Tag Archives: marriage blog

Wives, Why Aren’t You Commenting?

Lately, I’ve noticed a trend in my comments section—more men, fewer women. By a rather substantial ratio.

When I began this blog in December 2010, I intended to reach wives who wanted more information and guidance about sex in marriage from a Christian perspective. But I’ve also posted plenty of times with husbands and couples in mind. Still, my readership reflects about a 60/40 split of women to men, so the majority of readers are still wives.

So why aren’t wives commenting as much anymore?

I genuinely want to know. Because I’d like to hear more from wives, to take in and consider their perspective, to speak to their concerns, and to involve them fully in conversations about intimacy in marriage.

Rather than write a post on sex today, I’m asking you to write to me. Wives, please tell me why you don’t comment or why you stopped commenting.

And gentlemen, please let this comment thread be dedicated to the ladies. Today is our day to simply listen, and I suspect you could learn as well from what these wives say.

What is my comments policy?

And in case you’re wondering, not long ago I updated my comments policy, and it’s reprinted below.

Hot, Holy, and Humorous was started as a site geared toward wives, though I have written many posts for couples and husbands as well. While I welcome all readers, I prioritize wives, so my comment policy reflects that focus.

All comments are reviewed by the administrator before they are posted. Some common reasons a comment may not appear:

Too revealing, graphic, or inappropriate.

I’m pretty liberal here, given the subject matter, but examples of TMI might be crass terminology or detailed descriptions of sexual acts.

Personal attacks.

Feel free to agree, disagree, or add your own knowledge, opinions, and insight to the subject matter. However, refrain from personal insults. They don’t further the conversation or persuade anyone.

Continuing the discussion past its usefulness.

So you disagreed with me, I responded, you replied, I answered, and so on. And really, 3-4 comments into that discussion, if you’re still trying to make your point or have the last word, I may just move on. Both of us would be better served to use our time elsewhere.

Monopolizing the conversation.

This may sound stereotypical, but I’ve had eight years running this blog to know that some men will comment in such a way that monopolizes the conversation, dismisses women wanting to add their say, and generally takes over the comment thread. After years of trying to smoothly manage that, I will be using the delete button more. Because ultimately, this is a site I want geared toward wives. (And yes, if a woman monopolizes the conversation, of course I’ll treat that the same.)

A question or comment that has nothing to do with the subject of the post.

So I wrote about oral sex, and you asked about positions. Or maybe I dealt with ways wives can be more engaged, and you think I should have covered how men should be more engaged. I get it: You want your situation addressed, maybe even need your situation addressed. But that’s not the point of the post, and I have over 850 posts you can search, one of which might have your answer. If you want to suggest a post topic, head over to my contact page.

Links to other sites.

While I regularly recommend resources and products I am familiar with and trust, Hot, Holy, and Humorous is not an aggregator of sites or links related to sex in marriage. If a commenter adds a link to a comment that I’m not familiar with, I may delete the comment rather than investigate, since detouring to check out those links takes away time I’d rather spend writing blog posts and books. Also, if a link goes to a site I strongly disagree with, obviously that will end up in the discard pile.

Sales promotions.

This blog will not facilitate sales for other sites. From time to time, I may suggest a book or product, and there may be an affiliate link on my site; such recommendations are my own discretion. But vendors should use their own sites to promote their products.

False/dangerous teaching.

Not all Christians interpret every verse in the Bible the same way. I am absolutely open to healthy, respectful debate. However, teachings that could cause harm to my readers may be passed over, as I have some responsibility for what appears on my site.

My comments policy can be summed up by Luke 6:31 (NASB): Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

Commenter Identity.

You may comment using your name, a nickname, or Anonymous. (Anonymous is by far my most frequent commenter. *smile*)

I read all comments and reply to as many as I can; yet time is limited. Please know that I appreciate your feedback, whether I am able to respond or not. If you ask me a question in your comments, I try to answer within a day or two. If I take longer, it’s usually because I’m praying and deeply considering my answer to your scenario. I appreciate your patience.

I welcome input. I enjoy conversation. I appreciate all readers.

May God bless your marriage and your sex life!

Let the feedback begin!