Sex Wisdom I Learned & Teach

I’m a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. This month, CMBA has issued a challenge for marriage bloggers to answer the following questions:

What words have encouraged you in your marriage? What wisdom has helped guide you and your spouse in strengthening your marriage?

The focus this week is on what wisdom you received from family.

Since I write on Christian sex in marriage, this is a particularly interesting line of inquiry. How many in my generation can say they received quality information and encouragement that prepared them for sex in marriage? I’m guessing it’s a small percentage. Possibly speck-sized for some people.

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I had a few conversations with my parents, and they were okay. But my parents were clearly uncomfortable discussing sexual information with me. In fact, instead of giving me “the talk,” I was given a book to read in which the boy and girl were shaped — I kid you not! — like something between Peanuts and Precious Moments characters. (It’s a wonder I didn’t develop an unhealthy crush on Charlie Brown.)

Honestly, the most encouraging words about sexuality that my parents ever gave me . . . weren’t words about sexuality at all. They encouraged me to read my Bible. And in the long-term, that’s paid off in spades.

Because God has taught me so much about His gift of sexuality.

That said, it took me a while to get there. So as a parent, I’m trying to lay the groundwork for my own kids to have a healthy, godly view of sexuality. And what words of wisdom am I teaching them? I hope you’ll head over to Sheila Gregoire’s site, where I guest posted on Tuesday with Top 10 Things I Want My Kids to Know about Sex.

And for more tips on talking about sex with your children, here are some other posts I’ve done on this subject:

Teach Your Kids the Correct Words for Body Parts

Talking to Your Kids about Sex: No More One and Done

Is “Don’t Have Sex” for Teens?

How to Talk to a Teen about Sex

What wisdom did you receive from family about sex in marriage? What wisdom are you passing on to your family?

5 thoughts on “Sex Wisdom I Learned & Teach

  1. Keelie Reason

    I am just loving your blog! I am about to write a blog post myself about how to talk with your kids about sex. My oldest son is 9 1/2 and we sent him to public school for the first time this year. We decided to talk with him about sex before he went. My parents did such an amazing job talking to me about sex all my life. They wanted to make sure that it was not a forbidden topic with them. They always encouraged me to see sex and marriage through God’s lens. I have such a huge passion seeing others learn that sex is precious gift from God, not something that is dirty or perverted.

    Thanks for addressing these topics. I love it.

  2. Sharon@wholeheartedmarriageonline.com

    Nothing was ever said in my family about sex. My mother barely gave me enough information to manage my monthly cycle. The whole subject was soaked in shame. Our backward rural school bathroom had no doors on the stalls except one which was reserved for “them,” the girls having their periods. My mother bought me used underwear.

    By the grace of God, I learned through reading books. By the time I was in college and engaged, I read every single Christian book on marriage that I could buy or borrow, including some excellent ones, so I went into marriage with some good teaching in my heart.

    My pastor-husband and I lead marriage retreats including a segment on sex. It’s very rewarding to us to be able to openly discuss sex with the couples that attend and have them trust us with their experiences and perspectives.

    We also lead emotional healing groups that are general in nature now but originally rooted in dealing with sexual abuse. That has been an education for us both which we value as highly as our seminary degrees.

  3. DD

    No information on sexuality from my parents led to a period of sustained promiscuity for me in my 20s though my early 30s. And it resulted in a huge amount of baggage in my marriage. I wanted something different for my kids. I wanted to promote purity and waiting until marriage. Our children were raised in a mainstream protestant denomination and were very involved in Sunday school, youth, and mission work; 2 of 3 still practice their faith and acknowledge Jesus as their Savior. One has fallen away, a great heartbreak for me.

    The Rainey’s have a very good program called Passport 2 Purity, which guides a parent on a get away weekend with their preteen to discuss God’s plan for sexuality. I thought it was a good resource with many visual lessons.

    That said, unless you are planning to raise your children completely in the church, either home school or a fundamental church school, associating with like-minded people, the message of purity is very hard to sustain. The world message is so contrary, peer pressure is enormous. I don’t want to be negative here, however I had to accept that after giving my kids that message, each of them chose a very different path (I was heartbroken last year to learn my 18 year old gave up her precious virginity, and was faced with difficult decisions to guide/support her on safe sex practices despite my displeasure with her decision; another daughter maintains her virginity but often is sad that her decision causes her to forgo dating). You sometimes can only pray and choose to love them, especially when your influence is no longer very strong in their lives.

    Still, I don’t know how we would have done it differently, and I pray once they get through these early 20s they will eventually return to the faith and values of their family. They are all wonderful kids, and I only wanted the very best for them in marriage.

  4. Roman Stoltzfoos

    I write a letter to every young couple who’s wedding we attend that gives them a at least four pages of encouragement to love generously and sexually with great freedom and joy. I tell them everything that I would have needed to know at there stage of life that I can cram into a short letter. I also use articles I collected from my favorite marriage blogs like this one (with permission) and send that with them in a nice personalized ring binder note book to read together to learn and laugh over on the honeymoon when they are not busy doing it. LOL I started this when my own children started getting married and the Fifth one is tying the knot on November the 1st. Many tell me it is the most meaningful wedding gift they receive.
    We also rent a honeymoon/anniversary cottage for married couples and I also have these articles available to our guests at the Little Stone Cottage in Lancaster Pa. I really enjoy talking fairly freely with my children and others about good honeymoon and marriage planning ideas. My parents were as free as any of their peers in disusing this kind of thing with their children. I write a fairly long letter too my children going into marriage to encourage them and guide them into laying a good foundation that first week and year of marriage.

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