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Truly Beautiful with Lori Byerly

What can I say about Lori Byerly? She’s been a champion for godly marriage and healthy sexual intimacy for years, on both The Marriage Bed (a site run with her husband) and The Generous Wife. Early on in my blogging, I was delighted to connect with her and find such wisdom, encouragement, and beauty.

Lori has influenced me in many ways, including the post I wrote about 3 G-Words to Improve Your Marriage. Generosity definitely had to make the cut. If you’re looking for daily tips and insight for your overall marriage, I strongly encourage you to check out her site and follow her on social media.

In the meantime, let’s hear what she has to say about feeling beautiful.

Truly Beautiful with Lori Byerly

When I think of someone beautiful, the first person that comes to mind is my grandmother.

As a child, she was so good to me. Back then she was in her sixties and seventies with white hair, plenty of wrinkles, and a comfortable body just right for hugging grandchildren. She made the most amazing biscuits and gravy from scratch, and I knew she prayed for me every night before bedtime. I was special in her eyes, and she was special in mine. She was truly beautiful.

It’s hard for me to reconcile this kind of beauty with the beauty found in Cosmo or reality TV. How do you compare the latest color in lipstick to a hug that says you are wanted? How do you compare the airbrushed figure of a model to the body of a woman who has birthed several children, whose arms have cuddled, held, and comforted?

At its heart, I think this is a clash of kingdom values.

The kingdom of the world values outer beauty. If you have outer beauty you have value. Work hard to make your outside look great!

Now let me say, I think it’s good to take care of your appearance. There is nothing wrong with a change in hairstyle or buying pretty new shoes. I love it when my husband notices my new earrings or tells me I’m pretty.

But appearance is not worth. It does not represent all of who you are.

Appearance is not worth. It does not represent all of who you are. - Lori Byerly Click To Tweet

Outer beauty is a gift that fades in time.

The beauty of the Kingdom is timeless and never fades.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.
Psalm 27:4 ESV

Jesus has a special kind of beauty. As we become more like Him we grow in this truest form of beauty.

I don’t know if my grandmother ever knew how beautiful she was. She came from a different generation and was the practical sort.

My grandmother had this lasting kind of beauty, the kind that makes a profound difference in the life of a child. The kind that tends flower gardens and feeds hungry people. The kind that serves and stands for things of value. I wish I had time to tell you the stories of her life and how many people she touched by simple acts of kindness and love.

Like my grandmother, I will never grace the cover of a glamor magazine. I have graying hair, a growing array of wrinkles, and a body that’s just right for hugging grandchildren. At times I struggle with my culture’s views on beauty, but when I “gaze upon the beauty of the Lord” or when I remember my grandmother’s sweet beauty, I know that I am enough and that I am beautiful.

Lori ByerlyLori Byerly is a wife, mom and grandmother. She blogs at The Generous Wife ( and works as a marriage and sex educator ( with her husband, Paul. They live full time in an RV (, traveling the US, encouraging folks to grow their marriages.

4 thoughts on “Truly Beautiful with Lori Byerly”

  1. “How do you compare the latest color in lipstick to a hug that says you are wanted?” Kingdom beauty is from the heart. As always, you write with such beautiful simplicity that nails the heart of the matter. Thanks, Lori.

  2. Lori, this was a great post and I really liked it. That being said, you KNOW your husband thinks you’re beautiful because he tells you, and he talks about how amazing he finds you (on his blogs) all the time. 🙂 His love is so obvious, and that’s wonderful!

    My husband tells me he loves me, and he thinks I’m pretty (hardly ever beautiful – just “pretty”). Dandelions are “pretty” but roses are beautiful. There is a glaring difference.

    And my husband NEVER speaks highly of me to anyone else. If someone compliments me in any way, not just physical, but even if they like a program I ran or a song or wrote or whatever, he never comments. He just kind of makes this weird shy, won’t look you in the eye kind of half smile face. I believe this is because he’s horribly embarrassed of me.

    I’ve also noticed that other women catch his attention in a way I never could. I expect him to notice beautiful women, but I wish he’d notice me, too. He says he does, but of course he’s gonna say that, and I’ve never seen it. Like, ever.

    And if someone truly loves you, doesn’t that make you more attractive in their eyes? So while he rattles off the “right things” to say to me, his actions shout louder to me what his true feelings really are. I know, to him, I am not beautiful.

    The worst part is, he says he doesn’t like it when I get down on myself. Well, I would think most women in my situation would have a hard time feeling beautiful, especially if the man they loved could not find any beauty in her whatsoever.

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