My husband and I took swing dance classes once. It took us a while to get the basic steps down, leaving little opportunity to add much else to our repertoire. So while we can swing dance a bit, it’s mostly a 1-2-3-4 count in our heads and not a lot of flare. Although we enjoy getting out on the dance floor, it would be fun to freshen up our footwork.
Do you feel that way about sexual foreplay in your marriage? Like you’ve got your moves down, but you revisit the same 1-2-3-4 steps again and again? How can you freshen up your foreplay?
Get Romantic. Add some romance to your repertoire. What sexual moves convey l’amour?
- Turn on music and dance, a slow dance that arouses your senses and melds your bodies.
- Give each other body massages or a sensual massage of your private areas. Find a massage lotion or oil you like, especially one with aromatherapy elements.
- Take a bubble bath together. Spend time in one another’s arms soaking in the tub or soap one another up.
- Introduce food into your sexual play, with anything from feeding one another strawberries, to teasing with whipped cream, to licking off edible body paint.
- Light candles and set the mood for a beautiful night of lovemaking.
- Wear something romantic, like a peignoir set (that’s the silky nightgown with matching robe), and dab on a little perfume.
Get Creative. Where haven’t you had sex that you’d like to? What positions haven’t you tried? What activities have piqued your interest that you’d like to give a go?
- Get away from the bed for a bit. Head to the privacy of your garage and “make out” in your car’s back seat or your truck’s bed; pitch a tent in the back yard and get some lovin’ under the stars; or huddle in your closet for a hot-and-bothered session of sex.
- Pull a chair into your bedroom and use it try to out a different sexual position — like he sits-you-straddle — or to facilitate a different angle for oral sex.
- Grab some props. Gather a few items with texture or temperature — like a feather, heat packs, sensory massage balls, a silk scarf, an ice cube or chilled hard-boiled egg — and take turns exploring the sensations as you touch each other’s bodies with the item(s).
- Go blindfolded. Grab bandannas and blindfold yourselves, then feel your way through the foreplay. Let your hands do the talking.
Get Playful. Don’t forget that foreplay can be a playful, even humorous, experience. Welcome mutual laughter into your marriage bed.
- Grab a board game and figure out how to make it part of your foreplay. You can play anything from Battleship (sunk ships earn sexual goodies), to Twister (right on red, bodies entangled), to the tried-and-true Strip Poker. There are also many board games for couples focused on sex, including one of my favorites, Bliss. (Note: If there’s an activity in a game you’re not comfortable with, have the caveat you’ll skip that one and try another card/roll/etc.)
- Introduce word play into your flirtation and advances. Can you come up with puns or phrases that make you both smile and look forward to lovemaking?
- Tickle each other. Yes, tickle. Not the way your big brother did when you were little and you cried “uncle” so he’d stop. But find those places on one another’s bodies that make you smile and giggle just a bit, and then play with them.
- Grab a Nerf gun. It’s a good motto for life really: If all else fails, grab a Nerf gun and see how that can improve your mood. Actually. load that baby up with water and squirt away at each other.
Get Spiritual. Have you ever brought God into the bedroom in a big way? How about reminding yourselves how spiritual the sexual experience is?
- Pull out Song of Solomon and read through together (it can be quite titillating).
- Pray over one another’s bodies; start with the head, then extremities, torso, and finally the pleasure spots – exploring each place sensually, praying over each God-given body part, and then pleasuring that spot thoroughly before moving on.
Think out-of-the-box and come up with your own ideas to freshen your foreplay. Now what fabulous ideas can you share?
And you can find more ideas from me in Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.