging someone toward impurity. Sexual innuendos broadly (like my “touchy” joke above) don’t meet that definition to me — it’s just us laughing at the shared experience of life — but specifics could be problematic.

2. Content matters.

In the commentaries I read on this passage, the most common takeaway was that sin isn’t funny. Coarse joking about things like sexual trafficking, pornography addiction, adultery, etc. are not a Christ-like approach to sin. We can all nod our heads on this one, but let’s be honest: This can be difficult to follow all the time, because we tend to diffuse stressful situations with humor. It’s a go-to coping mechanism for some.

But real brokenness is heart-rending. It pricks God’s heart and should prick ours too. For instance, there were many jokes about Hugh Hefner through the years, but I never thought he was funny; rather, he was sad, pathetic, and damaging. Likewise, nothing about the #MeToo movement is funny for those who have been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.

Living in Texas, I remember vividly when front-runner candidate Clayton Williams lost the governor’s race by making an offhand comment comparing bad weather to rape. It wasn’t simply in poor taste; it was thoughtless and heartless to everyone (women and men) who had been raped. That is sexual humor gone much too far.

3. Consequence matters.

What’s the result of your sexual humor? Is it lightening you and others up about the awkwardness and foibles of the sexual act? Is it convincing us that sex is universally funny in some ways? Is it having a shared moment of humor with a close friend? Is it inducing greater intimacy between you and your spouse?

Or is it causing your spouse or friends discomfort? Is it encouraging your mind to dwell on sexual improprieties? Is it arousing your lust as much as it tickles your funny bone?

The goal is for God’s people to maintain sexual purity and morality, and if your humor doesn’t do that, then you need to take a step back and ask what, if anything, you need to change.

Now, admittedly, I sometimes have a commenter slam me for my sexual sense of humor here on the blog in a way that makes it clear the person is way too uptight. If someone thinks that Christianity means No Joking Allowed, then the problem isn’t really the joke but the audience. Tough crowd. Is this mic on? Of course if you’re married to that “tough crowd,” you need to tread carefully. Encourage them toward lightning up a little, but don’t dismiss their discomfort.

Is it okay to joke about sex? A playful attitude toward sex can help us see this act in a proper light, pursue greater intimacy with our spouse, and bring laughter to our daily lives. None of those things dishonors God’s design for sex.

But if and when our sexual humor is in the wrong context, includes immoral content, or has a damaging consequence, we need to rethink the purpose and power of our words.

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5 Sex Words I Really Want to Change

I don’t know who gets to name sex acts, but whoever was in charge did a poor job. If you don’t use crass terms, an approach I recommend, you’re typically left with either the scientific term or common slang. Oftentimes, neither of those is appealing.

Now I’m also a believer in symbolic language, a la Song of Songs, but forgoing talk of fruit and gardens for the moment, let’s talk about five sex words I’d really like to change.

Number 5 on top of a bouquet of flowers + blog post title

1. Intercourse

Intercourse literally means to run between, meaning a message conveyed back and forth. It was originally used to talk about trade, then social communication, and finally some misguided person in the 18th century coined the term “sexual intercourse.” Of course, that got shortened to intercourse, and now we’re stuck with it. Even though it sounds about as clinical as one can get.

Oh, I take that back. There’s also coitus and copulation. How do these people manage to make a sweaty, sexy, super-fun experience sound like a boring professor’s lecture? No wonder people have coined other phrases for this act — everything from “make love” to “the mattress mambo” to “the beast with two backs” (thanks for that one, Shakespeare).

One other option to refer to simple intercourse would be to talk about marital congress. Which is actually a nice phrase, given that congress is a compilation of roots that mean “to walk” and “together.” Unfortunately, as an American, I’d argue that our Congress has put at risk, or even ruined for some, the positive connotations of that word altogether. Alas, we shall move on.

2. Blow Job

Who knows where we got this term! There’s certainly no blowing involved. Unless you’re talking about that final moment when your husband ejaculates, and you could yell, “Thar she blows!” Actually, don’t do that — his penis is neither a whale nor a she.

Also, I object to the word job, as if I got hired to do this task or have to roll up my sleeves and put in 9-to-5 on this goal.

Other names for this act don’t strike me as any better: giving head, knob job, and the oh-so-scientific fellatio. I recently suggested to my podcast partners that we call it “giving popsicle.” I mean, who doesn’t like a popsicle? And what husband doesn’t want to experience being treated like his wife’s personal popsicle? Just sayin’.

3. Doggy Style

I’ve both written and talked about how terrible this name for a sexual position is. What wife wants to be compared to a dog?

But when I try to get around this, I end saying stuff like “rear entry,” which can get confused with something else that I definitely don’t mean. Not to mention that rear entry doesn’t sound appealing either.

What should we call this sexual position where a husband inserts his penis into his wife’s vagina from behind? I’m kind of at a loss. (And do not Google this. I foolishly did, and immediately clicked away from three sites that were not good. No visuals, just words, but trust me on this.) Maybe we could try the kneel & squeal, since that’s what could happen with husband and wife when you try this position.

4. Erection

The etymology of this word is just fine, with it meaning to set up or erect — exactly what happens to the penis when it’s aroused. But it also sounds unnecessarily formal. Perhaps because the most common occurrences of the word erection these days is in commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs (“If your erection lasts more four hours, call your doctor”).

Of course, there’s the tried-and-true hard-on, as well as boner (usually considered a crasser term), and stiffy. Or you could get creative with full salute or pocket rocket. Yeah, despite my issues with the clinical sound of the term erection, I’ll probably keep using it rather than adopt any of these terms as my go-to word.

5. Vagina

I also considered revisiting the word penis, but it’s not such a bad-sounding word and there are a gazillion other words for that body part. Meanwhile, we’re all stuck saying vagina to name that canal wives use for marital congress. Indeed, vagina literally means sheath, like the sheath of an ear of grain; that is, hull or husk. Guess that makes the husband’s part the sword or an ear of corn. Weird.

Regardless, vagina isn’t a pretty-sounding word for an area the Bible refers to in its talk of a garden. Not that I’m suggesting we suddenly all call women’s vaginas gardens. If I tried that on this blog, I’d have to explain the meaning nearly every time.

Instead, when referring to sex, I vote for calling it the tunnel of love. You know, like those old amusement park rides where lovers sat in a two-person boat and entered a dark tunnel to experience private, intimate interaction. I can already hear all the husbands saying, “Oh yeah. Best. Ride. Ever.” What do you think? Would tunnel of love catch on?

And what other ideas do you have for words you’d like to change or synonym suggestions for the ones I mentioned?

Note: No R-rated comments. Some of the words I used here are probably uncomfortable for some readers already, and I want us to be lighthearted but also responsible in how we talk about God’s creation.

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Have You Ever Been Injured During Sex?

Once upon a time, I broke my right pinkie toe. When asked by a good friend how it happened, I blushed and told her about how my husband and I were making love. I was turned with my feet by the headboard, and things got heavy and heated. It was so amazing and out-of-control and earthshaking that I flung my foot out, caught the headboard with my toe, and broke the bone.

After I finished my explanation, she gasped and asked, “Really?”

To which I answered, “No. I was walking into our bathroom early one morning, couldn’t see where I was going, and slammed my foot on the door jamb. But doesn’t the first story sound more exciting?”

While I didn’t break my toe mid-sexual encounter, the sexual intimacy in my marriage has included some minor accidents and injuries. Stuff like hair getting accidentally pulled or legs cramping or my latest, which I shared on Facebook this morning:

In response, a few others shared their stories. And I bet y’all have more tales.

Have You Ever Been Injured During Sex?

While I’ve never read a novel or seen a movie with a romantic scene in which someone has an accident or injury during sex, I know it happens. If you’re making love as often as you should in your marriage, and you’ve been married for a while, you’ll likely have a story or two about the time you unintentionally kneed him in the nuts or he elbowed you in a bad place. You might have fallen off the bed, or even broken the bed. Or — like some friends of mine — you accidentally started a fire in your bedroom.

Not everything goes like clockwork every time. And that’s okay. The physical intimacy in your marriage is comprised of all those experiences bundled together, so a few oopses over the years don’t detract at all from the beauty of your one-flesh experience.

In fact, it might add to it. You get these shared memories of “that time when.” Remember when we dove naked onto your parents bed, broke the frame, and had to explain how we destroyed their furniture? Remember when we decided to make love on the kitchen table and ended up smacking our heads on the ceiling fan overhead? Remember when we set the mood by lighting all those candles and also set the pillow on fire?

And if you really do get injured making love, don’t be so embarrassed that you don’t tell the doctor what happened. You might be surprised how often such incidents occur. In fact, there’s a whole documentary series called Sex Sent Me to the ER. I haven’t watched the show (don’t really want to and don’t have cable anyway), but I’ve heard stories about the episodes.

The point is that it happens. Sex is something of a sport, and sports involve some risk. But they also involve scoring, winning, and celebrating. So it’s worth getting in the game.

Of course, remember your limits. For instance, the reason I pulled a muscle isn’t because I was going full-on Cirque de Soleil in my bedroom. Rather, my back is older than it used to be. Between age and turning it the wrong way, I’ve ended up with a slight injury. It will heal.

And avoid those sex acts, typically kinky, that are actually dangerous. Just because someone thought of a sexual act you haven’t done, doesn’t mean you have to do it. In fact, some are a really bad idea. Use your common sense.

But if it happens, it happens. Just like my sports analogy, sit on the sidelines for a bit if you need to and nurse your injury to healing. Then get back on the field (of loooove). After all, to your beloved spouse, you’re the MVP.*

Have you ever had an accident or injury during sex? You’re welcome to share your (not-too-graphic) story below.

*Most Valuable Player

Hot, Holy, and Humorous Book Footer

Get more details about Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design and information on where to buy by clicking HERE.

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Marriage: It Can Be Funny

I recently asked readers to answer 4 QUESTIONS for me. (They’re quick and your answers are very helpful, so if you haven’t done that, please head over to that post and give me your two cents.) From the feedback I’ve received so far, I decided we needed a humor day!

WE LIKE TO LAUGH HERE!

After all, this is Hot, Holy & Humorous. Because I believe those are three things a healthy, godly marriage bed have — hot passion, holy purpose, and a great sense of humor.

So without further ado, here are three chances for you to laugh it up on your own . . . or grab your spouse and enjoy together!

I recently discovered The Skitzy Chicks, through their hilarious Back to School video. But here’s a quick marriage tip from these funny ladies:

2. Comedian Jeff Allen has a story I can relate to — ten years in, his marriage was at the end, but they brought it back from the brink through the grace of God. Now he shares his testimony and sense of humor with others.

3. Here’s a couple I didn’t know about, but discovered while touring the Internet for funnies — Modern Marriage Moments with Brandon and Stephanie. Enjoy the Marriage Pick-Up Lines (but don’t use them)!

And the winner of last week’s giveaway is Tana, who shared my Avoiding Sex Because the Kids Can Hear post last week on Facebook. I’ll contact her about receiving a free ebook of Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

Based on your feedback, I am considering a switch from posting twice a week to three times a week, with one of those posts being an answer to a specific reader question. I don’t know how this would affect my work and personal schedule, so I’d appreciate your prayers as I thoughtfully consider adding another day to my blogging schedule.

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What Euphemisms for Sex Do You Use?

definition of euphemism A euphemism is an expression that says one thing when we all know it means another *wink-wink*. Like saying your uncle “kicked the bucket” or “bought the farm” or “passed away,” rather than died.

There are moments when you might refer to your own sexual encounters, or perhaps those of others, by not stating outright what’s going on, but using a euphemism instead. For married couples, this can be out of playfulness or to send a message that others (like the kids) won’t catch.

Today, I’m sharing a few unusual euphemisms for sex, gleaned from the Internet, family and friends, and Facebook followers. They fall into categories.

Food. I shouldn’t be surprised, since I’ve used analogies on this blog of eating at restaurants, starving vs. gluttony, and indulging in brownies. But here are a few sex euphemisms referring to food.

Play with the cookies. I have no idea which part is the “cookies,” but JP said that she tells her husband “time to play with the cookies!” Indeed, I have a feeling most hubbies would rather have sex than chocolate chips . . . or better yet, both.

Chicken noodle soup time. Thanks to VMB for this one. And I couldn’t help myself: It seemed like the Campbell’s Soup slogans would go along great with this euphemism, so I looked them up:

Mmm Mmm Good. (1978-present)
It’s Amazing What Soup Can Do! (2010–present)
Possibilities (2005–2009)

Bread and Butter. This expression hails from the 1800s and indicates the closeness that both butter spread on bread and one spouse, um, “spread” on top of the other would have. “I’d like some bread and butter tonight, honey!”

Politics. I was rather bemused by two euphemisms for sex that showed up in the Facebook comments. Who knew that politics could be so inspirational for the bedroom?

Presidential Quarters. NCR says that she tells her husband she needs to meet him in the presidential quarters. Wow, that’s gotta make a guy feel good. Not only does his wife want to have sex with him, she’s promoted him to “leader of the free world.”

Congress Is in Session. For those of us who live in the United States, that phrase isn’t always a good thing. But as a euphemism for sex, it’s wonderful! The word “congress” originally meant a coming together of people or a meeting. And marital sex is definitely a meeting you want in session.

Household chores. Some parents tell the kids they’re doing boring, grown-up household chores when they’re really doing exciting, grown-up sex stuff. Since kids don’t want to be around you when you’re “cleaning closets” or whatever, this could be a great way to secure enough time alone to get the deed done.

Organizing my recipes. This one is a “code word” for one of my FB followers, TLE. Personally, I haven’t organized my recipes since about 1996, but I have “organized my recipes” *wink* plenty of times.

Moving furniture. RKY use this one. I have to wonder how they explain it to others when the furniture is still in the same place later. Although “moving furniture” would explain the creak of the bed and the grunts and groans heard through the bedroom door.

Paying the bills. Now there’s a way to clear the room of everyone but you and the hubby! According to HWC, this works brilliantly, since their 9 year old then says, “That stresses parents out, so we better leave them alone!” Yes, kid, you should.

Animals. Since sex is a nature thing (“birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it”*), some use references to animals. Sure, we’re not animals, but they mate, we mate…it makes sense.

The beast with two backs. No, this wasn’t invented by a college locker room crowd. It’s Shakespeare. That’s right. This euphemism for having sex comes from the tragedy Othello, Act 1, Scene 1: “I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.”

Bury the bone. Have you heard this one? No, you’re not a dog, but the imagery is clear. You know exactly what the “bone” is and where to “bury” it.

Animal noises. One FB commenter (CW) said that her husband just makes animal mating noises. The kids think he’s being funny, but his wife knows what he’s proposing. I’m curious which animals and how he knows their mating sounds.

The Unexplainable. Some euphemisms don’t fit a specific category. They’re just fun, make sense to the couple, and get the job done.

Spelunking. Thanks to a friend who provided this one. She and her husband will sometimes say, “Want to go spelunking?” Why spelunking? She explained that spelunking involves exploring secret caverns and crevices, kinda like sex. I’d like to be there the day her children realize why their parents are always talking about going spelunking . . . but never actually go.

Jumpstart. Facebook commenter ABA’s husband is a mechanic. So their code phrase is “Do you need a jumpstart?” I like that they tailored the euphemism to their specific family situation.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yes, it’s a Disney movie. However, when I told my husband I was going to do a post about euphemisms for “you know” and then gestured a little to convey my meaning, his response was, “You mean the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?” That was a new one for us. After laughing a bit, I responded, “Oh, now I understand why they sing, ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you!'” Yep, it’s veritable feast of cheesy humor in my marriage.

Okay, your turn. What euphemisms do you use for sex? How do you let your spouse know that you’re willing, interested, and good-to-go?

*”Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it” are lyrics from “Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love” by Cole Porter.

Sources: 17 Euphemisms for Sex from the 1800s – Mental Floss; Euphemism – Literary Devices; Hot, Holy & Humorous Facebook status update

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