Q&A with J: When Your Husband Falls Off the Porn Wagon

It’s Q&A with J time! Today’s question comes from a wife married for 16 years to a husband with many sexual troubles.

My husband has struggled with sexual issues since he was a teenager, going to strip clubs, prostitutes, gay hangouts and a porn addiction. He has had at least two affairs and would video chat often with others and masturbate with them online. Of course I didn’t know about this when we married even though it has been an issue for him since before we met. Twice in the past I had caught him out in one of these things and we sought counselling and stayed together. Last year, I caught him out a third time and when his behaviour did not stop, we separated. Since then, he has had individual counselling, we have had marriage counselling and I have had individual counselling also. His behaviour has changed a lot, he has worked hard to rebuild trust and a few months ago he moved back in with the kids and I. We were working hard on our marriage and ourselves and things were improving.

Then I discovered that he was somewhere he shouldn’t have been, and when I asked how things were going he lied and said everything was fine and he wasn’t struggling at all. After I told him I knew where he had been, he also admitted to searching for pictures of boobs on the internet recently. Since then, I have been really struggling. I have not kicked him out of the house again, but the trust we had been rebuilding has gone once more. I cannot be intimate with him, I don’t even know how to be affectionate towards him. I don’t believe that God wants us to separate permanently or divorce (I would have done that already if God had not been telling me to keep my marriage together), but I just don’t know how to move forward from this point. What should I do?

Q&A with J: When Your Husband Falls Off the Porn Wagon

Plenty of us enter marriage with sexual baggage, but it seems like your husband brought in a U-Haul of issues. That’s not going to be cleared out quickly. But it can be done. If the Hoarders TV crew can help people find their furniture, I sincerely believe God in His infinite power can help you find your covenant intimacy past all the baggage your husband dragged through the door into your marriage.

Here are some very positive things from your story:

  • You know what you’re dealing with. The secrets are out. Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
  • When your husband continued in his bad behavior, you did not enable his sin. “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:11).
  • When faced with real consequences, your husband sought help and worked to rebuild trust. This is huge, because it requires confession, humbling, and commitment. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
  • Your marriage was improving.  “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

And now he screwed up. Big time.

Because — and hey, hubbies, listen up to this one — not only did he seek out porn again, he lied about it. Which makes a gal wonder what else he’s lying about and why he won’t just come clean and let you help him deal with the issue already!

But let me tell you a little story. I smoked in college. (Thank goodness my parents don’t read this blog. Don’t anyone tell them, please.)  A couple of years later, I committed to never smoking again. Have a kept that promise? Oops. I ended up with a pack of cigarettes one time for a totally different reason and smoked half of one. (Oh great, I just realized my husband will be reading this. Oh well, confession is good for the soul and all…) Did I tell anyone? As you can see, no, I did not. Why? Because I was thoroughly disappointed in myself and utterly ashamed.

We should tell our secrets. But sometimes it isn’t because we’re trying to hide our sin from others so much as we are weighed down with the shame of what we’ve done.

So, while I’m absolutely not excusing his lying (so please don’t anyone comment that I am), I understand why someone who “falls off the wagon” would have a really hard time fessing up. Your husband may have rationalized that he didn’t want to hurt you or have been worried that you’d kick him out again for messing up.

What you and he need to establish is a No More Secrets rule. No matter how bad the infraction is, if his demons take hold again and he screws up, he needs to immediately come to you and ask for forgiveness.

Realistically, many who struggle with an addiction, or simply with sin itself, will get off track and sin again. But you need to communicate that there is a difference between stumbling off the path and getting right back on and veering way off the path so that you’re breaking the whole marriage covenant. Visually, it’s like this:

Stumbling vs Leaving the Path

There is a big difference between these two — both to God and for your marriage. If your husband just messed up, he needs to know that you are there for him, that you will stand behind him in his fight against the pull of porn, that you will not abandon him so long as he is seeking righteousness. But if your husband is falling back into patterns of ongoing porn use and lying, that’s a different story. And you simply cannot enable that sin.

As far as what you should do to figure out which one you’re dealing with, you need to start with that conversation. Explain to your husband that you’re not only hurt by his actions of seeking out porn, but by his lying which erodes your trust. Tell him you’re in his corner, and if he messes up, it’s not the end but he must come clean.

He really needs an accountability partner as well, not just you. Men often report that a key factor of getting off porn is having another man check in regularly and ask how it’s going. With an accountability partner (who is also male), your husband can explain the particulars of his offense. the temptations he’s facing, the emotional struggle, and strategies for staying on track.

When one spouse has cheated, it’s also important that they get in the habit of opening up their lives to their mate. If someone uses their phone and computer to commit adultery (extensive porn use is adultery, because it involves a third person), then they don’t get privacy with their phone and computer. Frankly, everything you do should be viewable by your spouse. I’ve never cheated, but if my husband wanted to look at my phone, he could go right ahead because there’s nothing there to warrant concern.

This also means that your husband should give you an accounting of where he is, what he’s doing, and when he will be home. I know people can feel like this is authoritarian monitoring, but really, it’s just good manners. “Hey, sweetheart, the guys and I are finishing up on Hole 9, running by Starbucks for a coffee, and I should be home by 6:00 p.m.” What’s the big deal about that? Nothing. Just show a little courtesy to each other. And it has the added benefit of keeping you honest.

You two should also install software to protect your husband, like Covenant Eyes. That will provide additional accountability and help him to avoid dangerous websites. Just like recovering alcoholics shouldn’t hang out in a bar, porn addicts shouldn’t hang out at online sites where the temptation is. Build a reasonable barrier to keep that enticement out of your home.

Consider returning to counseling. If it worked before, you might want to keep going on a less regular basis. Even after things have improved, it could be helpful to continue for a while, perhaps once a month. That atmosphere could be more comfortable for you to discuss what issues still remain or what temptations he’s still facing.

Rebuild trust on your end. I completely understand you not wanting to be intimate with your husband after he returned to the mud pit, wallowed a bit, and lied about it. But ultimately, to have a healthy marriage, you both need to make an effort to rebuild trust. For specifics on how, I suggest this post: Rebuilding Trust in the Bedroom.

Together, and with God’s redemption, you can foster new and deeper intimacy in your marriage. But it will take time. Continue on the path you’ve already started, and ask for God’s hand along the way.

29 thoughts on “Q&A with J: When Your Husband Falls Off the Porn Wagon

  1. libl

    I told my husband that if he ever has sexual contact with another woman (man, too, but he is very much straight), to please give me the courtesy to not have sex with me until the affair is ended, outted, and he is cleared of every STD.

    I also told him that if he starts an affair, to give me the courtesy to either end it and repent and work on our marriage, or just leave and honestly tell me why.

    I will not be dragged through the middle of stuff like this. I will not be put into a position to make hard decisions while he philanders and has his “fun.”

    Thankfully, as far as I know, my husband has been faithful and has no intention of cheating on me.

    This husband in the post probably needs more than conventional counseling and accountability. He probably need psychiatric help, and perhaps time in a sex addict center such as the one Josh Duggar is enrolled in.

    I can see stumbling with porn because it is everywhere. But if he is making the effort to go out of his way to strip clubs, or hiring prostitutes, that’s more than typing “boobs” into Google. That’s huge and dangerous to not only himself but her.

    He needs a major detox in a safe place.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I didn’t see proof that he was returning to his old life. But I agree that veering off that far requires intense intervention.

      Reply
  2. Keelie Reason

    Wow…what a hard thing to deal with. So much trust has been broken. I hope they can work it out and he can get the help he needs. If not, I hope she will handle it in a Christ like manner as best as possible.

    Reply
  3. CindyG

    I like to think I could forgive many things but cheating (any form) is the one thing I know I could NEVER forgive or forget. My heart breaks for this woman.

    Reply
  4. Christina

    This was a great post. Thank you for sharing your voice on such a touchy subject! My husband and I talk with several people (including my husband) who were addicted to porn. And, you are so right on with needing an accountabliity partner! My husband and these men have not only become accountable to each other but they have become friends too. All because they were tired of the lies, tired of the destruction of porn and ready to talk about a scary subject.
    Thanks again.

    Reply
  5. MarkS

    Great post! Thanks so much for addressing a difficult topic. I especially liked your comments about stumbling off the path and leaving the path. There is a huge difference.

    For the last 5 yearsI have been leading accountability group for men who are dealing with pornography and have learned a thing or two about accountability.

    First, it seems accountability works best in a group of men who can confess their sin and won’t get beat up. Our group will pray with them and give them strategies to walk free from this addiction.

    Second, I have observed that wives don’t really want to be that accountability partner because they don’t know how to deal with these issues. And, each time a husband stumbles off the path (and then confesses to his wife), it further erodes the whole trust factor that takes so long to develop.

    Third, I strongly encourage the men to consistently develop their time with God, which is our ultimate source of power in resisting these temptations.

    I have seen some great success, and I have seen failure. It ultimately boils down to how badly the husband wants to change.

    Thanks for all you are doing.

    Reply
    1. a. nony

      “And, each time a husband stumbles off the path (and then confesses to his wife), it further erodes the whole trust factor”

      This raised a red flag for me — you’re not saying that you advise men NOT to confess their failures to their wives, are you?

      I applaud you for the work you’re doing and I’m so grateful for it. I would just really love it if men’s accountability groups didn’t seem so defined by “women just don’t get it.” I have lots of porn use in my past. Years of it, that I struggled to get free from, and that still poses a temptation from time to time. My husband has a similar past, and let me tell you, I get it. I think the message that women as a gender don’t get it is really damaging both to women who do struggle with porn or other sexual sin (because it makes them feel not just like sinners, or even like sexual sinners, but like freaks), and to women who don’t struggle in that area because it can make them place their identity in some kind of imaginary purity or superiority — and of course you’ve seen the results of that in your group, brother, when a man is faced with a wife who is disgusted and sickened by his sin rather than compassionate!

      I would say that pretty near everyone has sexual brokenness in their lives, whether it’s a sin like porn addiction, victimization like sexual abuse or rape, or self-righteousness and pride from not being like “those people” who are seemingly less pure. I think emphasizing that truth can help put a stop to one of the biggest drivers of sexual sin, namely shame, which drives people into isolation.

      Reply
      1. Tom

        “And, each time a husband stumbles off the path (and then confesses to his wife), it further erodes the whole trust factor”

        This raised a red flag for me — you’re not saying that you advise men NOT to confess their failures to their wives, are you?

        He’s saying not to rely on your wife as an accountability partner in this area. It’s one thing to say you’re struggling in this area, but you’re working on it with a group of like-minded men (and sparing her the details). It’s another thing completely to go to your wife for penance every time you stumble.

        Reply
        1. a. nony

          Yes, I agree that men should have accountability beyond their wives. But it seemed to me (again, it’d be helpful to have clarification from the person who wrote the original comment) that he was suggesting that men shouldn’t confess to their wives because 1) it erodes trust, and 2) women just don’t “get it.” I wanted to further explore that because I think it’s vital to confess to the person you sinned against (it’s not the confession that erodes trust, it’s the violation of the marriage vows), and women can “get it”.

          Reply
          1. J Post author

            I’ll pipe up here and say that I think a husband should confess to his wife if he royally messed up…but she doesn’t need details. It’s possible to overshare and stick into her brain very painful thoughts that hurt rather than heal. I agree that he’s better off processing the particulars with a male accountability partner. My two cents. Good conversation.

          2. K

            That remark very much raised a red flag for me too. As someone who has been betrayed by porn use, trust would be further broken by my husband NOT telling me he stumbled even if he was being honest with an accountability partner. As his wife, it’s important not to have secrets and I have a right to know how severe of a problem we’re dealing with. That doesn’t mean I should be the one to hold him accountable, but that ongoing full disclosure is part of the trust building process. One of my biggest fears is I will be made a fool of again. I need reassurance that he will let me know if he stumbles. It would be harder to forgive the lying than the fact that he stumbled.

            I also feel the amount of disclosure necessary for trust building is quite varied. Some women would be more hurt by knowing too many details. But personally, I need to know every detail in order to find peace. Otherwise, I drive myself crazy imagining details that may or may not be true and wondering what he is still keeping from me. “If he is holding back details I ask about, then what else is he hiding?” is all I can think about. Even if he thinks he’s protecting me, it’s really making matters worse.

            I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer to the amount of details necessary, but not being honest about slip-ups is harmful to the marriage and destroys any trust that has been built back.

          3. a. nony

            K, I agree! My brain works the same way. And yes, it’s absolutely a matter of wisdom and knowing YOUR OWN WIFE and what she needs/wants, rather than a universally applicable principle.

  6. a. nony

    What a thorough response! Praying for this sister and her marriage.

    The thing that just broke my heart was this line: “Of course I didn’t know about this when we married even though it has been an issue for him since before we met.” How awful! How I long for a day when sexual sin is treated like any other sin in the church — with truth and conviction, yes, but also with love and grace, so that men and women don’t feel like they have to hide! My husband and I both confessed our pasts to one another long before we got married, and I’m so, so grateful for that. True repentance is so beautiful, and when we share that with each other it becomes even more beautiful!

    Reply
  7. Karen R.

    You have provided a thoughtful and very compassionate response to this wife. This is a tough situation to be in and my heart goes out to her because I sense her heart is turned toward wanting to do the right thing before God. I am re-reading a really good book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend entitled “How People Grow.” I think this husband needs accountability but not in the way accountability is normally practiced. He needs someone that holds him accountable to doing the things that will provide healing. For example, if this husband was an alcoholic, his accoutabilty partner could be one who asks him daily if he has gone to his AA meetings, talked with his sponsor, etc. completed Step Four, etc. If he had any other illness such as diabetes, high blood pressure, the accountability partner would be one who makes sure he takes his medicine, is exercising, gets regular check ups, is eating right, etc. There must be a plan and a program in place rather than just confessing whether or not he messed up.

    I’m wondering if this man needs to experience grace which will help to break the cycle of addiction to porn and sexually acting out. If he was a part of a sex addicts group, for example, he can share his struggle, be held accountable to that group and also experience grace and compassion. He can’t do this alone. That is part of the healing that takes place in groups (12 Step) in that the members experience a bit of “me-too-ism” when a person is able to hear the stories of those who have recovered. He knows at that moment that he is not alone and that there is hope and healing available. James 5:!6 tells us to confess our sins to one another “that we might be healed.” Healing I believe comes from confessing, being accepted and then being held accountable for a program (steps) of recovery. Again, he can’t do this alone. Part of the issue with any acting out is the secrecy, hiding, shame and it feeds upon itself.

    I recommend that the wife in this scenario seek out a group to hold her accountable to setting appropriate boundaries, etc. I think it is difficult for a wife to be an accountability person, especially in this scenario. Yes, she MUST be told the truth, but I think he needs another man to walk alongside him plus treatment/group work. She would benefit from attending a group such as Al-Anon or something like partners of sex addicts, if something like that exists. My prayers for healing for both of them.

    Reply
  8. anonymous

    I’ve been married for a very very short time and my husband has already confessed to looking at porn online. I’m ALWAYS available to him in the bedroom, living room, garage, heck, in the back yard if he wanted. And he is well aware of that. Why would he do this? I’m usually the one initiating sex. Plus we have some form of sex literally every single morning since day 1 in whatever form he chooses. And very often 1-3 times more before we close our eyes to sleep that night. Am I really just that ugly? Am I that bad at sex? Does he even love me? I had to realize that that’s not the issue. He loves me. He does. He’s taken care of sexually. He knows that. He agrees. The truth is that men struggle with pornography because they are VISUAL creatures. Just like women struggle with emotional adultery. Women struggle with thinking about how romantic something was that another man did for his wife and wishing hers would do the same. This is the same thing as our men struggling with porn. It really is. Both are adultery. While one seems so much more damaging, they are both wrong. The devil tempts him to look. And for many men this is a HABIT. Something they started in their younger years that they now aren’t able to kick because it’s what they know. It becomes an emotional and mental safe place for many men, especially if they’ve been hurt by a woman. My husband loves me. And more than likely, your husband loves you. Why else would he marry you? that’s a HUGE commitment and responsibility for a man. Realize that this is a SIN. A spiritual struggle that your husband is dealing with. The best thing you can do is pray. Every Day. EVERY DAY. several times a day even. Pray that God would bind the enemy that’s tempting your husband. Pray that your husband be strong to avoid the trap. And remain joyful and loving toward him. truly joyful. not bitter. not a fake smile. because he knows the difference no matter how good you think you’re faking it. I know it sounds unfair that you have to do work in order to keep him faithful. But that’s what marriage is. WORK. You were created to be his HELP MEET. You can’t help meet his needs by getting bitter and angry. That will only cause worse insecurity in both of you and damage what little restraint and strength your husband does have.

    Reply
    1. IntimacySeeker

      “I know it sounds unfair that YOU have to do work in order to keep HIM faithful.” I agree that bitterness and anger are counterproductive. But the wife cannot do the husband’s work here. She can love, encourage, and support, but she cannot make his decisions for him. She can no more stop her husband from looking at porn than I can stop my husband from drinking. That is HIS responsibility. She needs to take care of herself which will free him to take care of himself. In Alanon circles, this is called loving detachment. It’s good stuff and I highly recommend it.

      Reply
  9. Mrs.D

    J
    I have two issues I am at loss to deal with:
    #1)
    My husband does not think his surfing the web for boobs, Maxim images, Victoria Secret images, and about 5 other sites with sexual images of women is porn nor should it be an issue with us.
    #2)
    When I approached him about this, his response was it was my fault I should NOT have been on his computer. He was not apologetic at all he made it my issue!

    I feel I have my hands tied because he refuses to see or even try to understand my perspective and what he really did!

    Please please help, ideas, prayers

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      #1 – Of course it’s an issue! It makes a wife feel like “not enough,” it belittles the women he’s looking at, it retrains his mind to approach sex from a two-dimensional, self-pleasure perspective, and it’s adulterous (Matthew 5:27-28). I suggest you be very clear why you are opposed to him looking at breasts and other sexualized images online. If it’s so not an issue, would he happily admit it to his friend? Your preacher? His mother? He’s making light of something that damages your marriage, and that needs to change immediately. Let me call it what it is: sin.

      #2 – Now how you handle sin? Of course, the first step is to address the person directly. Explain in loving terms what the issue is, why it matters, and that you’re on his side to get out of that pit. If they refuse, or even blame you, then you need to set up some boundaries. You should not enable that behavior. Here are some tips for changing the dysfunction in your marital intimacy: http://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/change-the-dysfunction-in-your-marital-intimacy/ If he won’t listen to you, you should also be willing to bring someone in to confront your husband. That’s entirely biblical (Matthew 18:15-16). And you can’t just let your marriage suffer and let your husband continue in blind sin.

      You must do this with prayer, out of love, and with great patience and consideration. You’re not trying to smack him into good behavior, but he does need to understand the impact of his actions. I’m so sorry that he doesn’t get it. Some men don’t, until they cannot deny the consequences and/or until other men convey that this isn’t okay. My prayers are with you!

      Reply
  10. The Knight in Dented Armor

    Ms. D’s husband’s response strikes me as a defensive reflex, but I think he knows it’s wrong. Continueing to interogate him might cause the same reaction, yet just letting it be is no solution either. I would suggest humbly stating that you would like to talk about the issue, that you feel hurt and would like to share your views for understanding.

    I also felt it would be good to share my experiance, being a guy who has had this problem.

    I’ve struggled with pornography since my early teens. I always felt ashamed and I always hid it and lied, and felt all the worse for the deception, knowing I was damning myself. I tried and tried to break free but always fell back into poor habits.

    I was dating this girl at college and one night she ask as a casual question; what I regretted most in my life. I suddenly felt I had to share, just rip the bandaid off and see what ugliness lay beneith. I did, fully expecting shame and rejection. What I found instead was love and understanding. It was wonderful.

    It was horror a few weeks later when I broke again under the strain of being alone at college during holiday break. But by then I’d been heavily considering the idea of marrying this girl. I knew I could not bring this kind of baggage into a marrage with me, so I resolved to txt her and let her know. Again she responded with Christlike love. That love and support, along with a desire to be rid of this before marraige led me to counseling with the LDS Family Services ARP program, which centers around the forgivness of Christ, and using the Grace of God to overcome.

    I attended the program weekly both at college and at home. In those rooms boys and married men shared their pain at their mistakes, and their joy in Christ. We were accountable to each other and I even called some of them when I was drowning in temptation one night. I also came clean to many members of my family. Always there was love, not shame. I devoted myself to never missing a day of scripture study so that I could make that connection with God and put on his armor like I never had before.

    There were slip ups still, but I managed half a year before my marraige and this Valintines will celebrate a year of freedom. That amazing girl has been with me the whole way. It wasn’t easy. As has been said, temptation is everywhere. It affects me alot less strongly than it used to, but still whispers in my ears on occasion. When an image appears or I see some woman walking down the street, those old feelings can start to creep up. But I make the decision to focus on my wife. I re-decide how beautiful she is to me, how much I love her and on occasion, how much better she would look to me wearing that other woman’s outfit, than the stranger does. *smirk*

    My wife is my accountibility partner now. Occasionally she asks me how I’m doing with my problem. I’m happy to respond “no problem” but when I say “well I saw this woman and..ugh…” she says “Oh noes! I will snuggle you till you feel better!”

    I hope my story helps every man and woman who reads this post. BTW my wife and I love this site.

    Reply
  11. Ashley

    I’m not saying this is where this poor woman is, but maybe it is. I think there comes a point in a marriage with an unfaithful spouse when the faithful one has tried everything, to no avail. Some marriages are unfortunately built on lies, and some spouses will cheat and cheat. God does hate divorce, but he also hates to see marriage made a mockery of like that. Sometimes I think it’s time to recognize that a person is a perpetual cheater, say goodbye, and get on with one’s life.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I agree. Perpetual patterns and no remorse or effort to change things are, I believe, a reason to get out. Thankfully, I heard back from this wife, and that does not seem to be the case in this marriage. Many times, people do give up too soon, when God could redeem the situation. I pray this marriage begins to truly thrive!

      Thanks for your comment, Ashley!

      Reply
  12. Jen

    I really enjoy your blog, thanks for writing!

    FYI – The link for a post “Rebuilding Trust in the Bedroom” at the bottom of the page actually links to the Covenant Eyes website when I click on it. I’d love to read the actual post you mentioned. I’ll search for it, but wanted you to be aware so you could edit it for others who may be looking. thanks:)

    Reply
  13. IntimacySeeker

    Wondering if there are support groups for spouses of those who struggle with porn. My Alanon family group has been immeasurably helpful to my own health and wellbeing. The meetings are like anchors for me and keep my anxiety levels down. My group is a safe place where I need keep no secrets. I would not be surprised if similar groups had the same benefits for spouses of those dealing with porn addiction.

    Reply
  14. Christian Husband of 38 Years

    While I have not had to deal with a porn addiction (there but for the grace of God go I), one can hardly make use of the internet without being subjected to a continuous barrage of enticements. We all see these things if we do any surfing at all. There is also starting to be serious amounts of nudity and sexual behavior right on television, in prime time, as well. It is hard to live totally unexposed to this stuff unless one lives totally unplugged (and that might have to be the answer for some people). Of course, it is also the case that one can hardly even go out the door any more without encountering people that are dressed in a very provocative manner, so even living a technophobic unplugged life won’t get you totally away from it.

    One little suggestion that I might offer to the guys especially, but I am guessing that this will probably work for women as well:

    Whenever you see an image of someone being depicted in an obviously sexually suggestive and exploitative manner, then develop the spiritual discipline of saying a little prayer for this person – that they might be freed from whatever circumstances that are causing them to allow themselves to be used in this way, and that they might find the transforming power of Christ to change their life toward God’s way of purity. (Ditto for any real live person you see who is dressed in a manner that is eliciting lustful thoughts and feelings.) You see, the moment you pray this prayer, you are transforming the whole dynamic of this. The person you are looking at ceases to be an object for your selfish gratification, and instead becomes a human being that is the subject of your Christian compassion. That really does make a huge difference, at least for those of us who are genuine Christians. (Just one word of caution though: don’t start thinking that you can seek out such images for the express purpose of praying for these people. You will almost certainly be deluding yourself, and just making one more false justification for perpetuating this habit. This works only for those who have already made a decision to forsake pornography or to refuse to get into it in the first place, and only works for inadvertent encounters.)

    I am not saying that I am doing this with perfect consistency, but I am finding that it does help whenever I do remember to do this.

    Reply
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