There are plenty of reasons why sex should remain within marriage. Sure, there are the traditional arguments of unwed pregnancy, STDs, and getting a “reputation” (whatever that means these days). I agree that those are problems, but relational impact is a more persuasive argument.
For instance, here’s something I’ve noticed: Love is blind. Okay, I’m not the first one to come up with that, but there is truth to it. Think about some girlfriend who was arm-locked, lip-locked, and body-locked to some stud and thought her boyfriend was to the male race what Dale Earnhardt was to the car race. The rest of you were scratching their heads, wondering what you missed, and generally wanting to slap her until she woke up and discovered that she was dating a character from a slapstick comedy. I blame sex.
When your man kisses you, strokes you, beds you, and makes you sing like Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein, you forgive a lot. Somehow, in the midst of foreplay, orgasm, and afterglow, we’re not thinking about the $200 he blew on video games last weekend, the embarrassing way he yelled at our child’s soccer game, or the fact that he cannot seem to understand that you need twelve pairs of black shoes because they’re all different!
When you’re married, that’s a good thing. We need some balance to all the irritating habits our spouses have and the mistakes they make. According to the acclaimed Gottman Relationship Institute, you need five positive interactions with your spouse to counteract one negative experience.
Sex can be one of those positives! It’s like donning rose-colored glasses. In marriage, our spouses need to look a little rosier than they are to keep things in positive perspective. Frankly, I want to look much rosier to my hubby than I really am! (Not to mention 10 years younger, a few inches thinner, etc.) So I’m happy to ease those rose-colored glasses of sexiness onto my husband’s eyes and have him ignore the pork tenderloin I burned, the way I nagged him to mow the lawn by claiming I had lost our children in the grass stalks, and the fact that I snore and drool at times.
But before you walk down the aisle, you need to see EVERYTHING without fogged-over lenses. This is not the time to claim that ignorance is bliss. It ain’t! Plenty of married people wish they had paid attention more when dating. It might not have changed their decision to step up and say “I do,” but they would have been more prepared.
Hold off on the sex until you know this guy backwards and forwards — every personal flaw, character quirkiness, and family issue that he has. Make sure you know he’s going to stick around for the long haul. Approach your marriage with eyes WIDE OPEN (and legs shut).
My fashion advice is that rose-colored glasses go best with a white wedding gown and a golden ring. Or maybe that black lace teddy you received at the bridal lingerie shower where you couldn’t make eye contact with your mother. (Who invited her?!) As soon as the honeymoon is over, those rose-colored glasses will come in handy. I’m wearing a pair right now, and my husband looks terrific!
Took me 9 years of marriage to understand this fully, when I’m hormonal I mess up royally. Those love glasses are awesome!