I’m out this week at church camp, where I volunteer one week every summer and teach a writing class as well as Bible content to kids. With my time limited and the internet spotty at my location, I’m re-running a few favorite posts this week. Enjoy!
Have you heard that your bedroom should be reserved for sex and sleeping? Have you heard that the TV should get the boot out of the bedroom? Have you heard that you should spruce up your bedroom to make it a romantic atmosphere? I have. I bet you have too.
But I only partially agree.
Sure, I would love to get down with the hubby in a room like this:
Or even this:
And I am wholly in favor of doing whatever you can to make the bedroom inviting and removing distractions — such as clutter — that can keep a willing wife’s mind from focusing on the pleasure at hand.
However, I wonder at times if we put too much emphasis on our surroundings. My husband and I have had marvelous sex in beautiful, pristine hotel rooms and on an air mattress on the floor of the in-laws’ house. We’ve enjoyed times with candles and classical music in the background and with the bluish light and booming sound of the television in the background. And after hearing some of the crazy places readers say they’ve had fabulous sex, maybe comfort isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Must you have a nice bedroom set with a mountain range of pillows and a hanging chandelier? If that’s your thing, go for it. It can’t hurt to set the mood! But plenty of couples around the world are doing just fine on a mat on the floor of their hut.
You shouldn’t expect that a little change in scenery will automatically lift your sagging sex life to one of fabulous intimacy. That said, it can help to set the stage. So here are some things to consider when deciding what your bedroom should have to be conducive to lovemaking.
What media sources are a hindrance for you as a couple? As to having a TV in the bedroom, I lost that battle in marriage. As it turns out, we have a very nice TV that faces the bed. It can be enjoyable to snuggle up and watch a movie together. Sometimes we even finish the movie. Sometimes we don’t.
For us, a television, a laptop, a tablet, etc. are not a problem for our intimacy if we cozy up together while on the media source. But I can’t talk or text on the cell phone there, and my husband should probably stay away from playing longer games. We’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. Each couple needs to ask how it’s going and set some boundaries.
What atmosphere do you prefer? Does lighting matter for you? Do smells affect your level of arousal? Do you desire a calm, neat bedroom? Or can you toss the laundry off the bed and get to it? I hope that you can sometimes do the last one there, whether or not you desire it — because otherwise, some couples would never have sex. Know and aim for what you like, avoid what you simply can’t abide, and be willing to settle in between if needed.
How much time, effort, and money can you expend? Like I said, if I could have a professionally decorated and regularly cleaned (by someone else) bedroom, I’d be all over that. Most of us, however, aren’t hiring an interior decorator and buying our dream furniture and decor. We have to ask what we can do with what we have. I personally put more effort into what I wear to bed than what my bed wears, but my linens do match. You can decide for yourself what your schedule and budget permit.
What does your spouse care about? If you don’t care about your surroundings, but your spouse does, it’s worth it to pay attention. Why not do a little something extra and make your bedroom an inviting place?
Who else is part of this equation? Do you live in your parents’ or in-laws’ house? Well, you can’t exactly turn their guest room into Sex Central. Is your space limited such that the infant’s crib is in your room? Until you can change that, you may have to put up with a changing table and rocking chair in your bedroom — not exactly the wink-wink you want from your environment. You may have other considerations for the time-being. As soon as you can, create the right environment for frequent and rollickin’ good times, but you may have to wait on your dream room.
For some practical tips on making your bedroom a great place for intimacy, check out In the Bedroom from Mystery32 blog, where you can find some wonderful suggestions.
Post first run May 17, 2012.
4 thoughts on “Should You Give Your Bedroom a Makeover?”
Yeah, we’ve been married 22 years (almost 23) and have only had a tv in our bedroom for about 5…when we had our 4th baby people kept suggesting a tv?!?! ?
Anyways, I actually find it works well for us (we didn’t have one for the longest time because that was a “rule”) because it allows me to decompress from motherhood and shift gears to wifehood!! A 30 minute sitcom that the kids aren’t in on is perfect for me.
On the other things, I like less clutter and soft colors. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Our bedroom is the one room in the house where toys are not allowed. And I minimize kids hanging out in there. That’s what it’s all about for me-the bedroom is where I’m me. And where I’m a wife. Of course I’m always a mom!! And I always want to be, but my bedroom is where I lay some of that down.
I do find that reducing clutter helps. We have a tiny house, our ‘bedroom’ is the lounge room floor…in an open plan setting, where the kitchen/lounge/dining area is all combined. You know the joke, if you want breakfast in bed then sleep in the kitchen? Yeah, that’s us! ?
Our house has one bedroom, that we gave to our child, because then all the toys have a home that isn’t in sight ALL THE TIME. This was something that drove my hubby crazy, when toys were everywhere! So, we decided to sacrifice having ‘our space’, by making the bedroom that we can shut the door on the ‘kid space’. It makes for much more relaxing evenings!
Obviously, sleeping on the lounge room floor does mean that the tv is right there, but we aren’t big tv watchers anyway, far more likely to get carried away with a book, or researching something online!
Our house has been slowly evolving over the past few years, I think we’ve gotten it about as good as we can get it utilising the space that we have. Now, I’m just working on keeping it clean!!!?
I am a neatnik and my husband is a clutter bug; I asked him to please not bring his clutter into the bedroom (I put a small three-shelf bookcase on his side of the bed for his books and papers). For the most part, he is much less messy in the bedroom than in the rest of the house, so I’m grateful for that!
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