Since I started blogging in 2010, there has been a flourishing of websites like mine — Christian women devoted to helping other Christian women pursue holy and pleasurable sexual intimacy in marriage. We come from different perspectives, but many of us share a similar mission.
For instance, I’d count all of my Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast partners: Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife, Gaye Christmus of Calm.Healthy.Sexy., Bonny Burns of OysterBed7. Two other favorite voices are Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage and Sheila Gregoire of To Love Honor and Vacuum. Also, the wonderful Juli Slattery of Authentic Intimacy, Keelie Reason of Love Hope Adventure, Ruth Buezis of Awaken Love, and Jessica McCleese of Be Fully Well. (And I’m going to look at this post later and think of someone I forgot!)
When it comes to wives and the issue of godly sexuality, there are so many more resources now than when I was younger. If you are a wife in need of a biblical perspective and practical tips to address sex in your marriage, I now can say with confidence that there is a resource out there for you. It may well be mine, but if not, you’ve got other places to look.If you are a wife in need of a biblical perspective and practical tips to address sex in your #marriage, I now can say with confidence that there is a resource out there for you. Click To Tweet
BUT I frequently hear from both wives and husbands asking about parallel resources for husbands. Yes, there are blogs for men, but not that many specifically written toward men. And I’ll be honest: I don’t think there are enough.
I have enormous respect for several male bloggers who have written well about sexual intimacy in marriage — Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband, Scott Means of Heaven Made Marriage, and Brad Aldrich of One Flesh Marriage, just to name a few, but we need more.
And I really would like to see some godly men speak out on issues that could use more focused treatment, like:
- Lower drive husbands writing for other lower drive husbands to show them how to be sexually engaged in their marriage
- Husbands sharing how porn is no longer a temptation, because they overcame it and you can too
- Older men sharing how sexuality changes in later years and how to keep that intimate spark alive
- Pastors addressing how to responsibly promote godly sexuality in the Church, with real-life ideas for teaching and ministry
As you might surmise, I believe in strong women. Yet I also believe that for godly sexuality to have its revival in the Church, it needs men to champion the cause.For godly sexuality to have its revival in the Church, it needs men to champion the cause. Click To Tweet
So when I receive questions like “Where are the blogs or books like yours…but for men?”, I have a few suggestions, but I’d love to have more.
That said, I’m not even sure blogs or books are the best way to reach men. My own husband is less likely to read a whole marriage book than he is to listen to a podcast.
Men often respond well to short snippets of information that get to the point and then allow them time to process the idea. So perhaps the ministry on sex to husbands should look different, with such resources as:
- A video series in church
- Daily reminders in his email inbox with a godly sex tip
- A mobile app with Christian sex ideas (oh hey, there is one of those now—see below!)
- A podcast for men on how to foster their marital intimacy
- Short online videos with marriage bed tips
- Online communities (Facebook or elsewhere) for husbands to plug into advice and support
My suggestions are not intended to diminish anything already happening, but I’ve love to see more. Because I still get these questions, and I don’t like how easily I can come up with answers for the ladies but fewer answers for the gentlemen.
Also, I don’t like that many of the resources for husbands focus almost exclusively on sexual sin. Not that we shouldn’t help men break free from porn, refrain from lust, and avoid adultery — we should! — but husbands don’t merely need to turn away from sin but turn toward God’s design for sex in marriage. Many of them need to know how to effectively nurture sexual intimacy with their wife.
Now instead of me advising a bunch of other stuff, I’m shortening this post so I can hear from you in the comments!
Husbands, what resources do you believe would be helpful in encouraging you toward biblical and beautiful sexual intimacy in your marriage? And yes, you wives are welcome to comment!