How Women Feel about Noncomittal Sex

Sex & the City scene

Sex & the City TV show

I watched the highly-touted Sex in the City just once.  In the episode I turned on, Carrie and her friends were wondering aloud what was wrong with the boyfriend Carrie had been dating because he had not yet attempted to sleep with her.  They came up with all kinds of theories to try to explain this unfathomable behavior.  How long had Carrie been dating this guy, you ask?  Two weeks.  Really? I thought, and turned the show off.

I have a beef with Hollywood:  TV shows and movies often completely misrepresent women.  It’s a secular myth that we ladies readily engage in and enjoy sex even if we have no idea where the relationship is going.

One night stand?  Sure, sailor, cozy up right over here and ship out in the morning; that wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am really hit the spot!

Sex on the third date?  Well, it’s about time you made a move because I’ve been wearing my black lace lingerie since Date #1 and hoping I could show it off and take it off!

Move in together?  Hey, no strings necessary, baby; let’s share rent and a bedroom and don’t bother with expensive rings, antiquated vows, or a silly piece of paper!

‘Til irreconcilable differences do us part?  Nobody stays married for a lifetime anymore, do they? We’re in this relationship until one of us is no longer happy!

The myth that women can open up to someone who may not marry, or remain married to them, is hogwash, baloney, hooey, and crap.  Women want — no, need — security if they are to relax and to give themselves completely to their marriage partner.  How can you feel free in the bedroom to give yourself fully to someone who may or may not be there tomorrow?  Wives need to know that their hubbies love ’em and will love ’em tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.

That commitment shows itself with a man who doesn’t handle the goods until he’s properly made the purchase, so to speak.  In a man who doesn’t string out a dating relationship for six years while he figures out whether he’s willing to toss all of his eggs into one basket.  In a husband who doesn’t dangle the “D” word (divorce) in his wife’s face when things aren’t going well.  In a husband who reassures his wife continually that she is his one true love with whom he wants to grow old, wise, and wrinkly.

Maybe secular sexologists and fomenting feminists consider that traditional brainwashing, but it’s the way God made us.  Women crave a guy who is committed, day in and day out.  When we know that he can be counted on as a companion and provider for the rest of our lives, we can enjoy today more abundantly as God intended.  Secure relationship –> sexy wife.

In fact, I should start a trend.  I’ll start eying men, elbowing girlfriends, and saying, “Check that guy out.  He is so committed!  Oh yeah, baby!”

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife,

and they become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

5 thoughts on “How Women Feel about Noncomittal Sex

  1. Alecia

    I love this post! Here’s the thing though…I have come across many women who live like this. I don’t necessarily think its a myth that women live like this and use sex in such non-commital ways in their lives. I think the myth lies in thinking that treating sex as just another thing to do on a Saturday night with some random agreeable participant is NOT harmful. It soooo is. I COMPLETELY agree with you on how Hollywood promotes sex and romance and the way they convey women. The problem is we buy into it. We justify watching it and give them the ratings. And they keep making what they think we want to see. It is the very reason why I won’t watch shows like those you listed anymore.

  2. Valencia

    A friend recommended your blog to me. We were also just discussing this topic. I have seen a few episodes of Sex and the City, and this new show Single Ladies and wondered…do people really view sex this way? I may not have become “really saved” (lol) until 21, but never ever was this lose sexually. Hopefully Christians can show the world it isn’t cool, safe or fulfilling to sleep around. Blogs like yours share the excitement of committed, married, sexual intimacy between a man and a woman.

  3. J

    @Alecia – I agree with you. I know that a lot women are living like that. Yet, I think deep down, women still want Prince Charming. One reason a lot of women found a way to relate to a prostitute in Pretty Woman is that, despite her loose ways, she really did want the whole kit-and-kaboodle. She wanted commitment. (Of course, movies aren’t real life…but sometimes, a bit of it rings true.)

    @Valencia – Thanks to your friend and to you! I’m glad you found the blog and piped in. Great comment!

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