Tag Archives: marriage books

Help for Low Libido Wives!

I know a lot of writers.

It’s just where I am at this point, writing fiction and about Christian intimacy. Usually, I get to know someone personally before I ever open up a book they’ve written. Frankly, it’s so hard when you like someone a lot, but you don’t like their book. I mean, what do you say?!

So when Bonny Logsdon Burns of Bonny’s Oyster Bed wrote a resource specifically for low libido wives, I was a little nervous. I really like Bonny! I thought please, let me like her book!

I shouldn’t have worried in the least. Bonny did a bang-up job with Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation. It’s easy-breezy to recommend this fabulous resource to my readers!


In case you’re wondering why:

1. Saturated in Scripture. Bring on the biblical foundation! It’s all here. Bonny reaches deep into the Word of God as her compass in enlightening readers about sexuality in marriage. Some verses are specific to marriage and intimacy, while plenty of others are about Christian principles that carry over into how we view the Creator of sex, ourselves, and our marriages. I adore this important focus in Unlock Your Libido.

2. Wisdom from Someone Who Knows. Bonny’s been there, done that, so to speak. She understands what it’s like to be a wife with a lower sex drive, but she also has a testimony of awakening her libido. Since she’s been in those trenches, she has practical, field-tested advice for wives who don’t desire sex much. There’s no standing-on-a-soapbox, but rather a heart and a hand to help you on your journey to becoming a more sex-positive wife.

3. Positive Self-Talk. Want to know something with a really good track record of effecting positive change in your life? Changing your self-talk. Research and testimonies are clear on this one. But sometimes we read a book, agree with it, but don’t take any actions for those truths to soak in. In Unlock Your Libido, Bonny gives a positive affirmation for each week you can practice and use to combat the enemy’s lies and replace them with godly truth. Working on that little action won’t take long each day, but over time it can make a big difference.

Bonny understands that the goal for a low-drive wife shouldn’t be getting her to “fulfill her duty” and surrender herself to her husband. That’s not what God had in mind when He designed sex for marriage! Rather, the hope is to awaken, or unlock, your libido — learn how sex can be good for you, increase intimacy in your marriage, and become something you look forward to and enjoy. Sex is also for you.

I’d love to give away a copy of this important resource to every low-libido wife, but of course that’s impractical (not to mention I’d get into huge trouble with the hubby for that unexpected expense!). So I’m going to encourage you to grab your copy now! But I’ll go ahead and give away one copy to a commenter below.

Bonny Lodgson BurnsBonny Logsdon Burns writes to encourage the low libido wife at www.OysterBed7.com. She is passionate about empowering and equipping hurting women through God’s Word and practical tools. She and her husband, David, are candid about their struggles and victories. They have three sons, like to try new foods, and dance to their own music. (You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.)


Comment below for a chance to win Unlock Your Libido, and go check out the resource for yourself! (Be sure to include your email address, but you can choose whatever name or nickname you wish to show up on the site.)

Favorite Books for Christmas Gifts

One of my absolute favorite gifts to receive for birthday or Christmas is books. Whenever I’m given a book I want or a gift card for a bookstore, I get a little giddy — all the way from the prickles on my neck to the warm feeling rushing into my toes. I’ve often given books as gifts as well.

So let’s talk about books you can give your spouse for Christmas. Today I want to shoot out a few ideas, and then collect as many ideas from my fabulous readers in the comments.

Marriage Books

Sometimes I’m asked about my favorite marriage books. I haven’t read nearly enough of them. Some great ones out there, I simply haven’t gotten around to! But here are a few favorites:

book covers

For some reason, 3 copies on my shelf.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. If you haven’t heard of this book, where have you been? Just kidding. It’s a widely read marriage book, and for good reason. Chapman explains that we often display love to our spouse in ways that we understand but that miss the mark with our mate. Your husband or wife may need you to speak a different “love language.”

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman. This author has extensively studied relationships and, more specifically, what makes marriages stay together or fall apart. The research is solid, and the findings are illuminating. Doomed marriages share certain features, and successful marriages share others. Find out what those features are, and get your marriage in the right camp.

Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas. I’ve written before on this overall subject of happy vs. holy, but this book was the one that got me rethinking the common approach to relationships. God does have a greater purpose for our marriages.


There are numerous excellent resources on Christian intimacy now, and I couldn’t say that years ago. Thankfully, more Christians are speaking out and speaking well about God’s design for sexual intimacy in marriage. Here are a few:

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) by Sheila Gregoire. I’ve reviewed this book before, and it’s high on my recommendation list. This book is particularly good for a bride or newlywed to get started on the right foot in their marital bedroom.

Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage by Jeffrey Murphy and Julie Sibert. This is a recent release which I’m currently reading. Julie Sibert is a trusted friend and Christian sex blogger at Intimacy for Marriage. Her godly yet practical approach to marital passion is likely to spark your marriage as well.

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman. Dr. Leman is among my favorite marriage and parenting experts. This book deals with sexual intimacy specifically, and his quick-witted, practical-tip style will appeal to wife and husband alike.

Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design by J. Parker. C’mon, you had to know I’d mention my own book! Hot, Holy, and Humorous is both a biblical look at sexual intimacy in marriage and a collection of practical how-tos so that you’ll get some ideas to put into practice.

General Nonfiction

Other nonfiction books can improve your marriage by addressing topics and challenges couples often face. Here are few of my suggestions on that front:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Steven Covey. I cannot count the number of times I’ve hailed back to these principles since I first read this book in college. My husband and I have also used them as wisdom for our family relationships (habits like “seek first to understand, then to be understood” and “first things first”). Covey also comes from a Christian perspective (he was Mormon), and these principles comport with biblical approaches to life.

The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness by Dave Ramsey. Financial problems are among the top reasons that couples divorce. Ramsey has been preaching responsibility with his Financial Peace University program for years, and this book outlines his steps to financial freedom. Along with The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy, this book changed how I view money.

Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by David Keirsey. God made people vastly different in personality. Learning to recognize and appreciate those differences can smooth your expectations and approaches toward relationships, including marriage. Keirsey’s book uses the Myers-Briggs personality type system to categorize and explain why your spouse behaves so very differently from you . . . and that’s okay.


And now we’ve reached the category I mostly read! Give me a great story that transports me elsewhere, and I’m happier than a kitten in a yarn pile. This list could be about 100 titles long, but I’ll keep it to the three.

When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin. Martin is among my favorite Christian authors, and this was my favorite of his novels. Martin’s faith themes are not slam-you-on-the-head obvious, but instead run through his novels as calls to more godly living. This novel’s tagline is: “A man with a painful past. A child with a doubtful future. And a shared journey toward healing for both their hearts.” This story tore at my heart and warmed my soul.

Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold by C.S. Lewis. I suspect that many who have read Lewis’s theology books and even his beloved Chronicles of Narnia series have never read this novel. Lewis was a professor of Literature and was thus very familiar with Greek mythology. This is his expert retelling of the myth of Cupid and Psyche. I’ve read the book three times and hope to read it again in the near future.

Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes. When I considered which classic to choose, this one came to mind as enjoyable for both men and women. Sometimes considered to be the best work of fiction ever, this book is both a mainstay in our collective culture and a novel not widely read. Maybe you should read it or give it to your spouse. The book is sweeping, fascinating, and full of human insight and quotable passages — well worth adding to your “read in my lifetime” list.

Now it’s your turn! What books would you recommend as holiday gifts? Or for one’s own To Be Read list?

Ready. Set. Go.

Note: All links are affiliates with Amazon.com.

Honors & Hi-Fives


I feel a bit like this:

Miss America crowning photo

I’m not pageant pretty, but I was definitely honored at the end of 2011/beginning of 2012 with some kudos from fellow marriage bloggers. It feels a bit like getting a tiara! (I don’t have a tiara. Even though my sister once asked, “Doesn’t every girl have a tiara?” I do have a banner from my high school prom, but that’s another story altogether.)

Anyway, before I lose focus completely, let me say “Thank you so much!” to:

Grow Your Marriage Award 2011Lori at The Generous Wife who awarded me a Grow Your Marriage Award. She identified “a few blogs that continually stand out to me because of their quality and because of the heart of those who write them.” Seriously, that is tiara stuff, people. I placed in the “Bravery” category (although my husband might label it “Frankness”). This category also includes wonderful fellow bloggers Sheila Gregoire of To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage with Lori saying, “these gals regularly (and with great insight) blog about female sexuality. It’s a tough subject fraught with all kinds of issues and general embarrassment. You go, girls.” Thank you, Lori.


Sheila Gregoire at To Love, Honor and Vacuum for including FIVE quotes of mine in her 50 Best Marriage Quotes of 2011. (Who knew I actually said quotable stuff?) Sheila’s list is a great resource, and I recommend you read it all the way through. There is a lot to think about there, and so much wisdom for marriages collected in one place. Thanks, Sheila.

If you haven’t visited The Generous Wife; To Love, Honor, and Vacuum; or Intimacy in Marriage, I love what these ladies do in boldly speaking up for God’s plan for marriage.

Honors out of the way, I proceed to Hi-fives. Some marriage experts and advocates whom I respect have recently come out with resources that you might want to know about. I am giving a hi-five to these folks for going the extra mile and producing helpful material for couples. I am not getting any kick-back for including these here (though if someone wants to throw $$ my direction, I’ll leap for it like a bridesmaid going for the bouquet). Perhaps you’ll add them to your To Be Read List for 2012, just as I am doing.

First Kiss to Lasting Bliss by Lori D. Lowe of Marriage Gems. This book “features the real-life stories of couples across the U.S. Many of them used adversity to improve their marriages. . . .You will get to know the couples and their often difficult journeys, as well as the keys to their now-strong marriages.” First Kiss to Lasting Bliss is available in both print and ebook format.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. This book isn’t out until March, but I’m biting my fingernails in anticipation and you can pre-order it now. I love Sheila’s Wifey Wednesday blog posts; they are frank, profound, and insightful. She boldly advocates for marriage on her site. Mark your calendar and keep your eyes open for its release. I will definitely let you know on my website when it officially comes out.

A Penny for Your Thoughts from Stu and Lisa Gray at Stupendous Marriage. “The Husband and Wife editions of A Penny For Your Thoughts EACH contain 99 questions you can ask your spouse. Ranging from family history to movies to music to sex.” These are conversation starters to increase communication on a range of issues and deepen your relationship with your spouse. Each version (husband and wife) costs only 99 cents! At $1.98 for both of them, that’s less than the vanilla hot chocolate I just ordered at the coffee shop and much more lasting.

Also, this past year, Stu and Lisa Gray of Stupendous Marriage and Gina Parris and Corey Allen of Winning at Romance and Simple Marriage respectively started podcasting shows. Both are free downloads. Check out The Stupendous Marriage Show and Sexy Marriage Radio.

What do you think? What resources do you recommend for improving your marriage? What particular book or blog has helped you?