I wish saying “my husband is the best lover I’ve ever had” was like when my kids say “you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” Of course, kid, because I’m the only mom you’ve ever had.
While it’s God intention for sex to wait until the marriage bed and be shared only with your spouse, plenty of us blew it in that department. We didn’t get to the wedding with lily-white innocence. Some of us simply stumbled with all our baggage across the marital threshold. Thankfully, I stumbled into the arms of Jesus and His wondrous grace.
And yes, there is forgiveness and fresh starts and a beautiful future.
But I was forgiven, not bonked on the head. I still remember my past. There were others before. Others who didn’t give me a ring and a vow and their heart.
Sometimes, I wonder about the wives out there who make comparisons. Maybe it’s a comparison between their past lovers and their present husband. Maybe it’s a comparison between what they see on TV or read in books and what they experience in their marriage. Maybe it’s a comparison between the one and only lover they’ve ever had and the unknown lovers they might have had. Maybe you wonder if the grass isn’t greener over there . . . where you’re not.
Like I said, I remember. I have the data to make actual comparisons. And my conclusion is crystal clear: My husband is the best lover I’ve ever had.
Now before you think I somehow managed to marry a magic man (and isn’t that totally unfair?), I haven’t always felt this way. Because what makes my husband my best lover isn’t a set of skills he brought into our marriage bed. He isn’t God’s gift to all women, just God’s gift to me.
Which is why I come here twice a week and talk about how awesome sex can be for a husband and wife. Because I genuinely believe your husband can be your best lover ever, whether you have anything to compare him to or not.
So what makes my husband such an amazing lover to me?
Commitment. I believe wives enjoy sex so much more when their relationship feels secure. While I understand some marriages do not feel secure, most husbands who commit in marriage really mean their vows. They’re in it for the long haul. And knowing my husband is here today and tomorrow and the next day and beyond encourages me to be vulnerable and connected, even in the marital bedroom.
History. Being married for many years, you establish a history. You’ve gone through stuff together, weathered the storms, stuck it out. Because of our shared history, I know my hubby very well and he knows me. So when we make love, we bring all of those moments into our physical intimacy. I’m not just making love to a guy who thinks I’m pretty and wants to bed me; this is the man who took care of me when I was sick, comforted me when my best friend died, loves and teaches my kids, and wrote me a love poem (even if though it was a real struggle for my logical man). We have so many moments and memories entangled together, our history deepens the meaning of our sexual intimacy.
Experience. A little knowhow goes a long way, right? But don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need an experienced lover. What you need is a lover experienced in pleasuring you. And one of the marvelous things about marriage is having loads of time over the course of years to get to know one another’s bodies and learn how to bring one another pleasure and ecstasy. Of course, you have to use that time, not neglect it. But my husband and I have now made love thousands of times. Consequently, he knows how to push my happy buttons, and I know how to push his. Plus, we’ve had opportunities to try new positions, activities, locations, and more. With all that experience, we’re practically experts in having sex with each other.
Playfulness. So here’s a peek into my marriage and my morning: my husband and I showering together and trading bad pun jokes. Yep, we enjoy a little yuk-yuk with our yum-yum. (Translation: a little humor with our sex.) Somehow in all these years, we seem to have moved past a bunch of the awkward self-consciousness, and into a place of saying and doing all kinds of things that are just fun. I’m not saying I never have self-doubt in the bedroom. I most certainly do. But we’re able to laugh with each other and even at ourselves (fall off the bed, anyone?). My husband is playful with me, and I with him. I’ve smiled and laughed with my husband more in the bedroom than I could possibly recall, and we plan to keep smiling.
Spirituality. It might seem like an opposite thing to say our marital bedroom is playful, yet deeply spiritual. But it isn’t. I believe every sexual union I have with my husband is blessed by the Heavenly Father himself. Our sexual intimacy mirrors the relationship Christ longs to have with us and reminds me of His fervent love for me. Making love in marriage is agreeing with God’s beautiful plan for us to become one flesh. My bond to my husband is like no other, and it deepens our sexual experience. Inviting God into your bedroom by asking Him to bless your union, by praying for your marital intimacy, even imagining His approving nod reinforces your understanding that this isn’t merely a physical act — but an intimate expression of covenant love.
For all those reasons (and maybe a few more that involve how hunky I think my hubby is), my husband is the best lover I’ve ever had. Without a doubt. And we intend to just keep getting better.
I think your husband is, or can become, the best lover you’ve ever had. So tell me: What makes your husband the best lover ever . . . for you?