Tomorrow is Father’s Day in the United States, celebrated by the purchase of power tools, electronic gadgets, sporting goods, and neckties. And extra attention for the Beloved Dad in our homes.
But not too long ago, I heard from a wife who admitted that she had enormous difficulty letting down her guard to make love when her husband mistreated their kids. She couldn’t switch to seeing him as safe and appealing after he acted harsh and dismissive of someone else she loved so very much — her own child.
On the opposite site, several wives have told me that they feel more attraction to their husbands when those men step up and do the right thing as fathers. I absolutely understand that feeling. Seriously, there is something sexy about seeing your man being a fabulous dad.
Why does his ability to father impact our physical attraction?
Caring for our children is caring for us. We are so connected to this little person, or people, that we cannot entirely separate ourselves from them. Our children carry a bit of their mother’s heart around at all times. So when a father treats his wife’s children well, it’s felt not only by the child, but by the mother as well. Likewise, she feels the barbs too. It’s as if we mothers naturally follow Romans 12:15 when it comes to our children: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
I’m not saying that a father should not discipline his child — he should — but I’m talking about the father who exasperates his children (see Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). It’s hard for a wife to feel a strong romantic attraction toward a man who injures her child’s heart more than he shapes her child’s character.
Being a good father reminds us that we complement each other. Ideally, children are raised in two-parent homes with a mother and father. God designed the family to flow from this one-flesh connection of male and female. A dad cannot take a mom’s place, and a mom cannot take a dad’s place. As the mom, all I can do is my part of the parenting, and when my hubby does his part as father, our complementary roles join to create a whole bigger than the sum of its parts.
This harmony reminds a woman that she is better off with a man in the house. And hey, it’s kinda awesome to have a manly man doing his thing. In fact, there are other ways in which we complement each other… For instance, our body parts seem to line up quite nicely too. I’m not saying it’s a guarantee that wives translate this to the bedroom. But I do believe that seeing the balance of male-female in the home sets a good atmosphere for that connection.
Loving the most vulnerable in our lives helps us feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. When our children are infants, they are helpless; as toddlers, fragile; as preschoolers, unguarded; as elementary age, tender; as tweens, insecure; as teens, tentative. Yes, our children are more than those traits, especially as they mature, but in a world rightly run by adults, being a minor means being vulnerable. So when a man shows tender love toward children, he demonstrates that he’s protective, safe, trustworthy.
Now, sharing our hearts and our bodies is an incredibly vulnerable act for a woman. We want to feel secure and to know that we can trust our husbands with that vulnerability. It’s kinda sexy to believe that your husband will take care of your body the way he protects and cherishes your children. We wives can feel more confident about baring ourselves, physically and emotionally, when we’ve seen how diligent and gentle our husbands can be with our kids.
Listen up, guys: I’m not saying this is an exchange where if you treat her children well, you’ll automatically get laid. You should treat children well because it’s the right thing to do. And there are no guarantees with your wife, because she may have other reasons why sex is unappealing.
But being an exasperating father will likely be a barrier to her wanting to make love. And being a godly father makes you more appealing — and may well turn her on.
So to all the great fathers out there, and to the ones who commit to do better, thank you! Your children and your wives benefit. And I pray that you will be blessed too!
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
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5 thoughts on “Why Being a Good Father Turns Your Wife On”
I struggle because my husband loves our son MORE than me. He puts the needs of our son before mine, will provide whatever our son needs before me, and reprimands me in front of our son. I want a healthy marriage and I’m going to stay with my husband but it is really hard to be intimate with my husband and to trust him when this is continually going on. I do confront my husband in love….. the behavior continues. It is tempting to close the door to my heart. The Holy Spirit is my only source of comfort at this time of my life.
Yeah, I can see that happening too. I’m so sorry! I pray that he’ll come to understand that your children are in your house for 18 or so years, but your spouse should be there a lifetime — you have to invest in the marriage.
We give our kids the ultimate in self esteem when we let them see No One is more important than our wife. We are also training them for their treatment of their future spouse. Yes, I love my sons, but I entered into a holy covenant of marriage with their mother!
I liked your topic and I thought very insightful, but hard for me to read. I’m a very kind and caring father whose ideal father’s day was time to myself, time with the kids, time as a family, and physical intimacy with my wife. Although my wife knew what I wanted, there was never time to myself or physical intimacy…….for 15 father’s days. She would make me feel guilty for requesting that my male sexuality be acknowledged on fathers day (or pretty much any day).
Today, I had plenty of time to myself as a pending divorce (my choice) and her manipulation of kids meant no time with them either. So, kind, loving, sensitive dads who gave their all for wife and kids, but aren’t appreciated do have limits on the abuse they will take. Unfortunately…..my kids are the ones suffering.
I’m heartbroken for you too — and for your kids.
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