During the month of August, I’m going to be focusing my posts on sexual stories. You see, I’m a big fan of story. I’m an avid reader of novels, a writer, and an ongoing student of the instructive stories of the Bible.
Yes, I believe God is a fan of stories as well. Rather than give us a religious text that simply outlined the rules and regulations, much of His Word focuses on people — their struggles, their journeys, their trials, their triumphs — and how God fits into their lives. Jesus even had a preference for telling stories with His many parables.
We have our own stories. Defined simply, a story is when someone must overcome an obstacle to achieve something they want or need. If there isn’t a challenge, there really isn’t a story. And we delight in hearing stories of how others lived and prevailed in the face of difficulty.
I think almost everyone has a story regarding sexual intimacy. They have challenges of some kind or other, because we live in a broken world. Yet, we can make the journey to overcome and realize God’s superior design for sexual intimacy. We can gain what we truly want and need when we deal with the obstacles and follow God’s plan.
So why do I want to focus on sexual stories?
Because I’ve written some. Stories, that is. By day, I’m a Christian sex blogger; by night, a purveyor of fiction. 🙂 Yes, that’s right, I’ve been writing some short stories lately and decided to write a few dealing with sexual intimacy in marriage. As my newsletter subscribers recently read, I’ll soon be putting those stories together in an ebook collection titled Behind Closed Doors, which I hope to release in the next month or two.
Stories are a great way to connect and teach and entertain. My hope and prayer is that fiction on the subject of Christian sexuality will be another avenue to shed light on an oft-misunderstood topic.
I’ll be revealing the book cover soon, but in the meantime, here’s a short snippet from one of the stories, this one called “Suite Nothings.”
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“You should read this.” Bianca handed me a crisp-spined paperback with the front cover down. I flipped the book over and read the title.
Yeah, there were more words in the title, but the one that jumped out was Sex. I darted my eyes around the emptying sanctuary of our church to make sure no one was near enough to see or hear. The worship service had ended several minutes earlier, but she and I were among the few stragglers left.
“Your wedding is only one day,” Bianca said, “but intimacy with your husband is a lifetime.” She thumped the top of the book with her delicate finger. “My mother gave this to me when I got engaged.”
“You read this before you got married?” I half-whispered. Was I even allowed to read about sex yet? We were two months away from our wedding night. Wasn’t my task to not think about sex until then? Ken and I had carefully avoided even being alone together too long, to make sure our passions weren’t aroused before it was, you know, legal and all.
Bianca shook her head, and the halo I always imagined above her shook with it. “Yes, I read it. Sex in marriage is an important, holy thing. Bradley and I had an absolutely perfect first time. Sacred and sizzling. You’ll want your wedding night to be memorable. You need to start off right, Nadine.”
“Of course.” A hint of tension slithered up my spine. Was it possible to start off wrong? Wasn’t sex a pretty straightforward this-fits-there kind of thing?
Do you have a sexual story? Have you overcome obstacles to experience better sexual intimacy in your marriage?
20 thoughts on “Do You Have a Sexual Story?”
My story is simply that I’m currently on my third marriage. I cheated during my fist 2 marriages, and have since had difficulty reaching ejaculation during intercourse. Thru talking about my struggles with many people, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been too focused on my relationship with porn than with my intimacy with my wife. God is helping me to overcome my disconnect with the only woman in my life, so I don’t make the same mistake, a third time. God is good, and greatly to be praised.
P.S. Men struggling with porn need our prayers and support.
Robbie, you need an accountability partner. I’m a newish believer and would be willing to help you with accountability if it’s something your striving for. I know that porn is a huge industry and it’s something men often struggle with.
I have a pretty funny story about our wedding night. My husband and I were married in 2009, and we’ve been friends since we were both 12. We are blessed knowing that we waited for each other until after our officials “I do’s”, but we were both inexperienced with how we can do this together. We tried three different times to make some magic, but because of my petite size (and possibly due to my intact hymen), he wouldn’t “fit.” We got frustrated, because we kept our marital promise to each other and God, but our first night to replenish those pent-up passions wasn’t happening. So we went to bed saddened. But at about 1:30 am, I prayed and begged, “God, you kept us faithful to each other and to You, but I seriously want to have sex with my new hubby tonight. Please let that happen!” I turned to my beloved, told him that we can try again, and suddenly he “fit!” Prayer is powerful!
I wish so much this was a real story and I was the “I”…is there a book that is actually like this? My future husband and I are waiting until marriage to have sex, but once we’re married I want to be informed and educated so we can have the best beginning possible to our marital intimacy. I pray about our (future) sex life, but if there are Christian resources (besides reading this blog and the ones bookmarked here) that would equip me to be a better wife, I would love to be more prepared. I believe strongly in both mental and physical purity, but this story was like confirmation that it’s okay to educate myself. We are just over two months away from our wedding, and at some point in here I feel like it’s time to stop saying it’s too early to learn. Suggestions and ideas? I’m sorry if this is not the proper forum, but I am looking for exclusively godly advice from Christian women. Thank you.
Great question! There are several I could recommend. Here are just a few: Sheila Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex specifically addresses newlyweds; Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music has chapters to read before and after you marry; and my own Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives includes a lot of how-to information for couples at whatever stage of marriage.
Many blessings to you and your upcoming marriage!
Wonderful! I did buy your book. 🙂 And I’ll have to look into the others! Thank you for your ministry.
Thanks so much!
As believers, taking off our plastic masks and being genuine with others about ourselves and what God has done is critical–and is something He can use. My story/confession is out there; trusting that God will use it as He sees fit.
My sexual story is a nightmare, and it began on our wedding night.
Perfect day, perfect weather, perfect ceremony. Going to honeymoon in Bermuda.
That night in the hotel, she comes out wearing a lovely red satin nightie (which she stil has, can still fit into, and hasn’t worn for 20 years), and says, “Its been a long day, and I know I’m tired and that you’re tired, and tomorrow we fly out, so I think it would be a good idea if we just got some rest tonight.”. And then proceeded to do word-searches and watch the Oriole Game (they played the Twins and lost – yes, I remember) for the next 2 hours. Then at 11:30, gave me a quick peck on the lips said good night and rolled over. Thus began 16 months of no sex at all.
I wish I had woken up from that nightmare and annulled the marriage in that time. But I had love and I had hope. Unfortunately 22 years later, the nightmare continues, with sex about 4 times a year (6 times in the last 2 years, last 6 months 0 times). The only thing I look forward too is “waking up” in 11 years when the last kid is out of the house – and then so am I.
What a great idea and great way to spread more info about Godly sex. I think the world is in desperate need of Christian fiction about sex. The preview was great and I’m sure the rest will be too!
Thanks so much!
Believe me when I say, I understand your pain and feelings of frustrations … I can even feel the
anger. I have been thru much of what you describe. I have had those feelings of leaving … even suicide … becaue of the feelings of being alone – even when the woman I love so much is in the
same be as I am. You are not alone in this battle … thoughts of getting even … real bitterness … wondering why this has happened to you when you married a woman you loved so much.
My wife was abused by her dad since the age of 7 until late teens … believe me when I say I know
how you feel. But we have been married 37 years now and I love her more today than I did when
we first married. I want to encourage you not to walk out on her, stay true to her. There is a reason
for how she feels towards having sex. And us men want it all the time … don’t we!
GOD tells us to love our wife as GOD LOVED the church … yes even as much as Christ loved us,
enough to die for her. I don’t think it only means actual death – but dying to self and showing our
love towards her. Talk and work things out. After 37 years we still are working at it and I don’t
regret staying with her, loving and protecting her. By the way our youngest is 30 years old.
I AM STAYING UNTILL DETH DO US PART!
GOD BLESS John – I will be praying for you and your marriage.
Yeah, I don’t have anything better — or as good as — that. Well said, Bob. Thank you.
When I first read this, I felt like I didn’t have a story because I’m committed to waiting until marriage for sex and marriage hasn’t come yet. But I ended up writing my own blog post about how that is my story right now. I’d love for any of you to check it out and let me know your thoughts: http://momentswithmichellem.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-story-of-something-never-experienced.html
Thanks for sharing openly about sex within God’s design! Found your blog a month or so ago and really enjoy it!
Loved your post! Yes, you have a story — a story of faithfulness, patience, and virtue. May God bless you with the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).
This is a love story I wrote for my wife – hoping to let her know how I felt about her. I am Adam and she is Eve. Hope it is not to descriptive for anyone. I really enjoyed writing it. I titled it “THE GIFT”
Hope you enjoy.
The man sleeping on the warm sandy beach knows that when he awakens from his deep sleep that he will receive the gift of gifts! The Almighty, who has placed him in this deep sleep, has given His word in this. His excited anticipation has filled his mind with many dreams, trying to picture what this “gift of gifts” from the Almighty will be.
As he sleeps, he feels the warmth of the sun on his skin – a wonderful sensation as he lies in the comfortable warm sand. He can feel a warm soft wind blowing over his strong body – ah such comfort – such pleasure – as he slowly starts to stir from his rest. He can feel every muscle stirring to life, newly refreshed from the restful sleep. The warm breeze has blown some sand onto his chest and firm muscular body. As he sits up, the sand slowly falls from him. – Ah – thanks to The Almighty for these wonderful things made for man’s pleasure! Something is different though, his side is tender … he wonders what it could be – it might have been caused by the position of his body while he was sleeping.
Then he remembers … yes the gift of gifts! The Almighty one should have the gift ready for him to see! He can barely wait to see the promised gift! The man hears the Almighty calling his name “Adam …. Adam my son… my gift of gifts is ready for you now! Awaken my son and behold this wonderful gift I have made for you to enjoy!”. “This gift will complete who you are… I made one similar to you … to be a friend that you will enjoy … a mate to treasure forever … I made her so you would no longer be incomplete!”
Adam is a bit puzzled … what can his Creator mean? What kind of gift could be all this? Adam is still sitting in the soft warm sand and places his arm back to support himself. He is startled as his hand touches something next to him. He looks over to see one that is like him … looking similar to him – yet so different…. so beautiful to look at… WOW!!!! The Almighty has truly outdone Himself in this gift!
The beautiful gift is still sleeping next to him. He sits quietly admiring the beauty of such a gift. Adam quietly speaks to The Almighty, “YOU truly have given me a beautiful and wonderful gift – you have given me a gift far beyond my wildest dreams! Thank you so much!”
The Almighty looks upon His creations and smiles … for it is good … and says,” I made the woman from your rib. She is to walk with you and share life’s treasures with you. She will be a helper for you in this garden. She will bring you many joys and pleasures. What do you think will be a suitable name for her?”
As Adam returns his gaze amazed at this beautiful creature The Almighty has called “a woman”, he replies, “I think I will call Her Eve.” Adam notices how the dew has settled on her beautiful body. Adam thinks to himself how truly amazing this gift the GOD has given to him.
The dew on Eve’s beautiful bronze colored skin appears to be droplets of transparent liquid gold. Adam is overwhelmed at Eve’s beauty. He cannot stop looking at her. As he watches in amazement, her muscles start to move in her arms and legs – oh what beauty! Her head is crowned with wavy, long golden hair which highlights a face of gleaming beauty. Her body is strong but smaller than his. Unlike his frame that is built for strength, hers is shapely and exciting to look it. Her beauty is simply amazing! Looking at her brings feelings he has never felt before – feelings of warmth and love!
Eve is stirring again and her eye lids begin to open, revealing her beautiful blue eyes, almost like shimmering pools of water. He eyes are adorned with long full eye lashes. Her face has softness that is brightened by a soft smile that is highlighted by her beautiful red lips.
As she sits, she places an arm behind her into the soft warm sand to help steady herself. Her hair has fallen softly around her shoulders covering one of her breasts. Adam cannot get over her beauty! The droplets of dew that are still on her body begin to slowly flow downward from her slender neck tracking down until the droplets drip from the firm tips of her beautifully formed breasts.
Adam continues to take in Eve’s beauty. Eve’s skin is smooth and silky – perfection that only The Creator could have made. Adams eyes continue down here body to see a firm, shapely body … such curves were a delight to Adam’s admiring eyes. Her curves continued down to her hips and beautiful sleek legs.
Adam noticed her body was much different than his! Their chests were different, there bodies were so different. Adam was pleased with the differences but a bit puzzled. What did the Creator have in mind?
Their Creator watches Adam and saw the he was pleased with this gift. He said,” I am giving you to one another. Adam, you are to protect Eve. You are to provide for her. Even more, you are to get to know everything about her. You are to love her enough to give your very life up for her to protect her.”
HE turned His focus to the woman He had just created, “Eve, you will be Adam’s helper, you will help him take care of the garden. You are to show him love and respect. I made you to fulfill what was missing in his life – to make him complete.”
Then He spoke to both of them,” To be truly happy, you will have to love each other more than you love yourself. You will learn to enjoy each other. You will yearn to be close emotionally and physically. Then He added, “Adam, I am holding you responsible for the leadership and welfare of your family. GO and be fruitful – multiply and enjoy your children that are to come. I have given you this garden to provide food and I have given you each other for joy and companionship. I love you both!” Then the Creator gave them some time to get to know and enjoy each other, smiling as He strode away.
Adam returned his attention back to Eve. Eve has been comparing herself to Adam and has noticed some major differences. Eve decides she really likes the differences between them.
As they continue talking, she finds that in fact she is falling in love with him, this man that GOD has given to her – to protect her, to provide for her, yes …. to love her. The Creator has given her a gift as well, the gift of a perfect mate for her.
The Almighty Creator continues to watch over Adam and his mate. He is pleased and smiles. Yes …. this is good indeed!
LOVE! Thanks for sharing it.
I’m Elisha, a former pornography, masturbating and prostitute addict.
A good 14 years of my life were taken over by this addiction which I fed daily till I could handle it no more. I was quite young when I started watching pornography. I was only eleven -ten. It started out as a bit of fun. But, this fun spiralled till my entire life revolved around pornography, masturbation, sleeping with prostitutes.
Eventually, I lost all ability to reason as a normal human being. My intelligence was totally corrupted making my mind redundant. Not only that, I squandered thousands of pounds feeding that addiction. But, it got to a point where I had to admit I needed help.
In 2006, I turned my life over to Jesus Christ. He was the last person I’d think could help me but he did. Jesus gave me the power to overcome addiction. Change wasn’t instant. Even as a new Christian, I continued to feed that addiction till the day I decided to cry out for help.
That day, I had just finished watching a pornographic movie, and I felt really dirty as shame swept over me. Sitting there speechless and motionless, I found myself raising my hands up in surrender and I screamed, “FATHER TAKE THIS THING AWAY”. That same day I lost the desire for every dirty habit and destroyed everything including internet downloads on my laptop, DVDs and magazines. I knew there and then that I had been rescued by a superior power from above. Jesus stepped into that room and delivered me from 15 years of pornography addiction.
I’m totally free now. I enjoyed a successful career and I’m happily married. I’m evidence that no matter how bad your addition may be, there is HOPE that you can be free.
Whether you are addicted yourself or trying to help someone you know, I pray that my story will be of great help to you.
I do have a story. It isn’t finished yet, but I do have a story.
My story started young, with exposure to pornography and various other inappropriate things when I was 4 years old. My story got even more complicated when I was the victim of sexual assault/attempted rape when I was 13. That event started what I thought was a battle with lust, but ended up just being a battle with shame.
I never dated for fear of men, and fear of sinning with men. When I was 20, I came to terms with my sexuality. I remember deciding, “I like men, and that’s okay. God designed me to desire men.” This sounds elementary, but for me it was liberating. I conquered my fear of men through training in martial arts. I suggest this to any women who has experienced sexual assault. It builds self confidence, gives you strategies to use in case anything ever happens again, and gives you practice being in a compromised position.
I’m currently engaged, and looking forward to marriage. Throughout our courtship, I struggled with the fact that I desired my man. Time and time again I prayed about what to do. I could shut down my sexuality. I think many women can. Each time I was filled with desire for him and hit the edge of our boundary, I felt shameful. But when I prayed about it, the Lord gave me grace. In fact, the Lord told me not to turn off my sexuality. I sometimes feel guilty (about nothing, really) but that’s been getting better. I guess my sexuality is going to come in handy some day.
Oh, Abby. That never should have happened to you. My heart breaks for you. I know God wants to comfort you as well.
I’m so glad you’ve realized the importance of sexuality when in the right context. May He bless you with a fresh start and satisfying intimacy! Thank you for sharing.
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