If you listened to our recently launched podcast, Sex Chat for Christian Wives, episode two, you heard myself, Bonny of OysterBed7, Gaye of Calm.Healthy.Sexy, and Chris of The Forgiven Wife talk about the benefits of trying various sexual positions in the marriage bed. I’ve written about positions as well here on my blog and in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.
But at some point, that podcast conversation got to this exchange:
I’ve been mulling that moment over many times since. Funny as it was at the time, it really is a problem for many Christian wives to try sex “doggy-style.” (In case you’re unfamiliar with that position, you can find out more here, courtesy of christianfriendlysexpositions.com.)
First, let’s talk about the arguments against this position. I’ve heard, from various Christian wives over the years, two main protests about incorporating it into their sexual repertoire.
1. It’s named “doggy-style.” And when you hear that, you immediately picture a female dog in heat and a male dog going at it with all the intimacy that a Super Bowl viewer feels for his next potato chip. (Yum, that was great — let’s move on.)
Your brain says, This is how animals copulate. And you don’t want to be an animal. You’re human, with human emotion and depth and desires. How can you let yourself be treated like the stray bitch* in the neighborhood?
It’s true that the vast majority of animals have sex facing the same direction, but primates such as bonobos and orangutans also mate face-to-face and dolphins mate belly-to-belly. And there’s a rather funny depiction of other animal sex positions in this popularly shared post: What If Humans Had Sex like the Rest of the Animal Kingdom? It doesn’t make you an animal to use a sexual position used by pets, livestock, or the wild kingdom. Because so much else is entirely different — especially the emotion, communication, and intimacy involved in sex in marriage. That, not the position, distinguishes your very human marriage bed.
2. He’s looking at my butt. Yes, I get it. Especially if your derrière is not your favorite part of your body. But even more so, I’ve heard women wonder why a husband wouldn’t want to look her in the face. Isn’t that far more intimate?
Actually, there’s something quite intimate about giving your husband access to view your body from all angles. Men like feminine curves, and from behind, you’ve got a lot of curvy-ness for his eye to appreciate. Indeed, I’ve heard a man compare a woman’s bum to an upside-down heart shape, which is quite a lovely thought and makes it understandable why a husband might find that appealing.
Sex is the whole kit-and-caboodle. And you’re probably not eye-to-eye the entire time, no matter what you do. So perhaps you can invest in face-to-face moments, but then not worry about the view from behind when you switch to this position.
But why should you try the rear-entry position? Even if it’s okay to engage in, what are the advantages to this position? Let me give you a rundown of some benefits.
1. You’re more likely to orgasm. Originally, I had this lower down on the list, and then I thought, This should get top billing! Having your husband enter from behind means that he’s more likely to stimulate the G-spot and could even make contact with your Skene’s glands (which, while not orgasmic per se, is an interesting sensation). He can also provide direct clitoral stimulation by reaching around and touching you, or you can stimulate the clitoris yourself. Point being: You’re more likely to feel pleasure and sexual satisfaction.
I could end this post right here. Isn’t that a sufficient reason to give it a shot? But…
2. He can thrust deeper. Your husband, and you, might enjoy this position as well because he can go deeper. The angle, especially if you tilt your bum upward, permits him to slide more easily and deeply into the vagina. Even though you don’t necessarily feel the entire length of his penis inside you (see here), it’s a pleasurable experience for him to go all the way in and to have his hips touch you when his penis enters completely.
3. Other areas can be stimulated during intercourse. As I said before, your husband, or you, can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse from this position. But he can also reach around and fondle your breasts and caress your derrière. And you can reach down underneath and stroke his testicles or the length of penis that extends behind his testicles. Yes, other positions allow access to these areas, but you might give rear-entry a try and see what you can touch and pleasure.
4. It’s more comfortable for women with a tilted uterus. I’ve mentioned this before — that my uterus was rather tilted before childbirth, making rear entry a more comfortable position. Honestly, I can’t tell you why this is true, because your husband is only entering your vagina, but there is a sense of pressure on that tilted uterus if the position isn’t a good one. So if you have a tilted, or tipped, uterus, you might want to try this position to see if it doesn’t work better for you.
5. It’s a good option for pregnant women. When you’re seven or eight months pregnant, your belly is in the way. But, unless your doctor says otherwise, sex doesn’t need to be off the table. You can still have sex, but you’ll need to change positions. Woman-on-top might work, but rear-entry is also a great choice.
6. Did I mention you might orgasm more easily? Oh yeah, I guess I did.
Anyway, if you haven’t been a fan of “doggy-style” or haven’t tried it in a long time, why not give it a shot? If it makes you nervous, remind yourself that it isn’t animalistic — it’s creative. And he likes the way you look, from the front and from behind. Moreover, the pleasure he can bring you from this position will make you both feel good.
And yes, I do think we should rename this position. Doggy-style, rear-entry, unicorns and rainbows … there’s got to be something better. You’re welcome to make a suggestion in the comments.
(*Do not write me hate mail. “Bitch” is an accurate, appropriate word in this usage.)
52 thoughts on “Why You Should Try This Sex Position”
Oh man! This position rocks. I didn’t know women were reluctant to try it. Sex position names are usually dumb anyways. Definitely not a way to determine what you try.
So we’ll just rename it The Rockin’ Position. How’s that? 😉
Hi…this article really made me smile…we do this most if the time… But the stimulate myself….us this OK…slways want to do this while we are busy in this position but feels abit shy….I’m over weight so this position suits us just fine…
Thanku for a very insightful blog..
I always have to guide my husbands you-know into my you-know. Angling backward as it down, I don’t think I can make it work from rear-entry, plus I have to get my hand back there. This is why we always do woman-on-top and when we try anything else, we fail. I have to confess, when I married I thought I would just lie there and he would ‘get it in’ but it doesn’t seem to work that way.
Guiding his You know What into your You know What can be a pain for older couples dealing with arthritis and a pear-shaped anatomy. So I’ll start with how it can be done easily, and mention a related position, too. My wife and I had to switch from full prone on the bed (either one of us on top) to rear entry with me standing, about three years ago, after I had heart surgery. I did a bit of research, and discussed this with the family doctor, after finding that I could keep an erection while standing, but it went away when I lay down. Doc said that’s because in standing, my heart is above my penis, and blood travels uphill with greater difficulty. More blood down there = harder erection.
But we faced the problem of getting it in. Until I researched some more. What works is for wife to keep her knees on the bed, spread enough to let hubs in, but with her shoulders against the mattress so he can see where he’s going, until insertion is complete–then she can drag a pillow under her for more comfort.
I also discovered an illustration (not a photo) of a couple doing doggie with both standing up, wife (slender woman) bent head down and holding her ankles. Haven’t tried this, but it looks like it would work with younger couples, and might be fun.
As for the “view,” it’s marvelous. Wife finds it much easier, though, if hubs regularly complements the shape of her rear end, bare or in jeans. Rubens wasn’t the only artist who liked a round posterior.
This was helpful! I noticed the standing/lying down difference of erection that you mention, makes sense. I still don’t think it will work if I don’t guide it in.
I want to like this position, but it’s usually painful for me. Sometimes it works for him to finish after I’m done, but we have never had success with this as a primary position.
Wow, it saddens me that you have to put a disclaimer in about not getting hate-mail for the word you used, but I know how people can be. Still…SMH. Anyway, that’s not my point. Point is, thanks for writing this. Years ago I had a problem with this position. I didn’t think it was wrong as a Christian, or wrong for other people, I just thought it would be degrading to me. Thankfully my husband showed me otherwise. He can still use his hands to convey intimacy and tenderness, and I can still reach for him, too. Not to mention that it helped me unlock the part of myself that sometimes wants things a little more wiled, too. It’s not always the guy who wants that. One question for you, though, J. This position has gotten a bit more difficult for both husband and me as we’ve gotten older and both gained some weight. Speaking for myself, it’s harder for me to support myself during this position than it used to be. Got any suggestions for the woman balancing/supporting herself more easily? Thanks!
You could look into a sex pillow! Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Liberator-24-Wedge-Blue-Microfiber/dp/B003O992S0/ref=zg_bs_1243850011_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1DCMP3FWPVVP3Z677TXP
Hey, I wrote about this too! Check out Should You Get a Sex Pillow? 🙂
You can try a Wedge Pillow (available at Bed, Bath & Beyond or even online). It’s very comfortable and allows you to be more relaxed while in that position – much easier on the back! 🙂
To make it a little easier on hubby, you can try leaning over the bed or using the pillow at the edge of the bed so he can be standing.
Maybe we should call it ‘woman in front’. Does that sounds better?
Haha! There you go.
How about Rearlly Good ?
Well and beautifully written, J. You are a wonderful wonder!
I am finally with a man who I can allow to view me at this angle. It just never worked before because I didn’t fully open my self up to anyone. I realized a couple of things…He loves the view, he has told me, and I believe him. It feels better for him because he can control the depth and the thrust. I love when he comes. It’s simply amazing and I am the only person who get the opportunity to give him that gift!
God bless you and hubby. So good to hear of couples who are enjoying one another sexually. May many others be inspired by your experience.
Alicia – my wife and I ordered a large wedge pillow from Amazon (search: InteVision Foam Wedge Bed Pillow (25″ x 24″ x 12″) with High Quality, Removable Cover) It’s basically 3 times the size of a Liberator, and half of the cost. It’s intended to be used for old people to sit up and watch TV in their bed. We use it for that too (is 40 old?), but my wife and I love it for the rear entry position (my vote is for ‘Woman in front’). It’s easy on her knees and we can use it in the bed or me standing on the side of the bed. We’ve done it for years. From a husband’s standpoint, it has a different physical sensation that the missionary position for me. It’s almost like a different type of orgasm. I’m not saying better, but different in that it adds to the variety of lovemaking. We’ve used it as a secondary position for me once she has climaxed a different way, but trying it as the primary position for her to orgasm sounds interesting. Sounds like we have some more practicing to do!
Yes, a sex pillow helps. 🙂
I find it interesting that some women can orgasm in this position. My wife just uses this position when she wants closeness with me but isn’t really considering orgasm. I enjoy it a lot. The closeness, the view. I would love her to be able to reach the big O but it just doesn’t happen with this position.
Th position is top on our list. Yes the woman’s bum arouses most men me including ! Thank you J. Reading this took my stress away!
I have been married almost 22 years to the same woman and l have asked even begged to try this position and she won’t give in. I am happy to see other women willing to try it, but It saddens my heart my wife won’t even try. God Bless you all!
Replying to both Jim and SJ:
My wife doesn’t climax this way, either, though after 50 years of usually doing missionary, me standing is the only way I can keep an erection to finish. But we also discovered oral for her, so I take care of her needs with oral before we do mine rear entry.
As for a woman’s backside, it’s the vestibule to her precious body parts–vulva, vagina and womb. Probably most women have never thought of it this way, but IMHO this fact is behind the Unanswerable Question that all women ask their husbands: “Do these Jeans make me look fat?” In Song of Solomon 7:1 the naked bottom is referred obtusely in the KJV Bible as “the joints of thy thighs.” So kiss it, enjoy viewing it, and let her know you do! And no fair slapping; that’s plain mean.
So, serious questions here: This position had been uncomfortable for me from the first time we tried it, and I would love to fix that, if I can. It’s difficult to get him inside at the right angle without some painful poking – but all that aside, the thrusting just ends up mashing me on my face while I try really hard to brace myself – not fun! Also, I receive zero simulation from this position (maybe I’m doing it wrong?!) and if he tries to with his hand, he ends up getting excited and hurting me. I can’t stimulate myself as I am too busy bracing and protecting my head. In the end, I am frustrated and out of the mood. Oh. And then there is gas. Does no other woman struggle to control the passing of gas when her fanny is in the air and under a lot of pressure? I don’t typically have this struggle, only during doggy style, and I usually don’t even feel it coming. Talk about a mood stealer!! Anyway…. After four pregnancies I would really like to be able to make this work. Any help?? ?
P.s. We struggle with spoon position too. Sigh. Pregnancy is hard! He (for lack of a better way to say it) “pops” out easily and pokes me in my most sensitive places, unless he goes very slow and small thrusts. I don’t have a big butt, and he doesn’t have a small you-know-what, but it feels like he can barely stay in there. Also, no simulation for me in that position, as per my previous paragraph. Again, any help or “how-to” advice would be appreciated!
Thank you, Lord, for the anonymity of the internet!!!!
Okay. These are good questions actually. Here are a few thoughts:
1. As others have said, you may need to guide him in. And yeah, he needs to be a little patient while you do that. Also, guiding him in might include spreading your vagina lips to make sure it doesn’t mash things down there.
2. “Doggy-style” is, literally speaking, you on all fours. BUT of course, rear-entry (or woman-in-front) can happen in many different ways. You could stand by the side of the bed, lean over on the bed on your elbows or grip the foot-board, and let him come in from behind. You could use a pillow to prop up your head to keep it from getting mashed into the mattress. You could also try a blanket on the floor, because it could be that your mattress has enough give that you’re sinking in. And this is also where communication matters. If your face is getting smashed, tell him! “Hang on, I need to readjust.” Then prop yourself up a little better and try again.
3. If you can manage it, how about taking control of his hand and teaching him what pressure and touch feels good? And also feel free to communicate. He might get over-excited and forget what feels good to you, but he can adjust. (One hopeful note: It’s a bit easier for men as they age to hold off on that urgency and cater a bit more to their wife’s pleasure.)
4. Gas happens. But I suspect you’re more prone to this right now with pregnancies and little ones. Your body is in such flux. You can take some Beano, I suppose, but in the moment it just is what it is. I suggest if it happens, you just say, “Sorry.” And he’ll probably just keep going…because a little fart is unlikely to throw him off his game. Or you could just try the “Did you fart?” line, hoping to pass off the guilt. 😉
5. And I think spooning, while lovely, is a hard position to finish with.
Ah, so this really helps! Thanks! It’s nice to know spooning isn’t a good finish, because I’ve always thought maybe something is wrong with me! And I think you might be on to something with the soft mattress. I think part of the trouble is he gets so excited that I’m willing to try that position again that he gets a little carried away and I feel bad about slowing things down to make them better for me, so I just bite my lip and deal with it…. Which makes me reluctant to try again. As far as the gas, it’s only happened a few times, and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but I find it just embarrassing, and have a hard time not stressing about it the whole time, which might be something I just need to get over. I was secretly hoping you would say, “oh that’s easy to prevent, just do xyz” but I guess that’s unrealistic 🙁 And I’m confident pregnancy doesn’t help that issue, haha!! Thanks for your reply!
Hey, try to turn that toot moment into something funny. Because even a bit of a chuckle in the middle of sex can give you a sense of shared intimacy. Really. It can. 😉
One position to try in that style is to have the legs together, and arms together stretched out in front of you. I have noticed with that position it is harder to orgasm if that is what you start out with, but if you have an orgasm before hand doing something else, like clitoris or on top, whatever, it makes that position really feel good and for me, I had to tell my husband to hurry up and go it was that intense! And for those having a hard time balancing, this one helps keep your face from being buried because your arms are extended in front of you. If you keep your back straight and don’t relax tons, it should help and also make it feel really good!
I am absolutely amazed at the number of married Christian women who permit and ENJOY this position. My wife finally gave in (after 30+ years of marriage) and we tried it once. It was painful at first. Even when the pain subsided, she felt little pleasure. Needless to say, we have not tried it again.
I have to say, I think men struggle with understanding a woman’s hesitancy regarding new and different sexual things – and many people blame the church for making us “prudish” in this respect, but I personally find this to be false. In my own case, and perhaps that of your wife, all but two of the things we’ve tried in the bedroom so far have been completely non-pleasurable for me, and often have been painful. Can you imagine if everything sexual except one or two positions failed to give you an orgasm, or even feel good, and oftentimes hurt? Would you feel adventurous? Would you get excited when your spouse pushed you to try something new again? Probably not! Now, I realize some of these issues can be worked thru, depending on your wife’s body and willingness, but I guess I would just urge you to try to be understanding, and not blame her too much. In our case, my husband has never failed to orgasm, even in boring, same-old missionary position, so while he might want something more exciting, he’s at least getting SOMETHING, and not in pain, unlike me, when I agree to try something adventurous. We keep trying, tho!
If you’re experiencing actual pain in all these positions, I would definitely talk to the doctor. And insist on some answers.
I like the woman in front name … it sounds more mature. Although, I think the name “hearts on fire” should be considered as well because of the wonderful shape presented and observed … 🙂
Hearts on Fire? Huh. 🙂
You know after thinking about this a bit… yeah I know it’s not like a man to think about this topic … but …
What about the name Spades? .. maybe Ace of Spades during flirtatious conversation between a husband and wife.
I suggest this because names of many things or positions come from what we see or visualize.
.. cow girl
So … Spades.. The shape is rather … ummmm…. suggestive when used in this context, and the first thought of the term “Spades” is often rather favorable (ie. Ace of Spades … kinda “high class” if you ask me), or if nothing else a bit neutral. Of course, just as other positions need the “clinical” explanation, it could be coupled with “woman in front” …
Missionary .. man on top
Cow girl .. woman on top
Spades .. woman in front
So that’s my final answer (for now at least) … I’m going with it! …
I like it!
Something that I haven’t seen mentioned is that typically during a woman’s cycle the cervix changes position. It’s low and firm at the beginning and after ovulation. Approaching ovulation it changes to high and softer. It also tilts slightly different before than after.
Why does this matter? Positions such as you describe where the man can go deeper will be more comfortable in that window leading up to, or perhaps just the day of ovulation, but can be painful at other times.
Being aware of this can help you direct the positions used to the best time for you.
Interesting information. Thank you!
Last night I actually got myself into this position trying to figure out how it would work, but my husband is doubtful, so I don’t think we’ll be trying it.
It’s so funny you wrote a blog on this because I was just thinking about why my feelings on this position fluctuate! It’s generally my favorite because of all the reasons you mention (minus orgasm), but the reason I sometimes hate it might seem super random. I’ve realized that 9 times out of 10, when rape is portrayed in media, doggy style is used. Whenever I’m blindsided by that – and seriously it’s freaking rampant in “entertainment” right now – I really sour on that position for a while. I lose all taste for it. Since I fended off a rape in college (yay black belt!), I think that position sets off some primal fear and maybe some women subliminally think that way, too. It’s my favorite position as long as it isn’t tainted by rape portrayal.
Oh my, that’s so sad. Yes, I can only imagine how this could be a trigger for some women.
And I assume “rape…portrayed in media” refers to movies and TV shows? If so, this is yet another reason I avoid all the MA-rated shows. Who needs to actually see that?
By the way, good for you fending off that rape. I hope the perpetrator was caught.
Yes! This position makes it easier to accidentally strike the cervix, especially during some phases of the cycle. I’m guessing this is why women often find it uncomfortable/painful. I wish I knew a fix for this.
When you add new things to good things .
You smile when it’s good and you snicker when they don,t.
Thinking well it looked like a good thing at the moment.
In marriage you get to finish in the peaceful silence of each other’s arms .
My hubby is very, very tall and I’m very short. A lot of things just don’t work for us, it seems, including this. When both on our knees, he still towers over me, even with my bum in the air. LOL. Which position of the position or use of props or furnishings does anyone think would be a help to us? Thanks, friends.
A forklift? 😉
Actually, I don’t know if the wedge pillows would help, but they might. You could try rear-entry in the reverse cowgirl position, where height doesn’t really matter. I’m almost wondering if you need something like a balance pad to lift your entire body up. Anyone else have ideas?
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I love this position for all of the reasons you listed.
To the women concerned about farting. She said she only farts during sex when in this position. You might not be actually farting. It’s called queffing , (probably didn’t spell that correctly). It’s when air gets in your vagina due to your angle and him pulling in and out, I read about it in a magazine, where a young lady was asking for advice on just this matter. I sometimes have this happen to me. Yes, other times it really is gas. Something to think about. Body functions happen, sometimes at the most inopportune times. Sex isn’t always pretty and men let ’em slip to. It doesn’t really matter. As long as you love each other and are comfortable with each other. Being pregnant, older, out of shape, you find what works for both you. Find new ways to show love and intamacy.
It’s spelled “queef.” Yes, I know that one. Lol.
I have found that the more you “practice” this position… the less queefing there is…
Great article! Thanks for helping the body of Christ, you will not lose your reward.Welldone brethren for sharing your views/experiences too. I am so glad to see the openness here: really needed in the part of the world where I come from.
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Just discovered this post. Not sure how I missed it. Very interesting and must say with other commenters that that position feels completely different but super good and the view is outrageously sexy and beautiful. My wife feels it is a little degrading but does allow me to use it on occasion which I greatly enjoy. She can orgasm fairly easily most any position but this one. Wish she’d enjoy it as much as i do?
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