Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby

Spock

Actual expression from my husband (aka Spock) when I asked him to make 10 Confessions

Well, stop the presses and knock me over with a feather! After the 10 Confessions of Sex-Positive Spouses starting hitting the blogosphere (see my post), I asked my hubby if he wanted to play. He said YES!

So while I have been using my Mondays to answer reader questions, I am halting that train on its tracks to let this Little Engine that Could come on through. Today’s post is 8 Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby. Since he’s not a big talker or writer, he could only come up with eight (two more and he would have been way past his word quota for the day) and I interviewed him. The bold statements are his, and the rest is my commentary.

1. Get her as hot as you feel. This was hubby’s first recommendation for husbands in the sexual arena. Not a bad one, eh?

2. Small things may not be a habit for you, but they will open her up to you. This is something my husband has learned in our many years of marriage: Doing little things throughout the day for your wife opens her heart up to you and makes her more willing to engage in physical intimacy. We talked about non-sexual touches, acts of service, and romantic gestures as examples of those “little things.” This isn’t a tit-for-tat plan, but rather a recognition that expressing love in little ways brings you two closer and sets the stage for sexual intimacy.

3. On the whole, sex gets better with age. You know each other better. You are more comfortable with both the safe areas and experimenting. More touches also mean that you are more attuned to your mate and have a better performance. This has been mentioned in other 10 Confessions lists, and it flies in the face of what a lot of media suggests–that the best experiences are the first ones of discovery or that you reach a point where sex is “old hat.” But I also find it to be true while our intimacy may not be as giddy as it was at the beginning, it is deeper, more arousing, and all around better.

4. Understanding God the Father, Jesus the Husband, and Church the Bride helps a husband understand how to cherish his wife. (Okay, I’m swooning a little over my hubby now.) Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Indeed, husbands who do that with their wives are much more likely to enjoy a healthy marriage, including sexuality.

5. The “vaginal orifice” (I swear that was his phrase) is larger and more flexible than I thought. Um, okay. I queried him further, and Hubby’s take was that he was simply surprised by how the wife’s body was created in such a way that the opening appears small but adapts, conforms, and accommodates the husband’s manhood. I don’t know about you, ladies, but the very thought of putting a penis inside me when I was a young teenager was utterly horrifying! And it all turned out pretty good. So yeah, God’s design is awesome.

6. Sex is a sport. This was in response to Justin of Do Not Disturb who pointed out in his list: Sex is better than sports. When I read my husband that statement, he immediately replied, “Sex is a sport.” I think he wants an MVP designation now.

7. Sex is the most explicit physical rendering of the biblical expression, “The two will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” There are others ways in which a married couple are one, as a household, with finances, as parents, and more. To have a healthy marriage, you must integrate your lives in such a way that whatever impacts one of you will impact both of you. This is a truly wonderful thing with sex! We are integrated physically, and what brings one of us pleasure should pleasure the other as well. I was a little surprised that my man didn’t immediately quote the next verse in Genesis 2: The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” I don’t remember that one being on any memory verse lists.

8. One can initiate at any part of the body. Toe, belly button, back of the knee, back of the neck, middle of the vertebrae, anywhere. Pick a starting point! In fact, have a year where each day has a different starting point. I like this idea! The hubs just shook up his brain like a Yahtzee cup and this is what fell out! Husbands should take note here to vary their approach. Also, don’t start with the private parts! Wives typically respond better to being stimulated in other sensitive areas of their body first. The skin itself has approximately 50 touch receptors per square centimeter (from ThinkQuest.org), and touch receptors vary in their sensitivity. For instance, some respond to heat, others to pressure, and still others to simple touch. One of the beauties of a long marriage is taking your time to discover how each and every part of your spouse’s body responds to your touch. Start exploring, and see where you end up!

And that’s it. We’re out of statements from my hubby regarding sexuality. So how about you? What have you learned that has made you more positive about God’s gift of sexuality in marriage?

32 thoughts on “Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby

  1. Kate Aldrich

    This is awesome! I am really enjoying hearing from the hubby’s! When Brad was working on his post, I couldn’t wait to see what he said! 🙂 Love #4! Thanks for sharing, Mr. Spock!

    1. J

      I read Brad’s post to my hubby when I was explaining the concept to him. I loved hearing both sides from you two and was glad I could present the same thing here.

  2. Cherishing My Days

    This made me laugh because my husband is also a man of few words. BUT even though I talk more than he does, he is much less shy and inhibited about sex. I agree with Kate–it’s good to hear from the hubbies!

    1. J

      Hey, few words can mean more ACTION! 🙂 My hubby can actually talk quite a bit when you hit topics like baseball. Of course, he likes that kind of home run and the one in the bedroom too. Thanks, Cherishing!

  3. Gina Parris

    Wow those were great. I’m pretty sure if I asked The (strong & silent) Sailor for his tips he would just look at me and say, “Ummm ,Just do it.”

    I’ve learned that an attitude can change in a moment when we decide to operate from our spirit instead of our angry selfish soul or flesh. And remarkably, the human spirit is sexually alive!

    1. J

      I think a lot of hubbies would like that sex advice: “Just do it!” LOL. Thanks so much, Gina. You can let the Sailor stay strong and silent. I appreciate his service.

  4. Gaye

    These are great. The only thing I would add is to #3 – Sex CAN get better, much better, with age, but both husband and wife have to commit to making sure that happens. Otherwise, it’s possible for sex to become rote or even taper off to nothing.

    1. J

      Absolutely agree, Gaye! All types of intimacy in marriage must be nurtured to stay healthy and thriving. Thanks.

    2. Tori

      Even young marriages, sex can get old or seem less needed quick when you have so much of life’s demands on you. Nurturing is a MUST, from both people.

  5. Anonymous

    Hey I have my own confession of a sex loving hubby

    1. My wife’s sexy & I know it (She is the hottest woman on earth)

    2. I love buying my wife lingerie (I love it!!! What can I say)

    3. My wife knows when I’ve read HHH because I rush her to the bedroom when I get home

    4. In naughty vs. Romantic, romantic wins (It feels better when the pleasure hits your entire being)

    5. Martial sex is better than pre-martial ( I’ve only been with my wife but we messed up like many. The sex is way better in holy matrimony)

    6. With oral I’d rather give than receive (my wife is tasty lol)

    7. The world has no idea what there missing (Sex God’s way is awesome)

    8. My wife makes me feel awesome about my size (I felt small until she told me otherwise)

    I’m out of words lol

    1. J

      These are FABULOUS! I adore #4 in particular. It’s SO true. We wives often get the idea that men are pigs because they want to be adventurous or frequent in lovemaking, but hubbies report over and over that they want the Real Deal, the Whole Shebang, the Full Monty (oh wait, that’s something else),…

      I also agree entirely with #5. It’s better in holy matrimony blessed by the Maker.

      Thanks for sharing.

    2. Anonymous

      I agree with all of them…they are all great! My wonderful geek has said a lot of those same things.

      #5…in TOTAL AGREEMENT!

    3. Anonymous

      Oh I now have my number 9.
      High heels are the sexiest item of clothing my wife can wear. When my wife puts on heels I stand at attention Lol.

    4. Anonymous

      I long to feel for my wife the way the post are showing. Our intimacy is nonexistent. I pray that my wife becomes sex positive. I pray that i can be patient with her, and not do anything foolish

    5. J

      “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). Unfortunately, I know that’s how some spouses feel about their sex lives and marital intimacy. I pray that you can be patient, pray and seek the best in your marriage, and have your longing fulfilled.

  6. Anonymous

    These all good but my secret has been to find the myriad of ways you can touch her heart and she will crave you touching her body. Even if you think she is low desire. The way to a mans heart is a willing offering of the gift of sex from her but if you want to claim your wife sexually it is easier, and will feel better in every way if you draw her heart to yourself first before the touching starts or gets sexual. For my wife a warm heart always translates to a hot body! I suspect in this regard she is normal for a women, but to me she is above normal and a super wife. When i forget this rule sex is still times good but if I remember this, it is is truly awesome! This the reason that at times we can have a quickie (2-3 minute encounter) with a pounding simultaneous explosion and smile through church or whatever over our secret tryst.

    Was good to get the husbands perspective with commentary by J. That’s commentary is always good. Thanks so much for steering us in the right direction and keeping us encouraged about how to win at sexual olympics. Just very much enjoy your desire to guide us right and make marriage and especially sex a positive experience. Women and men are bombarded with garbage about sex. This is refreshing!!! Can I reprint some of these for my friends who do not have a computer?

    1. J

      Ooh, I love this: “a warm heart always translates to a hot body.” When I read this comment to Spock, he agreed that it is about heart and suggested that touching your wife a little here, there, and everywhere was a way of demonstrating that you were into HER not just her parts. Thanks for sharing your take. Great stuff.

      And yes, you may reprint for your friends. I am happy for people to use my blog posts as long as I am credited as the author. Thanks.

  7. Sis

    Those are good ones! You have a very creative husband.
    I’ve learned that it makes my husband very happy and he gets an extra blessing because of my joy.

  8. Mommy Joys

    I’ve been following your blog for a long time, and I enjoy it so much! (My husband enjoys it too, but even more than that, I think he enjoys the fact that I enjoy your blog. My sex drive is much lower than his, but having a healthy sexual relationship that is mutually pleasurable and satisfying is vitally important to me. I love reading your posts, because they get me thinking about sex early in the day, which makes it easier for me to get in the mood later on!) Anyway, I just wanted to say that it was fun to hear your husband’s perspective and to see some of the dynamics between you two. Please thank him for sharing!
    ~Sharon

    1. J

      Thanks, Sharon! I hope that your drive increases as your intimacy increases. Very few couples have exactly matched drives (I’d venture to say almost no couple does throughout their marriage), but we can get close through nurturing our relationship and sexual intimacy. I’m glad I can help a little in that regard! 🙂

  9. Anonymous

    Regarding #4, its been hitting home with me more since I’ve been reading blogs like yours. I recently wrote the following (from a theological reflection), which I will be posting on my blog in the future:

    “…we are the bride of Christ, our Husband. And intimacy is always on His mind. The Christian is to always remain child-like as regards faith, but not childish as regards maturity. God would have us understand both what a good father and a good husband are, for they help us know Him better. What follows is what we realize occurs as we mature in our relationship with Him.

    Our husband Christ is a Lover. This Lover is the attractive and strong provider whom the Church desires, and whom He exclusively desires in turn. In our Protector’s presence, all realize His dominance – He does not put up with our, or anyone else’s crap, and will not only freely criticize when necessary, but take drastic action. And He is not only a Lover, but a Fighter – a Champion Fighter. Our Champion is the mighty One who sarcastically taunts the enemies sin, death, and the devil, kicking sand in their faces with authority and confidence. Not only this, but He outwits His foe, turning the tables and wining the seemingly improbably victory via improbable means – an instrument of torture.

    Of course not all know this about Him, but faith perceives it (Heb. 2:8): our Man is simply like the millionaire who veils his wealth, choosing to live in simple fashion. And He became Man for no other reason than to win His bride and all she had (stewardship of creation) through His death and resurrection. This is the Son of God who took on created flesh, and it is now this very flesh that enters us in the Lord’s Supper – even if we are not completely aware of the intimate gift this is. A la Song of Solomon, He is the One who aggressively pursues us that He might be with us, speak with us, sharply flirt with us, touch us, and finally, take us: “I want you. And I want you now.” Like a good Lover, He enjoys both giving us pleasure, and yes, receiving pleasure in turn from us. He enjoys us: He woos, ravishes, and finally proceeds to intimacy, in full awareness that good, procreative fruit will be the result. This is no time for “make duty a pleasure” talk, which, as Luther reminds us, is sometimes necessary in the Christian life.

    Even when we do not realize it, He is showering us with His love. Now it is true that we are not by any means the most attractive partner, and our ways and goals – our fleeting fancies and silly concerns – often do not mimic His own. Nevertheless, our foolishness does not sway Him – He sees us as cleansed in His own sacrificial blood – as a beautiful and pure virgin. Christ goggles. And yes, “one-flesh” intimacy is always on his mind. When we are with Him in the way He ultimately desires, we lose ourselves in Him. We are not self-conscious of our imperfection, but focus on Him and what He is doing for us and in us – and, feeling connected and secure, we joyfully submit and obey His will. Him in us and we in Him – we are one with the Strong one who makes us strong when we are weak. Not our will, but His, be done. And more: though He loves us just as we are, as intimate moments with Him reveal, He nevertheless refuses to leave us that way – there will indeed come a day when we will be all that He envisions we will be.

    And just as the lover covets letters from his beloved when separated by great distance, so our Lord treasures our groanings of anticipation and prayers to Him….”

    Here’s another post I did: http://infanttheology.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/a-husband-and-father-like-no-other/

    1. J

      That was an intriguing perspective. I do believe that our intimacy mirrors the intimacy God desire with us, but we can become uncomfortable with those images at times. I think God wants us to revel in Him, though, they way we would revel in a covenant lover. Thanks.

    1. J

      I hope you shared this comment with Megan! LOL. It gave my hubby a smile. I’m a little worried now because he had a “game on” look on his face. I’d better be ready tonight; he may be going for Olympic Gold!

    1. J

      Ooh, I’d love to hear what your hubby would say. Thanks, Julie. (Can you believe I talked Spock into this??!)

  10. Anonymous

    I wonder if you could elaborate on #1 …
    Do you mean get her sexual motor running?

    I wish that were an option for me, but its not. (She has to be in a receptive mood before I can even suggest it.) I can agree with the rest of them though. Thank you for posting his list!!

    1. J

      As explained to me, my hubby was saying that it is important for a husband to take his time and bring his wife to the level of desire he starts with.

      Sheila Gregoire (To Love, Honor and Vacuum blog) has done a great job of explaining that wives should try to engage even when they don’t feel all that receptive. They can prep themselves with some relaxation time (a hot bath, candles, music), dressing the part (hello, lingerie), and just giving themselves time to heat up (foreplay). I’ll give a personal example: Recently my husband initiated, and I was honestly thinking, “No, no, not sex; I’m too tired.” I decided to engage anyway, and our intimacy turned out to be absolutely fantastic. I made a choice to participate; he made the choice to take his time with me; and we both benefited from the experience.

      Best wishes getting her motor running!

  11. Anonymous

    Things all women should know.

    Sex is not the time we are thinking about the 20 lbs. you would like to lose. All we are thinking about is my wife is naked, she is hot, and I am hot for her.

    We want you in the shower or whirlpool with us. Get your mind off of your body flaws and enjoy.

    We like to be teased. Flash us, flirt with us, tell us what you want to do with us. Knowing a fun filled evening awaits us will drive us crazy.

    If you want to make our day greet us at the door in thigh highs and high heels. Talk about stress relief.

    Want your husband to help you clean house. Put on a sexy shirt and shorts, (shorts optional), with no under garments and tell him as soon as the house is clean, we can have some fun. You will have clean house in no time and you both will feel better in the end. Make sure to bend over occasionally and display the goods.

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