I’m so thrilled today to have Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage on my blog! Julie is one of my favorite marriage bloggers and a fabulous friend. Let me tell you, folks: In real life, she’s just as wise, sincere, and funny as you see on the page.
And she’s writing about orgasm. I’m ready to read. How about you?
Okay, this one is for the ladies. (Feel free to tag along husbands. You might learn a few things too.)
I write about sexual intimacy in marriage, so obviously great orgasms are fairly high on my list of “All Things Married Couples Should Be Experiencing.” (The list exists only in my head, BUT if I ever wrote it out, “great orgasms” would be on it. No doubt.)
If you want a great orgasm, here are three tips:
1. Let the Clitoris Fulfill Its Purpose!
Sounds like a motivational seminar, doesn’t it?! Can you picture the marketing materials for that?
Seriously, though, I think it would do marriages a world of good if married folks would remember the purpose of the clitoris. I will give you an analogy that might help with this point.
Imagine that someone handed you the keys to a brand new race car, took you out to racetrack and said, “Take her for a spin.”
Would you hop in that driver’s seat, start the engine and let loose at a top speed of 45 mph? Or would you drop that gas pedal and feel what it’s like to drive over 100 mph?
Yes, powerful pleasure of that sort is scary and exhilarating and intense — all at the same time! That’s true about sexual pleasure too. If you are apprehensive about it, it’s good to keep in mind that sexual pleasure for a wife is the clitoris’s one job description, bestowed on it from our Creator.
Try to skirt around this as much as we may, the truth is sexual pleasure is a beautiful gift from God for married couples. Appreciating intense sexual pleasure is kind of like appreciating that driving a race car at more than 100 mph feels different and better than driving it at 45 mph.
Even if you are not a car person, my guess is you still recognize that when race car creators envision a car, they never see it just hanging out at 45 mph. Oh, the tragedy of poor little race cars that never get to fulfill their purpose.
Poor little clitoris. Waiting to drench you in waves of sexual pleasure. Will you let it?
2. Get to Know Your Body.
Appreciating the general purpose of the clitoris is a good start, but not nearly as fabulous as understanding specifically what you personally need to feel sexually aroused. Tip number 2 is “get to know your body.”
I think most wives would agree that it can take our bodies a while to warm up to the idea of sex. For many of you, this means foreplay that involves plenty of caressing, kissing and connecting with your husband emotionally and physically as you lead up to making love.
Don’t assume your husband knows what turns you on. Show him. Tell him. Teach him.
And for that matter, don’t assume you even know what turns you on. I always find it ironic when people think that newlyweds have the best sex right from the start. You know who more likely is experiencing remarkable sexual pleasure? Married couples who have intentionally spent time learning each other’s bodies.
It’s okay to explore your body and to allow your husband to explore it. Intentional exploration and communication are bound to lead to somewhere profound. If there were road signs for this journey, “Great Orgasm Up Ahead” would be flashing in neon.
3. Lean into the Pleasure.
What. In. The. World. Does. That. Mean? Lean into the pleasure.
In simplest terms, when sexual pleasure builds, let your body feel it. Fall into it. Don’t shy away from it.
Honestly, I think this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks, especially for Christian wives. For some reason, we often associate intense sexual pleasure with sin. No wonder so many wives resist it or are scared of it.
Strive to walk in the truth, though. When you are enjoying sexual pleasure in an exclusive God-honoring sexual relationship with your husband, you are pleasing God, not disappointing Him.
So when you feel that sexual sensation that really can’t be put into words, focus on it and lean into it. Receive it for what it is and be grateful for it.
Not only is this good for you, but it’s good for your husband too. If he is like most husbands, he wants to see his wife in the grips of intense sexual pleasure. It turns him on to turn you on.
So, there you have it. 3 Tips on Having a Great Orgasm. You didn’t even need to go to a motivational seminar. Or buy a race car.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, their two boys and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer dog who refuses to stay in the fence.