I hear from a lot of spouses unhappy with the sexual intimacy in their marriage. At least many more than there should be. Unfortunately, I have no single piece of advice to follow, no magic pill to swallow, and no 30-day solution guaranteed! program for you to implement. I wish I did.
Instead, there are individualized answers to convoluted scenarios and godly principles to guide us on what sex in marriage should look like. It should be mutual, frequent, satisfying, and God-honoring. It should draw you closer, not further apart. And it should help keep you invested in this covenant relationship for a lifetime.
Yet whatever issue you’re facing, there’s a basic place you have to start. It’s called love.
Simple thing, love. Simple to understand, that is. But it’s super-hard to love on a consistent, unfailing basis. And when things aren’t going well, and we feel our spouse is the problem, it’s easy to forget to show love.
We start thinking of our spouse as the enemy — the one demanding too much sex or withholding sex or just doing sex wrong. We lash out at our spouse, from a place of woundedness. We fail to treat them the way we would want to be treated.
We love down deep, but in practice? Not so loving. Yet that’s where all redemptive change begins — with love in action.
Since it’s the month of looooove — Valentine’s Day is coming up, after all — I’m focusing my memory verse challenge on loving your spouse. Last week, our marriage memory verse came from the book of John. And we’re back to that book again this week.
Let’s break this down a bit:
My – Jesus is talking. This comes straight from the Son of God, so have no doubt it’s important.
Command – Not a suggestion, not a guideline. No wiggle room here. It’s a command.
Love – The Greek word used here is, no surprise, agape. Think Love In Action. Or God’s love flowing through you to your spouse.
Each other – If agape love is going both ways, your marriage will be strong.
As I have loved you – Jesus Christ is the standard — the one who served others, sacrificed himself, and saved us all provides the role model.
The verse is short and simple, but it’s packed with great truth. Where do all marriages need to start improving their sexual intimacy, and anything else plaguing them? I believe it begins with Christ-like love.
Memory Verse Help
Post-It notes. They are your memorization friend.
This week’s idea for helping you commit this verse to memory is to grab a stack of Post-It notes, write the scripture on several sheets, and adhere them around your house wherever you’re likely to see them most. Your bathroom mirror, your chest of drawers, above the TV screen, the back door, your desk . . . any place you frequently come across.
Make a point to read the scripture each time you see its Post-It note. Throughout the week, you’ll end up saying the verse many times in your head, helping you commit it to memory.