Q&A with J: Sex Isn’t Just for Bunnies

I’m out this week at church camp, where I volunteer one week every summer and teach a writing class as well as Bible content to kids. With my time limited and the internet spotty at my location, I’m re-running a few favorite posts this week. Enjoy!

In my initial post inviting questions from readers (Q&A with J at HHH), I mentioned a few rules. Among them was the following:

No protesters will be allowed the microphone. Yes, that means you in the back there with the big sign that says, “SEX IS FOR BUNNIES ONLY.” I am tired of your Rabbit-Centered Group harassing me day and night. Security will now be escorting you out of the building. Thank you very much.

Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband, entertaining guy that he is, presented this question in the comments:

My bunny is single, but I think she is having inappropriate thoughts about her tennis ball. Any advice?

Blog post title + (tasteful) illustration of two rabbits mating

First, Paul, the secular world is likely to suggest that your bunny do one of two things: (1) find another bunny in short order and set up a rendezvous or (2) take care of business with that tennis ball. In fact, you might see articles in Bunny Babes Magazine such as “Finding Furry Friends with Benefits” or “10 Ways to Make a Buck’s Bunny Ears Curl.” Moreover, the people who brought you and your dog the Hot Doll would probably be happy to design a tennis-ball shaped sex toy for your randy rabbit. But you and your bunny shouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s design for intimacy.

Rabbits mate for reproduction, not to say that they aren’t having a good time. However, God designed your bunny to engage in intimate activity with someone who will be the father of her bunny babies. Don’t let her get talked into some romp in the woods with no possibility of a litter of floppy-eared cuties coming from this act.

That said, the tennis ball isn’t going to do it. It may provide a temporary release of sexual tension, but not the deep satisfying intimacy that a better bunny can have by holding out for the real thing.

The Bible is clear that we should “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). When Joseph found himself tempted by Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39), he literally ran from her. In Matthew 18:9, Jesus says that “if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.” Indeed, that is what you need to do for your bunny.

No! Don’t gouge out her eye. It’s much easier in this case to simply remove the temptation. Get rid of that sultry tennis ball. Whatever is causing her mind to wander into dangerous territory needs to be tossed out the door.

That isn’t the end of it, though. The Apostle Paul gives advice about the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:9: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” It sounds like your bunny is indeed having a hard time controlling her passions. Maybe it’s time to think about getting another bunny? Your doe might need a buck in the house to establish a relationship, get her jollies, and spread their gene pool. Bunnies are particularly good at heeding God’s commandment to “Be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:22).

Be forewarned, however. You might want to know what to expect if you bring a handsome buck into the home to satisfy your tennis-ball-obsessed bunny doe. The mating ritual involves the male mounting the female and wig-wagging quite a bit. It’s not a loud affair; bunnies are quiet. But you will know the male is done when he suddenly stops and falls over. (I kid you not. I looked it up.)

Sounds a little like some human husbands. (Just kidding. Sort of.)

Unlike human hubbies, however, male bunnies only need a minute or so, and then they can go back at it. When the female bunny is “done,” I don’t know. I think she simply hops away.

I hope my answer helps you and your bunny in the quest for godly intimacy for all species. We could learn a little ourselves from this post, I think.

In short, for all the bunnies and non-bunnies out there:

  • If something is causing you sexual temptation, get some distance from it.
  • Your desire for sex is natural and God-given. It just needs to be in the right context — a committed marriage.
  • If you are married, get busy like a bunny. But try not to fall over when you’re done.

Sources: Successful Rabbit Breeding video on YouTube – be prepared to laugh; Bible Gateway – my go-to place for scripture searches; How Do Rabbits Mate? from ehow – where I learned about the falling phenomenon

Post first run May 3, 2012.

8 thoughts on “Q&A with J: Sex Isn’t Just for Bunnies

  1. Anonymom

    As someone who bred rabbits, yeah….. The worst was having to hold down a reluctant doe so the buck could get the job done. Nothing like feeling like a frat brother helping his mate date rape some girl. Funny enough, though, many times the reluctant doe would either not become pregnant, or if she did, the babies would die.

    I also bred chickens, turkeys, and ducks. The ducks and chickens are rather violent. The drake or rooster chases and catches the hens, pins her down, and does his job. Once done, the hen is released, feathers pulled, she shakes herself off and stomps away. On the flip side, a good rooster takes very good care of his hens. He protects them and searches out food for them. If I threw food out to them, the rooster would eat none of it until he called the hens over. He would choose out prime samples and drop them for his hens to eat with an approving, throaty clucking.

    The turkeys, however, different deal. Tom parades himself about, flirting and showing off. He dances with the hen until she agrees and lays down. He then continues the foreplay, slowly climbing onto her back. He then stomps on her back until she lifts her tail for acceptance. Every step requires consent, and while he may repeat the effort all day long, he respects the initial no. On the other hand, he isn’t so apt to provide vittles for the girls and will race ahead to choose his prime portion.

    So glad we aren’t animals….

    Reply

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